Chapter 1 - What is wrong with me?
In the Gryffindor common room sat a solitary figure. His dark, disheveled hair and emerald green eyes along with the lightning bolt scar on his forehead made it impossible for Harry Potter to go anywhere in the wizarding world unrecognized. He sat with his quill out and a piece of paper in front him just doodling. Today was the first day of school and he was doing the same thing as he'd done the majority of the summer. He wasn't interested in going to breakfast with his best friends, Ron and Hermione; he had woken up with a lot on his mind and needed to be alone.
Something had changed him this summer though and he wasn't sure what it was. Maybe the changes had begun before the end of last school year. As it was, he found himself writing random words and names on his parchment. He was writing down all of them as they occurred to him: Hermione, Ron, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Sirius, death, Hagrid, compassion, Professor Dumbledore, power, Professor McGonagall, Hermione, death, Sirius, love, Hermione, love, Ron, family… Absent-mindedly he realized he had written fifteen different names including Luna Lovegood, Fred, George, Ginny and Dobby. But what surprised him was that there were twenty names on the list. He'd written Hermione, Ron and Sirius more than once. These were the people Harry wanted to spend everyday with. He only had Hermione and Ron remaining. Sirius was gone.
His thoughts today were rushing in and out as if he were watching his life yesterday on a highlight reel from a newscast. In his minds eye, he replayed the ride from Track 9 and ¾'s to Hogwarts. He remembered listening to Hermione's every word as if they were the lyrics to his newest favorite song. He tried to listen intently to Ron, but he talked with his mouth full most of the afternoon and he couldn't understand him. He realized that Ron was like his brother and the Weasley's had become his surrogate family. Was that it?
The return to Hogwarts was not as joyous as it had been in years past. The Dursley's hadn't caused him nearly the discomfort of years past and he hadn't come back with a hearing at the Ministry or under the threat of expulsion from arriving in a flying car. The emotional wounds of seeing his friends in the infirmary and the death of Sirius were still fresh. It was his fault. He had over-reacted to his vision. Hermione, his sweet Hermione had almost died too. He wrote her name one more time. He knew the difference now. He knew he could never look at Hermione the same way again. Was this how his dad had felt about his mum? Mr. Weasley for Mrs. Weasley? Did loving someone like he loved Sirius and his parents always have to be painful?
He had spent hours on end during the summer trying to figure out why he had feared so much for Hermione. He had found Sirius only a couple of years before and he had come to a tragic end. Would he be the cause of pain and suffering for everyone he loved?
Harry's heart skipped as the portrait opened to the laughing voices of Ron and Hermione. He took the parchment off the table, trying to hide his rambling feelings about his friends. They hadn't noticed because they were still jabbering on about the way Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle had avoided them on the Hogwart's Express and this morning when they crossed the courtyard. At least, that was Hermione's and Ron's story and they seemed to be beside themselves with laughter.
"Hiya, Harry, didn't see you at breakfast," said Ron quizzically. "Are you okay?"
Hermione had sat down and moved in close to Harry and chimed, "What? We aren't good company? I missed you at breakfast."
Harry almost couldn't speak. She hadn't said, "We missed you at breakfast." Hermione was sitting so close to him that he started to reach out for her hand, but he stopped. He felt his cheeks warm slightly with embarrassment. It was awkward to have these feelings for someone he'd known for so long. They had always been close. But since the last day of summer picking up their books in Diagon Alley, she walked with and talked to him differently. He liked it, but didn't know how to find out if it was his imagination or if it was real. Did Hermione like him too?
Harry replied, "Eh. I wasn't hungry. Ron, I didn't feel like watching you inhale your food. It's disgusting, mate." Harry kept a straight face for as long as he could. They all shared a little laugh that could only exist among the closest of friends. Ron brought them back to his question.
Ron warily asked again, "You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." Harry replied.
"You seem awfully quiet today, Harry?" prodded Hermione.
"Not really, I just don't have much to say," Harry lied. He wanted to talk to each of them, just not at the same time. He needed to talk about different things with each of them. Talking Quidditch with Ron was fun and enlightening. Ron had spent the entire summer studying the theories of the great Quidditch coaches. Hermione, on the other hand, could talk about S.P.E.W., potions or any other thing under the sun. He just liked to hear her voice. Harry couldn't believe he was thinking this way. He wanted to be with Hermione more than Ron.
Hermione stood up and announced that they all should head out for their first class-POTIONS-Harry's heart sank. "Not Snape! That insufferable prat and potions first thing on the first day," thought Harry. It was going to be a long year. They grabbed their books and began walking to class.
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The first day wasn't as bad as Harry anticipated. Once he began to enjoy his friend's little arguments about the stupidest things, he knew he was home. Hermione and Ron could hardly sit in the same room without some irritation with each other. Harry suspected that it was their strange way of getting along. He watched them as they carried on. They seemed to enjoy the game of arguing. It had bothered him last year, but the alternative was not to have his two best friends at all. He was just going to have to live with it.
Lunch came and went. Harry watched Ron after lunch walk up and begin talking to Luna. She still looked a little spacey and sad, but not as much now talking to Ron. He wondered what they were talking about.
Later that afternoon in their dorm, Ron looked at Harry and said, "Harry, I know you were watching me talk to Luna this afternoon. And before you get any ideas….well, yeah, I like her. I'm not going to let it go on like you have with Hermione."
"I don't know what you mean, Ron," Harry said defensively.
"Come on, mate. We both know that one of us was going to end up falling in love with Hermione. She's a good person, but we just like to argue too much. And, she fancies you too I think."
"Me and Hermione. You must be crazy," Harry lied.
"Mate, you looked like someone gave you a present this morning when she sat so close to you. Only you're not supposed to turn red when you get a present. You couldn't fool me." Ron explained.
"You don't think she noticed, do you?" Harry said frantically.
"See! I knew it! Ha! Ha!" exclaimed Ron. "You were going to grab her hand too, weren't you?"
"Geez, Ron. Why don't you just yell it out in the girls' dormitory? Yeah, so what? I don't think she likes me all that much. What makes you say that?"
"Don't be an ignorant prat, Harry. Girls don't get close like that with guys if they think they're creepy. Not that you aren't creepy with the scar and all…" Ron was making fun of Harry now. And, Harry wasn't happy about it.
"Bugger off, mate. Go chase Luna, you git." Harry wasn't as mad as his words seemed. He just didn't want to discuss it anymore.
"Well, if you don't want something like what happened with Viktor to happen again…I wouldn't let her go too long without knowing." Ron was absolutely right. He had to have a plan. He was afraid of looking like an idiot to Hermione.