Chapter 22-The Bonds of Friendship
Harry found the first place he could sit down as he headed back toward Gryffindor tower. He sat down and took a deep breath. He tried mightily to get rid of the rage that filled him now. He was angry about everything, he thought. The way his back and legs were sore all the time from non-use while in the wheelchair, the way he had spoken to Hermione, the way she had just made him feel, and most of all that Snape was protected by Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. Wasn't every single word he spoke true?
A few minutes later, as he sat in the corridor on the bench, he noticed Mr. Weasley approaching him quite carefully. "Hiya, Mr. Weasley. Sorry about my public display of anger in there."
"Are you sorry for what you said to Snape, though, Harry?" Mr. Weasley asked a look of foreboding.
"No, not really. He has consistently given Ron and me a hard time for being friends and just because my father was pretty rotten to him, he gives me a headache every time he can. I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley, I shouldn't speak to you that way." Harry said with a contrite bow of his head.
"Harry, I don't blame you for being angry with him. But what disappoints everyone-I should guess Hermione, too-is that you think you have to be perfect, so when anyone else isn't you demand it from them. You made a mistake, but you can't let your anger show like that just because they call you on it. It can be used to fuel more hatred and spoils the good you try to do. I have a tormentor too. It was or probably still is-Lucius Malfoy." Arthur looked a Harry with a concerned and fatherly expression. "Harry, I want you to be with us when we find Ron. You are like one of the family. Don't forget that. There is a lot of stress, but don't let it ruin you.
Harry was calmed by the presence of an adult who wasn't trying to be an authority figure as such. He felt the compassion in Mr. Weasley's words and demeanor. Harry shared some more with Mr. Weasley. "I always feel like I am alone, when things like this happen. Hermione always sides with me, but tonight she didn't. Do you know why?"
"Harry, we all have our limits to the amount of bad behavior we can stand from the ones we love. Tonight was not one of your shining moments. You were right, but you were right at the expense of everyone else. We felt embarrassed for you, even if you were right. Snape is a bit of a prude and does hold a grudge, but he has come a long way in his service to the order and I owe him a great deal for returning Ginny. Remember sometimes your friends and family feel like a reflection of you." Mr. Weasley said patting Harry on the thigh as he got up. "Mrs. Weasley and I are always here for you if you need us."
Harry did feel better. He was finally able to smile as Mr. Weasley offered his help. Harry decided that it was a good idea to go find Hermione. He knew she would not be pleased with him, but he would explain and apologize. Maybe he should approach Snape in private? He thought.
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Harry found Hermione sitting alone in their corner of the library. He wasn't surprised to find her in the library, but he was surprised she sat alone.
"Hi, Hermione, I…," he tried to say.
"Harry Potter, you embarrassed me more than I have ever been embarrassed before. How many times do you think I wanted to lash out at Malfoy or Pansy Parkinson?
I have before and even though it felt good, I wasn't pleased with myself later. At least they were students and not faculty. You just gave everyone in that room another reason to suspend you and send you home to stop the violence here." She had tears in her eyes and was choking back a full-fledged cry. "You would leave me here alone to face the Wizengamot, just to have a good time pissing off Snape? What do you think Mr. Lovegood or my parents would think about a display like that? Do you think they'd want you to go to the States with them?"
Harry turned red with embarrassment. He didn't know how Mr. Weasley knew what Hermione was thinking, but he reasoned that it was Mr. Weasley's wisdom about people and not any magic. "I am so sorry, Mione. I would never embarrass you if I knew I would."
"Harry, what about embarrassing yourself? We are only 16 going on 17 and they trusted us in the only organization with enough courage to face Voldemort. Do you think they feel they misplaced their trust in a hot-headed, prodigal wizard?" Hermione had stopped sniffling and was very direct with the last statements. She paused.
Harry didn't answer.
"Harry, I know you count on me to back you up. I love you. But I can't stand it when you don't understand what Dumbledore taught you about love and hate. If you let hate be your motivating factor in anything, you become like Voldemort. We all do. The only thing we have different is the love of our friends and family. There is greater power in love. That's why it hurts me so bad to see you destroy yourself in hatred toward Snape or Malfoy." Hermione touched Harry's hand as he sat next to her silent and sad.
Harry thought for several minutes with a glassy-eyed stare at the table in front of him. Hermione was right. There were many implications to what had happened. He needed to find a way to refocus on the good things instead of the evil or misguided actions of people in his past and present-the Dursley's, the Malfoy's, and Snape. He felt so helpless, because Mr. Weasley was right. He did expect perfection from himself and in turn everyone else. How could he change something so integral to his self-esteem?
Finally, he spoke. "Hermione, I have to thank you for having the courage to tell me what I needed to hear. I know that must be hard. Is this what being in love with someone means? Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you feel terrible when you disappoint them. Please forgive me for being so full of myself."
"Harry, I forgave you when I walked away tonight. I am just afraid for you and I won't be a party to letting you get away with stuff that hurts you or others. I'm still a little angry and embarrassed, but I forgive you. I know that social interaction hasn't always been your strong suit." Hermione squeezed his hand and looked back into her book. "Give me a little while to settle down, would you Harry?"
"Sure, sure. I'll just go get…" He couldn't think of anything so he leaned in and kissed Hermione on the forehead. "I just leave you be for a while. You're wonderful, you know that?"
Hermione just nodded as she looked at the book in her hands. As he walked away, she sighed in relief that their argument hadn't continued. She was still steamed at him for his comments to her and she was glad nothing about them had come up. She would handle that later.
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When Mr. Weasley returned to Dumbledore's chambers, he could sense a little relief of the stress that had been there when Harry left. Lupin turned to Arthur saying, "So, does our Mr. Potter have any regrets for his actions?"
"No, not really. He told me how this has gone on for six years and had been directed toward Ron also for being Harry's friend. What about that Severus?" asked Arthur.
"How I conduct my classes and the reasons I do the things I do are not up for debate," said Snape matter of factly.
"I disagree, Severus," said Dumbledore. "I cannot tell you who you should like or not like, but you should treat everyone equally. I believe that you do inspire a great deal of resistance from Potter. He is wrong to address an adult in such a manner, but were I his father….you and I would have had the same conversation years ago. While I would certainly not have used the flowery language Mr. Potter used, I would have left you no doubt of my dissatisfaction."
Snape stood and looked at Dumbledore and the rest of the members of the Order of the Phoenix with a loathsome scowl, "Has everyone quite finished critiquing my treatment of Potter? I will not make excuses. He represents a time in my life that I would gladly forget. As a human, I am subject to being imperfect. I have accepted that and if you have not then I am sorry. As I always have, I will try to limit my outward expression of loathing for Potter. But I will not support his lack of focus in his magical craft."
"I respect your evaluation of Potter's attention to his magical powers and abilities, but remember he is dealing with things that some of us have not faced in our entire lives. What do you expect of him?" Asked Remus.
"Discipline, restraint, acknowledgement. He needs to take it seriously," stated Snape.
"Severus, you are certainly one of the most talented wizards among us. Your opinion is valuable. Please try to remember that the Potter you hate died 15 years ago and that his son did not grow up under his influence." Arthur Weasley interjected. "He needs to feel connected to someone besides Voldemort. What would happen if Harry were to be in league with Voldemort or become as hateful as he? I shudder to think."
"Is that all for this evening?" Snape inquired.
"Yes, Severus, it is. Thank you." Acknowledged Dumbledore with a harried look. "Thank you all. Charlie and Bill, you will be leaving tonight to meet Inspector McDougall."
The tension in the room lessened as the men left. Molly Weasley remained behind to talk to Professor Dumbledore.
"Professor, may I have a word?" She asked.
"Certainly, Molly, what is it?" Dumbledore replied with a smile.
"I am concerned that we have never thought more about the sadness that is inside Harry. There is such a striking resemblance between him and Snape in that regard."
"Molly, I hear your motherly instincts coming up with a plan. What is it?" Dumbledore asked.
"Can we provide Harry with a better idea of what his parents were like? He seems to need to know. He hears great things from one source and terrible things from another. He must be tormented by this." Molly observed.
"That is a good point, Molly. Let me think about how that could be addressed. I will get back to you. If you have specific suggestions we could discuss them at some time in the future." Dumbledore was relieved that there was finally someone besides himself looking out for Harry.
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Hermione had gone to sleep the night before determined to spend time with Luna on Saturday. She had spent the last couple of days being cordial to Harry, but she made it clear that he had crossed the line the other day. She got ready and went to see Luna.
Luna looked magnificent compared to the previous weekend or even the day of her breakthrough. "Hi, Luna, how are you?" Hermione asked with a cheery voice and an energetic wave as she walked in.
Luna turned her head to look at Hermione and smiled. Hermione felt the tears well up. She could turn her head, she thought. "You look so good, Luna." Hermione suddenly missed Ron so much it made the inside of her chest feel empty for a second. She knew seeing Luna was a good idea.
"I'm better." Luna said in the first strong voice Hermione had heard from her in over a month. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again without Harry by your side. I know if Ron were here I wouldn't let him out of my sight if I could help it."
Suddenly, Hermione felt a pang of guilt. Luna was this incredibly likable girl who was so strange, intelligent and sometimes just plain…goofy. She was loyal and loving to everyone, even though she was hurting inside and out. "I know what you mean, Luna. I am going to have to find that boyfriend of mine some time today."
"I saw him about 10 minutes ago, but don't tell him I told you." She confided.
Hermione took a side-long glance at the door and back at Luna. "Did I miss something, Luna?"
"I'm not supposed to tell you, but he's planning a surprise. He wanted to run it by me first. It made me feel so good to be able to help someone again for once…. He told me about the night at the meeting and how he had accused you of siding with them. He feels terrible." Luna whispered as if Harry might be listening.
"Good," said Hermione. Luna laughed a little, because she also felt Harry needed to learn a little lesson.
"No, listen. He practiced his speech with me this morning. Can you believe it? Again. He had cue cards this time!" Luna laughed louder this time. "He was so cute. I won't tell you what he said, but I think anyone would melt at the sentiments though.
Hermione looked at Luna with an intrigued expression. "What do you mean?"
"The only way I can describe it is that…well…let's say he's turned in his high horse for a more down to earth model. He misses you and realizes that a little change would do him good. That's it! He'll kill me if I say more. It would be so ironic to survive all I've been through to then have Harry Potter come in and strangle me for telling you too much." Luna giggled again.
Hermione looked at this strange girl and realized that she liked her more than any other girl she knew. She was strong. She had always stood up for different things than others. It was something she and Luna had in company. Hermione looked out the window and saw a dark figure rise above the tree line toward the forest. She walked to the window staring in awe.
"You see them now too, don't you?" Luna asked rhetorically. "They're strangely beautiful aren't they?"
Hermione couldn't believe her eyes. She was looking at the thestrals rising from and plunging into the forest. It dawned on her that only Luna and Harry had seen them before. "They are strangely beautiful. Do you see them much?"
"Ginny comes up twice a day and we watch them. She comes up to keep me company. I like Ginny." Luna said.
Hermione realized at that moment how many lives had been altered over the past two months. She had to talk to Harry. She missed him. She just didn't know how to tell him that she wanted to be a partner, not someone he took care of. Being the object of his affection was nice to a point, but she was fiercely independent and wanted to be allowed to plot her own course in life. That course, she thought, is alongside Harry. But she wanted to choose it, not be led along the way.
"Luna, Harry and I are going to find Ron for you. We all are going to get together for some butter beers again. Would you like me to visit again tomorrow?" She asked.
"Hermione, I'd love that. Bring that no good wizard with the hideous scar with you too." They both laughed.
Hermione turned to leave and then paused. She turned around and walked back to Luna's bedside reached down and hugged her. "I promise. We'll find Ron." Luna could feel Hermione's tears wet her cheek. She had a new best friend until they found Ron.