Chapter 11-Taming the Mind
Hermione was on pins and needles with Harry all day. She wanted desperately to ask what had happened but she knew that he might not respond well. She also didn't want to have to tell him that she thought Dumbledore should know what happened. She was sure that by now word had somehow reached the wise old Headmaster. Her problem with that was-whose version. The one that only described what happened in physical terms or Harry's version which Hermione was sure had something to do with connecting to Dean's thoughts. She wondered what had triggered such a volatile response from Harry.
The afternoon's classes went by without too much trouble. Everyone in both classes were aware of the clash at lunch, so by design Harry and Dean were kept apart. Ron had a look of relief that Harry was at least talking to him in a normal tone now. Harry seemed to be back to normal except for a tendency to look in Dean's direction as if he were listening or something. He didn't get it, but something strange was going on.
Harry sat quietly through the afternoon classes. His biggest fear was to have Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall come in the door and pull him out to find out what happened. He was slowly starting to make sense of it as he flashed back to what happened. He would try to make amends with Ron after class. He'd ask Ron what to do about Dean. In the meantime, Harry was concentrating on Dean hoping to get an idea of what he was thinking. He wanted to see if he could gather any clues as to why Dean seemed so angry at Ron and him. Why was he so venomous toward Hermione? Hadn't the way he said, 'your girlfriend', sounded mean-spirited and hateful? Harry realized he had a lot of people to answer to about this.
Class ended as Hermione finished answering Professor Flitwick's question on charms for making kitchen chores and housework easier. Hermione hated the silly charms that they often talked about, but she could see them in action at the Weasley's so they did have a use. Hermione had to rush to catch up to Harry and Ron. She didn't know what was going to come of this.
"Ron! Ron! Hey, mate, I'm sorry for acting like an arsehole. I don't know what happened to make me feel the way I felt," said Harry as Hermione joined them.
"You can say that again, Harry. You were a complete nutter for about two or three minutes there. I know you're agile and pretty strong and all, but the way you had Dean on the ground…I thought you were going to kill him with your bare hands or hex him to kingdom come," responded Ron. "I pretty much forgot about the rest of it though mate. Well, I'd being lying if I said that I forgot about it. But I know you were frustrated so I let it go…this time…," Ron added with a smile and jovial shove to the back of Harry's robe and shoulder.
"Ron, would you apologize to Dean if you were me?" Harry asked.
"I would. Yes, I definitely would. I'd do it both personally and publicly. With the way things are going around here lately, I wouldn't want to have anyone thinking I had an axe to grind with anyone. You now what I mean?" added Ron.
"Right, good thinking Ron. I don't dislike him anyway, but it is better to apologize and let it go. I am sure I will get enough grief from everyone else about it though," said Harry.
Hermione was glad Ron was such a good friend to Harry. She half-expected the two of them to gang up and say that Dean had it coming to him. She was impressed that her two best friends had worked it out without having to prove their manhood. She still knew that this wasn't over yet. She had to let Harry know what she suspected. She expected that to be a difficult conversation.
"Hiya, Hermione. Got to run though. Luna and I have some studying to do." Ron winked and flashed a smile.
"Hi, sweetheart. I need to apologize for my actions-both at lunch and afterward. You wanted to help me, but no one could. Don't be mad at me. There are plenty of people who are…they won't miss one more," he joked half-heartedly.
"Harry, you're in a good mood now, so let's just forget about it for a while. We still have to plan the Yule Ball. No one has said it was cancelled and I told Professor McGonagall 'yes' while you were in the infirmary. Let's get a table at the back of the library. You know…that real secluded one by the big books on Occlumency and Legilimency….I suppose we could rename it the "Sleeping Section" if we wanted," she laughed. So did Harry.
There had been virtually no time for Harry and Hermione to relax together the past two days. The only time had been with an Occlumency book that put them to sleep in nothing flat when combined with the sleeping draught Madame Pomfrey had given Harry for the both of them. So this was going to be the first time they could really just talk. Hermione had no intention of making this only about the Yule Ball. She was going to find out as much as she could about what happened at lunch so she could decide what to tell Professor Dumbledore. She felt uncomfortable being a tattletale on Harry, but he could have hurt someone today.
They arrived in the library to the stares and muffled comments of ten or fifteen students, while all the other students pretended not to see them. Hermione had predicted this and hadn't told Harry. That's why she thought about that secluded section of the library. They set their books on the table. Harry had Hermione sit down and he stood beside her with his hand on her shoulder as she wrote, "YULE BALL" in great big letters at the top of the page. He was amazed once more at the ease with which Hermione laid out the outline for the event. In no time at all she had a column with discussion points listed and a column for their recommendations, and a column for the final decision. Harry wished he were half as smart as Hermione.
Hermione knew Harry would be impressed with her organization of the plan. She had thought it up while they were in classes this morning and this afternoon. She didn't mention that she had already done a rough draft while sitting in the library two nights ago when they first kissed. She didn't want to let on that she had already decided to do it then.
"Well, Harry, as I see it…we need to get formal invitations out to each of the houses by the first of November….," Hermione just loved planning things and using her brain for things ordinary people found immensely dreary and boring. Harry wasn't bored. He listened to her as if he were listening to a songbird singing in the tree outside his room. He pulled up a chair and sat facing the back of it just looking at Hermione and listening. He'd nod his assent to her questions and occasionally sneer at some to them he didn't like. Occasionally, he'd pull her hair away from her eyes and run his fingers through her hair from her brow behind her ear, down her neck and back. She'd smile up into his eyes and just keep going. Finally, she stopped to take a long deep breath after what must have been a half-hour.
"Hermione, what a performance? You nearly planned the whole thing yourself in thirty minutes," he marveled.
"I had inspiration. I had this guy with a cute smile driving me crazy so I had to hurry so I could do this…." She turned and put her hand behind his head and kissed him. Harry was finding out what Hermione was like when she was inspired to do a little snogging. She moved over to his chair and they maintained their embrace for longer than they had all the other times combined. Harry placed his hands at her waist and gently moved his hand to her hip and down her thigh and back again. He was unsure of what to do with his hands but he was sure nature would take over at some point. She pressed against him as his hands touched her shoulders and arms moving down to her buttocks and to her thigh again. He felt his hands on her waist realizing how sexy she was. He kissed her neck and moved slowly back to her soft lips, kissing every inch in between.
Hermione opened her eyes and brought Harry's hands back to rest on top of her shoulders. "Now, now there wizard boy," she teased with a sexy and breathless laugh. "We already talked about how much magic we were going to practice together, didn't we? She had intentionally moved too close for his hands to get too far. She wasn't afraid of Harry touching her, she was afraid of what she might do if he did too much. She had wanted to kiss Harry like that for a long time but had followed his lead the previous nights. She certainly was no expert at romance, but she knew Harry was probably typical when it came to moving too fast and furious without a plan.
Hermione felt that no time was like the present to bring up this afternoon. Harry was mindlessly looking at her body…at least it made Hermione feel better if she thought he was mindlessly looking at her. He was calm and happy. "Harry, my love, what happened today in the Great Hall?"
Harry told her the story of what he heard and what he felt. He left out the part about how vicious Dean sounded about her. He wondered if Dean had once asked Hermione out or something and was jealous, but let the thought pass. He told her how he just couldn't stop the anger. Something had triggered it. The thought about Dean and Hermione surfaced again. "Hermione, did Dean ever ask you out or anything?"
Hermione's heart skipped a beat and she couldn't hide it. "Oh my gosh, you didn't…, did you Harry?"
"Did I what?" Harry asked.
"Get jealous of Dean." She replied.
"No, but there must have been something and it couldn't have been a pleasing experience for him. Because he sounded like he hated you more than me at that moment in his thoughts," Harry realized for the first time. "What happened between you two?"
"The night after Viktor asked me to the Ball, Dean came by the table before Viktor went to his table or you showed up after Occlumency with Snape. He sat down across from me and said something like 'would you go with me to the Ball?' And I said that I had already accepted an invitation. He looked at me and said, 'Oh, the Wizard King Potter, huh? You must be one of his little groupies then.' Well, I just laughed at him and said 'yeah, the Wizard King Potter and I plan on sneaking off for a go at each other too. Buzz off, Dean, if you're going to talk to me that way.' Honestly, Harry, he was pitiful and it never dawned on me again."
"Oh, and one other thing," she added. "When he found out I wasn't going with you, he called me a little slut. And said I must just be a Quidditch groupie." She immediately wished she hadn't told Harry that.
"He did, did he? Well, I knew there was something more to what he was saying than just calling Ron and me out." Harry felt a little bit better, because at least his reaction had been to more than a little slight from one guy to another. "Hermione, I am going to apologize to him tomorrow in front of the entire school at dinner. But you should know that if I ever get the chance to rearrange his eyes to his arse, I'll do it." He laughed. Hermione knew Harry meant it.
Harry kissed Hermione on the cheek and said, "Well, is that it?"
Hermione started to say yes, but thought better of surprising him in Dumbledore's office in the morning. "Harry, what are we going to say to Professor Dumbledore?"
Harry wasn't surprised at all, much to Hermione's dismay. "Hermione, I knew this afternoon that you were going to have to share your suspicions with Dumbledore. I am glad that finally there is someone who loves me enough to do what's right for me in spite of how I see it. That's why you're my best friend. You know that I am struggling with this Occlumency and Legilimency rot. Thanks, my sweet, I know how hard that must have been for you to ask me."
Hermione was finally sure of Harry's abiding love for her. Not only because of what he just said, but the way he was going to act toward Dean and the rest of the school. He was going to swallow his pride for her and not tell anyone why he did it. He wouldn't drag her into it. He had a score to settle with Dean that had to be settled in a different way. He loved her and would not embarrass her further. She loved him for that.
The next morning they were up and ready to go at 6:55 AM. They ate and met at Dumbledore's office precisely at half-past seven. Dumbledore greeted them with a blank look that gradually became a look of understanding. Harry and Hermione realized that he had subtly read their minds as they entered. It was so subtle because they had each been wondering how to tell him and were thinking of ways to say it.
"My young protégés have not learned yet to mask their feelings," he said aloud. "You might as well have come in here shouting that Harry tried to separate Dean Thomas from this life yesterday."
"Harry, do you realize that you violated the single most important thing I warned you about." Scolded Dumbledore. "That is unacceptable. I told you the other evening that I was no longer going to play the role of the kindly wizard. You will begin to do as I tell you or you will suffer severe consequences. Not my consequences, Harry, those of your peers and possibly wizarding law. What you did yesterday could get you prison time in Azkaban here or in a prison in the muggle world. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
Harry turned beet red. He was angry with Dumbledore because he hadn't been able to explain his side of the story.
"You two disappoint me. There is no excuse for taking physical or magical actions toward another in anger. There are exceptions when defending one's self, but not when you are the aggressor. I don't care what words or thoughts someone uses. YOU MUST RISE ABOVE IT." Dumbledore had never boomed a command like that before toward any student that Harry or Hermione knew. Slowly, Dumbledore's tone receded a bit.
"Today, I will give you some strategies to slow things down when emotions run high. You will practice them. Both of you." Dumbledore was a mighty wizard and his power and might were on full display this morning. While they knew it was an illusion, the walls and windows had appeared to shake when he was talking. He had gotten their attention.
The next twenty minutes were filled with a discussion of ways to relax in an emotional crisis and put thoughts of retaliation, hurt, mistrust and anger in the background to be dealt with later. Dumbledore taught them that those emotions are not useful if they cannot be analyzed. "They are, what they are." He said. "They rob you of the ability to see everything in its own light. Your thoughts become dark and shadowy. There may be reason for anger, mistrust, hurt and retaliation; however, you must only feel the appropriate amount of each. Too much causes overreaction. Too little leaves you in danger when you should have your defenses up. The first step is to learn to put them in the background. You will later learn to decide the appropriate response."
This made some sense to Hermione and Harry. They felt better after he explained the exercises to them. He had not smiled once during their entire visit. Harry was sure that Dumbledore was extremely disappointed in him. They left with an admonishment to practice.
The rest of the day passed as a usual Wednesday would. The classes were somewhat boring and Harry was a little nervous about what he would say in front of his classmates. He discussed it at length with Ron, Hermione and Luna. He decided that accepting the responsibility for provoking the fight and being out of control were the best way to go about it. They had just finished talking about it when they looked at their watches and realized that it was time.
They arrived just in time. Harry rose and walked to the head table and whispered to Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded his approval, stood and said. "Students of Hogwarts, Harry Potter has something he would like to say to everyone."
As Harry began, he felt as if a hundred cocoons had burst in his stomach and moths and butterflies were eating him from the inside out. He managed to talk. "I owe every student at Hogwarts an apology for my behavior yesterday. It was wrong of me to resort to violence…and most especially toward one of my Gryffindor comrades. I was not a very good example to the younger students nor a very good classmate and friend to my peers. Dean, please accept my apology for instigating the fight yesterday and also for causing you any embarrassment. I was out of place."
Harry had apologized to Dean early that morning, but Dean had no idea he would do this. He thought, what a grandstanding prat that Potter is. He'll pay double for this. He said disingenuously, "Harry, I accept your apology, if you will accept mine." There was applause from all corners of the room. The teachers, even Snape, stood and applauded the two of them. Harry had felt that same feeling he had this morning as Dean spoke, but this time he had prepared himself with Hermione's help. They concentrated on each other and how they felt together. It was the only thing Harry had besides Quidditch that made him feel completely safe.