STUPID BOYS
CHAPTER 9: Life Without
Leave her alone. Leave her alone. Leave. Her. Alone. It sounded easy enough, but James was finding it just a trifle difficult. It was against everything that Sirius had instilled in him and he doubted he could ever get past being obsessive over her. In fact, he could just go and say 'hi', linger for a bit and pester her for a couple of hours…Maybe then she'd suddenly realise how much he liked her and jump into his arms!
'Not likely' the annoying little voice in his head remakred, sounding strangely enough like Moony.
James sighed with resignation. The voice was right, Moony was right- annoying her relentlessly was never ever going to work, however much he wanted it to. He'd have to try it the Remus way and leave her alone.
It was pure Hell.
Whenever he unconsciously began to crane his neck to get a good view of her in lessons he had to zap himself with his wand to make him snap out of it. Whenever he had seen her in the corridors Remus had to grab him, forcibly restrain him and drag him in the opposite direction. Whenever he began to daydream, which was unfortunately frequent, Sirius had taken it upon himself to slap him across the back of the head.
But it had worked.
After a few weeks or so James found the torture somewhat bearable and, to his surprise, he found that life without Lily was rather peaceful and calming for his nerves without having to concern himself with watching or pestering her all the time.
Even so, when his eyes were drawn to her, as they always inevitably were, he couldn't help but miss her telling him to bugger off. Even when they were friends sh had delighted in insulting him and he had delighted in the way her eyes lit up as she called him an irritating little flobberworm. Yes, it was peaceful, but life just wasn't- wasn't- interesting. She made it all interesting. She made his life special.
And so it was, after almost a month of being Evans deprived and despite Remus' hopes that time away from her would cure him of his obsession, James finally came to the conclusino that he was just as in love with her as ever.
He held the Quidditch magazine that he was 'reading' in front of him and, in what was his version of a secretive manner, watched her do her homework. She was beautiful; her bright hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, revealing the creamy pale skin of her long neck and the soft, flickering light of the roaring fire played upon her features, giving her an unearthly glow as she bit her lip in concentration. Without meaning to or realising it, she heated his blood and made him go weak with desire that burned in his eyes. For once, he was in a serious mood and frowned as he stared at her, trying to understand what was going on. He felt strange. He felt as if something inside was screaming at him to do something, but he had no idea what.
But then she glanced up at him and his eyes caught hers and she blinked, startled at the intensity of his gaze but as she tore her eyes away back to her essay he noticed a soft blush creep up across her features.
He smiled faintly at that, knowing that soon, very soon, she would understand. She would understand that he was serious and he'd make her understand that, whether she wanted it or not, they were destined to be together.
That it, if she didn't throttle him first.
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Tuesday 6th January
What am I doing? Getting mad at Potter again. Why? Green hair? Love potion? More horrid kisses? No. He's not annoying me. I should be happy. I'm not. What's wrong with me? Insanity, most probably.
Feels weird. Not being watched. Its creepy not being watched. Yes, his stalking was annoying but now something's…missing. I liked that he liked but I didn't know that I liked it.
What am I saying?! I liked it? I didn't like it! I hated it, I loathed it, I didn't like it! I spent seven years bitching about it, of course I hated it!
He's definitely up to something. No seranader, no poetry, no Idiot Boy Wonder- he's almost normal. Its unnatural!
Its annoying me that he's not annoying me. Who can I yell at randommly? No excuse to accost Potter anymore. Miss yelling. Its good- clears mind, perks up the day. I'll have to shout at Black more even if it isn't as satisfying as shouting at James. Like screaming at Black, loved screaming at Potter. He fought back. Well, he used to. Now, he avoids me, won't even look at me so can't pick a fight.
Yesterday he looked- no, stared at me and I couldn't shout. Voice struck, blood rushed, heart stuttered. Couldn't help it! Was so not my fault! It was just… deprivation of him or something but…those eyes…God, it sends a shiver through me just thinking about that look. Passion, fire etc. Sweet Jesus, if he'd asked me to take his hand and run away with him to join a Circus I would have. God help me, I would've done anything. Any girl would at that look, right? We have daily proof from 'I LOVE JAMES POTTER' fanclub who swoon all the time. Bloody Hell, am I like them?!
Merlin. Suicide is preferable. Actually if silly- feelings- thing gets worse, suicide is an option. I don't want to die but all embarrassment would end. Scratch suicide, I could move to…Brazil! Yes, that's it! Ai carumba! Rio, here I come!
Lily.
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