Chapter 26
"Climbing Up The Walls"
~~
What I was
I am not
I had a life
I forgot
Walking to eternity
Life only for me
Makes it pained
A scream at the silence
The frustration of the emptiness
Never filled
My veins lacking all I want
Terrified at my scorned existence
That all I do damns
All I want is in the past
Unredeemable
Gone, like a trembling hand
Dust fallen from it
Into the sands
Lost
~
##Hermione##
Hermione's body hung limply in the chains attached to the ancient monument in the grand hall.
She rolled her eyes in frustration.
Bound up all night, they'd left her to sleep there. Though she had not found a moment to get any. She constantly averted her eyes from the spectacle of Minrai, the temple priestess, whose figure was still flopped over the stone table.
Minrai's heart forever lain in the ominous cup in the tables middle. The ritual had fulfilled the purpose of these things made maybe millennia ago.
Hermione remembered the events of the night before. For a few brief seconds she had thought the hallucinating Minrai might attack her with the swift hook of the ornate dagger.
But when the woman had struck at her own heart she showed the true nature of such a follower of the dark god. Dying wishes whispered out, the completion of her part in the spell, seemingly ecstatic at her gift to Him.
Hermione had to remind herself as the blood washed over her from the splash that it was not hers gratefully.
From then not a wink could be slept, no rest at all.
The pain of the enchantment had subsided hours after the gleeful supporters had left her.
Ever since she'd felt a strange feeling. A numbness overall, the pain had overlapped into now. But there was a sense. Subtle. A tingling in her bones. Of an energy she lacked to describe. Something that she wished would not be true because right now the truth of it would be too much to bear, too much power ensnaring her…. Too much to set upon the world.
+++++
##Harry##
He pulled his hand through his rough hair that had begun to loosen itself from its leather bound.
They'd been up all night, teams around attacking the places.
Hermione however was still out there. They hoped.
Harry hoped.
##Draco##
Draco leaned over to look in through the door, seeing a roughened Harry sleeping best he could. The man's face greyed in sincere worry for his friend.
Draco though being the man he was, subject to speculation, couldn't help but wonder whether that concern potter showed was more than friendly. If it was potter did not let on. Given the close relationship between the trio it was understandable that Harry would be that worried, Ron certainly was. He'd been out on the last 10 raids without any sleep. Said he couldn't bear to when she was in danger.
But Mafloy's brain worked overtime calculating the chances of him being right.
And wondering why it was that Potter was alive.
If it had anything to do with the truth he feared.
+++++
##Hermione##
They'd tied her up good and strong to it. She yanked futilely at her shackles. Not caring the wounds the action inflicted on her already sore wrists. Pain wasn't much to her anymore.
She just wanted to be rid of this. Free from vindication. From their control. Their wishes with what to do with her. It didn't really matter if what they said was right, she wanted out from them anyway.
She wanted away from this torturous life they imposed suddenly.
All her life she'd been controlled in various ways. But never as greatly as this, not since…
The future had always been a consideration.
When you turned the waves of time, whichever way it was, you turned it on yourself.
///Hermione's flashback///just after graduation, year 7
He knew.
The old fogey had known all along. Like he could see everything.
And he'd called her up like the kind grandfather he intended to be to tell her what it was she must do.
He'd told her to stop.
And he'd been right every step of the way.
Watching every pace.
Waiting gently for the strides to fall into the time.
Dumbledore.
She'd cried.
When it had happened all she wanted to do was fall into the arms of the man she loved and explain it all, ask for forgiveness. Cry to fate that it had made it this way.
She'd been going to tell Harry everything. Right to how the situation they were in had come about.
From the very fateful day she'd foolishly used the time turner to go even further into the future.
A decision that had haunted her greatly in many ways.
Something that she'd never been sure of, whether it was good or bad.
If she hadn't would they be here today, or in three years?
She'd not know now.
The future had almost come true, like a prophecy. In the vein of the doomed Cassandra of Greek mythology, her visions ignored.
Instead she'd seen it and she'd said it would never be.
And it had come true. Every word, in every kiss. Just as if she lived it all once more. Twice, a sense of dejavu. Of what was going wrong.
And Dumbledore had told her. No more.
For the sake of the world.
"No more. You understand why I recognize."
….it's the way it has to be…
And she'd cried.
Wanting to smash that time turner.
Hating herself, her dream that it wouldn't be this. That it wouldn't at least be this way.
And Harry's words had cut her off.
"Why do you do this to me? Why, do you despise me or just yourself for loving me when you shouldn't?"
He'd hit it on the nail, pushing it deeper into her heart.
Exactly that.
She shouldn't love him but love does funny things…
She hadn't said anything. Can't tip the balance, can't play with the world.
She'd stared back only eyes pleading it wasn't really so.
And he'd turned telling her he'd pretend he didn't feel, that he'd not embarrass her any more. That he'd never tell a soul.
He couldn't. She broke them both beyond recognition. What it was in her that loved was ripped with self-abhorrence, that she had caused what wreaked her havoc.
She couldn't even have the extravagance of sympathy. That was reserved for him, for what she'd done to him was far worse than to herself.
He never looked at her the same again. The congratulations at the graduation not merely half-hearted, vacant to recognition. Staring straight past her, leaving only a name and an obligatory action.
She'd cried more that night than any her entire life.
Who would have realised that words could hurt so much.
That what you did year before could mess up what you sought, so entirely.
It all rested on her and the spell unheard, the simple turns of the piece of glass that ruined the rest of her life.
She buried her head in the cushion. Trying not to sob quite as loudly to wake any of them up from their peaceful slumber.
////end flashback////
~
Killing myself virtually
I've taken more than I,
Along with me
Bringing something bespoken
Too, into my deep
Taking on what I spurn
To be what I am not
To be what is not meant for me
Desperately thinking
It could have been,…
But it was not
Humming to a tune
I do not know of
From wherever it was
We went
In that place
Where life came true
And the darkness forgot
The power fear begets
There is different
We went our different ways
Out to the fields unlike,
Where nightmares didn't come true
Ours did, as they were said to
As our doubts moulded them to be
Forgetting happiness
The roots of the tree,
Of what could be
~
##Hermione##
Adeodatus stalked into the room, doors flung wide open.
Gracing her with a bow.
Disgracing her with himself.
She sneered at him, whilst he walked up to her in strides flipping the priestess' body from the table and presenting himself on it instead.
He crouched on the round stone meeting her level. Not flinching at the dried crimson engraved to its surface.
"How is the princess today?" he embellished on her mordantly "enjoying your last moments on this earth."
He tilted her chin in his advances, despite her resistance to his hands.
He moved her head side to side, approving of her pretty paleness and the dark red spots decorating her face.
"You do know my dear that you lack life from now on. He will so soon be in control of you. Of us all. But then you never really had any choices to make. Abandoning your darling lad those years ago.."
Just again it was as if he knew her past, as Dumbledore had seen all she was.
Like everyone else had there own secret pensive of her life. Viewing all the surreptitious times of yore.
Or maybe it was simply her face mirrored what she'd been through. That looking at her was that pensive. Either way he knew what it was that cracked her up.
She attempted to lash out at him from her chains. Tugging at them but barely touching his figure.
"You never could get what you wanted Hermione. That was your fate. Everything leading up to this day. Or even that fate that was worse than this. At least with Khaeos you will have power."
Power. Once she'd thought she'd had. They'd ever told her she was the best witch in the school. Maybe even that was to do with this, the tainting of her, lead to her feinting of life. It was never true to say she knew what to do, that she was in control. But it hurt to admit that. The memories couldn't repeat that it was a lie. She couldn't take that.
"But even with him, having the most you'll ever have, you'll still be meaningless, hapless soul that crossed his path. Hermione. The girl, who never grew up, never had a life. Everyone lived it for her." He laughed hollowly.
She broke.
Screaming more ferociously at him than ever before.
"I didn't want her life to be this. I was going to grow up and be a success and have happiness. You don't have a right to mess with me. You don't have life like this, don't judge mine. You live under Him and His judgement. I am not to be subjected to yours. You don't deny me my right. I WILL BE FREE!"
She lashed out at the rock she was bound to, the crevasses widening and the anchors crumbling. The chains broke from the slab instantly.
Feeling bloody rushing through her, boiling in its corridors. Rage overcame her and as she lost every ounce of her last control she saw Adeodatus with fear in his eyes.
There was only one thing such a beast was capable of fearing. Its Master.
~
All through me
It runs
Right down to the bone
The touch it is
The forceful way
Unavoidable, control forgotten
Took from me
The cold overcomes
Something to be said is not
Can't tell; lips frozen in mid air
Something lingers in this place
Which is but should not be
The past still lost
And left for dead
And words lacking force
Unheard to us
The thought with myself
Can't think it
Is too much like now
Reverberates in my anger
Taking what it finds
Begging for life
No;
It is dead
Turn my head and gather all my strength
To leave this room
Forgive the day
Forget what happened
Let it remain but only here
And abandon it
Hoping it will cease
And that life will go on
~~