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Secret Smile by Epona
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Secret Smile

Epona

Harry woke up the next morning a large smile plastered across his face. He just had the most perfect dream about Hermione and himself, and kept his eyes shut to try and savour the image. He dreamt that he had woken up in the middle of the night, hurriedly made his way to her dormitory and opened up to her. In the end, they had admitted that they loved each other and kissed. Harry yawned and moved over to his side, and found that his legs were sort of aching. Confused, he sat up stiffly, his legs feeling like he'd run a marathon. Then it suddenly hit him. He had, or as good as.

It wasn't a dream, all the stuff he thought was a blissful dream really happened. Hermione had kissed him last night, and they had admitted their love for each other. Harry absent-mindedly licked his lips. He could still taste her there, still the raspberry taste that was distinctly Hermione. Smiling blissfully, he tried to remember what happened after that and as it hit him, his eyes grew wide and his face cast a guilty grimace.

Ron.

*

"What have we done?"

Harry immediately sprang up from his previous position of lying right on top of Hermione, his hands in her soft bushy hair. He still felt flushed and hot and she looked she was too. Moving away from her, her stared at her, his eyes showing his absolute shock and guilt.

"Ron… What about Ron?"

She bit her lips, looking down, her eyes beginning to well up. He knew she really didn't want to hurt Ron, neither did he, not after they had all just made friends again. He couldn't help this however, this was not something he'd planned and he couldn't help but feel this way towards Hermione. He felt utterly confused and it seemed to be written all over his face, as Hermione looked up at him with a worried expression.

"What are we going to do?"

Harry shook his head in a forlorn way of saying he didn't know. He looked over to her again, his eyes meeting hers and felt the same spark there. If he stayed here now, things would only escalate to get out of hand.

"I…" He began to move towards the curtain reluctantly, Hermione casting him an upset glance. "I have to go… I shouldn't be here…"

He pushed the curtains open silently, and swung his legs over the side of Hermione's large velvet bed, looking out into the moonlight bathed dorm. On his right shoulder he felt her touch, the feel of it sending pulses through his entire being. He looked back at her, apologising with his eyes. Her own were full of tears, and she sniffed.

"Harry…I love you…"

He gulped, his face reflecting confusion and guilt. He shouldn't be here doing this, not to Ron. However he couldn't leave her like this, upset and torn. He looked back at her, and placed a hand on her damp cheek, smiling. Leaning forwards, he placed a chaste kiss on her lips, before pulling away, leaving his heart on her lips.

"I love you too, Hermione," He whispered, the silencing charm no longer in effect after he had pulled the curtains apart. "But I can't do this to Ron… I can't. I don't know what to do… I'm sorry… I have to go."

With that he stood and swiftly but silently crossed the girls dorms, across the common room and out through the portrait hole. He ran flat out back to the hospital wing, or as fast as he could considering his condition and managed to get to his bed before collapsing under the sheets, totally drained of energy.

*

He lay there, contemplating on what had happened, what would happen. What would happen after last night? Would they go on like nothing ever happened? Harry couldn't bear it if they did. He longed for Hermione's soft touch again, he wanted to feel that warmth and completeness that he felt when she kissed him. They had almost gone a little too far last night, but it showed that they loved each other. He couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else, he had never felt that way when Cho kissed him. He didn't even want to think about kissing anyone else. He wanted Hermione, and to his joy, she wanted him too.

But it wasn't to be. She was with Ron, and there was no way he could break that friendship between the three of them. They had been through so much and stuck together through the thick of it all. Ron was the first friend he'd ever had, and Harry was eternally grateful for that.

He turned over miserably in his bed. He felt a lot better physically. He still hadn't eaten much, but the pumpkin pie that Hermione had forced him to eat made him feel a little more healthy. Madam Pomfrey said that he would be able to leave here soon, and maybe he and Hermione could go on one of their moonlit walks together, like they always did. Or would Ron put a stop to that?

He decided that today would be the day that would clarify things. If Hermione told Ron, then he'd lose a good friend. But if she didn't, then he'd lose the girl he loved. Even if she just stayed close as a friend, Harry didn't think he could bear that. Not after last night. He had tasted a little bit of what it was like to be with her and he longed for that feeling again. He needed to talk to Hermione, to sort things out. He needed to know whether it was worth telling Ron, because if she didn't want to, then it would be obvious that she didn't feel the same way. But she had said it first last night! She was the one who kissed Harry! If she didn't feel the same way then they wouldn't be in this situation.

He rolled over again, his legs maintaining a dull ache. He would try to talk to her about it today, when Ron wasn't there. It wasn't going to be an easy task, but Harry promised himself he would try.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hermione nervously entered the hospital wing the next day, she instantly looked to Harry's bed, expecting to see him there, maybe sleeping softly or reading a book. When he wasn't there, she looked around and was pleasantly surprised to find him by the window. He turned and met her eyes and she smiled.

She couldn't help but feel slightly elated. Harry loved her, and she loved Harry. The only thing standing in their way was Ron. Harry had left last night, claiming he loved her, but telling her that he couldn't do this to Ron. She felt horrible then, but she figured that everything would sort itself out. She felt slightly guilty at the fact that she only thought of Ron as an obstacle, something that was standing in her way of happiness, when he thought of her as something completely opposite. She resented the fact that she would have to tell him soon, and leave him broken.

As she was pondering these thoughts, smiling radiantly to Harry, who beamed back, Ron came from behind and wrapped long lanky arms around her small waist. She jumped and looked slightly alarmed for a second, something which Harry picked up on as he looked on, a scowl barely lining his face. Ron wasn't looking of course, so she gave him an apologetic look, then took Ron's hands from around her waist and turned to Ron.

"Come on, we're here to see Harry, remember?"

Ron grinned and nodded, before turning to Harry, beaming a hello at him.

"Morning, Harry? See you're feeling better… Sleep well last night?"

At this Harry's eyes caught hers and he smiled, a knowing smile which she returned.

"Yup. Best night's sleep I've had in ages."

Ron grinned at him, and walked over to the chair beside Harry's bed, leaning a long lanky arm on the linen sheets. He looked over to Harry and cocked his head.

"When did they say you'd be able to get out of here?"

Harry, who had been smiling at Hermione, jerked back to attention and turned to Ron, who looked slightly suspicious for a second. Hermione was alarmed for a moment, but Harry seemed to cover it up well by answering swiftly.

"Not long now, probably a couple of days. I can't wait to get out on that Quidditch pitch again."

Ron laughed loudly and Hermione let out the breath she was holding. She let them talk on and on about Quidditch once again, as she stood at the window, on the impression of watching the Hogwarts grounds at the window. Every now and then she snuck a glance at Harry, who glanced back and smiled. This went on all day, with Ron's endless tirade about Quidditch rules and Filch's cat and Harry and Hermione sneaking small pure genuine smiles at each other. His smile seemed to calm her down. Everything didn't seem as bad when Harry smiled at her, it was like he was silently telling her that everything would be Ok. She glanced over to him and smiled, not noticing Ron was looking. This earned them a suspicious look.

"What's so funny, you two? What's with all the smiling?"

Harry looked alarmed as he turned his face towards nay other direction than Hermione, who gulped. Thinking fast, she turned to Ron with a calm smile.

"I'm just glad Harry'll be getting out of here soon, is all. Nothing funny…"

Ron nodded suspiciously, and Hermione inwardly gulped again. She was sure he had noticed something between her and Harry, even if he didn't show it. She threw him a large pretty fake smile before turning back to the window and staring out along the sweeping lawns of Hogwarts. The sun was high in the clear beautifully blue sky and it was a lovely day. The lake was as still as glass, the giant squid seemed to be sleeping. She imagined Harry and herself down there, snuggling up on the lake banks or standing, holding hands as the sun went down. She was so engrossed in her thoughts she didn't notice the silence that had ensued from her previous statement and Ron's cough to get her attention. He coughed louder and she jumped and turned around at him, smiling widely and fake.

"I'm going to the bathroom… be right back…"

She nodded watched him walk out of the pink-flowered curtains, letting out a breath as she heard footsteps and a door slam.

She immediately turned to Harry, who stood by the white wall, beaming. Without a second thought she ran over to him, throwing her arms around him and sealing her lips on his. Harry's eyes opened wide with surprise before he chuckled into her mouth and kissed her soundly back. Her hands went up into his tangled black hair as she moved closer to him, crushing him against the wall. His hands told her he didn't care as they moved to her delicate waist, pulling her closer to him.

Eventually they broke apart for air and stood locking eyes and breathing deeply, pure smiles etched all over their faces. Harry was the first to speak and he sounded breathless and husky.

"Wow… I've been waiting all day for that…"

She giggled and leaned her head on his chest, hugging him tightly. This was how it was meant to be, just her and Harry, in pure bliss, no one to hinder them. She felt perfect, Harry made her feel so pretty and so beautiful, and she loved the feeling she got from him. Pity it couldn't be this way…

Harry seemed to have the same idea, as he pulled her away from him and began to speak.

"I think we need to talk… about Ron."

Her eyes cast a downward glance, her heart suddenly filled with guilt. She had to tell him, it wasn't Harry's job to tell him. She was his girlfriend, she kissed Harry first. She loved Harry, so she had to tell him. She just didn't know when.

"I… I want to tell him, Harry, I really do. But it's going to really hurt him, I know it is and I don't want to do that to him…"

Harry hugged her closer and she had to stop the lump in her throat giving her stray tears.

"I know, I know… I don't want to do it either, he was my first friend… but, if we tell him exactly how and why it happened, there might just be the possibility he won't stay mad at us for too long."

Hermione nodded into his chest, sniffing to keep the tears in. Ron would be back soon and it wouldn't look very good if she were breathless and crying. Harry caressed her back in a soft gentle hug, his head resting on her own.

"Ron'll be back soon… I guess we better…"

He broke away, his eyes locking with hers. He brought a strong pale hand up to cup her cheek, gently rubbing her mouth with his thumb. He smiled his pure and handsome smile, which she returned.

"Everything will be alright, I promise. I'll be there with you, every step of the way."

He brought his lips on hers for a long moment, holding them there in a sweet kiss. Breaking apart, they heard a door shut and footsteps walking across the wing. They sprang apart and Hermione retreated back to the window, Harry to sit on his bed just as Ron burst through the curtains with an angry look on his face.

"Stupid Filch! He caught me running to the toilets! He gave me a detention for it, inventing some stupid rule about not running in the corridors! How pathetic is that? I ask you…"

Harry and Hermione listened to Ron grumbling about Filch, holding back laughter and casting sympathetic looks at him when he glared at them. As he continued, Harry listened in as Hermione began to drift off, turning her gaze back out the stone window into the Hogwarts grounds. He said everything would be alright and if Harry said it, she would believe it. This would all get sorted out soon enough, and maybe, just maybe, they could go on their moonlit walk after all.