She shines
In a world full of ugliness
She matters
When everything is meaningless
Fragile
She doesn't see her beauty
She tries to get away
Sometimes
It's just that nothing seems worth saving
I can't watch her slip away
I won't let you fall apart
She reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by
Hoping someone can see
If I could fix myself I'd-
But it's too late for me
I won't let you fall apart
We'll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting
And picking
It's something I have to do
I was there, too
Before everything else
I was like you…
nine inch nails, "the fragile"
CHAPTER ELEVEN: The Uncertainty of Forever
"Harry!"
He turned to see a hysterical Hannah Abbott pushing through the crowds of students leaving their classes and running towards him. Her eyes were wide and when she finally reached him, he found he couldn't manage to understand anything that was coming out of the tiny Hufflepuff girl.
She began to ramble in tears about there being something wrong with Hermione. He could make out words such as 'sobbing,' 'lake,' and 'parents' and tried not to think of nothing but the worst. He had to listen to her first.
"Hannah," he spoke, awkwardly placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Take your time. Do you want me to go find Hermione?"
Hannah rolled her eyes and wrenched her arm free. "You're such a boy," she took a deep breath and then continued. "I don't know where the bloody hell you get off, but Hermione's by the lake in tears. Susie's spent the last hour trying to get her to talk, but she won't talk. I can't stand-"
Harry was already on his way outside before she could finish. He hoped that Hannah was just being a girl instead of a concerned friend.
But he was no stranger to the concept of nothing good coming out of a meeting with Albus Dumbledore.
He knew it had been a bad idea to let her go alone.
He found her by the edge of the lake, sitting on a rock with her legs folded underneath her and her arms protecting herself from the bitter wind. He stopped, the dead leaves crunching under his weight and immediately started to shed his robe with the intention of placing it on her shoulders.
"Hello," she murmured as he draped his robes over her shoulders. "I suppose Hannah came and got you."
"Yeah," he responded, sitting beside her. He didn't know whether or not he should put an arm around her or was it okay for him to be just there. He swallowed nervously, wanting desperately to ask what was wrong. This was far too new for him.
"Is everything o-okay?" He stumbled awkwardly.
Hermione finally turned to face him, tracks of tears present on her wind-kissed cheeks. "I'm so bloody stupid," she whispered fiercely.
Something was wrong.
His eyes went wide. "Hermione?"
He watched her stand, his robes falling into a silent pile where she had been sitting. She began to pace, her arms still folded against her chest and her bottom lip trembling against what looked to be her attempts not to start crying again.
"How could I've not seen this coming?" She whispered to herself. "How could I have not known?"
Harry stood and reached for her, bringing her into his arms and turning her so that they faced each other. He cradled her face between his hands.
"Hey," he murmured. "Hey, you need to calm down and tell me what happened. What did Dumbledore say? Or was it Ron? Did he do something to you?"
A bitter laugh escaped her lips as her gaze fell. "I wish. Oh Merlin, do I wish it was that simple."
"Then what happen?" He caressed her cheek softly. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."
"You know I went to see Dumbledore," she whispered, pulling away from his embrace. He ignored the coldness of her unconscious dismissal of his offer of comfort as he watched her edge closer to the calm waters of the lake. He watched her quietly, waiting for her to start again.
"I-He-My parents want to withdraw me from Hogwarts."
Those words hit him like a ton of brick.
He felt a wave of nausea threaten to drown at the possibility of losing her. Leave, the all-too familiar voice began to whisper inside of his mind. I told you she was going to leave.
"You're leaving," he spoke more as a statement that a question. He nearly collapsed into his seat on the rock. "When do you go?" He asked numbly.
She whirled around, her eyes angry. "You stupid git! I promised you that I wasn't going anywhere and I intend to keep that promise. I'm just-these are my parents! And he-I don't know anymore. But what I do know is that I'm not leaving."
"They're your parents, Hermione," he whispered. "I can't make you chose."
She rubbed her eyes and let out a shaky sigh. "They're my parent, Harry- I'm just so furious, and at the same time I'm just so sad. Because this isn't about understanding...This is about not wanting to understand."
"I don't know what you want me to say," he whispered shakily. He was completely unnerved by her vehement confession, but couldn't help the selfish relief from consuming him. "I want to help."
A sad smile formed on her lips. "You are. You're listening."
He found the strength to approach again, reaching out and grasping her hand within his. "What did Dumbledore say?"
The air around her began to change. She was struggling, it seemed, with a terrible and grave decision. He suddenly felt like a lost little boy, hoping desperately that someone would tell him the truth about what was going on.
"What did he say, Hermione? I know there's more to this."
"Aeternus Eternus," she recited as if she were answering in a class. "Latin for eternal, everlasting, or without end. It's a potentially dangerous potion that can be used in marriage ceremonies that binds the two souls together. It's a double edge sword, though. For if one dies, the other will follow."
She turned away from him and quietly continued. "He also said that it was something that your mum intended to do, but failed to succeed in…"
My mum-A binding potion? Dumbledore wanted them to-a binding potion? Was she out of her mind? He began to shake. "No," he hissed. "Hermione, no. I can't let you-no, no, no!"
"Harry, please-"
He shook his head, violently ripping his hand from hers. How could Dumbledore even fathom something like this? How could even ask Hermione to-
His eyes widened.
He knew.
Dumbledore knew. Dumbledore knew that Hermione could never say no to anything when it came to him. You stupid git, he screamed at himself. This is your fault. You got her in this mess.
"Your parents are right," he began, his voice hollow and his hands trembling. "You'll be safer and happier away."
Her hand grabbed his arm and jerked him back to face her. "Don't do this," she warned. "Don't shut me out. Don't think that you're doing me a favor. I'm quite capable of making my decisions."
"Well then, what the bloody hell do you want me to say?" He exploded. "Because I obviously can't say or do the right thing! I am not going to ask you to die for me!"
"Don't you get it?" She sobbed out, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "I want a chance to fall in love with you! I want the awkward first dates and the sloppy kisses. I want-I-I don't want some stupid potion, but this-this is not our choice. I want a choice. I don't even know what love's supposed to be-but if this keeps you safe, then I will do it."
He swallowed, unnerved by her passionate convictions. He turned to face her again, cradling her face between his hands as he had done before. He pressed a kiss against her forehead. I don't deserve you, he mused. I don't deserve what you're trying to do for me.
"Hermione," he whispered. "Why are you doing this?"
"I don't know," she answered. "All I know is that I have to. Because either way, Harry, I will follow you."
"I don't-" he began to protest.
She shook her head. "No. No more. I don't need you to try to convince me otherwise. And I certainly don't need Albus Dumbledore trying to guilt you-me into something-"
He was unconvinced and grabbed her by the arms, steadying her before she went into another tireless rant. "Let's ignore the fact that there's a war, Hermione. Let's ignore the fact that your parents want to-want-"
He paused and swallowed. He couldn't bring himself to say those words. He could no longer hide or try to ignore the value of Hermione anymore. He couldn't lose her.
"But we can't," she whispered brokenly. "We can't have normal, Harry. I've come to terms with that. But if I have to go through life without you-I don't-I don't think I could bear living the rest of my life with just half myself…"
"That potion-this thing-It's forever, Hermione."
She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip. "I know."
Harry brought a shaking hand to cup her chin and force her to look at him. "Are you sure? Some-" He caught himself before he could utter anything. "If anything happens to me, you could-"
"I know."
His hands feel to his side and the guilt began to eat away at him. He had to tell her everything now. From beginning to end and everything in between, he owed her this much. There were no excuses now.
"Sit down, Hermione," he murmured. "I need you to listen."
Her eyes were wide, but she complied and returned to the rock where she had first been. His hands were trembling violently now and the fact that she was focused on him so intensely didn't help either.
"Harry?"
He sighed. "Remember when we went to the Department of Mys-" Harry cut himself off and laughed bitterly. "Of course you do. You were in the bloody Hospital Wing for nearly dying. I'm so stupid, I-"
Hermione stood, her eyes dark with worry. "Harry," she whispered. "Just tell me."
He swallowed and then blurted, "The prophecy. It-It was-Dumbledore knew-knows all about it. Before we left for the summer, he told me everything."
"What did it say?"
Her voice was neutral and quiet. He hated the fact that he couldn't read her or find some clue to what she was feeling. You've done it, Potter. You've finally pushed her away. Might as well put the final nail in the coffin.
He looked down and began to repeat the words that had-will haunt him for the rest of his life.
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches," he whispered, the familiar sensation of emptiness starting to eat away at him. "Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…and the-the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power that Dark Lord knows not-either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives."
She was silent and unmoving. Harry watched her, completely terrified that she would turn around and walk away, leaving him alone in this mess. The wind began to pick up around them and forcing the dead leaves of the cold ground and into a chaotic dance.
Then she spoke. "Come here."
His eyes were wide. "Hermione?"
She shook her head. "Come here."
He stepped forward and she wrapped her arms around him in a desperate embrace. She was shaking and silent, but the warmth of her embrace seemed to radiate that all too familiar strength he always associated with Hermione.
"I can't ask you to die for me," he whispered, stroking her back softly. "Too many people have died for me. I won't put you through it-I refused to. Maybe it's best if you just go back home and to the safety of the Muggle World. Maybe it's best if you forget about me."
She pulled back and shook her head, her eyes bright with tears. "Do you honestly think that I'm going to listen to you?"
His lips threatened to curve into a smile. "No," he sobered. "But I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. I don't want you to think-think that you've got to sacrifice your life for me."
Hermione was quiet for a moment. She stood on the tips of her toes and softly brushed her lips against his. A small, comforting smile lingered on her lips.
"We'll be okay," she whispered. "I've lost faith in a lot of things, Harry. But I've never lost faith in us."
The weight on his shoulder was slowly beginning to ease. "In that case," he murmured. "I want the left side of the bed."
"You can-"
He watched as her eyes widened and an endearing blush began to spread across her cheeks as the implications hit her. For a moment, he felt like a normal teenage boy. He would get through this. He would get through this with her.
"Harry Potter!"
We'll be okay. We'll get through this.
He began to laugh and she followed. It felt good to laugh and to be in the moment, pretending to be ignorant for a just a minute.
However, neither of them noticed a silently dangerous Ron Weasley watching them.
Neither of them had noticed it had just begun.
->-
Author's Notes:
I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. *smirks* I spoiled you guys with the quick updates and the temporary resolutions. You should know by now that I like keeping people on their feet. Consider this chapter the calm before the storm. The really, really *big* storm.
*looks at check list*
Okay, the prophecy quote is from page 841 of OtoP. The English major's always got to quote her sources, you know?
Two serious announcements… Well, no not really. One serious announcement and one *announcement*…
The first concerns the updating. Next week is my final week of classes and then there's exams following after that, I can't promise steady updates because I will be deliriously stressed about stupid things. But I will *try* to keep with my weekly update.
Second announcement. *smirks*
Goldy, the author of the fabulous fic Lines Crossed, has decided to become my partner in crime and we've started a yahoo group. *However* it takes too much effort to think of a really witty name for the group, so we're holding an opening contest for a name for our group. If your name's the coolest out of the lot, we'll give you a nifty prize. So go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kaze_and_goldy/ and join. Why? Because I told you so.
Finally, as always, thanks to my darling beta, Chaosblades for keeping my sanity in check and putting up with the stuff I'm too lazy to correct. And to you guys, for making the stress bearable by reviewing.
Review please!