MAGNOLIAS
In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here
In your favorite darkness
Your favorite half-light
Your favorite consciousness
Your favorite slave
In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favorite innocence
Your favorite prize
Your favorite smile
In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favorite innocence
Your favorite prize
Your favorite smile
Depeche Mode, In Your Room Again
CHAPTER FOUR: The Hollow Revelation
It was the rain that finally woke her up, not her persistent need to escape her dreams. The brutal drumming of raindrops viciously beating against the window, startled her out of her dream-induced state. Her breathing was short and the sensation of misery still lingered as if to tease her. She could still pick out pieces of her conversation with her mother, wondering if she could ever get past the rift between her parents and herself.
"I can't tell you," she replied softly, packing her clothes into her trunk. She tried desperately to avoid eye contact with her mother. "You because you won't like it."
"It's that boy," her mother exploded, Hermione's words lost in her tirade. The older woman stepped forward, nearly knocking her off balance. "Harry, right? I read the Daily Prophet! I know how dangerous-"
Her hands slammed down on her trunk, a hideous thud echoing throughout the room. "You want to know," she hissed, tears burning in the corners of her eyes. She whipped them away angrily "Fine."
And then everything began to pour out.
"I almost died," she laughed bitterly. "In fact, I was ready to die. But I came back… I don't know why, god knows I've tried to find the reason, but I came back."
"Hermione, darling," her mother tried to interrupt.
She shook her head. "Sometimes I think I'm here for Harry. I'd like to think that I came back for a boy. But I'm supposed to be practical? So maybe, maybe you could explain to me why I feel so damn useless!"
It seemed her misery had followed her to sleep. She pushed herself up into a sitting position with her eyes struggling to readjust with the change in lighting.
"Hermione?"
She hissed in pain, her right shoulder throbbing with reminders of that fateful night in the Department of Mysteries. Her eyes landed on the bed across from hers, meeting the worried gaze of Ginny Weasley. The younger girl had always offered a shoulder for her to cry on or an ear for listening. They were friends to some degree. They weren't exactly close, but Ginny was the only person she could to talk to without getting angry or frustrated.
"Morning Gin," she responded softly.
"Finally! I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever get up," she exclaimed, her eyes twinkling. She was obviously trying to lighten the mood, "Didn't get much sleep, eh?"
"No," she murmured, pushing her legs over the side of her bed. She wondered how long she'd have to pretend that she was all right. She had already lied herself into a numbness when she had been home.
Ginny jumped off her bed and made room for herself on Hermione's. "I'm worried about you. I know you don't want to talk about it, but maybe it'll help to get some of what's bothering you off your chest."
She swallowed. "My shoulder hurts…"
Ginny's eyes widened. "I thought Madame Pomfrey gave you enough healing salve to take care of the pain and get rid of scarring."
Hermione shook her head, strands of hair falling out of her ponytail and into her eyes. She reached up and pulled at the sweatshirt that she had sleepily put on the night before, when she had stumbled back from her encounter with Harry in the hallway. Finally deciding that it was okay to show Ginny, she yanked the sweatshirt over her head and drew a startled gasp.
"Merlin, Hermione," Ginny breathed. "I didn't know it was that bad…"
She winced as the pain refused to go back to the dull throbbing she had been used to since that aftermath of that night. Her eyes drifted down to her scar. Dolohov had undoubtedly done a number on her. A long, angry gash ran horizontally from the top of her shoulder to just above her breast. The amount of pain alternated, Madame Pomfrey had warned her. But the healing salve seemed to do nothing.
"Do your parents know?"
"They know that I was involved with the field trip to the Department of Mysteries," she replied sardonically. She winced as she watched Ginny flinch in response. She sighed.
"My parents have this idea of me, Gin," she began quietly. "They're rational enough to understand that the house with the white picket fence isn't exactly in my future, but they won't let go of this idea that- I'm a muggle-born. I've got to struggle with two different worlds, the one that holds my family and the one that holds a life that I know is right for me."
"You're parents love you," Ginny injected. "When I met them, I could see it in their eyes. They're proud of you."
She shook her head. "I know they love me. I love them too. They're the only parents I've got. But you have to understand Gin, for them my 'time' in the magical world is nothing but a passing fancy. The danger that I'm facing right now is superficial to them. Regardless of everything, they still expect me to apply to Oxford or Cambridge for medical school. They want a doctor, not a daughter."
"Hermione…"
She shrugged and bitterly replied, "I've come to accept the fact a long time ago. I just wasn't prepared for the 'university' speech to come so early, among other things."
Hermione turned and pushed herself off her bed, starting to search for something to wear. She heard Ginny sigh in defeat and acceptance of the conversation's direction not being pushed any further.
"Mum's up," Ginny began. "She's making an early breakfast so we can get an early start on packing. I wish we could still go to Diagon Alley even though Dumbledore owled us our schoolbooks. But Mum's on her last nerve because the Twins told Ron and I that there were rumors of Death Eaters lurking around the entrance for Knockturn Alley when we went to visit them at their joke shop."
Their schoolbooks had been purchased before everyone's arrival to Grimmauld Place. Mr. Weasley had explained to them that Dumbledore did not want to take any risks especially with the growing recognition of Voldemort's return.
"Looking for target practice, no doubt."
Ginny snorted. "I wouldn't be surprised."
The two girls got ready in silence. Ginny was already dressed for the day ahead of them, but she nervously redid her hair into a ponytail as if she were debating to pushing the conversation between of them into uncharted territory. Hermione, on the other hand, settled for quickly and quietly easing into her jeans and one of her father's old rugby t-shirts, ignoring the sentimental pang in her heart. Signaling her readiness to go to breakfast, she and Ginny left their room and made their way down the stairs.
The smell of bacon and eggs was delicious. Her mind would not stop her from musing on the ironies that it was food that almost made the dreariness of Grimmauld Place nearly disappear. It was times like these that she thanked God for someone like Molly Weasley and her good intentions. The older woman went a little far sometimes, she had good intentions, nonetheless. Too many good intentions. She could count on Molly Weasley to stay the same.
For a moment, she could have sworn she was enjoying the liveliness of breakfast at the Burrow. Entering the kitchen, she took the empty seat next to Remus while Ginny took the empty seat next Ron. Small talk between the adults about the latest gossip and the occasional Quidditch commentary occupied most of the conversation.
"They say Malfoy's going to be released," Arthur Weasley murmured.
Her eyes widened. A sharp kick from Ginny told her that she hadn't been the only one who heard. She glanced at Harry to see if he had heard, but he was too busy trying to avoid conversation with Ron. She could feel the awkwardness between the two boys in heavy waves, but with a sigh, returned to staring at her breakfast plate in silence.
Remus snorted. "For what? Good behavior?"
Tonks shook her head. "Uncle Lucius is trying the 'I was under the Imperius curse' again. Plus Fudge is a complete pansy when it comes to dealing with the man."
Hermione tried to focus on something other than the conversation that was going on beside her. Several thoughts went through her head at that moment. Lucius Malfoy? Would her parents be all right? Was Dolohov free too? She shivered. The mere thought of the Death Eater that had cursed her was almost enough to send bile rising up her throat. Would this stupid war ever end?
She pushed her plate away, suddenly losing her appetite. She watched quietly as Harry stood up and headed back up the stairs, an irritated Ron following. No one at the table paid any attention, they were too involved in their own quiet conversation. Moments later she soon found herself being ushered by Mrs. Weasley back up the stairs with Ginny to start getting things ready for their departure for the new school year. She tried to push thoughts of what happened in the Department of Mysteries along with Lucius Malfoy's release to the back of her mind, finally coming to the point where she had to stop in mid-step on the stairs.
"Are you okay?" Ginny asked worriedly. "Is it your shoulder? Do you want me to get my mum?"
"I'm fine," she murmured in response. "I guess I should have just stayed in bed."
Ginny grabbed her by the arm. "I'm not letting you walk up the stairs like this. You look like you're going to fall, Hermione."
She said nothing in response, but let Ginny seek comfort in helping her up the stairs. The hallway was quiet, nothing like it had been at nighttime, but the silence was still as disarming as ever. They stopped at the doorway of their room.
"Well, you can't have her!"
Her eyes widened at the sound of Ron's angry voice. She heard Ginny curse under her breath.
"Not again," the younger girl muttered, turning back around.
"Again? What's wrong?"
Ginny stopped in mid-step and sighed. "It was before you came."
"What happened before I came?" She couldn't hide the sense of urgency in her voice as she watched Ginny shift nervously. She struggled as the panic the rose within her.
"I-"
The sound of shattering glass caused both girls to jump.
"Go get your mum," she called over her shoulder, running towards the open door to Harry's room. The sound of shattering glass still rang painfully in her as she stood silently in the doorway of Harry's room, vaguely aware of the chaotic scramble of footsteps and voice heading in her direction. She was worried beyond belief. What had Ginny meant when she had said that this had happened before?
For a brief moment, she stood frozen with her eyes darting between a dangerously silent Harry and a deliriously angry Ron. Droplets of blood escaped from Ron's clenched hand and splashed onto the shards of broken glass scattered at the feet of the two. She watched with a perverse fascination as the room seemed to grow brighter and a prism of color invaded the stark walls.
"Boys!"
She was startled out of her thoughts by the sharpness of Mrs. Weasley's voice and Ginny laying a nervous hand on her arm. She watched as Remus entered the room and stepped between the two boys. She didn't miss the look of disappointment the flashed in Remus' tired eyes.
"This is totally unacceptable," Mrs. Weasley hissed. "I expected more from you than this Ron-"
"Of course," Ron cut her off in mid-rant. "You side with poor Harry who can't do anything wrong because he's such a tortured soul."
"Ron," Arthur Weasley warned as he stepped into the room as well.
"No," he snapped back, causing Hermione to wince. Hermione didn't miss the dark look that Ron shot in her direction. The fierce anger in Ron's eyes was beginning to scare her. "This is between Harry and me. You need to stop coddling Harry like he's a bloody baby. And you need to stop getting in between the two of us. A confrontation between the two of us is going to happen. If not here, then on the train to school… If not on the train to school, then in school. You can't prevent the inevitable."
Hermione watched as an angry flush bloomed on Mrs. Weasley's cheeks and unconsciously moved away from the older woman who looked ready to unleash an even angrier tirade. Mr. Weasley held his wife back and warily watched the scene unfold.
"Ron's right, Mrs. Weasley," Harry's cool voice seemed to darken the nauseating brightness of the room. For a moment, she felt Harry's eyes rest intensely on her. Hermione fought against the violent urge to meet his gaze and settled upon watching the prism of colors created by the broken glass and blood on the floor. "We might as well solve this now. So let's talk Ron. In front of everyone…"
Ron seemed to be struggling, Hermione noticed. Harry had somehow trapped him, using his intentions against him. Whatever those intentions were. She made a mental note to ask Ginny what had exactly happened between her two friends. Friends, even the mere thought, were beginning to lose meaning in her mind. Things were truly changing.
"Well, Ron," Harry spoke again. "Don't you have something to say?"
Ron shook his head and violently whirled around, pushing through everyone who had gathered around the door. Then he stopped in front her, raising his bloody hand as if he were going to touch her cheek. Hermione found herself moving closer to Ginny as if she were shielding herself from Ron.
"You don't deserve her, Harry Potter," Ron murmured.
"Neither do you."
But Ron was gone. There was only tense silence now. Harry hadn't moved from where he was standing and Ginny had let go of her arm to follow her parents who were going after Ron. Harry's eyes fell upon her again and she couldn't avoid meeting his gaze this time around. She moved further into the room and began to feel dizzy as the room began to spin. She knew this time he was trapping her.
"I'll go get some bandages for your arm, Harry," Remus spoke quietly, breaking Hermione out of her trance. She unconsciously sent the older man a grateful smile, but the smile quickly disappeared as soon as she saw Harry's arm.
"Harry," she breathed, moving closer and gingerly grasping his arm with her hands. Bits of glass were embedded in a nasty cut that ran along his wrist. It looked almost as if it had been- No, she shook her head. Harry wasn't like that. She hoped it never would get to that point. Her fingers began to gently brush some of the glass out of his cut.
"I fell on my arm," he murmured, stopping her hand. "Ron was going to hit me and I ducked, tripping on the dresser."
"What about the glass?"
He didn't answer and she found herself wishing that Remus would return quickly, but could only continue pulling out the pieces of broken glass in his skin. Harry quietly stilled her hand, forcing her to look up.
"Ron's right," he murmured in a quiet defeat. "I don't deserve you."
Her eyes widened in comprehension. The fight had been about her. "Me?"
"You," he mumbled with a nod. "He's in love with you, you know. Or at least that's what he believes."
Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking, forcing her to pull away. She was the source of animosity between her two- She didn't even know what to call them anymore. She wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to cry.
"He can't be," she whispered. This wasn't happening. Panic began to surge through her mind. Was this why Ron was malicious when he had encountered her in the kitchen?
Harry stepped forward, gently pushing her chin up. "He is."
"And you?" She asked, swallowing her tears.
He shrugged. "I don't understand this."
"Do you think I do?"
"No," he murmured, tracing her lips with his fingers. She couldn't begin to describe the effect of his closeness. The movement of his fingers against her lips was intoxicating. She found herself unable to pull away from the dark secrets in his eyes. It was inevitable, she realized. No matter how much they avoided each other. No matter how much they didn't understand, they would always be inexplicably drawn to each other.
"Hermione?" Harry's lips were entirely to close to her own. Was he going to kiss her? What would happen then? There was entirely too much going on right now. She didn't know if she could take another rise in the emotional instability that threatened to drown her. "I-"
"You what?" She breathed.
"I can't do this."
Then he was gone.
**
A/N: Yes, Yes. Terribly sorry. I know it's late, but the month of July has been extremely busy and I have been suffering from computer problems at home and at work. I almost considered throwing my laptop out of my window.
A couple things first. Thank you guys for all the lovely reviews. I mean it. And as corny as it sounds, they make the day seem a lot better.
Now the good news. The stories going to pick up now, so wave goodbye to Grimmauld Place for the time being. But the bad news is the next update won't be for another two weeks. The reason why is as follows: My birthday's on Tuesday. My parents, out of the kindness of their heart, are taking the family on the vacation for my birthday. Where? I don't know because it's a surprise.
The bad news that stems out of this is that there will not be an update for another two weeks because I have no idea where we're going and I can't bring my laptop.
But I promise to update much, much faster when I return.
Other than that, please continue to review and make me a happy author.