A/N: Again, this chapter had undergone a few changes and it would be quite better if you start again from the first chapter.
Chapter 3
The whip-like fingers of the winter had already wrapped itself so tangibly over the city. Indeed, thick, impenetrable fog had choked up London as never before.
Nevertheless, life hustled and bustled as it usually did, if not even busier. The difference was its noise was laced with scattered music of the upcoming holidays. A Silent Night being practiced inside a church, mechanical whizzing of many toys, wrapping paper crinkling…
…and screams of a man in death's throes.
'M-My lord. P-puh-please-' he was stuttering, spittle, mucus and tears mingling down his face.
An inhumanly cold voice but smooth as quicksilver began to laugh in a shallow, humorless manner. When it did stop, it was impossible to tell what was on the mind of the man. 'I expected more from a Death Eater and I was utterly and abominably disappointed with your incompetence, Maypole.' He spoke in almost a whisper, just audible enough to be heard by the wretched figure in front of him.
'B-but-' the other began to protest.
He clicked his tongue aloud. 'Did you hear that?' he asked to someone unseen, hidden in the shadows. 'He said but. I think the lowly leech just attempted to stand against me. As if his inadequacy was not enough.' He added the last statement in a tone sow prolonged and low it was almost hissing, literally. The faint passing of air through his teeth was more than mere incidental.
From behind him, two scarlet eyes aglow appeared and if the man hissed, the sound only grew louder and more guttural, as if hungry.
'Stay.' He ordered the monster beside him. 'Leech flesh is not fit to be eaten or even to be bitten.'
A small hissing sound was heard and, with a slither, the monster retreated once more into the shadows.
The wretched man fell upon the snowy ground, sputtering his gratitude. 'My lord! You are most gracious and kind and-'
Unheeding, the hissing man turned his heel and cocked his head towards the kneeling one.
And from nowhere, a harsher voice shouted 'Incendio!' and convulsive screams and the scent of burning flesh befouled the cold air.
Nonchalant of the torture in process, the hissing man addressed again. 'Is Wormtail to be found in here?' But it was not a question but a compulsory roll call.
'You asked for me, Master?' a squeaking voice ventured to materialize itself, shaky and uncertain as the speaker itself, fearing that the same fate would be put on him.
'You claim that you found new leads?'
'Yes, my master.'
'Unusually commendable. And so?'
Wormtail pulled from his side a small beautiful owl, bound in Spellotape, with a parchment piece still attached to its leg. It began pecking him and as he, cursing aloud, retrieved the message. 'I found out that a friend of mine decided to do this. I am very sure it will be a true lead!'
'Go on.'
The man struggled to squint at the writing scribble. The expression of pleasure fast soured and he now heaped curses aloud.
'You are getting on my nerves, Wormtail. My patience is thinning.'
'My lord, it says that the one Maypole,' he shot an involuntary look at the lump of ashes and charred bones that was once man before continuing, 'was referring to and said to know the whereabouts of the girl, is already dead.'
'Dead?' The word lingered on the more powerful man's mouth and was spat, as if tasting it and finding that it tasted like excrement.
It seemed that even the very blood in Wormtail's veins froze at hearing the steel-edged tone. 'Y-ye-yes, my lord.'
A sigh, then: 'You know what to do. And may I remind you that I am tired of hearing nothing but failures from all of you.'
With that, the hissing man, with the monster beside him, disappeared with a sudden gust of December winds.
……
Within the same city, vivid emerald eyes flung wide open with the heavy pulsing at her temples. Cold sweat had dotted her face and everywhere else in her body. Consciously, she tried to feel for her throat, see if it was still intact. Only then she was relieved to remember that the man, Kennings, was already being embalmed, so it was fairly impossible that it would wake up and throttle her as he did in her nightmare.
'Its her!!!-sigil tree- loaning- professing-guiness-'
The words did not make any sense to her at all. If it did something, it was only to confuse her more with the oddity of the events.
Tiredly, she slunk back into the comforting warmth of her bed, but she knew not a wink would lie on her eyes for a long time yet. Her eyes wandered wonderingly to her closed window, where the light of a nearby lamp post made the newly laden snow glitter softly.
It had been a good week since she had sent her owl, Iris, to the Snuffles-man. And yet, her pet had not returned, such a highly unusual event since the owl came back from such a trip within twelve hours or less.
But what if someone had caught her owl and saw what she had written?
She buried her head into her pillow. That was a bit of farfetched. No one would suspect her owl out of so many post owls and the message wasn't really worth anything. It just said that Kennings was dead and that's that. No anything, not even a hello or the strange words of the dying man.
Her grip at her pillow tightened and she curled up into a tight ball, feeling the strange jittery feeling at the pit of her stomach and the uncomfortable solitude she had in her room. How she wished that Iris was there, then she could just come up to her pet and just pet it. That way, she did not feel so alone.
Alone…
'James…'
It was no more than a weak whisper, but her insides clenched again at the memory of the wedding dance. But to think about it, it was her own fault too, running away like that!
What was she thinking of doing such a thing! It seemed like she was so childish to throw a fit over his words. After all, it was just him.
And it was also because of him.
Was she the one wrong? Perhaps…Maybe…More probably.
'Yes.' She admitted miserably and wormed her way under the covers. There was no one to hug so she just hugged her knees to herself, muttering 'Stupid, stupid, stupid Lily Evans…'
She willed herself to listen to the sounds of the night and forget everything, even if it was only for a short time, so that she could return to sleep. There was a big day ahead of her. But even that sounded so impossible.
She blinked her eyes once, then twice. It was no use trying to sleep.
Then she wondered if there was also others who couldn't sleep that night. More or less there would be someone who is awake at that time of the night.
Slowly, she dressed and looked at her fridge to see if there was anything to eat there. Recalling that it was almost a whole week since she shopped for groceries, she changed her clothes, slipped by the backdoor, and headed to the nearest 24-hour convenience store and do anything that will keep her mind occupied and her loneliness at bay.
…….
Keeping awake was no problem, even in the deepest hour of the night. What was the problem was how to keep himself from freezing.
'Damn it!' James cursed aloud, and in the empty street, his words rang aloud.
At that hour of the night, James knew he should be in bed, all toasty and warm and dreaming.
Dreaming of who? A voice asked inside his head.
Who else?
'I'm on my way…
With my roses and box full of sweets…'
He slapped himself too hard and regretted the action an instant later. Wincing, he rubbed his cheek, not that it helped, especially when doing so was comparable to rubbing a piece of frozen meat against yourself.
He berated himself for forgetting to wear gloves for the nth time.
But he knew the cold wasn't the only reason why he felt freezing himself.
He heaved a deep breath, dragging the nippy air into his lungs and exhaled, watching his breath cloud up in front of him.
'I had it all memorized the lines in my head…'
Composing himself, he whirled to the object next to him and began. 'Look, Lily, I didn't mean to-no, no, no!' He irately combed through his hair.
He was able to say almost everything to Lily before, why can't he apologize to her now? And then again, maybe it would be easier if he told the truth to her.
'Look, Evans. I'm only apologizing because Moody says so and this changes nothing between the two of us, all right?' he said to the lamp post in front of him, but then he felt that even the lamp post would damn him for eternity when he apologized like that, if one calls that an apology. He sounded like some motherf-.
Never mind.
True, Moody said that he should apologize to her ("For business reasons, of course. But it would be better if you'll sound genuine about it."). Not only should but he must make amends if he is to do his duty properly.
But, really! Moody? It surprised him a bit when the old man spoke to him about her. It was just out of place with his usual actions. He was all pure business and barely touched-even annoyed-whenever the topic about any auror's personal life worms in a conversation when James, or anyone, talks to him.
'Thinking I'll be winning you're smile once again…'
But then again, maybe Moody was annoyed by the way he was acting so odd after the wedding dance.
Was he ever that transparent!
Sitting on the ice-laden bench in a huff, he began to feel guilty. The reasons?
Listlessly, he faced the lamp post once more and pretended that it was her. 'I really didn't mean to say those things, you know. I guess I wasn't thinking clearly that night. What I mean to say is… would you forgive me? Please?'
'Do you mean it?' the lamp post spoke up.
James took one step back, aghast at the sudden animation of the supposed to be inanimate thing.
'James, umm… you're stepping on my foot.' It spoke up again, but this time, the voice came from behind him.
Turning around, his veins froze at what he saw.
'Li-Lily! W-What are you doing here!' he stuttered almost incoherently.
'But when I saw you…'
A weird look crossed her face and, removing a glove, felt for his neck then spoke, 'Are you feeling fine at all? Because I think you're not. In case you've forgotten, I live in there,' she pointed to the brick apartment exactly in front the both of them. A copper eyebrow quirked as she intently studied his reaction. 'So?…'
'Oh. Oh, yeah. I-I was just…umm…I just wanted to…ask you if Alice had anything to say about Frank. We haven't seen him since the last few days in the office… ' He blurted out but regretted it the instant the words reached his own ears, seeing a slight disappointment flash through her eyes.
' I realized how I am ashamed of myself…'
Lily forcefully propped up her usual, cheery smile but did nothing to stop the sharp throb in her chest. 'At one-thirty in the morning?' she asked mock-incredulously.
The unwelcome heat crept to his face. Stupid of him! 'Well… it's a bit important… all right! It's not about that. Lily, I wanted to talk to you-about what happened.' He managed to say, blinking hard at her from behind his glasses. Please say yes, please say yes, he pleaded silently.
She couldn't do anything for a few moments but stare back at his slightly contorted face. Then she realized that his hands and neck were bare and showed signs of going bluish. 'You're freezing! How long have you been here outside, anyway?' she removed her own scarf and wrapped it around his own neck that her warmth and her lingering fragrance from the piece of cloth assaulted his senses for several moments.
'About a few hours, don't really know.' How could he know or even feel about something so petty as that when she was so close to him!
Without any word, she grabbed his larger hand in hers and tried to unlock the apartment door with the other hand, which was unfortunately laden with a paper bag too that doing it seemed a struggle.
Sensing her difficulty, he went to lift the hindering bag from her arm but in the act, had to reach around her.
Midway, they abruptly stopped their movements, suddenly aware of their awkward positions. It didn't help when a scarlet flush flooded their cheeks.
'My mouth has failed to say the things…
I just can't express…'
Here they were, two grown adults, acting like adolescents on their first ever date. Moreover, they weren't like that before that night. They acted like they didn't hell care about whatever people thought of them because they knew that between two of them there was only friendship-or they thought the other thought like that.
But now, they weren't so sure.
'Afraid to say things I might regret…'
When she had managed to get over her inexplicable embarrassment, Lily assisted-although with difficulty because of his taller frame-James off his coat and ushered him to the sofa then lighting the fireplace simultaneously before disappearing into the kitchen.
Setting the paper bag down to the granite counter, she heaved a heavy breath. She shouldn't feel so heady or ashamed, most especially around James. He was only James. Brushing her thoughts away, she sent water to boil with a wave of her wand as the bought gingerbread warmed in the oven. That way, she can collect herself and her thoughts.
'Lily…'
She nearly dropped the china cups as she heard her name being called right behind her. He was close, that she knew.
The way her back stiffened didn't make the situation better. James was confused if he was really welcome or she was just keeping up a tirade with him. Hesitantly, he asked. 'Would you like me to help you with that?'
Mercy! He was much too close!
'No, no. Please, no. It's all right. I can manage.' She replied quickly, too quickly to be friendly, and dismissing him with a nervous laugh and a few slight waving of her hand. She didn't trust herself to face him. Only when she had heard his footsteps retreat back to the main room for a few good minutes that she allowed herself to follow.
She entered the room with a smile but it withered not too long after she had seen his guilt-ridden stare, boring hard at her, though he also had a weary smile on him.
Unfortunately, she possessed only one couch and no other chairs so she had no choice but to sit there too with him. Strategically placing herself on the opposite end, she uneasily sat down.
A pregnant silence reigned for a long while and the distance between them seemed to stretch for miles. Once or twice, they flashed nervous glances at each other but tried the best they could to feign interest to the fire.
The shrill whistling of the boiling kettle broke their silence, making them jump. From afar, he heard her making a small sound-was it a sigh or a cry of relief?-as she rose from her place to tend after the water. His thoughts darted whether or not to grab her while he was still able to do so since he realized that he won't have the chance nor the guts to do it later.
In a burst of impulse, James shot out of his seat and started to reach for Lily, just as he would in catching the snitch. But his target now was far more unpredictable than the flying bugger was.
Turning at her heel, she started to ask James if he would like coffee or tea only to see him lurching towards her. Instinctively, she stepped backwards, well away from his grasp.
'What the-!'
James never had the chance to finish the phrase as his face smacked against the fortunately carpeted floor. But still, the combined force and pressure from him had very undesired results.
A dull crunch signaling a broken cartilage and eyeglasses, then a colorful string of expletives reached her ears, making Lily wince before having enough sense to see if he was still alive from his fall.
'James! What do you think you're doing! ' She cried, horrified, rushing to aid the fallen man who was still sprawled on the floor.
'Attempting a Wronski Feint,' he tried to reply sarcastically, but his words came out sounding like: 'Ngatemtingaownskiake.'
'Tempting a what?' Her frantic mind was to muddled at the sight of him in a less than his usual imperturbable façade that she no longer bothered to translate what he was trying to say to her. After she had wiped the blood off his broken nose did his words make sense.
'What did you do that for!' He cried, half-irritated and wholly mortified at his failure and his current state of dishevel.
'Do what!'
'I was trying to reach your hand, for God's sake!'
'How was I supposed to-' her voice rose defensively but she stopped midway through her sentence. There they were again, just like the time years when they first met, quarrelling even if the previous spats were not yet resolved. She grew quiet, lowering her eyes to her lap.
'What is there to do when I did something wrong…'
Noticing the sudden shift of atmosphere and her actions, he forgot about his still bleeding nose. He couldn't see her face properly since his glasses were placed somewhere but he could sense her uncharacteristic reservation towards him. Then, the next thing he heard was that she was sniffling.
'Didn't mean to hurt you but it took so long…'
'H-hey! I didn't mean to do that, Lily! I was only kidding! Lily!' He edged nearer her and touched her shoulder. She was shaking. 'Lils…' he muttered under his breath, remembering his pet name for her when they were in Hogwarts. 'Come on. Stop crying. I can't stand it when you're doing that.'
But what he said only made her tremble harder. Trying his best to stop her shaking, he laid both his hands on her face. 'Please stop, Lily… Stop!' His tone sounded angry, but it wasn't at her. His ire was for himself. Gently, like he would to a fragile object, he gathered her in his arms and cradled her. He couldn't think of anything else to do.
'Damn it, Lily…I'm sorry…' he whispered, his voice almost afraid.
'…to say I'm sorry… I'm sorry…
Say you won't ever leave me down…
Say you won't ever leave me down…
Say you won't ever leave me down…
…I'm sorry.'
For some reason, James knew he should not be feeling so scared. He knew he should not have taken hold of Lily
For her sake and his.
And yet, when he felt her quiet down and give a little shiver, almost every shred of his logic and reasoning fled and hugged her tighter.
Damn the consequences.
……
At first he thought that it was just a part of his dream, a staccato muffled beating. But his senses told him otherwise. To his alarm, his door unlatched and he could sense a foreign presence walking towards him, lying on his bed.
Three steps more..
Two…
One.
In a fluid motion, he sprang from his bed, wand pointed at the direction of the intruder before his retinas could even adjust to the dim lighting of his bedroom.
'STUPEFY!' A red beam shot but his spell was too late as another beam hit him first and he was sent crashing hard towards the other part of the room.
'Shit…' he managed to speak but the cold end of a wand pressed to his forehead.
'Still fast, Black. But not good enough.' A voice spoke in the darkness and Sirius recognized the voice.
'Bloody frigging hell, Moody. There's no need to attack me like that!' For god's sake, Sirius thought irately, the old geezer frightened him half out of his wits coming inside his flat as sneaky as that.
'Constant vigilance, boy. You didn't even use half the potential of your instincts.' The veteran clucked his tongue as he strode towards the nearest lamp and lit it.
Sirius seethed at the older man's deprecating talk. Sometimes, Moody was so frank that he was insulting. Bottling up his irritation, he asked, 'What brought you here in the middle of the night-'
'It's already morning, Black. Quarter after four.' He interrupted.
The muscle in his jaw twitched as he struggled not to strangle the other. 'Fine! Whatever! Morning! What the hell are you doing! Do you mind!!!' Sirius roared in horror as Alastor rummaged uncaringly through his already messy room.
'Finding the last message Evans' owl sent you.' Was the muffled answer from under the bed.
'I burn them after I've read them. Why?'
Moody emerged, his face long and haggard. 'One of the few actions you seem to use your brain.'
'Why you-!'
'Alfred Kennings is dead. Evans' owl was burnt along with that message and it seems that the Death Eaters know, or at the very least suspect, that something is going on. Edgar Maypole from the Ministry was found burnt to death. We've been too careless in playing with matters of great importance. Now, we don't even know why Kennings was struck down in the first place. If the Death Eaters guess that the least person Kennings spoke to was you lady friend, I'm afraid to even think of the consequences that will befall on her.'
Sirius was taken aback by the onslaught of information that flooded his brain. 'Frigging crap. You're scaring me. No way. I won't believe it. You're kidding right?'
'Do you think I'm kidding? I wish I were, but this is real.' And the steel-edge to his voice told Sirius the same thing.
There was a faint popping sound from the corner of the room that made them turn. To their surprise, James-glasses in hand and nose bandaged-Apparated and was actually singing!
'And the great James Potter scores!!! 'Tis a victory for wizard-kind! Never had there been a more glorious day for celebration!!!' Despite the fact that the other two men were looking at him in a horrified manner, James pranced about until he reached his best friend and animatedly began to talk about his night-although the words were too blurred to be heard right.
'whatwhatWHAT???' Sirius finally cried out in consternation to James.
'I said Lily and I are fine again.' He said in a manner one explains to a toddler, which caught on Sirius' nerves.
'Good,' a cold and scathing voice interrupted him, 'Because you are just about to break her apart again.'
For a moment, James was frozen in disbelief. It wasn't Sirius who spoke. It was Moody.
'Wha-What the bloody hell are you saying?'
'I said,' mimicking the hazel-eyed boy's earlier statement, 'you are just about to break her apart again.'
'And for what bloody reason?' It was now Sirius who burst out. For weeks end he had endured the sight of James suffering. And now, when he was again happy, Moody was wrecking the new-found joy.
Moody's knife-like glance shot at him. 'You know perfectly well the answer to that. Where you even listening to me earlier, Black? This is no time for games.' He gave him a knowing look that said "if you don't want James to know and get angry at you, don't ask why" and cared to expound no further, lest he incite the wrath of James upon himself too.
James heard the cold exchange which boggled him more. He even noted the way Sirius turned at him and begin, with difficulty, to say the next sentence.
'I..I can't explain this..'
'JUST TELL ME WHY I'M ABOUT TO HURT HER AGAIN!!!' James outburst made the other wince, he noted, but he didn't care. The whole business felt so wrong and it drove him up the wall.
'I bloody can't, James! You have no choice-'
'Why can't I have any choice!!! It's like you're playing with my damn life!!!'
Alastor spoke up. 'Because if you don't cut ties with Miss Evans, we'd have to eradicate her. She has been included with our business, a very important one at that. Your lady friend is next on the Death Eater's list of heads to curse. Unless we do something about it, your loss would be much greater that before. And the first step to undo what had been done wrong is that you cut ties with her.'
James felt his legs weaken and sent him sitting on the wooden floor. 'No…' the word came out weakly.
'I'm afraid it's a yes, Potter.' He continued but was still glaring at Sirius.
'I can't do it to her. Not to her.'
'But you have to. Now, if you'd excuse me…' Moody ended with a not of finality, signaling the end of the discussion.
Sirius left James' side to catch up with Moody, who was preparing to Disapparate. 'You can't do this to him!' he hissed.
'What do you want to happen! See Evans' dead? She has been a good acquaintance to me too but Potter here can't do anything about it, all thanks to you and your foolish plan to include her in our business!' Was the tart reply.
Seeing no way out in the situation, the young man let go of Moody's cloak. Surprisingly, the latter turned at him once more and began to speak again.
'There's an upcoming Yule celebration in St. Mungo's. Lily is bound to invite James then. If you want to redeem yourself, you can guess what James has to do by then and set it into action. If you want, I'll alert Lupin and Pettigrew from the head quarters and you can discuss what you should do amongst yourselves.'
'Thanks.' Was all Sirius can say back before the old man disappear.
……