In the weeks that followed Harry's departure, Hermione sat and waited for news with bated breath. With each passing day, fear and doubt of his return filled her being even more. N.E.W.T.'s were drawing closer and closer but Hermione could not concentrate on studying at all. Harry and his return to her were the only things on her mind and she refused to pay attention to anything else.
Ron was genuinely worried about his female best friend, for she never let anything ever stand in the way of her studies.
Except Harry, he thought sadly, watching Hermione out of the corner of his eye.
She was sitting completely still on the couch, staring blankly into the fire, dried tear marks on her cheeks. One of the only constant things that Hermione did lately was cry. Ron often overheard Lavender and Parvati complaining about how they could barely sleep at night because her sobs kept them awake. Ron himself had witnessed Hermione several times bent over a thick book in the library, tears splashing onto the pages.
Recently though, Ron had begun to notice that her tears weren't coming as frequently. More than anything, Hermione had secluded herself, barely speaking to anyone and looking on the brink of collapsing and having a mental breakdown. She always looked exhausted and dark circles had appeared under her eyes, growing deeper with each passing day.
At the moment, her Transfiguration book was laid open on the table in front of her, a blank piece of parchment sitting next to it. Her ink bottle was tightly closed and Ron had yet to see Hermione attempt to even start studying that night.
In hopes to get her at least talking a bit and maybe start considering her studies, Ron leaned forward in his chair and spoke quietly to his motionless friend.
"Hey, 'Mione, do you think you could help me a bit with this Potions homework? I'm having a lot of difficulty understanding what this mixture does when properly brewed."
He stared hopefully at her for a few minutes but Hermione had obviously not heard a word he had said. Ron sighed deeply and leaned farther forward, tapping her gently on the shoulder.
Hermione blinked slowly as if snapping out of a reverie and turned her head, staring at Ron for a second as if seeing him for the first time. She gave him an odd smile before speaking.
"Oh, Ron. Did you need something?"
Ron had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes but instead let a sympathetic smile grace his face.
"Hermione," he started softly, "please, you're hurting yourself by doing this. I've never seen you neglect your studies this much, usually you're nagging me about mine and I kind of wish it was back to being like that. Stopping your studies and just sitting doing nothing isn't going to bring Harry back any faster. I want him to return safely as much as you do but he wouldn't want us to stop living just because he's gone. Think about him yes, but don't stop living your life."
Hermione stared at him with teary eyes as Ron sat in wonderment of his own sudden wisdom. For a moment, it seemed that she was really taking in his words but in the next second, Hermione shook her head sharply and stood up.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Ron," she replied loftily. "Thanks for being concerned but you don't understand. I'm fine."
She started walking away, heading for the portrait hole, intent on taking a walk even though it was already past curfew. Ron quickly spun around in his chair and called after her.
"Wait! Hermione, no! You can't just….." he trailed off when he realized she wasn't listening and was already out the door.
Ron stood up, ready to chase her down and make her see reason, but Ginny stepped in his path.
"Out of the way, Gin," he snapped angrily. "I have to talk to Hermione."
Ginny put her hands on her hips and tossed her flaming red hair behind her shoulders, giving her brother the evil eye.
"Ronald Weasley, you insensitive prat!" Ginny said testily. "Leave Hermione alone. I know you mean well but you don't understand. Hermione loves Harry. I know you want him back too but it's to a different degree. When you find your true love and then they're suddenly not there, facing danger without you, something inside you breaks. Until Harry returns, Hermione is not going to feel complete. And if he dies, something within her will die as well. She can't be the same person without him here. She's a strong, independent woman, but in terms of the heart, no one acts like their usual self. If you want to truly help Hermione, just be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on and be her best friend. Nothing more, nothing less."
Ron stared hard at Ginny for many minutes before his shoulders drooped and he hung his head, looking close to tears himself.
"I know, Gin, I know. It's just so hard to watch Hermione suffer though, she doesn't deserve this. She deserves to be happy and so much more. I just want to help in some way."
Ginny placed a comforting hand on her brother's shoulder. "I know you mean well in all of your intentions, Ron, just don't push her too hard."
"I just wish Harry would come back soon," Ron muttered, keeping his head down.
"Don't we all wish that," Ginny whispered, turning to stare at the pitch black sky beyond the window.
…………………………..
Hermione walked briskly down the corridors of Hogwarts, her breath misting in front of her slightly and at a loss for where her feet were taking her. All she knew was that her mind was a confusing mess and she needed to go somewhere besides the Common Room to be by herself and just think.
Hermione knew she had been acting strange lately. Everyone had been noticing the sudden drop in her studies and almost all of them were very concerned about it. Hermione never let anything allow her to lose concentration in her studies, nothing distracted her from getting top grades every year.
Only Harry Potter can do this to me, she thought somewhat bitterly.
A lump rose in her throat at the thought of Harry and what he might be facing at that very moment.
He could be dying and I wouldn't even know it! she thought, clenching her fists.
But Hermione knew better. She knew the moment that something bad happened to Harry, she would feel it. In her gut and in her heart, she would feel it. And a part of her would die as well.
She closed her eyes tightly, willing the fresh amount of tears that wanted to spill forth to stay back. She would not cry again, she couldn't cry anymore. So many tears she had wept in the past weeks and she now felt spent. All Hermione felt now was a constant ache that would not recede. An ache in her heart that sometimes made it hard to breathe. An ache that was causing her to lose all other conscious thought.
It killed Hermione to know that when she had been finally able to confess her love to Harry, that he had to leave her the same night. It killed her to know that all of her feelings were equally returned by him but that they might never be able to express their love for each other.
All because of that stupid Prophecy, she thought angrily. Why did it have to be him?
Hermione hung her head and continued walking, not even realizing she was going up a set of stairs. She was shocked when she found herself bumping into a door and she snapped her head up, her brown eyes wide. Somehow she had gotten to the Astronomy Tower and it was miracle that she had gotten there without getting caught or noticed by anyone.
Biting her lip, Hermione threw a nervous look behind her shoulder before cautiously reaching forward and turning the metal doorknob. The wooden door softly creaked open and Hermione stepped onto the darkened balcony.
A light wind hit her face, cooling her hot cheeks, and Hermione breathed in the clean air deeply. She stepped further out onto the Astronomy Tower, shutting the door behind her. She stood completely still for a moment, savoring the utter peacefulness of the area. For the first time in weeks, she felt content. Up here, she felt closer to Harry then she had been in a long time.
Hermione walked to the railing and stared out at the barely visible grounds below. The shimmering blackness of the lake could be seen reflecting a few stars and the moon; Hagrid's hut billowed white smoke into the night; the Forbidden Forest swayed dangerously in the night. Hermione shivered and hugged her arms to herself, remembering the last time she had been by the dark trees. That was the night Harry had left her.
She turned her back on the scene and before she could help herself, Hermione fell to the floor, her back scraping against the stone wall. The tears she had been trying so hard to stop all night came falling out of her chocolate eyes, and this time, she let them come. Hermione's tears splashed to the floor and her soft sobs echoed strangely in the empty balcony.
She was crying for everything and nothing. She was crying for Harry and she was crying for herself. She was crying for all the innocent lives lost in battle and for all those who would lose their lives. She was crying for her friends and family that she knew were in danger. But most of all, she was crying for love that had been discovered but never been given a chance, and for love that would never be found.
Hermione didn't know how long she cried on the floor of the Astronomy Tower but by the time only a few tears were trailing down her face and only her hiccups echoed off the walls, the moon was high in the sky and the air was colder. She blinked and slowly raised herself up off the floor. Her breathing began to return to normal and the flow of tears stopped altogether.
Hermione turned back to stare at the area around Hogwarts. And for the first time in a while, a real smile began to play at the corners of her lips. Crying that many tears seemed to have set something within Hermione's mind. She was finally at peace with herself and everything that was going on around her. She knew she couldn't be selfish and just want Harry to herself. He had a job to do, a job to protect the world from evil and fulfill his destiny. Hermione knew she could nothing to stop Harry from doing this. As much as she wanted to protect him, he wanted to protect her and everyone else just as much.
For now, all she could do was keep loving him and praying for his safety. She would wait for Harry Potter as long as needed, because her love for him ran that deep and she refused to ever give up on him.
"Just return to me, Harry," Hermione whispered into the night. "That's all I ask of you. Promise that you will return to me."
The blowing wind was her only answer.
................
Author's Note: Oh my goodness! Where have I been lately?? I am SOOO incredibly sorry about the
lack of updates in the past few months. College has been insane and I just finished up my finals last week so this is
the first time I've gotten to write in a while. I've wanted to write my stories so bad but timing has just been
horrible! And then, my new laptop that I'd had for only three months, crashed on me and I lost all my work,
including the first few pages of Chapter 22 of The Heirs of Hogwarts. I was so mad I could barely think of re-writing
the chapter again. I'm FINALLY in the process of writing it again but its taking a while cause it almost doesnt
feel the same. I'm really trying though so just give me a few more days and it will most likely be up. I decided to
write this chapter first and get this story going again too. Only one more chapter left to this one so...be on the
look-out for chapter 5. Again, I am so sorry about the delay and I hope you like this chapter. Maybe not my greatest
but it was sort of one last chapter to show what Hermione is going through. Kind of short but it wasnt meant to be a
long chapter. Please review and yes, the Heirs of Hogwarts will be updated SOON, I can promise you that! Thank you for
reading and I hope you still enjoy my stories :).
Much Love,
PhoenixFirebolt