a/n Okay, here's one more fresh from the presses... I'm thinking it's maybe two or three more looong chaps after this. And sorry, I'll warn you now, we're a long way from fluffy here, but bear with me. I've managed to tear myself away from my new Dr. Who DVD to give you this one! :^)
**************
Fatuous
A few minutes after Luna left, Ginny went to Hermione's room and tapped on the door.
"Hermione? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine Ginny." But the tone of her voice indicated otherwise.
"You coming out then?"
"I'm a right mess."
"I've seen worse. C'mon Hermione."
She opened the door, wearing an old pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt that was easily twice her size that had once belonged to her father and her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. Her eyes were raw and her face puffy, and she did look quite the mess. Not that Ginny would ever tell her that - friends simply didn't point things like that out, especially at times like these.
"Hermione - what is the matter with you? I don't think I've ever seen you so upset, and considering the things we've been through, that's quite a significant statement!"
She gave her a wan smile, "I'm sorry Ginny. I'm just... I'm just so stupid."
"Hermione," Ginny held her about the shoulders and stared intently at her, "in all the years I've known you, I've discovered that you are many, many things, but 'stupid' has never, ever, been one of them. What on earth has gotten into you?"
She laughed... a sad and slightly hysterical laugh that made Ginny extremely uneasy. "What was I thinking? How did I manage to ruin a seven year friendship in the space of five minutes?!" She shook Ginny slightly by the shoulders as she enunciated the last words, then started crying again.
Ginny led her to the couch, where she remained, softly crying. She thought, for a moment, to retrieve Mrs. Weasley. Surely she'd know what to do. But, with everything that was no doubt weighing on her with the wedding, Ginny figured she was on her own. 'What to do,' she thought. 'First, I need to calm her down.' She looked around the room, and her eyes settled on the wet bar. 'Well why not? It's not as if we're not old enough anyway!' She picked a bottle at random, something bright and green, and collected two glasses. She brought them to the coffee table, set them down, then poured.
"Here Hermione, have some of this." Hermione looked up at Ginny through bleary eyes, then sniffed.
"What is it?"
"I've no clue, but it couldn't possibly make you feel any worse. Bottoms up then." Ginny raised her glass and took a sip. It was brutally strong, and made her eyes water. She made a face as it went down, and considered possibly switching her choice of drink. She wiped at her eyes, and it took a moment to regain her composure, but then she began to sputter and cough.
Hermione, on the other hand, had not only downed her entire glass, she was pouring another. A rather large 'other at that. Ginny watched in amazement as she swallowed a considerable second glass of the viscous green concoction, then tried to settle into the low backed settee.
"Oooh, I hate these things! Not comfortable at all!" She marched off to her room, then came stomping back, wand in hand, and quickly transfigured all the furniture into something more 'common-room-squashy'. She then poured a third glass, downed that, then threw herself back into the sofa.
"Hermione, what on earth is the matter with you? You're not at all yourself!"
"I know," she wore a manic grin and began crying again. "You're absolutely right Ginny! I'm not at all myself! The truth is, I don't even know what that means! The only 'myself' I can remember is the me in Hogwarts. The Head Girl, the smart one, the one who could figure out the answers..., the one...., the one who used to help....," her sobbing began to hitch. "Ginny, what am I supposed to do if I'm not saving Harry? If I'm not lecturing Ron? What am I supposed to do when no one needs me anymore?!" She'd become completely hysterical.
Ginny wrapped her in a hug and did her best to console her. "Hermione, you don't know what you're talking about. We all still need you... you're our friend."
"But.. but you don't understand."
"Then explain it to me, you're terribly good at that." Hermione shot her a halfhearted glare. "Honestly Hermione, I want to help."
She tried to calm down as best she could, her sobs slowly becoming sniffles. Ginny offered her another glass, and Hermione swigged it quickly, as if trying to summon courage. She looked as if she were about to begin, but then quickly downed yet another glass before starting.
She sighed, "Ginny, do you know the last time I spoke with Harry, I mean, really spoke with Harry."
"That wouldn't be this afternoon?"
"Not even close," she sighed again. "Ginny, I haven't had an actual conversation with Harry since June, and that was an 'if we should all die' conversation."
"But in hospital..."
"No, they'd drawn the curtains around him before we had a chance to speak."
"Well, surely when you woke..."
"He was at the Burrow by the time I'd woken and left St. Mungo's."
"What about..."
"You went on vacation."
"But surely he sent letters?"
"Three. 'Glad you're awake,' 'Prague has pretty buildings,' and 'The Berlin Wall is gone.' Believe me when I say I'm not paraphrasing."
"That's all?"
"That's all, unless of course you count today, which included a 'catch you up later.' That's about the extent of it."
Ginny was at a loss for words. She'd gotten to know Harry fairly well during their vacation, but she couldn't believe he had shut Hermione out so completely. It simply didn't seem possible.
"Hermione, I don't understand. You're best friends."
"I thought that too - but Ginny, don't you see? He doesn't need me anymore. D'you know we were all supposed to get a flat together this year? But no, no one's mentioned a word of it. It's as if they've both forgotten. Like they don't want me anymore and don't know how to tell me. I feel like I'm skirting around them now Ginny! Like I'm some sort of.... it's like I'm Colin Creevey!" She let out a sob at this realization. "Harry doesn't need me anymore. Neither does Ron."
"But Ron's been writing you loads. I know that much."
"Well, he's been just as nice to me," she took a breath. "Ginny, you know Ron used to fancy me."
"That was quite a while ago."
"I know. It was a long time ago, and I don't think I was ready for that kind of relationship. I was completely content the way things were, and, truth be told, I didn't feel at all the same way."
"Well, then it's good you never had to tell him that."
"And then he found Luna, and don't mistake me, I think he and Luna are brilliant. It's just that, sometimes, and I know this might sound awful, but I kind of miss the attention."
Ginny's eyes went wide open in astonishment.
"I know, I know! It's a horrible thing to say. But Ginny, you have to understand, even if you don't fancy someone, even if the one you fancy doesn't even acknowledge you 'in that way'... well, I mean... it's still good to feel wanted by someone. Even if it's not the one you want."
Ginny was aghast. "So what are you saying? That you were using Ron?!" Her voice had gone up a notch.
"Oh gods no! Ginny, look at me! You know me! Do you think I'd ever, ever, use anyone? Let alone Ron? It's not as if I'm some sort of master of feminine wiles like whats-her-ratio! "
"I'd never compare you to her - but the way you're talking..."
"I'm just saying Ginny, that once upon a time, a time that will never, ever, come again, I felt wanted. I felt needed. And now Ron has Luna, and Harry... well, I'd never want him to be in danger, but now that he's defeated Voldemort and he doesn't have to worry about his OWLs or his NEWTs... and the way he didn't even acknowledge... Ginny, it's so obvious. I'm of no use to him. He's made that perfectly clear."
"That's not true Hermione! I know Harry too, don't forget. I know he may be as thick as my brother sometimes, but he would never be so cold, especially to you. There has to be something else, some reason..."
"There's a reason alright," she drank another glass, "and the worst of it is that I think this is all my fault."
Ginny took another drink herself, slowly becoming accustomed to the green liquid. "What do you mean it's your fault? It's not as if you drove him away."
Hermione started softly crying again. "But I did Ginny. That's exactly what I did. But I had to do it.. I thought I'd lost him.... and now, now I really have!" She sank to the floor and sat there, her head hung low, her ponytail upended and covering her face.
"Oh Hermione, surely it can't be that bad," she sank to the floor as well and placed a consoling hand on her shoulder.
Her voice was muffled through her sobs, "But it is Ginny... it really is."
"Tell me, please," she kept her voice soft, hoping to draw her out.
Hermione raised her head, and for a moment her eyes swam while the liquor began to take strong affect. Luckily she was already on the floor and had nowhere to fall. It took her a moment, but she regained her composure, then gave Ginny a soft smile to let her know she was alright.
"It was after that spell," her voice was barely a whisper.
Ginny had to think a moment. "D'you mean that binding spell, the one that Harry used to draw on your collective powers."
"Yep, that's the one." Hermione's attitude was slowly shifting from one of disconsolation to offhand disregard. The liquor aided her in continuing. "It was right after that. Did Ron tell you what it was like?"
"Um, waitaminute...," the alcohol was finally affecting Ginny as well. She felt as if she were thinking in slow motion. "Something about the three of you being happy or something?"
"It was the most marvelous thing Ginny. I didn't know it at the time, but it was the last time I would ever feel like that. It was like, like in an instant we were reliving every happy thing that we had ever shared. There were none of the bad parts, just the happy ones. The wonderful ones. It was, just, euphoric. And then it was gone." She tried to maintain a neutrality in relaying these events to Ginny, but the sadness heavily laced her voice.
"He never described it quite like that. He just told me you shared the spell, and then you had to find Harry."
"Yes - I had to find Harry. I used mine," she flashed her ring at her, "because Ron was too injured. He couldn't go running around on that leg of his. So, I twist...," her eyes crossed slightly as she focused on the ring, "...I twisted my ring for Harry, and then I found him."
"And then everyone found you." Ginny sounded happy, as if she had just figured something out.
"Nope... nope, nope, nope. I," she thumped her chest with her finger, "I found him. But it was baaad Gin... it was really bad!"
"Don't call me Gin." She tried to force a glare, but only managed to cross her eyes a bit. "What was bad 'Mione?"
"Oh Ginny," Hermione became weepy, "it was Harry. But he was gone!"
Ginny tried to knit her brow into a questioning look, but only managed to cross her eyes again. "What d'you mean he was gone?"
"He was gone," she exclaimed in a whisper, as if telling a ghost story at a campfire. "I mean, he was there, but he was gone!"
"Huh?"
"He was standing there Ginny," she was weepy again, "but he was vacant... y'know, just empty. He kept staring at Vol, er, Voldee... um," she knit her brow in concentration, "you know, at Riddle, but he was, like, cat... cata..., um..."
"He was cat tonic!" Ginny exclaimed.
"Yeah," Hermione looked at her in earnest, then her voice cracked, "he was cat tonic!"
"What did you do?"
"I tried to shake him, like this," she grabbed a pillow and throttled it. "But it didn't work Ginny!" Her voice climbed an octave as she cried some more. "And I thought he was gone... I thought he was gonna be cat tonic forever and ever!" She cried some more, then wiped her eyes and scrubbed her hand over her nose.
"Poor Harry," Ginny whimpered sympathetically.
"I know, poor Harry!" Hermione whole heartedly agreed. "And poor me! I didn't tell him Ginny! In all those years I promised to never, ever tell him, because I was afraid! I thought I would get him killed - but then I found him, and he was all cat tonic, and I thought 'poor Harry will never know'. So I told him Ginny!"
"Good for you!"
"Good for me!"
They each downed another glass.
"What did you tell him?"
Hermione laughed, "I told him I loved him Ginny. I told him about how I've loved him for years and years and years. And then I begged him Ginny. I begged him to come back to me because I loved him sooooo much!"
Ginny leaned forward, "I knew it! I knew you loved him!"
"Are you mad at me?"
"Oh no, I used to like Harry, but I never 'loooved' him, not like that. Besides, if I had loved him I never would have slept with Dean.... oh!" Her face went bright red, and then she laughed and laughed.
But Hermione only wailed more, "you see, even you have someone! I'm never going to have anyone!"
"So what happened?" She gave Hermione a light shove. Her wailing stopped as she remembered she was in the middle of a story.
"I kissed him. A lot. All over his face. And then I cried all over his robes. And then he woke up."
"No more cat tonica?"
"No more cat tonica?"
"It's like a fairytale 'Mione, you kissed him and 'poof' he woke up!" Ginny had a huge grin on her face. "So what happened then?"
"You know what happened then - nothing! Nothing at all! We went to Saint Mambo's and I've not seen him 'til today!"
"WHAT!" Ginny jumped to her feet, and then swayed and caught herself on an armchair. "NO WAY! N'UH UH!!"
"Uh huh...," Hermione still sat on the floor, sadly twisting the hem of her shirt.
"NO WAY!! HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO YOU!?"
"He doesn't love me Ginny!" She looked up at the redhead, her eyes bright and shiny with new tears. "I don't even think he likes me anymore! He's all done with me - no more use to him whatsoever!"
"But that doesn't make any sense!" Ginny was having a hard time holding on to rational thought. "There's simply got to be something else?"
Hermione finally stood, rather slowly and with great care, then puffed up her chest and stared directly at Ginny. "Well it doesn't matter, because I don't care! I'm through with Harry! If he doesn't need me, then I don't need him!" She walked carefully to the bar and found another bottle at random, as they'd exhausted the green liquor.
"But Harry can't possibly be that stupid...?"
"No no no! No more Harry! We don't talk about him anymore!" Her speech was getting thick, but was stern.
"Alright then, no more Harry!"
"No more Harry!" They toasted and downed the new amber drink.
"But I still don't like that shiny bint with him," Ginny muttered.
"No more Ratio!" Hermione raised another toast.
"No more lethifold!" GInny snickered and Hermione gave a hearty snort. "D'you like that? Luna called her that!"
"Luna's here? Where is la la Luna?" Hermione squinted and looked around the room, as if expecting her to jump out of a corner.
"She went looking for Ron of course."
"In that wretched muggle club?"
"Yep."
"But she'll never make it past that 'chouchou' bloke!"
"Oh yes she will. There's a reason she's in Ravenclaw. Look." Ginny grabbed the fashion magazine and held it out to Hermione. "She made herself look like that!"
"Is it even legal to look that tarty?!"
"It makes her look legal. She just transfigured her outfit to match this cow here."
"Why didn't we think of that?"
"That's what I said!" Ginny practically screamed.
Hermione began flipping through the pages and stopped at another young model. "You know, if we looked like that, there's no way he'd have kept us out. Did you see the way all those guys were looking at the girls who looked like this?" She stabbed her finger at the magazine.
"They were drooling!"
"HA! Drooooooling," she drawled, then an idea seemed to flit through her consciousness. "I bet we could look like this!"
"Ooooh, I wanna try!" Ginny was practically jumping, but then had to grab hold of something to keep from falling over.
"Okay, okay, okay," Hermione rifled through the pages. "Oooooh there! How 'bout that one?"
Ginny looked and couldn't help but laugh out loud. The picture she was pointing to showed a slender girl, also with red hair worn in a spiked and teased ponytail that pulled on one side and had black streaks. Her makeup was far from subtle - heavy black eyeliner, nearly black lipstick and hardly any rouge at all. Why the young muggle fashions leaned so heavily towards ghoulish was beyond Ginny, but it was the outfit she was enamored with. The top was bright blue with thin black stripes and was off the shoulder. It was a tight and stretchy knit that covered some of the upper arms and most of the torso. The model's navel was exposed, and Ginny gasped when she saw the piercing. "Oh no, I don't fancy one of them!" The outfit was completed with an extremely low rise pair of tight and flared black slacks with peek-a-boo patches down the outer leg, and a pair of thick and chunky black boots.
"Oh no 'Mione. There's no way I could look like THAT!"
"Hang on a minute...," Hermione slowly fell to the floor, then leaned forward on all fours to crawl about. After a brief moment she let out a shriek of triumph, "AHA," and raised up her misplaced wand. She walked her hands backwards so that she was in a sitting position, then leaned against the sofa and, with an extremely concentrated effort, managed to stand. She moved closer to Ginny, then grasped her shoulders and did her best to look completely serious. "Ginevra Weasley, my friend, my confidante... do you trust me?"
"Completely!"
"Good," she paused, "do you trust that I, the Head Girl of all of the world," she snickered, "can make you," she pointed her wand at her, "look like that," she pointed at the magazine, "even when I'm like this," she pointed the wand at herself, then stumbled before catching herself.
Ginny took a brief moment to think. "If you mess it up, it's nothing you can't fix in the morning." She wore a huge grin.
"Exactly!" Hermione smiled back. "Okay, now let me concentrate...," she squeezed her eyes shut, then curled the tip of her tongue around the outer edge of her upper lip. She opened her eyes, muttered something, then twirled her wand at Ginny.
The first thing Ginny noted was how much tighter everything was. She looked down and saw she was wearing a fairly good facsimile of the tarty outfit. She clapped her hands in glee, then went over to the large mirror. "Lemme see your wand." She tapped the mirror, paraded in front of it, then tapped it again. "Encore!"
She was delighted to see herself strutting about.
"Now you! Now you!" She screamed at Hermione.
"Hang on...," Hermione flipped through the pages again, until she found something she thought was suitably trampy. She showed it to Ginny.
"Oh no, that's a lingerie ad!"
"No wonder you can see everything!" She flipped through again, then shrieked when she found just the right one. "This one Gin, I want this one!" Ginny looked it over and seemed to approve, but then something occurred to her.
"Uh, 'Mione, I don't think I can manage that. I'm not nearly as good in, er, transfigging like you are."
Hermione wrinkled her nose, "that's not even a word Ginny, but I think you're right." She faced the large bank of mirrors, looked at the magazine one more time, screwed up her face in concentration, then aimed the spell right at her reflection. She watched the transformation and was reminded of Cinderella, albeit a somewhat goth and naughty version of it, but the change was nearly as dramatic. Her oversized t-shirt shrunk, changed colors then grew sleeves. It was now a hot pink, mock turtleneck top with long sleeves and a large round keyhole situated just below her collarbone and just above her cleavage. It also tightly hugged her bosom and ended just below it. Her midsection was completely exposed, then ended at the top of her low rise and flared black skirt. There were little silver studs that dotted the waistline, and the outfit was completed with dark stockings and black platform heeled boots that came up just to her calves.
"Merlin 'Mione! Look at you... and your hair!" Hermione had to stop staring at her sudden cleavage to notice her hair. It had become quite like the model's, thick sections of it lay straight, with ringlet curls scattered throughout. Parts of it were also gathered near the top, giving the semblance of some sexy type of long bouffant. It was also streaked bright pink.
"Whoa...," Hermione was completely amazed! Even drunk she had managed no less than a stunning transformation. Ginny grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"Here Hermione, show the mirror!" She grabbed her wand and tapped it, then told Hermione to strut like she had. Having never in her life looked this different, she took great relish in showing off her whole new look. Ginny tapped the mirror again and said the incantation, and Hermione watched, amazed.
"Is that me?"
"You better believe your bollocks that's you!"
"Oh Ginny," she grabbed back her wand and tucked it into the forearm of her sleeve, "c'mon, let's go!" She grabbed her arm and started heading towards the door.
Ginny giggled, then burst out into full blown laughter. She wiped at her eyes, then stared at Hermione. "You're not serious? We can't go out looking like this! Mum would kill me... come to think of it, she'd kill you too!"
"But Ginny, I have to! Don't you see? This is exactly what I need! Just look at us!" She pointed at the bank of mirrors. "We're so pretty..."
"And we're completely pissed."
"Yep, there's no better time. Don't think I'd go out if I weren't blitzed." She giggled.
"No way 'Mione, you're completely barmy! I'm sorry, but I'm putting my foot down, no, make that both feet! Yep, both feet, down!" Ginny crossed her arms and tried to affect a Mrs. Weasley stern glare.
"Suit yourself. I'm going to have fun!" She turned for the door.
"You're not going out alone, not like that!"
"Why ever not?"
"Because you're totally bladdered. And you could get hurt or something."
"I'm not stupid enough to get myself splinched!"
"That's not what I mean. I'm sorry you're feeling unwanted, but I happen to love you very much. You're one of my best friends and I don't want to see you get hurt. So no, you're not allowed to leave."
Hermione sighed, then looked up at Ginny. "I'm sorry Ginny. Please forgive me."
Ginny looked puzzled. "There's no need to be sorry Hermione."
"Yes. Yes, there really is. Just know Ginny, I love you too, and thank you." And then she kissed her cheek with the overwrought emotion of someone who is drunk in the extreme.
And then there was a dull thud, followed by the slamming of the outer doors.
**************