Just That Simple
-----
It was embarrassing, it truly was.
In fact, it was so bad that she wished the floor would just swallow her up.
"It's Lily Evans!"
"What's she doing in here?!"
"Quick, hide that! She'll give you detention if she catches you with it!"
"She can't do that, can she? We're not even in Hogwarts!"
"You fool! She's Head Girl, of course she can!"
When she had tried to calm them down by just saying how she was just looking around, the tension had thickened.
"What is she talking about? Is she serious?"
"Must be some sort of trick."
"What am I going to do? My folks will kill me if they find out about this!"
"Did Potter sell us out? Damn bloke will do anything for her after all."
She glared at her companion who was busy trying to keep from laughing out loud. At least someone was having fun. "Just get your stuff and let's go." Lily grumbled crossing her arms. She would just stand by the entrance and wait for him there. James apparently thought otherwise because he grabbed her arm and gently tugged her into the heart of Zonko's Joke Shop. "Don't be like that." He admonished playfully. "You said that you wanted to get to know me and you can't very well do that if you're just standing there!"
Ugh, me and my big mouth. Lily thought, reluctantly following him through the crowd from one shelf to another that seemed to slightly tip forward as if it would topple onto the kids any second. As James occupied himself with all the little gadgets around him, Lily took the time to observe him in what she liked to call, his "natural habitat". For some reason, she didn't expect watching him gathering all the things that she'd force him to turn in eventually to affect her like it did.
It was like watching a kid in a room full of presents. Lily couldn't help but find his happy smile to be endearing as he managed to reach for something on one of the top shelf only to pout a bit and toss it back up when it wasn't what he was looking for. He was so carefree here. A smile tugged at her lips unconsciously. Potter, what am I going to do with you?
"She's staring at him." A second year whispered to his friend a bit too loudly and Lily jerked her eyes away from James and onto the shelf past him. Lily didn't need rumors to start that she actually fancied him. She'd never hear the end of it! Forcing down to blush that had already colored her cheeks pink, she made her way determinedly past James and to the shelf that she had looked at, hoping to give the impression that she wasn't staring at James in the first place. "Stupid, she was looking at the shelf a bit behind him. Lily Evans would never even spare James Potter a glance. She's too caught up in her own little world to notice." The boy's friend replied in obvious anger toward Lily.
Although she was glad that they thought she hadn't been staring at James like a lovesick girl, Lily was struck by the way that the girl had assumed what she was like. Sure she made it known that she wasn't interested in James, but that didn't mean she didn't notice him or anything. After all, how can you not notice him and his friends? The little misfits they were, all eyes had turned to them the moment that they declared themselves The Marauders. Everyone, professors and students alike knew their names by the end their third year. The infamous pranksters. How could she not notice James and the way he acted as if he owned the school along with Sirius Black? How could she not notice the whispers when rumors started going around about his slightly growing affection towards her?
Not that she believe them that is. What would he ever see in her anyway?
Lily reached the shelf before she knew it and nearly bumped into the display set. Great, what was she supposed to do now? Looking up, she skimmed a few of the products on the shelf. She hesitantly picked up a bright red tube and read the label. "Lola's Lip Smear Wart Growth: guaranteed lip warts within the first minute of use." Grimacing, she placed the tube back down, checking her hands to see if any had gotten on her hands by accident. Who would ever deserve to receive this?
Miranda suddenly flashed through her head. "Personally, I don't see what the big deal is with her anyway. She's not even that pretty."
Okay, so there were a few choice people who deserved lip warts. She was entitled to a few mean thoughts every now and then.
Looking above Lola's creations, she saw a row full of books. She gasped when she read the titles. Abracadabra! Dispelling the Myths of Muggle Magic, The Theorems of Time Traveling, Hogwarts Founding Four! These were some of the top selling books in all of Wizarding London. What were these doing in a joke shop? Oh well, I guess they do sell a few decent things here. She thought and carefully picked out a book. Perhaps she could catch up on some reading while she waited for James.
"Hogwarts Founding Four," She read to herself, studying the cover that had the emblem of all four Houses. She smiled a bit and flipped open the cover.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HOGWARTS' FOUNDING FOUR ARE?! ARE YOU THAT THICK? EVEN A NEWBORN KNOWS THAT YOU STUPID LITTLE-" Lily slammed the book shut, hands shaking as she tried to regulate her heartbeat. What on Earth was that?! Shakily, she managed to push the offending book back in its place, the loud voice still echoing in her ears. Running her hands through her hair as a means to calm herself down, she turned to find that all activity in the store had halted and everyone was staring at her. Uh oh, not good.
Thankfully, James came to her rescue and stepped in front of her and gave her one of his usual dramatic hugs. "There, there, it's okay. Nothing to see here everyone, it's her first time here!" He gave everyone a pointed look and they all resumed their business and the noise level rose to its usual volume. Lily had unknowingly buried her face in his chest to shield herself from everyone.
"That was so horrible." She said, her voice muffled by his cloak. "I've never been so embarrassed!"
Dutifully, James patted her on the back, enjoying the feel of her in his arms for the first time. "Hey, it's not that bad," He replied with a small grin. "I'm sure I've done more damage to your reputation that that silly old book did." Lily paused, thinking about his words. She realized then what they must've looked like in that position and quickly pushed him away. Red faced, she fixed him with her most suspicious glare. "And what exactly have you done to my reputation Potter?"
"Nothing you don't know about." He shrugged, trying to shake off the urge to hold her again. It had felt so nice and his arms felt unbearably empty. As usual in her expect-the-worst-when-it-comes-to-Potter attitude, horrible things started to run through her head. When she could take it no more, she blurted out, "What have you done?"
"Let's just say that I'm the reason why no guy's ever asked you out." He said smugly.
She looked at him oddly. "What are you on about? Why just yesterday, Davis asked me to go with him to Hogsmeade."
"WHAT?!" James roared, attracting all the attention to them once more to Lily's horror. "That no good…don't tell me that you agreed! You aren't meeting him afterwards are you?" The look he sent her made her temporarily forget her anger at him for once again placing the spotlight on her. It was as if she could crush his good mood if she told him that she was meeting Davis after her day with him - and perhaps more.
She couldn't possibly mean that much to him…could she?
"Of course not, he's not my type." She wanted to say it in her irritated tone but it came out soft and unsure. Seeing him visibly relax and watching the panic and hurt leave his eyes in that moment made her question just how sure she was that James Potter didn't care for her. There was no way he could fake that reaction. He mumbled something under his breath that she couldn't quite catch. The look on his face made her wary. "What did you say?"
"Oh nothing important," He said, casually waving her question off.
He turned around and glared at everyone who was fixated on them once again and they all quickly went back to looking at the merchandise. "Honestly, no privacy these days." James remarked, shaking his head. Lily studied his slightly hardened face and made a mental note to warn Davis to steer clear of James for a few days. Turning around, she looked at the books lying on the shelf again and scrunched her nose. "Nasty little things," She said to herself. James heard her and turned to see that she was looking at the books again with such a cute expression that he couldn't help but smile.
"They're designed to do that." He explained. "It's charmed to attract people to whatever kind of books they like or need and when it's opened, it begins yelling all sorts of things at you."
"That's a horrible invention." Lily stated, still miffed that an inanimate object called her stupid. "It could give people heart attacks!"
"Nah, it has an age detector built into its spine so if you're too old, the book doesn't scream, whatever it would've said is written down in the book."
"I still don't like it." She replied stubbornly. She turned around to face him. "Are you finished stocking up yet?"
"Yes, I just need to pay for them." He answered, holding up a bag. "But, before I do, I want you to buy something."
She looked horrified. "Excuse me? You want me to buy something from this store?"
"Yes." He responded.
"Are you touched?"
James grinned. "Why yes I am, have been for quite some time now. Now, what is it that might be of use to you?"
"I'm not buying anything here." She stated crossing her arms. He tapped her on the head and turned her around. "Oh don't act all saintly Evans. I know for a fact that you don't like everyone in our year. Might as well enjoy making them miserable."
Lily glared at him. "I'm not going to get a laugh at someone else's expense!"
"It's fun, trust me. You'll love it." James replied briskly. "Now, how about Trilly's Triple Tongue Twisters?"
"What?" She asked impatiently, peering at the box he was holding.
"Trilly's Tripe Tongue Twisters," He repeated. "Candy that makes whoever eats it speak as if their tongue was knotted. Lasts for two days, great laughs when they're called on to answer Professors."
She vaguely recalled Snape refusing to answer when the professors called on him - even in Defense Against the Dark Arts which happened to be his best subject. Now that she thought about it, James and Sirius had been laughing pretty hard when Professor Feltz started yelling at his normally model student. Some things never change. She thought and sighed. Really, was it too much to ask for him to leave Snape alone?
"Potter, I really just want to leave now." She announced, suddenly tired.
James noticed her sudden change of mood. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I just want to leave. This place is stifling." She replied.
"Are you sure?" He asked her, trying to catch her eye but failing to do so as she refused to look at him. "Look, you want me to buy something? Fine, I will but let's go." She carelessly took the first thing her fingers touched and went to pay for it with James close on her heels. When she was done (much to the shock of a few students in line), she watched in a sort of wonder as he poured all the different items into the scale. Boxes of invisible quills with matching bottles of invisible ink, Bartle's Instant Nose Warts, Alvin's Breath Mints, Furney's Firework Spellingbee and other things of that sort piled together while James happily chatted up with the clerk as if they were well acquainted with each other.
He was so complicated.
Why was it that he can be such a prat but still manage to completely surprise him by how decent he could be and by the number of people who knew him in such a positive way? Lily didn't know anything about him anymore. All of her assumptions had flown out the window when they had sat down in The Three Broomsticks. Question was, now what was she supposed to think of him?
Watching him throw a glance in her direction to make sure she was still there, she felt the odd feeling stir in her chest when he smiled at her. Why can't I hate you anymore?
----------
After he paid, James made his way through the crowd to her and together they pushed their way out of the store with, all the while whispers following them out.
"She actually bought something!"
"James' doing no doubt."
"Does this mean that they're official?"
"No, didn't you hear? Lily's being pursued by Davis."
"Wow, he's really brave if he's challenging James Potter."
"No, he's just really stupid."
Lily sighed when the door closed. Fantastic, rumors were already churning around. Taking a deep breath in and out, she felt a bit better. That store truly was suffocating. So many people jammed up with the shelves looking as if it might fall down had grated her nerves. She hated close spaces.
Something tugged at her hair and she turned to see James holding a piece of her dark red locks between her fingers. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, tugging lightly once more. She rolled her eyes and swatted his had away. "Of course I am." She replied, walking down the road with no particular destination at all.
"You're not mad at me are you?" James asked hesitantly as he followed her, eyes a bit nervous.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Should I be?"
"No, no! Of course not. I was just…nevermind," He stuttered, feeling a bit embarrassed at being so fussy all of a sudden. Lily said nothing and they continued to walk for a while in silence. Some time during this, Lily realized that her left hand felt colder than her right, which was quite warm. Looking down to investigate this oddity, she was surprised to see her hand enveloped by James' larger one. When did this happen?
Halting, she watched at he was also forced to come to a stop because of their joined hands. She looked questioningly at him, shaking the hand he was attached to. She saw how he colored a bit and didn't fail to notice that he didn't let go. "This is okay, isn't it?" He implored, squeezing her hand.
Lily didn't know how to handle him when he acted like that - like she was the only one he had eyes for.
""Potter I-" She began in what was hopefully an exasperated manner. She didn't want him to know that she liked holding his hand.
"James."
"What?" She asked startled. Never in the time that she's known him has he ever insisted her to say his name. "My name is James." He said firmly, brown eyes serious. "We've known each other since second year and I've never heard you call me by my first name before."
"That rich, coming from you?" She replied cuttingly, yanking her hand out of his grip.
"I have no problem saying you're name Lily," He stated looking her dead in the eyes, causing her stomach to burst with butterflies - whether it was out of nervousness or something else, she didn't care to distinguish. All she could hear was the sound of his voice saying her name. She had never heard it sound so different. "I like your name. I like you."
She looked away, reeling from that statement. Why was he doing this to her? This was so out of the blue. He's never told her that he liked her so directly before. Sure he's called her beautiful in his usual arrogant tone and asked her out so many times that she couldn't even remember, but she had never taken him seriously. And now…
How could Lily possibly believe that he wasn't serious? How could she, when he was looking at her so intensely? Oh Merlin, She thought in horror. All those times he asked me..!
She had to get away.
Her legs began to take her away from him, walking blindly in the streets, not really seeing as her brain tried to wrap itself around the concept that James Potter was serious about her. She felt his fingers wrap around her arm as he spun her violently so that she'd face him. Not used to dealing with this side of him, Lily did the only thing that she knew how to when it came to confronting an angry Marauder.
She yelled at him.
"Let go of me Potter!"
"Lily, listen to me."
"I refuse to be manhandled! Get your hands off of me!"
"Will you just listen to me for once in your life?!" He asked her, eyes ablaze with something that she wasn't ready to know.
Trying to find a way out of this terrible situation, she began to grasp at straws. "Why should I listen to you? You don't even keep your word! You promised me that you wouldn't make a move and yet here you are trying to force your feelings on me!"
People were staring at them now. They were always the center of attention when they argued with each other.
She saw the muscles in his jaw tense and managed to him in the eye only to feel such an unbearable guilt stab her chest. He was hurting so much right now. He was hurting because of her. "Fine then," He said in such a flat tone that Lily was sure that she would cry any second. "I'll leave you alone for good."
And to her surprise, James let go and walked away from her without looking back.
Numbly, she watched him leave until he was lost in the crowd too far off to hear them arguing. The ones that did hear couldn't help but start talking about what had just occurred, not even caring that she could hear them.
Those who were shopping there said something along the lines of "Poor boy, he looked so crushed." and Hogwarts students gasped "I never thought I'd see the day that James Potter would walk away from Lily Evans!"
One particular voice stuck out the most. "She deserved a taste of her own medicine." The girl from Zonko's.
All that was missing was a few Slytherins and Miranda and the nightmare would've been complete.
Lily couldn't bring herself to meet her gaze, nor anyone else. No doubt they would look disapprovingly at her for what she did. For not going after him. For not even calling out his name. No attempt whatsoever to stop him.
She had to leave. Blindly, she pushed her way through the crowd and managed to wind up on a deserted street. She collapsed on a bench, feeling too drained to stand.
It never occurred to her until that moment how it must've felt to be rejected so soundly. She had done it so many times to him with so many choice words attached that it was a wonder why he still stuck with her for so long. James was so much stronger than she was. He was able to withstand all of her harsh words while she couldn't even take him telling her that he would comply with her wishes and leave her alone.
Had he added onto it with some name calling, she didn't know what she'd do. She was already devastated enough as it is. At least he didn't add salt to the wounds.
"I never thought I'd see the day that James Potter would walk away from Lily Evans!"
Neither did she. Lily had always thought that she wanted James to leave her alone. That she'd be rejoicing if it ever happened.
She was wrong. She wanted him back.
"I messed up so badly." She whispered burying her face in her hands as her tears slipped out from the corner of her eyes. She wanted him to be there with her and tell her that he didn't mean it. She wanted him to smile at her again and joke around with her while she rolled her eyes at him. She wanted things to be okay between them again.
But that wasn't going to happen.
"It's all my fault." Her voice cracked under the strain of trying not to sob, wishing that James was there to hold her hand again.
-----
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.