*Just That Simple
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Quite a while passed before Lily resolved that she really needed to talk to James. No matter how much she hated to be wrong, she couldn't allow him to feel so miserable. The way she had been acting towards him was uncalled for and unacceptable. Because although she hadn't wanted to admit it, Lily had enjoyed his company today. She enjoyed it very much.
It was sort of refreshing to see such a different side of him, or perhaps he had always been like this - she wouldn't know. Lily was ashamed to say now that she had never taken the time to really look at him before. She had always taken pride in the fact that she was always able to see past the surface and to the heart within. Why else would she stand up for someone like Severus Snape? Why else would she tutor fourth year Slytherins, the most ungrateful group of kids that she had ever encountered?
But in the end, what good was it all if she treated James so poorly?
He was the one who had hunted the jerk who had set her good robes on fire in their fourth year. He was the one who always managed to make her laugh, even if it was at his own expense. James, who would beg and plead for her to show up to his games, swearing that he'd play so much better if she was there to cheer him on and when she refused, would still win but come back and tell her all about it, even if she didn't want to know. James, who had stayed with her in the castle during Christmas in sixth year when she had gotten into a huge row with her parents and refused to go home, had just admitted that he cared for her…and she had sent him away because she didn't believe in his feelings.
She was such a hypocrite. How could she claim to see past the surface if she couldn't see past James' arrogant behavior to his heart? How could she do that to the one person who expected it from her?
James Potter liked her; has for quite some time now.
Wiping the last of her tears dry, Lily stood up, determined to find him and apologize. It would do her pride some good to have a taste of some humble pie. Whether he would accept her apology wasn't really an issue; he would never reject anything from her anyway.
----------
Lily hadn't counted on the fact that he would be hard to track down. With someone as tall as he was, you would think you'd be able to spot him a mile away! She had braved through the crowd at Honeydukes only to realize that he wasn't there and to be knocked over the head with someone's absurdly large bag of sweets. She had stepped into the Three Broomsticks to see if he would happen to be there only to emerge Potter-less once again. Lily had even gone back to Zonko's (the gasps were really getting quite old) to look for him.
Frustrated at still being unable to locate him, she turned toward the desk where she saw the man that James had been conversing with earlier. Surely he would know where James could be.
"Excuse me," She said, as she made her way through the crowd toward the counter. Leaning forward, she tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention. He turned around and greeted her with a warm smile. "Now what can I do for a pretty girl like you?"
"Hello, would you happen to know where I might be able to find James Potter?" Lily asked.
"Jimmy eh?" He smiled at the name. "Well there are only a few places he'd be running around in…" His blue eyes widened slightly as he took a good look at her. "Why, I don't suppose your name would be Lily Evans, now would it?"
Coloring a bit, she nodded. "Well I'll be! It's about time I finally meet you Miss Evans. Jimmy's been going on about you for years!" Looking to her left to see a group of second years paying close attention to the conversation, Lily colored even more and tousled her hair so that it fell to the side, hiding her red cheeks from them. "Well yes, that's lovely to hear. Do you know where I can find him?" She asked again.
"Why you're just as pretty as he says you are!" The man continued, seemingly oblivious to the embarrassment he was causing her. "He's a good man, you know. Can be a bit hard-headed at times, but his heart's in the right place." Slapping his forehead, he exclaimed, "Where are my manners? Silly me, I haven't even introduced myself yet. Name's Wilson Linton but everyone calls me Wily." He smiled kindly at her.
"Now what is it? Lost sight of Jimmy did you? I'm surprised, from the way he goes on about you; you'd think he'd be latched onto your hip! He's just so crazy about you."
"Please Wily, can you tell me where I might be able to find him?" Lily asked once more, a bit more desperately this time. She hadn't known the extent of how long James had felt this way for her and hearing Wily mention "years" was enough to make her feel even worst.
"Why if he's not here, he's either in Honeydukes, The Three Broomsticks, or the Quidditch Shop. Have you checked all of those places yet?" He asked thoughtfully.
She smiled. "No, almost though, thank you very much for your help, Wily."
He winked at her and smiled yet again, making Lily believe that the cause of his wrinkles was due mostly to laughter rather than of old age. "Anytime Miss Evans. Take care of Jimmy for me!" He called after her as she left the shop.
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Of course! How could I be so stupid? She thought as she made her way to the Quidditch store. Out of all places, this should've been the one that she would search first. After all, he's been to the other stores that he frequented according to Wily, and he's Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team! If she hadn't been in such a rush to make amends with James, she would've berated herself for being so thick.
Rounding the corner of Madam Puddifoot's, Lily crashed into someone just emerging through the doors. A bit disoriented, Lily rubbed her temples with one hand to clear up her vision. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you…" Her apology died instantly when she saw who she had bumped into.
"Well? Keep going, you don't just stop apologizing in mid sentence!" Miranda snapped, dusting off some invisible dirt that might've accumulated on her robes when she touched her. Narrowing her eyes, Lily glared at her defiantly. "Suddenly I don't think you deserve it."
"You're the one who bumped into me!" Miranda cried angrily, planting her hands on her hips.
"Well I don't want to lie." Lily responded evenly. "Now if you'll be so kind as to move out of my way I've got-"
"What's going on?" An all too familiar voice asked. "I heard you shouting." Lily looked toward the doors to see James emerging from the store. Lily felt an overwhelming sense of relief at finally being able to locate him (although she did wonder why he was in Madam Puddifoot's out of all places). She noticed that upon seeing her, his eyes widen a bit and the hurt in his eyes sparked again before it was gone.
He was still upset at her. And justly so. Her conscience whispered annoyingly at her. Lily brushed the voice off; she was going to fix everything right now. "I've been looking all over for you!" Lily said, moving towards him only to be halted when Miranda roughly pulled her back.
"What is your problem?!" Lily demanded, wrenching her arm out of her grasp. Who does she think she is, grabbing her out of nowhere like that? The nerve of that girl!
Leveling her eyes coolly at her, Miranda moved easily next to James' side and wrapped her arms around his arm, leaning on him lazily. Lily waited for James to back away or better yet, throw her back a few feet, but was shocked to see that he did nothing but loop an arm around her waist.
Grinning widely, Miranda replied, "I should ask you the same thing Evans. Just why were you looking for my boyfriend anyway?"
And this was the end of the world.
"Y-your what?" Lily sputtered incredulously. Just where did she get off making up lies like that? There was no way that James was her boyfriend. Not when he said that she was so much better than Miranda was in the Three Broomsticks. Not when he had held her hands an hour ago. Not when he had said that he liked her just an hour ago. But the nasty voice in her head whispered viciously, And why not? You've rejected him for how many years now? Hadn't you just humiliated him again in public just an hour ago? Flung his feelings for you back in his face? Why wouldn't he go and find somebody else? He's not objecting to her touch, they very well could be going out. Don't you see the way his arm is around her? At least she appreciates him, something that you've never done.
"My boyfriend." Miranda repeated, emphasizing on each syllable. She took great pleasure in the way Lily's faced paled in confusion as she tried to process the information. "What's the matter Evans? Blown a fuse from being outside for so long? I know it's not your musky corner in the classroom but still."
James, who had been silent throughout this exchange, spoke in what Lily could only describe as a neutral (perhaps bored?) tone. "What do you want Evans?"
Looking sharply at him, Lily tried to find some type of explanation for what she was seeing in his eyes. Her ability to read people failed her once again as she could glean nothing from them about what he was feeling or thinking. "Listen, we need to," The word 'talk' failed her when Miranda hugged him and his hold on her tightened, all the while never losing eye contact with her. Lily swallowed down the bile that suddenly rose in her throat.
"We - we need to round up the students so that we can get back to the castle." She finished lamely. "The carriages are waiting and there are too many students for me to round up in time." Lily didn't even know if what she said was true or not, but thankfully it sounded reasonable and that was more than she had expected from her brain at the moment.
Nodding in agreement, James looked down at Miranda and said, "I have to go, duties and all." It was sickening to watch Miranda smile at him and kiss him on the cheek. And when Miranda threw her that triumphant look, like she had just taken something precious from her, Lily decided that she hated her - hated her like she had never thought she could possibly hate another person before. After Miranda had walked away to join her group of friends in a nearby shop, an uncomfortable silence hung over them.
"I'll cover the right side of the streets and you take the left." James said a bit tightly, turning around. "It'll be faster this way."
"I-" But he was already walking away, leaving her no chance to apologize or ask him what was going on. She had no choice but to follow his orders and group the students on the left side of the streets. As Lily walked into stores and announced for all Hogwarts students to return to the carriages, she had been turning the James and Miranda issue over in her head. It became ever so clearer as she thought more about it, that James had played her for a fool.
She had been right all along. He had never been serious about her. If he was, he wouldn't have gone straight to Miranda after telling her that he liked her. It was just a game to him - see if you can get Lily Evans - and when he realized that he couldn't, he decided to make it seem like he was the victim. He had actually succeeded in making her feel bad enough to cry. Angry tears burned her eyes by the time that she finished gathering all the students from her side and began walking toward the carriages. There was no way that she would ever apologize to him now. He didn't deserve it.
I'm done with you, Potter. She thought furiously. You're not worth any of my time anymore.
After she was sure that all the students were there, Lily swiftly stepped into the Head's carriage without sparing a glance at James. Of course he would be riding with her, Head Boy and Girl always traveled together on school related activities, but she would just pretend that he didn't exist. It wouldn't be hard; Lily had done that for a good chunk of her fifth and sixth year so she had plenty of practice.
She was washing her hands of him forever.
Lily hadn't been sitting long before she heard voices right outside the carriage. Great, here he comes. She thought to herself. Her eyes flickered to the door when it swung open. James took one step in and looked at her blankly before hoisting something up and placing it on the cushion next to her.
"I'm riding with Miranda on the way back." He told her needlessly and then he turned around and left.
It was strange how the carriage felt so empty after the door clicked shut and stranger still how Lily felt such a devastating loss when James left. "Get a hold of yourself," She said to herself quietly. "It's not that big of a deal." In perspective, it truly wasn't. It was never said that the Head Boy and the Head Girl had to travel in the same cart together, it was just that the two always had in the past - an unspoken assumption really.
So there was nothing for her to feel sad over. James didn't have an obligation to ride with her back to the castle. Of course everyone will be talking about it, but since when had she ever cared what other people said about her? They'd probably think that she kicked him out of the carriage because it was natural for Lily Evans to be angry at James Potter. Only it was different this time. This time, it was James who was mad at Lily. James Potter left Lily Evans alone in the carriage of his own free will, and that was something that the school would not overlook so easily. But I can deal with it. Lily thought to herself resolutely. It's not so hard to pretend, not so hard at all.
And then she looked over to her left and saw what he had left. It was her stuff. She had forgotten that he had been carrying it for her the entire time. He had stopped complaining about how heavily the bags were so she didn't remember that she had anything. This meant that he had still been carrying her things for her, even as she yelled at him all those times. He had been carrying it when she told him to go away and despite everything, he returned it to her with everything perfectly intact. Something that she could never have done. If she had been in his shoes, she would've dumped it in a bin somewhere.
He really was a gentleman. She could feel the shame burning her face and the heavy accusation in the carriage. Why couldn't you be nicer to him? Why did you have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't you just give him a chance? She didn't know why.
And it made pretending that much harder to do.
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Hogwarts was buzzing within a matter of hours after the students had settled back into the castle and the momentum lasted well throughout the following week.
"Did you hear?! Do you know?!"
"It can't be true!"
"They were having huge rows throughout the entire trip, it could be possible."
"He's not even trying to talk to her!"
"And Miranda's been seen with him too, linking arms!"
Really now, Sirius Black could only take so much of the gossip before he had to take action. After all, they were about a fellow Marauder! But first and foremost, the rumors were about James Potter, his best friend. He couldn't very well stand idly by as everyone started jabbering on about hand-me-down-stories and he most definitely couldn't place any faith in them either. So, being the incredibly clever man that he was, Sirius decided to go straight to the source and "get it out of the hippo's mouth," as the muggle saying goes.
He didn't quite know what a hippo was, but that wasn't important. Besides, he'd just have to make a quick note to himself to ask Evans about it later.
"Prongs my boy!" Sirius exclaimed as he burst into the boy's dormitory where he was often found on his free time. Sure enough, Sirius found him lying down on his old bed staring up at the ceiling. "Been hearing a lot of things about you and Miss Evans lately, but sources are so unreliable these days. Care to fill a bloke in on a few things?"
"Sirius, I'm not in the mood."
Ouch, using first names. Sirius winced. Must've been real serious…no pun intended, of course. Jeez, maybe I have gone bonkers. I'm talking to myself. Shaking his head he refocused on the goal at hand. Right, anyway, serious talk coming. "James," He began again. "What happened that day? You haven't been talking to Remus or Peter, most especially, me about it at all. Last time I checked, things were going pretty decent. I mean, she showed up after all!
"Drop it Sirius, I mean it."
"Next thing I know, you two aren't speaking to each other, you two were even traveling in different carriages!"
"Sirius." James gritted out warningly.
"I mean, I don't think a Head Boy and Girl have ever done that before!"
"IT'S OVER, ALRIGHT?"
Sirius clamped his mouth shut immediately. He wasn't used to having James screaming at him. Sure his friend had been annoyed and down right pissy at times, but in the end, they were all covered by a moderate to low level of screaming. This was uncharted territory. He could only watch as his best friend panted heavily, shaking with fury at something or someone. Maybe James was angry with him, he didn't know. And just as sudden as his outburst had been, he calmed down with a few deep breaths, the anger all but vanished.
"It's over." He repeated tiredly. "I've wasted so much effort…and it's just over. I can't get it back."
"What's over?"
"Everything. Lily…" James faltered and grew silent. Then, perhaps a bit louder than a whisper, "It's over. Lily told me to go away and I said yes. After everything, it's over. Really over. I…"
"You what?" Sirius asked just as quietly, gray eyes somber.
"I…I don't know...I've done everything I could think of, tried so bloody hard, and to have it end like this just - Merlin, it's over."
It wasn't difficult to know how badly he was hurting; the dormitory absolutely reeked of his pain. Sirius clenched his hands until his knuckles were white but other than that, he was the picture of calm. "Is it true that you and Wong are official?" He asked quietly. There was a slight nod of his head, as if James was hesitant to believe it as well. After all, it was the most concrete evidence of 'the end' that there was.
"James Potter and Miranda Wong." Even the sound of it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Sirius had been too used to James Potter and Lily Evans. It felt like a horrible invasion of privacy; a destruction of some long standing monument. Because although Sirius never said it out loud, he too had believed that she would eventually be with James. It was the only thing that he had ever really wished for. Sirius knew how happy James would be if she said yes to him, and James was someone who deserved to be happy.
It was law to Sirius Black. And the law had been broken.
"It's not the end of the world, James." Of course what he had just said was a big fat lie. James had spent four long years chasing after Lily Evans, certain that it would pay off in the end. Four years of declaring that they were meant for each other and two of those years spent falling in love. This was the end of the world to James. And as he watched James roll over on his stomach and bury his face in the pillows, Sirius knew that he knew as well.
There was a hitch in his breath followed by a few irregular gasps, making his chest rise and fall unsteadily. It took Sirius a few long moments before he was able to make sense of what the sight of James' shoulders shaking and what the whimpering meant.
James was crying. Really crying.
In all the years that they've been friends, Sirius had never, ever seen him cry.
"James?" His own voice sounded strained and unused. It was as if a dam had broken because his sobs grew louder. He knew that Sirius knew that he was crying so there was no point in trying to hold back. Besides, it had hurt too much to do so anyway.
Sirius stormed out of the dormitory, gray eyes flashing dangerously, dead set on finding Lily Evans. He would never lay a hand on a girl; that was a fact. But he wasn't above threatening one, and if worst comes to worst, he had girls who were willing to do it for him.
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Her friends did their best to cheer her up, really they did. But there was only so much that they could do for so long. The rest of the time, Lily had to deal with the whispers and stares on her own. She had to deal with the Slytherins and their cruel tricks now that they knew James Potter wasn't protecting her anymore. She had to deal with the Hufflepuff girls and their jeers and biting remarks about her. She also had to deal with Miranda and her smug look every time she happened to see Lily walking to class.
"I guess I was wrong," Miranda was often prone to say around her in many variations. "It took less than a week for Miss Head Girl to be yesterday's news."
Perhaps the most crushing thing that she had to deal with though, was how she could see that her friends thought that she had brought it on herself. That it was her fault and that James was still the bigger victim out of the two of them.
"You're very fickle, Lily." Samari said. "You want him to leave you alone and the moment he does, you're angry with him for it. To be honest, I'm pretty mad that you're acting like this."
"Thanks for the support Samari." Lily replied sarcastically.
"I'm not going to lie to you." She continued. "But after hearing you complain for years about how big of a git he was, despite everyone else saying otherwise, you really have no right to be upset that he moved onto another girl."
"He LIED to me."
"No, he got tired of putting up with your unpredictable moods and short temper. Can you blame him? Would you do half of the things that he's done for you?"
"Potter just wanted attention, he just wanted to humiliate me and take the spotlight like he always does."
"JAMES wanted you to like him because he was in love with you!"
Lily grew pale with shock. "W-what did you say?"
"Come off it Lily! Why else would he spend four years pursuing you? He's been in love with you for two years now! Maybe even more. You'd know that if you would just open your eyes and take a good look around!"
It made sense of course, but Lily's irrational side took a while to accept it and in the course of that time, Samari wasn't speaking to her either. Shifting her bag to her other shoulder, Lily decided to head to the library to get a few hours of studying done before calling it a night. She looked at her watch. 'Too early for bed.'
Sighing, she was about to open the doors when she heard someone call her name. Turing around, Lily saw a handsome boy jogging up to meet her. He's in Hufflepuff. She thought to herself.
"Is something wrong?" She asked him politely. No matter how bad of a mood she was in, Lily was still Head Girl.
"Er, you don't remember me, do you?" He asked her nervously.
Tilting her head to the side, Lily tried to place him in her head but came out blank. "Sorry, I don't." She answered finally.
"No, it's fine. I know that a lot of things have been going on for you and all…" As if sensing that he had crossed a line, he added quickly. "Er, not that I mean to pry or anything! I- I just wanted to know if you were still up for that study session. Remember? Flitwick assigned you to be my tutor because, well, I'm just horrible at Charms and since you-"
"Oh that's right!" Lily exclaimed suddenly, ending the poor boy's ramblings. "Sebastian, isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm just a bit out of it these days."
He laughed a bit, seemingly relieved. "It's fine, really. But are you still up for it today? If not, we can reschedule for another time."
"No, it's not a problem at all. Just let me put my things-"
"Actually something just came up so you will have to reschedule." Someone said coldly from behind her. She turned around to see none other than Sirius Black himself, in all his smoldering glory.
"Black? What are you-" She yelped as he roughly grabbed her by the arm and proceeded to drag her off. "So sorry, hope it's not that much of an inconvenience for you!" Sirius called back, not sounding a bit like he meant it.
"Just where are you taking me?" Lily demanded hotly, trying with all her might to not allow him to wrench her arm off. He ignored her and when he stopped, she realized that he had led her to the Head's dormitory.
"Auror Bonham." He barked out and the entrance swung open. Lily wondered briefly how he knew the password but he shoved her inside before her brain was able to get a grasp on the answer.
Once she regained her bearings, Lily was downright furious. "What is your problem Black?!"
"You're my problem Evans." He replied, just as angrily. "Actually, let me rephrase that. You're James' problem, therefore, you're my problem too."
"You have absolutely no right to come barging into the Head Boy and Girl's dormitory. Leave!"
"Not," He gritted out. "Until I've said what I have to say to you."
"I do not care what comes out of your mouth now go!"
He advanced towards her, forcing her back against a wall. "Let's get one thing clear Evans. I am not James Potter. I will not obey your orders, so stop trying to throw your weight around because frankly, you're not that heavy."
Had the situation been less severe, Lily would've laughed. "You obviously have something loose up there so why don't you go to Madame Pomfrey to get that checked out." She said hotly. She yelped when he slammed his fists on either side of her head into the wall. She had never been afraid of him before, he had always been the joker with the good looks. He had definitely never showed any signs of hostility at her.
"Why Evans?" He practically shouted. "Why? Why couldn't you just give him a bleedin' chance?!"
And then everything clicked. Of course, why else would Sirius be this furious with her? He was under the same pretense that James was the victim - just like everyone else. Lily was just so sick of it all. Shoving him as hard as she could, he stumbled a few steps back but it was enough for her to evade him.
"Because he doesn't deserve it!" She screamed at him. Everything that had been building up from the past week just exploded inside of her and she was taking it out on him. "He never even wanted it! It was just a stupid game to him okay? If he really wanted me to be with him, he wouldn't have just gone running to Miranda so soon after telling me that he liked me! He wouldn't have left me in the carriage back in Hogsmeade! I've seen him walking around with her! I see that he's happy, that he never wanted me so don't you dare try to blame this mess on me because it's not my fault!" Her voice was raspy from screaming but she felt better at getting it all off her chest.
Sirius, who had remained quiet during her scream-fest, walked up to her and pulled her onto the couch. Lily was too tired to struggle.
"It's obvious to me," He stated quietly, gray eyes piercing into her green ones. "That you have convinced yourself that the bullocks that you've just said is true. So I'm going to tell you his side of the story, and I want you to just let it swirl around in that little head of yours until it sinks in okay?"
Lily felt her anger rise up again. Who does he think he is? Talking to her like she was a toddler? His next words however, threw a bucket of ice over her anger and forced her to listen to every word he was saying.
"James was crying today in the boy's dormitory. He has spend the past four years trying to get you to like him and in one day together, you have managed to dismantle all of his hard work and dreams. It was never a game, Evans. I've been there from the start and all he's ever said about you was how beautiful, intelligent, caring, and sophisticated you were and how he'd be the luckiest man alive if you would just give him a chance."
Sirius leaned in until all she could see was his stormy, accusing gray eyes. "All he wanted was one bloody chance with you and you couldn't even do that."
Lily couldn't say anything in her defense. It was as if he had hexed her without her knowing, but it was impossible. He hadn't muttered anything under his breath and his wand wasn't drawn, and Lily didn't believe for an instance that Black was powerful enough to perform wandless magic. Still, she was unable to move or speak. Lily watched as he straightened up and said something that she couldn't quite catch. He threw something down in her lap and left.
She looked down and saw that he had thrown her his handkerchief with his initials stitched with a magnificent flourish of gold. It was then that she realized that somewhere during his speech, she had started to cry. It's only fair though, right? She thought to herself. You made James cry, so it'd only be fair that he make you cry too. Perhaps she had made him hurt the way she was hurting as well.
Lily couldn't remember what happened after that. The next thing she knew, she was in the girl's dormitory, with Samari's arms around her as she sobbed and mumbled something that she even couldn't comprehend. She could hear her comforting words and soothing hushes. "It's okay, you can fix everything. Just apologize." She said quietly, rubbing her back until she was finally able to calm down.
"I-I'm sorry." Lily said weakly.
Samari just smiled forgivingly at her and wiped her tears away with Sirius' handkerchief. "He should be in his room now, go on and apologize."
Lily nodded and walked back to the Head's dormitory. Stepping through, she saw that his door was closed. Moving closer, she could hear the faint shuffling of his movements as he prepared himself for sleep. Rubbing her eyes and smoothing out her hair, she raised a hand to knock when an idea struck her. It would be good if she had some sort of peace offering for him, and she knew just the thing to do it.
Quickly, she went into her room and pulled out a bag of sweets from her things. She swiftly walked out and to his door with a bit more confidence. Raising her hand, she knocked twice and waited anxiously for him to open the door. There was a long pause before she heard him approach the door.
The door swung open and he stood in the entrance staring at her. Lifting up her green eyes, she was disappointed to see the same blank eyes looking down at her. "What?" He asked flatly.
She faltered for a second before holding the bag out for him to take it. He looked down at it and took it from her, holding it up.
"Taffy Spice Lizards." He said quietly.
Lily nodded her head a bit enthusiastically. "I want you to have it. My way of saying-" She was cut off when he flung it behind him carelessly. She watched in shock as it fell on the floor in a pathetic heap, surely it was broken.
"Is that all?" He asked.
"I-I…" The courage left her for a moment as she stared at the bag of Taffy Spice Lizards on his bedroom floor. "I just wanted to apologize to you about what had happened in Hogsmeade…"
"You've done that. Goodnight." He moved to close the door but she held her hand out to stop him.
"Wait! Aren't you going to accept?" She asked a bit desperately.
"Why? Because you want me to?" James demanded, his eyes suddenly alive with anger. "You'd like that don't you? You think that just because it's you, that I'll accept it with instantly. You actually thought that you can just bribe my forgiveness with candy?"
"N-no," She protested. "I wasn't trying to bribe you at all! I…" What could she say? He was right anyway, she did believe that he would forgive her like that because she was so used to his warm smiles and bright eyes whenever she handed him anything. "The least you could do is accept it!"
"Fine, I accept your apology Evans," He replied in a way that made Lily want to cry all over again. From what Sirius and Samari had told her, he had never been insincere when it came to her. This would be the first time and it was all her fault. "But I don't know how much that would mean to you. After all, you said it yourself that my words are empty." He slammed the door then, right in her face and Lily couldn't help but start to cry again.
It had hurt so much, so very much to hear him say those things to her and to have him slam the door in her face as if she wasn't important to him. But that's just it. She thought bitterly. I'm not important to him, not anymore. "I-I'm sorry," She croaked out, knowing that he probably couldn't hear her. "I'm s-so sorry…P-please forgive me…James, I'm so sorry."
Lily didn't know how long she stood there crying outside his door, but when her tears stopped, she wiped her face and walked back to her room so that she could get some sleep. She changed automatically into her nightgown and brushed her teeth and all before crawling under her covers. Closing her eyes tightly, she hoped that when she woke up, she'd find that everything had just been a bad nightmare.
She must've drifted off to sleep at some point because she awoke to the pounding at her bedroom door. A bit disoriented, she looked at the muggle clock she kept by her bed. "2:00 AM." She read groggily. "Who in the world could that be?" Too tired to even think about covering up, she stumbled out of bed and shakily made her way to the door, determined to solve whatever crisis had happened and then return to her nice warm bed.
She opened it and was surprised to see James standing here, breathing heavily. He looked like an absolute mess with his hair sticking up in every direction and his wrinkled uniform and his red rimmed eyes behind his tilted glasses, but Lily couldn't help thinking in her sleep-fogged head that he looked dashingly handsome.
"W-what's going on?" She asked softly, fighting back a yawn. Why does he look so upset? Did he have a bad dream?
He held up a bag of what she could only guess was sweets and threw it on the ground. It was then that her mind woke up and she remembered what had happened only hours ago. She remembered that the bag he had just thrown (again) was her bag of Taffy Spice Lizards.
"I don't want it." He said roughly. "I don't need candy."
James was there to yell at her some more. She couldn't deal with it, she couldn't cry again. She had no energy left to cry. "Listen, I know what you're going to say and-"
"No you don't." He cut in harshly. "I don't need your candy or your apologies." Using his fast reflexes from Quidditch, James grabbed her and pulled her into a bone-crushing embrace.
Shocked, Lily stood stiffly as she felt his warm tears falling on her shoulder. "W-what?" She wondered out loud. She didn't understand what had just happened at all.
"I don't need those things Lily," He said tightly, his lips moving against her shoulder, causing shivers to run down her spine. "All I've ever wanted…I-I…" His grip tightened on her and to Lily, it was the best feeling in the world.
"All I need …all I'll ever need is you."
Well okay, She thought as she lifted her arms to embrace him in return. His hug was the second best feeling in the world.
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Author's Notes: The asterisk next to the title will be explained in the notes following the conclusion of this story. I'll post a sneak preview to the next (and last) chapter if anyone can guess what the next chapter will be called.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.