(Hello Everyone! Here's Chapter 4.. at first I was really unhappy with this Chapter, but its starting to grow on me, so I'm hoping it will be enjoyed. Its also a long one! Take Care Everyone, your reviews really mean a lot so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!)
CHAPTER 4
Harry and Hermione scrubbed and polished trophies in silence, every so often they would steel a glance at one another, blush, and take sudden interest in their shoes or the gray, stone floor.
Hermione gently placed the Quidditch House Cup back in the display case and reached for the damp rag on the floor. Her hand accidentally rested on his, who also reached out to grab the rag from the floor. This time, she didn't pull away from their unexpected touch; this time, she looked into his sea green eyes, and was captivated and mesmerized. He returned her the same longing look that coated her eyes.
"Harry?" She whispered. "Tell me what your thinking."
Harry felt like his insides had leapt to his throat, his hands were starting to feel warm and clammy and he had to break his eye contact with her. What was he going to say? He couldn't possibly tell her what he was feeling inside, he couldn't tell her that he felt like he could be anywhere in the world as long as he could hold her in his arms, he couldn't tell her that he wanted to taste her rosy lips and brush his fingers against her delicate skin, he couldn't even come close to forming the worlds `I love you' which he desperately wanted to recite before her.
"Huh?" He mumbled, getting to his feet and attempting to buy some time for his thoughts to organize.
"Just tell me Harry, what do you think of me?…please?"
Harry hated not being honest with Hermione, most of all he didn't want to hurt Hermione, but there were two options. One, Hermione was asking Harry this question because she had a crush on another guy, and needed an honest opinion if she would attract him; or, option number two, she had feelings for Harry and hoped that he too would return them. If Ron hadn't said that he knows Hermione likes him, he wouldn't even have considered the second option, however, Ron was his best male mate, and he had asked Harry to trust him, so he would have to take Ron's word for it.
Now that the option was chosen, Harry still found he had no idea what he was going to say to her. Telling Hermione that he loves her very much and wants to be with her, might make her happy until she finds out both their lives are in serious danger. There was no way he was going to place Hermione in such a vulnerable position, he needed to protect her with everything he had.
Telling Hermione that he loves her and can't be with her because his life is in danger would probably make Hermione furious with him, she would never want to be seen as vulnerable and incapable of taking care of herself.
Telling Hermione very gently that he's flattered that she likes him so much, but just doesn't feel that way towards her, would hurt her deeply, but Harry was fairly sure it would hurt a lot less then the other situations he had come up with. Besides, this couldn't be considered a lie; it was a fib because it was going to protect her.
"Hermione, you're the greatest friend anyone could ask for. You're loyal, you're kind, you're selfless, always putting everyone else before yourself. If everyone had a heart as big as yours, the world would be a beautiful place. Your intelligent, and yes Hermione you are very pretty… but," Harry took a deep breath, he felt his heart shatter at the next words he knew he had to speak.
"I'm just not for you." She finished for him.
Harry held back the tears that pleaded to escape from his eyes and nodded.
"I'm sorry Hermione. I don't want to hurt you." He chocked.
She stared at the stone floor for a moment, collecting her cool composure.
"I shouldn't have asked."
"No, I'm glad you did Hermione… I don't want anything coming between our friendship, you can always tell me anything, okay?"
She gave him a weak smile, picked the rag up, and continued to clean the trophies in silence.
The quiet became unbearable, he couldn't imagine what Hermione was feeling, he wanted her to tell him, but was sure she already felt too embarrassed to say anything more, perhaps even too embarrassed to ever look at him again.
"How long?" He finally asked.
She looked in his direction and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"How long have you liked me?"
She put her hands on her waist. "I never said I did Harry."
"Oh." His heart hammered in his ribcage. He had been foolish to think that she was asking him his feelings, just because she had feelings for him in return.
Moments passed, they both hadn't moved, they just stared at one another awkwardly.
She sighed heavily, brushed a strand of curly hair from her face and allowed her shoulders to slump.
"Since fourth year."
"But I thought you…what about Krum?"
Hermione laughed uncomfortably.
"He liked me Harry… he was a good friend and still is, but I just… I didn't feel," She turned away from him. "Never mind."
"No, I want to hear this Hermione."
"Your going to think I'm mental or something… why do you want to know if you don't feel the same way about me?" She spoke in a melancholy tone.
"Because… because, your one of my best friends."
"That's not a good reason."
"You listen to my problems, you helped me with Cho."
"Apparently not well enough, you didn't even finish your first date."
"I'm glad I'm not with Cho anymore, I should have seen what she was like long before our date."
"Fair enough." She paused for a moment, biting her lower lip, gathering her thoughts and organizing her words carefully. " Krum didn't make me feel the way you do. I found myself comparing him and every other guy to… well… you. I wasn't pleased that you and Ron weren't on speaking terms that year, but I did enjoy spending time with you like that Harry. I knew I was starting to feel something, but I wasn't quite sure what… and then, well," she blushed furiously. "I kissed you on the cheek that year, I wanted to see what would happen, I just sort of thought sparks would fly, literally… I know it sounds stupid,"
"It doesn't sound stupid to me Hermione."
She gave him a slight grin. "And then being away from you all summer like that, and not being able to tell you what's been happening, and knowing you were with those terrible relatives of yours without contact from our world. It hurt me knowing what you were going through. I had also gotten used to spending so much time with you one on one, and then there I was… alone for the summer, and not to offend Ron, he's a wonderful friend, but if your feeling something for someone else, you just want to be with them, and so when you came I got a little over excited."
Harry held back a laugh. Hermione hadn't been a little excited; she was over enthusiastic to see him. Harry recalled how she flung herself on him, nearly knocking him to the floor.
"I just realized that you played such a large role in my life, I like being with you and I don't ever want to lose that… and… well,"
"Well what?"
Her face turned scarlet and a shy grin came across her soft face. "You're absolutely adorable with your messy black hair and lopsided grin… you're a great guy Harry, and some girl is going to be very lucky to have you."
It was Harry's turn to flush a hot red color. She was such a beautiful person inside and out and he couldn't stand there like she did, and announce to the world what she meant to him, he had to hide behind the black curtain and pretend like there was nothing there. He went over to Hermione, wrapped his strong arms around her and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Hermione, listen to me… I wouldn't even be worthy to have someone so beautiful as you love me… there's someone out there for you Hermione, and that someone will treat you like the angel you are… you don't want someone like me Hermione, you don't… I would hurt you like I am hurting you now, and it just wouldn't be fair." He whispered.
"Thank you Harry." She whispered back giving him a tight squeeze.
"You go, I'll finish the last two trophies, okay `Mion?"
She gave him a small kiss on the cheek and left him standing in the dark, cold corridor. As her footsteps became faint, Harry felt like she was walking out of his obscured life and stepping into the world's bright light.
Harry couldn't believe so much had happened in just one day. First his nightmare that included Hermione in Voldemort's slimy grasp for the first time. Then came Snape's mortifying attempt at a sex talk with Hermione and himself, just because they had walked into class late together.
Harry was almost certain that Snape had no idea about Harry's late night crusades around Hogwarts to get to Hermione's room, it must have been just an attempt to make both of them feel extremely uncomfortable. Snape might have been right about Harry and Hermione sharing a room together, but he was completely wrong about trying to give them both a sex talk, they had never even kissed, never mind had a night of full on passion (of course cheeks don't count, do they?). Harry had never been more embarrassed in his life. If Hermione hadn't been standing right next to him, he would have given Snape an argument to remember for the rest of his days. Harry knew that if he spoke just one word in their defense, Snape would have had the pleasure of revealing some of Harry's most private thoughts and dreams right to Hermione's face. Snape knew Harry's thoughts and dreams because Dumbledore had asked Harry to continue his Occlumency and Leglimency studies in his sixth year. Of course, the only teacher available for this task was Professor Snape himself As much as Harry loathed the idea, he knew it was a mandatory lesson if he was to battle with Voldemort, as a result, Snape knew Harry nearly as well as the back of his hand.
Then there was this heart breaking moment, where Hermione gathered her courage and revealed to Harry how she felt about him, a moment he had dreamt of for so long, and when it finally happened, he was only allowed to stand back and wish he could tell her how much his heart aches to love her.
Harry placed the last trophy on the shelf and locked the cabinet shut with the key given to him by Filtch.
"Harry!… Harry Potter where are you?… Harry quickly!"
Harry tensed and swiftly removed his wand from his robes. "I'm here, by the trophies."
"Oh thank heavens!" Harry saw Nearly Headless Nick float up from the floor beneath his feet.
"What's wrong Nick?"
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news Sir, but Professor Dumbledore is wishing to see you in his office… its Remus Lupin."
"What's wrong with him?"
"That I do not know."
Harry sped off towards Dumbledore's office, his heart in his throat and drops of sweat forming on his angry face.
No, not Lupin, please don't take Lupin from me, he's all I got… he's all I have left, please…
Harry ran down the staircase, nearly tripping over his own feet, to the second floor. He skidded around corners until he saw the large, stone gargoyle just up ahead. He paused right in front of the ugly statue, heaving for a breath of air and realized he had no idea what the password to was this year.
"Bertie Bots Beans." He tried, nothing happened. "Fizzing Wizbee." He tried again, but still, nothing happened. "Pumpkin Pasties, Lemon Drop, Peppermint Toad, Canary Creams." Harry tried, but none of his attempts seemed to be the password. "Fudge Flies." Harry mumbled in frustration.
To his great amazement, the large stone gargoyle leapt aside to reveal the moving staircase to Dumbledore's Office. Harry bounded up the stairs two by two until his emerald green eyes met with a pair of tired, icy blue ones.
"Where is he, what's wrong with him, what happened?" Harry blurted.
Dumbledore held up his hands calmly and appointed Harry to a seat in front of his large desk.
"I know this is not easy for you Harry. You have lost many friends over the years, so have your friends, and those who you do not call friends have lost dear ones to them also. I do hate to admit, but we will be seeing many leave this earth in days to come. Remus has not left us yet Harry. He is not in stable condition, but he may be fortunate enough to survive his terrible attack."
Harry buried his face in his hands and fought back the hot tears welling in his eyes. This was too much, he had to tell Hermione lies about not having feelings for her, and now Lupin was attacked and dieing.
"What happened?" Harry chocked.
"He was training a group of young Auror's when the Death Eaters attacked. All died but Remus, who managed to escape with his injuries. Voldemort allows his followers to grow, and takes special care to insure our forces do not."
"How many died?"
"With a heavy heart, I am ashamed to admit that we have lost ten. I warned the Ministry to be cautious with trainees, but they refused to believe Voldemort would be this wise."
"Can I see him?" Harry asked.
"Yes Harry, you will have the opportunity to visit Remus once the hospital allows visitors, until then, we can only wait and hope for the best."
"Wait and hope for the best? You expect me to sit around calmly and just wait for something to happen?"
Dumbledore peered at Harry over his half moon spectacles and raised an eyebrow, much like Hermione would.
"I just want to see Lupin, I don't care what the hospital staff say Professor, this might be my last chance to see him."
"I do realize that Harry, but I do not have any control of the rules and regulations placed at St. Mungo's. I am anxious to see Remus myself, you are forgetting that there are others who care for him, just as much, as you do."
Harry sighed deeply. "I'm sorry Professor."
Dumbledore gave Harry a warm smile. "Perhaps, it would be best to have a moment with your friends, they too would have received word of Remus by now, and they may need your presence."
Harry hung his head. He had been extremely selfish; he completely forgot how close Lupin was to Ron, Hermione, Ginny and even Luna.
"I'll go see them right now Professor."
Dumbledore gave Harry a small nod. "I will send word if his condition should change, and you will be notified when we are given permission to visit."
"Thank You."
"Your welcome Harry."
Harry stood before the portrait of the Fat Lady.
"Password."
"Stop-the-Outrageous-Abuse-of-Our-Fellow-Magical-Creatures-and-Campaign-for-a-Change-in-Their-Legal-Status." Harry said in one breath.
The portrait swung open and just as Harry stepped past the Fat Lady, she spoke again. "Would there be a possibility in convincing your friend Hermione to change the current password? … Students are finding it difficult to remember, to be honest, so am I."
Harry didn't answer. He agreed with the Fat Lady, but right now wasn't a time to discuss complicated passwords, it was a time to be there for his friends and possibly allow himself to lean on their support as well. He slumped into the Gryffindor Common Room.
Harry felt two arms embrace him in a tight hug, a bundle of bushy brown hair obscured his vision, and the smell of cinnamon felt strangely comforting.
"Harry I just heard, I can't believe they're not allowing you to see him, oh Harry please don't be sad, he's going to be alright, he's going to be just fine."
He felt numb. Here she was comforting him, when she too was facing the fear of losing someone dear to her.
"I'm okay Hermione, I came here to see if you, Ron, Ginny or Luna needed me."
It took her a moment to steady her voice. "Ron's with Luna, Ginny's with Neville, they'll be okay."
"What about you?"
Hermione wasn't used to feeling this way. She was suppose to be the strong one out of Harry's friends, she was suppose to be there for him, to hold him when he was afraid or hurting inside, but it was a difficult task when she too was hurting and it seemed like she was left alone, helpless, with the heavy pain of all these deaths on her delicate shoulders and there was no one to lift those heavy blocks off her back most of the time, and now, at a time where she didn't think she could be his support, his solid rock, he was allowing her to lean on him. She felt secure and complete in his presence and she would never allow herself to loose that, never.
"I'm, I'm… Oh Harry I'm just so scared." She choked.
He held her closer and allowed her to put her weight on his body. He wanted to tell her that everything would be all right, that she would be safe and that no more people were going to get hurt, no more people were going to die, but he knew he couldn't give her such promises. He didn't have the power to trample all the evil out of the world, but he would do everything in his power to keep her safe.
Harry rubbed her back in circles and allowed her to hold him until she felt ready to let go. When she did, he wiped the few salty tears from her cheeks that escaped from her chocolate brown eyes.
"Hermione, will you wait here a moment?"
She nodded.
Harry leapt up the stairs into the Boys Dormitory. It was still fairly early, so no one was present except for Harry, but he knew that everyone would be coming into the common room at any minute. He quickly drew the curtains around his bed and bounded down the stairs to Hermione.
"Common, lets go before we get caught." He said taking her by the hand and leading her out of the Common Room.
"I thought Ron knew." She spoke as they approached the Head Girl's door.
"Knew what?"
"That you come here at night."
"No, I never said anything to anyone."
"Why not?"
"I just… I don't know… do you think Ron would approve?"
"He's not your parents Harry, he can't exactly tell you what to do… and you know Ron, he'd never turn you in."
"I know."
"Then why didn't you tell him?"
"Don't you think we'd both get harassed about being in the same room and bed together?"
Hermione opened the door and Harry held the door open for her to step inside.
"Yeah, maybe your right… but I still think Ron should know about all this."
Harry sighed and thought about what Hermione had said for a moment.
"Okay, I'll tell Ron about this soon."
Hermione smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"I'm going to the bathroom to change, see you in a bit."
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