Disclaimer: Nothing HP-related belongs to me; everything is the property of JKR (lucky woman), etc. etc.
Author's Note: This is a rather unseasonable time to be posting a fic where mistletoe plays such a starring role, I know, and it was actually begun in December but somehow not finished until now, for various reasons.
Inspired by the brilliant Shoebox Project on LiveJournal.
Part 1 of 2. Enjoy!
Mistletoe Kisses, Mistletoe Truths
Part 1: Eavesdropping and its Consequences
She shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't be here, eavesdropping. There was no other word for it. She really should not be doing this. Lily knew that, knew that eavesdropping went against everything she believed in, and believed about the kind of person she was.
And yet she couldn't help it. From the moment she realized who the boys in the Gryffindor Common Room were and then heard her name being mentioned (or rather, in what context her name was mentioned) she was caught and no more capable of moving than if someone had put a Body-binding Curse on her.
She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, had only been going down to the Common Room to read for a while before the fire since she couldn't sleep (thankful, yet again, that the Head Girl's bedroom had its own stairway off the main girls stairway to get to the Common Room). She'd been nearly down when she heard the vague murmur of voices and then the clink of glass and had known there were still some boys in the Common Room, late as it was. It wasn't until she'd gone down another step or two that she'd been able to recognize the voice of Sirius Black and then had known that the other boys would be Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and, her own particular thorn-in-the-side, James Potter. Those four almost seemed joined at the hip, more like brothers than friends, and she had to admit that there were moments when she had to admire the loyalty that flowed between the four of them, even if Remus was quieter and seemed the restraining presence in the group and Peter had always been a little bit inclined to being solitary, more so lately it seemed. But loyal they all were, those four friends and pranksters, to a level that she had to admit was admirable. At least she knew Potter had one good quality…
Although to do him justice, she knew he had more than just one. She'd always known he was clever, talented enough that things just seemed to come easily to him. He was also amusing- or at least he could be amusing when he wasn't being arrogant and hexing people out of sheer boredom. He also had a modicum of decency in him; she'd realized that only a while ago when it had occurred to her that his pranks were always harmless and usually directed at Slytherins, who could and would (and did) defend themselves when the opportunity struck. He never bothered the younger years and seemed to go out of his way to amuse and entertain the first years with the various things he did (which ensured that they adored him- flattering, she was sure, to his already over-inflated ego, she thought sardonically). He was also persistent- although she thought of that as a fault, more often than not, given the most obvious sign of his persistence was his continued asking her out despite her constant discouragement.
His persistence- that was really what had brought her to this. That, combined with, she had to admit, a fair degree of curiosity.
"Why do you like Evans so much, anyway?" was the first thing she'd clearly heard on her way down the stairs and she'd stopped short, just out of their line of sight, thankfully, she thought, although if she bent, she could just see the top of James' head as he lay sprawled on one of the couches and could see across the room, part of a leg and a foot that probably belonged to Sirius, judging from the direction of his voice.
Sirius had asked the question and his voice was just slurred enough and not quite as quick as his usual speaking style, for her to guess that all four of them (naturally) were indulging in some drinks, probably of firewhiskey, from the way Sirius sounded. (She knew it would take an obscene amount of butterbeer to produce the equivalent effect.) Part of her was tempted to go down and break them up, particularly since alcohol wasn't allowed on Hogwarts premises except for professors at the dining table and that only a glass or two of wine at most, no matter that once they reached 17, the students were legally permitted to drink, under wizarding regulations. But then she relented, bending the rules as she figured that, firstly, no one was being harmed, secondly, she knew James, Sirius and Remus were 17 and wasn't sure about Peter but assumed he was as well, and also that it was the last Friday before the Christmas holidays, the last Friday before those students who were leaving to go home (which included Remus and Peter) would be leaving.
Plus, breaking them up would prevent her from hearing James' answer, which, especially given that he was speaking only to his three friends and under the influence of some alcohol as well, was bound to be more sincere than any explanation he would give her.
And so she stayed, irresistibly fascinated by this little insight into James Potter's mind.
There was a bit of a silence, until she heard Peter's voice say, also sounding somewhat the worse for alcohol, "I'd like to know that too, James. So, spill."
She heard James begin to laugh, softly and not at all in the drunken manner, before he answered, sounding very bewildered, "I don't really know."
What? She deflated at this answer. She had broken her own rules and eavesdropped to hear this?
But just when she'd begun to feel some admittedly irrational anger at James for putting her in this position, he continued on, speaking slowly and overly precisely as if considering each word before he said it to make sure it made sense. Which, Lily reflected, was probably the case. "I've tried to figure it out m'self, I have. She's pretty, I mean, but I know `tisn't only that."
There was a crack of laughter from Peter and a "If it were only prettiness, you could just have Eileen Coombs and be done with it."
"Or Allie Buchater," Sirius agreed, naming the other of the two prettiest girls in their class, by common consensus.
"So not just that," James continued. "I like her spirit too, way she gets angry at things…"
Sirius let out a bark of laughter at that. "Like I always suspected, James-y boy, you just like the fact that she hates you. You like rejection."
"No," James protested, although there was much less than his usual heat behind it, "not that." He paused for a moment and Lily heard him take another drink, before continuing sounding more confident. "Like why she gets mad- the defending people and stuff. Means she's nice- and she cares about people and their feelings and- you know."
On the staircase, Lily listened with some surprise and- she had to admit- pleasure. James had surprised her with his view of her temper, especially the part she showed to him, and it was- nice- to know that he apparently didn't just see her as just a teacher's pet, despite her generally strict adherence to the rules.
"Plus, her passion. Want to know what it'd be like for her to be passionate in a good way." This was said in a rather ironically reflective tone, given that its subject was something much more likely to be on a teenage boy's mind when he wasn't thinking with his head.
Sirius was laughing so hard she heard him apparently fall off his position on the sofa and had to resume it before he said, "You've kissed her, Moony. You tell us, does she get all hot that way?" (She'd never known before that you could hear a leer in someone's voice.)
She felt herself blush slightly, involuntarily, at the memory of her one kiss with Remus, even as she waited, frowning, for what Remus would say. It had been a year ago, almost exactly, just before people left for the Christmas holidays and she and Remus had happened to be leaving the Great Hall at the same time when they'd heard a cackling laugh from above and looked up to see a sprig of mistletoe. (The mistletoe at Hogwarts was enchanted to react, usually very loudly, whenever two people got caught underneath it, making for much public merriment.)
Remus looked distinctly uncomfortable, so much so he looked nearly ill, as he looked from the mistletoe to her and then to James, who was staring at the two of them standing in the doorway as if he were being forced to watch a horrific train wreck. There was also the dawning of jealousy in his face, not helped by the fact that the mistletoe was now saying with quite blatant (and diabolical- or so she read in James' stormy expression) glee, "Kiss her already, you slow-top, and make it a good one. No pecks here!"
Lily had recovered first and decided, quite deliberately, to annoy Potter even more, who had completely exasperated her the day before by asking her to go to Hogsmeade with him one day during the vacation for something like the tenth time in as many days. So she'd managed to smile at Remus, before saying, "Let's give them a show." She just saw his eyes widen before she kissed him, full on the mouth, and lingered just long enough to give the appearance of enjoying the kiss quite a bit. Remus had been stiff throughout and she'd had to pity him when she drew back to see the look on his face as he looked at James, who now looked nearly purple.
She'd felt a flicker of triumph at having so successfully annoyed James, thinking that particular mistletoe sprig had been quite convenient. The kiss with Remus had been just that, as well, convenient. Remus was a friend and she liked him, but there had been nothing in that relatively brief meeting of lips to excite any interest. It hadn't been a bad kiss, more just a rather flat one. There had been no spark, no wish to either prolong or deepen the kiss; it had been a simple, if somewhat embarrassing, gesture between two friends and nothing more.
Now, waiting for Remus to comment, Lily wondered wildly if maybe Remus had experienced something different. Had he maybe felt something? But no, that was ridiculous. He'd treated her exactly the same, with simple friendliness, afterwards; they'd never talked about it, just went on as it had never happened.
After what seemed like a very long time to Lily but was really only a few seconds, Remus responded, sounding both weary and yet surprisingly more sober than any of his friends. "Gentlemen don't kiss an' tell," he said, his words quite clear although he spoke slowly, lazily. "Was just a kiss an' we're only friends."
James let out an odd sound, half laugh, half groan. "Don't remind me. You've at least kissed her and I haven't. Likely never will," he added on a despondent note.
And for possibly the first time ever, Lily almost wished she could assure James that he had some chance to kiss her. And then stopped, aghast at herself for what she'd been thinking. Was she actually feeling sorry for Potter now? Ridiculous! He was still the thorn in her side, an almost constant annoyance for the past four or five years now. Ridiculous to feel sorry for him just because he sounded so down at the prospect of not having a chance with her, just because it was really the first sign she'd ever received of him not being less than completely confident when it came to her eventual capitulation to his constant asking-out.
And yet-and yet… she couldn't quite prevent the pang of something very like regret and pity as she heard him sigh.
"Don't tell me you're giving up, then, Prongs," Remus began, breaking the silence that had fallen after James' melancholy response, suddenly sounding much more alert and energetic. "You aren't, are you?"
She heard a sigh from James that sounded as if it was dragged up from the very depths of his being. "Think so. Guess I have to. I mean, it's been years and she still doesn't like me much better than she ever did. Was silly o' me anyway," he added in a mumble and she heard him take another long drink before sighing again.
She had to bite her lip to keep from bursting out, "That's not true. I do like you better now." She shook her head as if to clear it of the madness of her impulse to somehow reassure James.
"You shouldn't just give up, though, Prongs," Remus replied. "You really care for her; it's not just a fancy anymore."
Lily thanked Remus silently for this encouragement of his friend, before she stopped to wonder just what kind of madness had gotten into her brain that she now wanted James Potter to continue asking her out, when only an hour ago she would have sworn she would like little better than if he'd just give up already.
What was it? Was it just hearing that James' pursuit of her wasn't just his perverse idea of fun but actually based on real feeling, real liking of the good he saw in her? Was it just the vulnerability she heard in the always-so-confident James Potter's voice that appealed to her merciful side? Or the combination of both of those along with her reluctant recognition that he did have some admirable qualities that really didn't make him unattractive?
Whatever it was, she suddenly realized she really didn't want James to just give up. She wanted him to ask her out at least one more time- and then she'd say, yes. Where it would lead, she didn't know. Whether she and James actually could get along well enough to date more seriously, she didn't know but she knew she had to give him a chance.
Lily heard James sigh again before saying slowly, his words still slurred , "Ah, what am I sayin'; I don't think I could completely give up on Lily now. She means too much to me."
She smiled slightly and then turned to go back up to her room. She had heard what she wanted to know and she knew what she had to do.
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