Disclaimer: See Part 1.
Mistletoe Kisses, Mistletoe Truths
Part 2: The Promise in a Kiss
It was, Lily realized, much easier to think that she had changed her mind and done a complete about-face on her position with dating James Potter, than it was to actually do something about it.
She had tried to think of some way to tell James about her change of mind without feeling like an idiot and without embarrassing herself but had come up with nothing. Nothing feasible that is. Here she was, having rejected him on something like a weekly basis for more than 2 years now, now wondering how to subtly encourage James to ask her out- so she could say yes and spare herself at least some of the embarrassment she knew she would feel if she actually had to ask him out.
But James showed no sign so far of making things easier for her and asking her out- which was downright shocking given his record of having asked her out at least once every fortnight since about the middle of their 4th year or so. It had been almost two weeks now since that night in the Common Room when Lily had inadvertently eavesdropped on James' true confession to his friends about why he liked her, almost two weeks since she'd changed her mind… And it had been just over two weeks since the last time James had asked her out. If it hadn't been so irritating, she would have laughed hysterically at the irony that made her want James to ask her out just when he appeared to have really given up.
But he'd said he wasn't going to give up! That he cared too much to completely give up… (Even now, more than 10 days after hearing that, just remembering his words made Lily feel warm inside, her cheeks flushing.)
She would, she decided, give him until New Year's Eve and if he still hadn't asked her out by then, she would just have to swallow her pride and ask him out herself. But, dear Merlin, she hoped she wouldn't have to do that! Call it hubris but everything inside her shrank from the idea of eating humble pie by asking James Potter out, knowing how everyone would talk about it for weeks afterwards, how her friends would wonder if she'd just weakened in the face of his persistence, how his friends would laugh, and how those girls who seemed to consider him the best thing since the invention of butterbeer would say, "I told you so" even while their gloating was tinged with envy… The very thought of it all made her shudder.
She was grimacing at the thought as she made her way down to the Great Hall for the Christmas Eve feast they were having tonight for the few students who remained at Hogwarts, which included herself, James, Sirius, a few other Gryffindors, Snape (unfortunately, in Lily's opinion) and a handful of people from the other houses.
She managed a slight smile of thanks for James (hating the way she seemed to blush whenever he was around nowadays) as he held the door to the Great Hall open for her, falling in beside her.
"Happy Christm-" he started to say when his words were cut off by the sound of shrill laughter from above them.
It was déjà vu. Lily knew what she was going to see in the split second before she looked up. And sure enough, she was right. It was mistletoe. Hogwarts special enchanted mistletoe that had to make some attention-getting noise when two people got caught under it. And it was standing right above her and James' head.
She looked at James. And James looked at her. There was a slight embarrassed flush on his cheeks as well, she noticed, and he looked more hesitant than happy at having been caught under the mistletoe with her.
She heard Sirius exclaim, "Well, now you've lucked out, James!" and a few whispers and giggles from the rest of their audience. Thank Merlin this was during the Christmas hols so the majority of Hogwarts wasn't here to watch…
"Don't be a slow-top, lad! Go on and kiss her already!" the mistletoe encouraged gleefully.
Lily was sure her cheeks were the same color as her hair by now, as she glanced up at the mistletoe and then back at James. He hesitated for another moment before he put his hands on her waist and drew her just that little bit closer to him. She just noticed the uncertainty lurking in his hazel eyes before her own eyes closed and after another almost imperceptible pause, his lips touched hers.
And it was-it was… What? It was different… A little tentative, a little tender, a little passionate. And very sweet. It was a beginning.
His lips were soft and yet firm against hers as they rested there, their lips just barely touching. And then her lips softened instinctively and the kiss deepened from there. She just had time to sense the explosion waiting to happen, the spark coming to life, when he pulled back.
He was flushed and there was an odd light in his hazel eyes, along with a flicker of confusion. For a moment, he just stared at her, before his gaze slid down to her lips, and he spoke, softly, in a voice just above a whisper that she knew no one besides her could hear. "What was that?"
And as if the sound of his voice had broken whatever sort of spell she'd been under, Lily abruptly came back to reality and the implications for what had just happened flooded her thoughts.
She let out a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding, one hand automatically going to touch her lips as she tried to figure out what had just happened. Something had just happened, something that was going to change her relationship with James and her view of him.
And then she did something that she would blush at the thought of for years afterwards. She ran. Ran from the speculative gazes, ran from the whispers she could hear beginning, ran from the amusement she would bet her last Galleon Sirius felt. But most of all, she ran from the jumble of emotions she could feel building inside herself and which she could guess were also building inside of James.
James stared after her for all of 10 seconds before he followed. He wasn't sure exactly what had just occurred or why she'd run but he somehow knew that this was an opportunity he couldn't pass up. An opportunity to talk over not just the kiss but more importantly, the spark of something else, of attraction, of some mutual feeling, which he knew they'd both felt. He had felt it, how touching his lips to hers suddenly made him realize that everything he'd thought he knew about kissing was just rubbish, that this was a real kiss. There was something in the friction, in the warmth of her lips, in how he could hear and feel her breath at the same time… There was something in how he knew it was her…
And he knew he couldn't just let her go like this. There was too much that needed to be said, too many thoughts and feelings and reactions…
The Great Hall was silent for a moment after Lily's and then James' abrupt departure, before the interested speculation began. Sirius grinned to himself, silently wishing Prongs luck, and met Dumbledore's eyes which were twinkling in their usual fashion of benign amusement behind his half-moon spectacles.
"Well, now," Dumbledore began loudly, his voice cutting through the gossiping tones of the small group of girls from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw who were discussing the kiss and what James and Lily would say to each other, silencing them. "I think we may safely leave Mr. Potter and Miss Evans to their own devices for the present." His blue gaze rested pointedly on the girls who had been watching and speculating so avidly before moving on over the others. "It is time to turn our attention instead to the feast!" And so they did, the girls duly chastened by Dumbledore's subtle reproof although it can't be said that their thoughts obeyed the injunction about respecting Lily's and James' privacy.
He found her in the Gryffindor Common Room, sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the fire, staring into it. She looked up when he entered and blushed scarlet, quickly averting her eyes.
He sat down in the armchair right next to hers pulling it a little closer. He was silent for a moment, as he studied her, a slight frown pulling his brows together as he wondered what on earth he should say. Finally he settled for directness. "Why did you run away?" The gentleness of his tone softened the bluntness of the question.
Her flush deepened and she looked away before she finally answered, "I- I'm not sure. I just couldn't stand everyone watching us like that and I needed to think a little and I couldn't do that in the Great Hall with Dumbledore and the professors and everyone there."
"Mmm," he made a noncommittal sound in response. He'd guessed it was something like that.
Another silence fell and this time it was Lily who gathered her courage and spoke first. "Did you feel it too?" It was half a question and half a statement. She didn't need to clarify what she meant; she knew he understood. And she was suddenly reminded of those little moments she'd tried to forget, when he'd been doing or saying something she'd disapproved of when their eyes had met and he'd immediately flushed, looked away and usually modified, if not completely stopped, whatever it was he'd been about to do or say… As if he could read her thoughts despite the indifferent expression she usually tried to cultivate, the lack of reaction she tried to achieve, not wanting him to know she noticed. Because she did notice. She had hated it, tried to deny it for years before she gave up. She simply couldn't not notice James Potter. He was too full of life and energy, the very vitality of his presence drew her attention whenever he was around. She might dislike him, disdain his pranks and his attention-seeking tricks and she might find his brand of supreme self-confidence irritating in the extreme- which she did. That she knew was real and quite sincere. But for all that, she couldn't ignore him, couldn't no matter how she tried, turn a blind eye to what he did.
"Yes," he answered simply. Then he added with an attempt at humor, "But unlike you, it didn't really surprise me."
She smiled slightly, her eyes finally meeting his, her gaze serious. "Didn't it?" she asked quietly.
He hesitated and then answered, his tone quite as serious as hers had been. "Well, yes, a little, but I always kind of expected, and hoped, it would be like that." Which was true. In all the times he'd imagined kissing Lily (more times than he cared to admit), somehow he'd always imagined that it would be different from anything else, special. That it would feel right. That kissing her would vindicate his long-standing fancy for her, the instinctive sense he felt that somehow she was the one girl who was meant for him.
And it had. Surprisingly enough given how brief and soft the kiss had been, he had felt that rightness, the difference. And it had made him happy as well as a little scared- to have such a brief kiss have such a huge impact was a little unnerving.
Another silence fell, but this time it was a comfortable one. The first really comfortable silence between the two of them, Lily realized.
She studied James idly, taking in the hazel eyes behind his round glasses, the perpetually messy black hair, the shape of his lips. He wasn't the handsomest of boys but he had a sort of boyish charm, enhanced by the sheer vitality of his personality. He had a way of grinning, of laughing, that made one want to smile with him- another thing she'd tried to forget in those occasional moments when he wasn't being so arrogant that she forgot everything except her anger. Finally she broke the quiet, wondering at James' silence. She didn't think she'd ever seen him so reflective. "So, what happens now?"
He looked at her and visibly hesitated, and the vulnerability in his eyes was her undoing. She'd never thought, never imagined, that James cared so much for her that he could look so uncertain of himself. Even his words from that night when she'd heard his inadvertent confession hadn't given her as much of an understanding of the real depth of his feelings. But now, seeing the way he hesitated, she knew. James really did care too much about her to really give up; there was no way he could display such uncharacteristic nervousness if he didn't.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me sometime?" Even the way he phrased the question was different now. Usually he tried to pass it off as simple statements of expectation or very casual, almost rhetorical, questions or, worst of all, cajoling requests. This was simply a question, a real question which he didn't know the answer to but desperately wanted an answer to.
She smiled, sincerely, meeting his gaze directly, though she could feel a blush heating her cheeks. "Yes, I will."
He blinked and then the beginnings of an elated grin began to curve his lips. "Really? You will?"
His transparent surprise and pleasure made her laugh in spite of herself. "Yes, really."
His grin could have lit up the Great Hall and it made warmth well up in her heart at the sight of just how happy she'd made him. It was touching, really, to know that despite all her discouragement, all the insults she'd given him, he still somehow cared so much for her.
And seeing his happiness, she knew she had to make one more concession, one more acknowledgement to show him, for sure, that her opinion of him had changed.
"James," she began, feeling herself blush hotly although she met his surprised gaze directly, wondering at how natural it felt somehow to call him by his first name, no matter that she never had before. "About what happened in the Great Hall, would you want to, um, I mean, care to try it again?"
For a fleeting moment, James could have sworn he'd died and gone to heaven. He could not really be alive on Earth having just heard Lily Evans ask to be kissed in just about as many words… Then he saw the look in her eyes. The flicker of shyness (Lily Evans shy?) and a hint of embarrassment… And he knew he had heard right.
He stood, taking her hand and gently pulling her up to stand as well. He smiled into her eyes, saying softly, "I think, Lily Evans, that that's the best idea I've heard in months."
He just saw the beginnings of her smile before his eyes closed and his lips touched hers. Again. And it was just as magical as before, the same feeling of rightness. The same feeling that this girl was the only one for him, the only girl he wanted…
Lily's last thought before James kissed her was a vague wonder if maybe the spark of that last kiss had been a fluke, some sort of artificial effect from the mistletoe or knowing that people were watching. But then James's lips touched hers and she knew that the spark was real.
This- whatever this new relationship that was beginning for her and James would lead to- was real. And maybe, somehow, despite everything, this had always been meant to be…
~The End~