Disclaimer: Usual stuff, not mine... song is once again Dave's...
A/N: You'd think I had reached my angst and suffering quotient for this fic.. right? Well ha ha, the jokes on you.
Here's the bottom of the barrel. Or bottle as the case may be. This one is kinda short, sorry about that, but my
torturing of Harry's poor soul can only go so far. This is in Harry's pov.
Here comes the first inkling of that rating. Just a little cursing here and there, but the last chapter is the real reason for the rating.
Enjoy!
Grace is Gone
Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight
It's 2 am - I'm drunk again it's heavy on my mind
I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my eyes take my heart I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore
Here I am. Doing something I told myself I would never do. I close my eyes a little at the neon magic sign that's flashing behind the bar. I don't really care for the small, dingy bar down the road from where I live, the smoke in the air seems to be think enough to asphyxiate, but alas, here I am, drowning my memories in a deep bottle of whiskey. I think I passed just being drunk a few hours ago, now I'm belligerent. Every burning shot that makes its way down my throat chases away the pain of remembering, for just a moment, and then, like the devil's working against me, every shot seems to bring the worst memories back, full-force. I remember staring into her eyes as she told me I was a great wizard, when we just eleven damned years old. The uncloaked emotion playing naked in her eyes as she looked at me in admiration.
I kill another shot.
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One drink to remember then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget
I remember sitting by a hospital bed in my second year, holding a cold, almost dead hand, trying to understand odd emotions that were playing in my heart. I never told Ron, but I sat there for what seemed like hours one night, just staring into her eyes, feeling so desperately useless. All I wanted was for her to wake up, all I wanted was my best friend back. Even then I knew there was something more to her than my best friend, but I couldn't understand it then. I understand it now, but then... then those feelings were as foreign to me as the concept of parents. Parents... something I never understood, and really still don't.
I remember my fourth year and that fucking Tri-Wizard tournament, and how everyone and their mother turned their backs on me, but her. She alone stayed beside me, encouraging me, her belief in me never wavering for a second. My god, I must have been blind and stupid.
I kill another shot.
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone
You think of things impossible and the sun refuse to shine
I woke with you beside me your cold hand lay in mine
Your probably wondering to yourself what happened that led me to this bar. Why, after six months, I suddenly turned to
the bottle. Last night I had a dream, a dream I don't think I'll ever forget, no matter how hard I try to drink
it away. I went to Hermoine, or she came to me, I really can't remember at this point. We declared our desperate
love to each other and fell passionately together. Of course this wasn't unlike dreams I've had dozens of
times, but it didn't end like it has before. Previously I would just wake up as we held each other, and cry big,
great un-manly tears until I fell back asleep. But this time, it was different. This time I caught the full act, in
surround sound and living color. I remember how we trembled as we undressed each other. How her eyes never wavered from
mine. I remember how she sounded as I entered her. How she told me, over and over, how much she loved me. I remember
the look on her face as she came, and I still feel how I felt when we lay together afterwards, murmuring ridiculously
sweet nothings in each other's ears. We fell asleep together, our naked bodies intertwined into one, content
flowing in my veins and in my heart.
Then I remember waking up the next morning, feeling her body beside mine. I reached out and grabbed her hand.... and it was cold, so cold. I tried to rouse her, but she wouldn't wake up. I felt for her pulse, there was none. I remember the sobs that over came my dream self, sobs at having what I had wanted all my life, and then it get so suddenly snatched from me. Screaming at the fucking fates and their twisted sense of humor.
I woke from that dream, tears streaming down my face, the feelings of despair still fresh in my heart.
I kill another shot.
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll go
A few hours later I wake up at my house, absolutely no clue how I got here. I can only guess Ron came and picked me up.
The bartender probably called him, I mean after all we can't have Harry fucking Potter belligerently drunk in a bar
now can we? Oh no, not our damned bloody savior. As I barely drift into consciousness I hear voices coming from down
the stairs, but the room is spinning too much for me to tell them to shut the hell up. For a second I think I hear a
feminine voice.... 'Hermoine?' I think before the darkness consumes me....
Excuse me please one more drink
Could make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone
One more drink my Grace is gone