A/N: Hey everyone! Yes I am still alive. I know it's been quite awhile since I posted but I've had a lot going on here lately. I had to move for my new job as a nanny and the two older girls just went back to school not to long ago. So I only get to write when the baby is napping. Also I got all four of my wisdom teeth remove so that slowed me down a bit too. Now I've got a horrible cold and am running a temp of 100 for the past two days. But when my beta sent this chapter back to me I knew I need to post it ASAP. Ok I am going to warn you that there will be a bit of angst in this chapter. But I think I make up for it right at the end. As always thanks to my beta Ken and to all my readers and reviewers. I love hearing what you think of the chapters so please keep leaving reviews! Oh and one last thing, I keep getting asked what time this takes place. As of right now there is no set time. If that changes you will see it in the story. Ok on with the chapter. P.S: I soooo can't wait for GoF!
Chapter 5
Drunken Confessions
~~~
Hermione woke to find herself in the same position that she went to sleep in. Her head rested on Harry's chest and her arm rested not too far from her head on Harry's chest. When Hermione tried to move back from Harry she realized that she couldn't. Harry's arms, which were wrapped around her waist, tightened keeping her in place.
Hermione turned her head so she could look at him. It was funny, she thought, how different someone could look when they are asleep.
Harry looked much more his age asleep then he did when he was awake. She wondered why. What had the war done to him?
Hermione was overcome with the need to protect him, even if it was from his own memories. After a moment Hermione realized what she had just thought. When had keeping Harry safe become a priority in her mind?
Slowly Harry's heartbeat seemed to bring her out of her musings. Letting out a deep breath, Hermione pushed herself up to look fully at Harry's face. He was very handsome. Those green eyes that seemed to look right into her soul, a mouth that gave a crooked smile, that made him endearing.
Then there was that scar on his forehead. She had yet to see it before last night. Something told her that Harry worked very hard to keep it from view. Slowly Hermione brought her hand up to move his hair out of the way so she could look at the scar again.
It was, like last night, a thin line that stretched from his hairline to his eyebrow, with a jut in middle that made it look like a lighting bolt. Looking down at his face to make sure he was still asleep, Hermione reached up and slowly traced the raised skin with her finger.
She was just about to remove her finger when Harry's hand grabbed her wrist.
"What are you doing?" His voice, which was still racked with sleep, had a defensive tone to it.
"I-I was just" giving up on trying to explain herself Hermione ask the question she wanted the answer to. "Where did you get it?"
Harry's eyes darted away from hers as he released her wrist and sat up. "The war." He stated simply before making a move to get out of bed.
But Hermione caught him before he could get away. "Who gave it to you?"
Harry turned to and looked at her. She could see the pain in his eyes.
"Hermione I can't talk about this."
"You can't or won't?"
"Fine I won't talk about this. Not with you."
"But you'll talk about it to other people? Harry, I'm your wife!" Hermione was shocked that she referred to herself as his wife. It was the first time she had ever done so.
"I don't talk about it to anyone. Especially you, because you are my wife." With that Harry walked into his washroom and shut the door.
Hermione sat stunned. What did that mean?
Slowly Hermione got out of bed and went to her washroom to get ready for the day. Even as Winky was doing up her corset Hermione's mind stayed with what Harry had said.
Why did he not want her to know how he got that scar? It was just a scar wasn't it?
`Maybe he doesn't want you to know the horrors he knows. Luna and Ginny have told you that much.' Her mind told her.
`But I'm his wife.' She thought back. `I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to know what he has been through, so I can help him in the future. I want him to feel free with me. To know that his deepest darkest secrets are safe with me. I want be able to reassure him that what he went through won't happen to our children.'
`Your children?'
`What?' Hermione questioned.
`You were just talking about your non existent children with Harry. I though you were afraid of that?' Her mind shot back.
`I-I I wouldn't mind having children with him. I do have strong feelings for him.'
`Do you love him?'
`No. But I could very easily.'
"Mrs. Potter is you okay?" Winky asked.
"Hmmm? Oh yes I'm fine - just a bit lost in thought."
The small house elf nodded before disappearing. Hermione flattened the skirt of her dress before stepping out into their bedroom.
Harry was standing over by the far window staring at the grounds. Taking a deep breathe Hermione walked over to him.
"I'm sorry." Harry said as she came to stand beside him.
"You do not need to be. I just wish you would tell me these types of things. I do understand it's hard, but we are going to be together for the rest of our lives."
Harry smiled, but it quickly turned to a frown. "I don't want you to find out what I had to become. I don't want you to see me as something else. Enough of this; breakfast must be ready for us and soon we will have the house to ourselves again."
Hermione smiled slightly as she let Harry lead her from their room. Only to meet up with the other two couples in the hall.
"How are you feeling this morning Harry?" Ginny asked as they made their way to the dinning room.
"I am fine thanks. And thank you, Ron, and Neville for last night."
"It wasn't anything we haven't done before." Neville said as they sat down.
Hermione saw Harry nod sadly before starting to eat. For some reason she knew what he was thinking. She knew that he didn't want anyone to see him like that. He wanted it to be his burden. He was ashamed he could not handle it by himself.
She heard the glass break before she even realized it had dropped from her hand.
"Hermione?" Harry asked as he got up from his seat.
"Oh…I don't know what happened." Hermione started to pick up the pieces of shattered glass from the floor.
"Hermione don't you may-"
But Harry's words were stopped when Hermione let out a whimper as a piece of glass cut through the palm of her hand.
"Hold still." Harry grabbed her wrist to keep Hermione from recoiling. "Here, let's go clean this up."
Harry took Hermione by the wrist from the room to the near by washroom.
"Dobby!" The small elf appeared in front of the duo. "Can you bring me the cut healing potion?"
"Oh's yes sir!" He popped away then popped back holding a small vial.
"Thank you Dobby."
Dobby bowed until his nose touched the floor before disappearing once more.
Harry had Hermione hold the vial in her uninjured hand.
"I need to get the piece of glass out. This may hurt a bit."
Hermione bit her lip as Harry pulled the small piece of glass from her hand.
"That wasn't so bad."
Harry smiled slightly at her before taking back the vial of potion.
"I should warn you - this will hurt quite a bit."
"What?!?" Hermione tried to pull her hand back but Harry kept a firm grip on her wrist.
"It hurts because it's pushing the skin back together and forces it to heal."
Hermione nodded as she let Harry hold her hand over the sink. With a slight hesitation Harry poured the potion onto Hermione's hand. She barely hand time to think about the pain that shot though her hand before she felt Harry's lips crash into hers.
After the moment of shock wore off Hermione kissed him back, her uninjured hand tangling in his hair.
It was in that moment that something changed between them. Hermione could feel it. She felt her feet backing her up against the door taking Harry with her. She felt Harry's hand let go of her wrist and move to her waist while the other came to rest on her cheek.
Slowly Hermione let her mouth open under Harry's and soon she felt his tongue invade her mouth. Her first thought was one of revulsion but it was quickly replaced with one of bliss. Hermione never thought it would feel like this to kiss a person.
As if her body acted without consulting her brain she felt her legs spread apart and Harry's hips crashing into hers. It was only a moment later that she felt Harry pull away.
Hermione looked up at Harry to see his face, to see that it was bright red and his eyes refused to meet hers.
"I'm sorry Hermione. I j-just want to get your mind off the pain of the potion. I didn't mean, your hand looks fine now we should go back, everyone will wonder what's happened to us." Harry opened the door behind her and left the room before Hermione could even reply.
She stood in the washroom for a few minutes after Harry left to replay what had just happened.
Harry had just kissed her. Then things went a little further.
A Little? Really Hermione that was more then a little. A few more moments of that and the two of you would have been acting just like that picture in the book Luna and Ginny gave you.
Hermione couldn't stop the blush that rose up her neck. It was true but the part that made her blush more was that she wished it had gotten farther. She wasn't quite sure how far but farther.
It was then that the look of shame that Harry had before he ran from the room that brought her thoughts back down to Earth, with so many more questions.
They had been so close and then just as quickly so far apart. But for some reason she couldn't get the look on his face when he realized what they were doing. He almost looked afraid. But what did he have to be afraid of, her?
Hermione shook her head and quickly left the washroom and went back to the dinning room where everyone seemed to have finished their breakfast and were now talking quietly.
"Oh Hermione is your hand alright?" Ginny asked as Hermione took her seat.
"Yes much better. Harry took very good care of me." She smiled slightly but it quickly left her face when she saw him look away from her.
After that things seemed to slip into quite conversation until it was time for Ron, Luna, Neville and Ginny to leave.
Both men said quick goodbyes to Hermione before going over to say their goodbyes to Harry. Luna and Ginny quickly took their husbands places beside Hermione and pulled her further away from Harry.
"Hermione we just want to let you that if need anything, or have any questions don't think twice about owling us." Luna said as she pulled her into a hug.
"Questions about what?" Hermione asked as she pulled back from Luna.
"About the book we gave you. I'm sure between the two of us we've tried about everything in there. And don't be afraid to show Harry, I'm sure he would love to go through it with you." Ginny said as she too pulled Hermione into a hug.
"Thank you both. I've never really had any girls my own age to talk to and now that I'm here I think I will need some to talk to."
"We know this is hard for you Hermione but remember we are always here."
"Are you two ready to go? We need to get on the road if we are going to be home before nightfall."
Ginny and Luna each hugged Hermione and Harry one last time before following their husbands out to the carriages to leave. Hermione watched the carriage carrying them leave before returning to the foyer, where Harry was still standing reading a letter.
"What is it?"
Harry looked up at her. "My father and grandfather need me to go over some of the family accounts. I shouldn't be gone long."
"Will you be riding over?"
"No I'll apparate. It's much quicker that way."
"Okay. Will you be home for lunch?"
"I hope so."
There was an awkward silence before Harry spoke up again. "I will be leaving now." After that there was a popping noise and Hermione was the only one left in the house.
With nothing better to do Hermione decide to explore the upstairs of the house. In the month that she had been here she had yet to see that other bedrooms upstairs.
Slowly Hermione made her way upstairs and one by one went through each bedroom. Most were in horrible condition and would need much cleaning. Others, including the one she thought was Harry's old playroom, were still in pretty good shape; the only work needed was heavy dusting.
After coming out of the playroom that was by Harry's bedroom she noticed another door. After quickly counting the number of rooms she had been in this one was extra. How had Harry mis-counted the number of bedrooms that they would have to redo?
Hermione went to turn the handle to see the state of this last room only to find the door locked. Pulling out her wand she unlocked the door with one simple spell.
The door creaked open and Hermione's mouth fell open when she saw that this room was spotless. There was no dust sitting, no cobwebs; everything had the look as though someone had just left.
Slowly making her way in she could see a few dolls sitting on the bed that overlooked the gardens. The wardrobe was filled with dresses that were begging to be worn. And sitting on the vanity was a small wooden box with Celtic carvings on it. Slowly Hermione lifted the lid and the light sound of an old Irish tune filled the air. Closing her eyes she let her hand play on the soft velvet inside the box.
But quickly the peacefulness that had surrounded her ended when her hand was pulled away from the box and its lid slammed shut cutting off the soft tune. Hermione's eyes snapped open to see Harry pulling her from the room.
"WHAT WHERE YOU DOING IN THERE?" He yelled at her.
"I was just looking to see what kind of work we had to do up here."
"THE DOOR WAS LOCKED, how did you get in?" Harry asked his voice still thick with anger.
"I-I used a spell." Hermione's confidence was starting to leave her.
"DID YOU NOT THINK THAT IT WAS LOCKED FOR A REASON?" Harry voice was getting louder as his hand tightened on her arm.
For the first time since Hermione had come here she was terrified of Harry.
"Harry please let go you're hurting me." She pleaded quietly.
But Harry seemed to not hear her. "NEVER go back in there! Do you understand me?"
He shook her as if to try to get the message through to her but by doing so his fingers dug into her arm causing her to cry out. It was only when she whimpered did Harry come back to himself. His hand let go of her arm and she took her chance and ran to her room.
Hermione heard Harry call her name as she shut the door and locked it as quickly as she could. As she backed away from the door she jumped when Harry knocked on the door.
"Hermione open the door. Please."
She threw her hands over her ears to block out the sounds of his pleas for her to open the door. Still being able to hear him Hermione went into her washroom and locked the door behind her before sitting on the floor opposite the tub.
Hermione sat there until the sounds of Harry's knocking and pleas ended and she fell asleep.
***
Hermione woke to find herself curled up on the floor of her washroom. She stood and stretched her back before slowly opening the door that lead back to the bedroom. She expected to see Harry but he was not in the room and looked like he hadn't been in the room since morning.
"Dobby?" Hermione called out.
With a pop the small elf was standing in front of her.
"Yes Mrs. Potter?"
"Do you know where Harry is?"
Dobby wringed his hands together before answering. "He is in the Library but Miss does not need to worry Dobby will take care of him."
"What's wrong with him?"
"He upset when he came downstairs. He not want dinner. He just want firewhiskey."
Hermione gasped. "Has he been drinking since?"
Dobby nodded his head fiercely causing his oversized ears to flop.
"Thank you Dobby."
The elf nodded once more before popping away. Hermione looked over at the clock on the wall. It was almost 11 pm. So Harry had been drinking for the last ten hours. Feeling slightly worried about his health Hermione left their room and headed toward the Library.
When she entered the room it was dark except the small amount of light coming from the fire. It cast a slight glow on the room. She could see Harry sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace with a glass in his hand and two bottles of firewhiskey at his feet.
Hermione slowly made her way over to him but he seemed not to hear her. She placed her hand on Harry's shoulder causing him to jump slightly and some of his drink to spill to the floor.
"Her-min-e?" He looked slightly surprised to see her.
"Yes Harry. Come why don't we go to bed."
"You go to bed with me?" Harry said slightly slurred.
"Yes Harry."
Harry slowly made his way to his feet but Hermione could tell that he was having problems keeping himself upright. Taking one of his arms she placed it around her shoulders and placed her own arm around his waist, allowing him to rest some of his weight on her.
They started to make their way back to the bedroom with Hermione doing most of the work. As they reached the top of the stairs Harry's foot caught on the top stair causing the two of them to crash to the floor.
Hermione landed with an "oomph" on top of Harry, who in turn started laughing.
"Come on Harry we're almost there." Hermione said as she tried to get up but Harry seemed to have other ideas.
"You so pretty." He said as he pushed some hair away from her face. "Always so pretty Her-mi-knee, always love Mi-O-nee. Why you never write back Neeny?"
Hermione worked her way past the three different ways Harry slurred her name to realize that he just said he loved her. That he always loved her. But wasn't able to dwell on that long because his question came floating back into her mind.
"Write back?" She asked.
"I write you every week you where gone. Never got letter back. Why you not write back? Still love me? Said you loved me when you go."
Hermione tried not to cry when she saw the heart broken look on his face. She leaned down and gave his a quick kiss.
"I still love you Harry." She whispered in his ear.
Slowly Hermione was able to get them both off the floor and to their room. After finally getting him on the bed she helped shed him of his clothes before tucking him into bed. He fell asleep quickly and Hermione took her time changing into her nightgown. All the while her mind raced with what had happened to all the letters he had written.
Where did they go? If she hadn't gotten them then who did? But then came the realization that he kept writing even though he never had gotten a reply. He never gave up hoping that she might write back one time. He really did love her. It wasn't just drunken rambling. He never looked at other women while at school and from what she could tell he had only wanted to be with her.
Then a strong wave of guilt flooded her body. She couldn't remember anything about what they had done together before she moved to France. She didn't remember telling him that she loved him. She barely remembered kissing him for the first time in their hideout. There were so many questions that she didn't have answers for. Some of the many questions that someone had to know the answers to; and she had a sick feeling that her mother could answer most of them.
Hermione looked over at Harry once more. His soft snoring filling the room, she couldn't help but to smile. He was so handsome. Hermione leaned over and kissed him softly.
"I do love you Harry."
With that Hermione rested her head on Harry's shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist before falling to sleep.
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