DISCLAIMER: Anything and everything in Harry Potter universe belongs to Jo Rowling, Bloomsbury Books and Scholastic Books, and Warner Bros.
Author notes: I knew the first chapter would create a stir, being that this is Portkey and I threw right in front of the readers the most feared pairings and made it all sugary sweet. If the first one was considered emotional, brace yourself for more.
Again, bear with me if somehow the characters turned to be diverting from their personalities in canon.
Shorter than the first chapter, and here it is…
Chapter 2 - Truth Hits Me Like a Stranger
=====================
I am not the jealous type of guy. I am not possessive. But - but what?
Why does Hermione have to be all fussed up with regards to the 'Harry Potter' affair? I mean she worries - all the time.
Harry sniffs and she broods about his health. He disappears from her sight and she got all worked up. I know that's who she is. I know of the ever-present danger that follows Harry wherever he goes. But for Merlin's sake! She is neither his mother nor his lover.
I am not complaining because I don't get much attention. I, too, am worried about Harry's well-being. Well, some guys were always after him. Yet I know he has a knack for escaping tight corners, unscathed. He is the boy who lived, after all.
"Hey, you two!" I yelled at the first-years I caught huddling behind the armour suits lined up at the second floor hallway. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be milling around at this hour."
They scrambled their way back to their common room and almost knocked me off. Damn midgets! I would have docked ten points from their house if I was allowed to.
I took a turn and headed towards the library. When I got there, I saw Hermione deeply covered by huge books scattered on the table. If her unruly hair wasn't sticking out, one wouldn't notice that there was someone left there studying.
"Hermione, what are you doing here so late?" I asked her.
"Oh, Ron, it's you!" she said surprisingly. She looked behind me and at the main door and then asked, "Have you seen Harry?"
"No," I replied shaking my head sideways in disbelief.
I sat on a chair opposite hers and moved the books aside so I could have a good look at her. She, however, went back to her scribbling.
"Are you supposed to meet Harry here?" I asked her tiredly.
"Yes," she responded not even bothering to look at me. "I'm here to help him do some research which Professor Dumbledore asked us to do."
"Asked you both to do or just Harry?" I retorted.
"Why does it matter?" she asked back acidly.
"Well, because you have been neglecting your studies and your Prefect duties, that's what gives," I replied jauntily.
"I have not," she snapped back to me. "Look, I'm doing my Potions essay."
I glanced at the parchment in front of her and replied, "Which, by your standards, should have been completed by now and revised three times at least. Hermione, it is due in fours days! Isn't that alarming?"
She simply scowled at me and continued scribbling. "It's not like I'm late, Ron. Maybe I'm just slacking or loosening up a bit. Wasn't it your idea?" she said softly.
"Wh - Have you done your rounds?" I asked instead, not knowing what to reply.
"Yes, I have."
"Well, then you haven't done it thoroughly," I replied cheekily, and delighted that now I got her attention. "Because I caught some first years on my way here and they were on your turf."
Hermione did not again reply and went back to her parchments.
"What's happening, Hermione?" I further asked. "What's going on? I can understand Harry if he keeps to himself or spends more time with Ginny. But you - what has gotten into you - why are you slipping away? You have been spending more time with him these days."
She put down her quill with a loud slap on the table and huffed, "Is that what this is all about again? You being jealous, because I don't get to spend most of my time with you!"
"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not jealous?" I growled, completely forgetting that we were in the library. "Because I don't envy people who have been spending so much of their time hunched on books."
"What is it then?" she asked indignantly. "That Harry has been hogging much of my time… you are discontented with our relationship… you being suspicious of Harry and me…"
"What was it that you're sharing anyway?" I snapped back. "You've been keeping a secret from me, I know… I can tell… I'm not daft!"
"I've had enough of your malicious insinuations, Ron," Hermione blurted.
"I've had enough of these discussions, too!"
"Then why don't you get out!" she shouted. "I don't want to see you for awhile."
"Fine!" I yelled back. "So much for being your boyfriend."
I left her. I left with a heavy heart, not liking the idea of going to bed with us not making up.
*********
I was following her as she went through all the classrooms in the left wing of the castle. Though I am not a Prefect, I went with Ginny whenever she does her duties. Harry Potter, the girlfriend's bodyguard. Shameful as it may sound, I'm doing this to appease her, to spend more time with her.
We have been having our share of rows, surprisingly almost as often as the sparks flying between Ron and Hermione. Ginny usually has fits of tantrum every time she wanted attention, which happens more often when I prayed she wouldn't.
Today, we had just made up. So here I am, being the dutiful boyfriend.
"Ginny, I need to go to the library after this," I told her as she was shutting the Charms classroom.
"The library is supposed to be closed by now," she replied not looking back at me.
"But I - I got special permission and Madam Pince left it open for us…" my voice drifted as I caught myself saying the last words.
"Us?" she snapped, pausing to look at me. "Who would you happen to mean by the word 'us'?"
"Uhm… Hermione and me?" I replied softly.
"Don't tell me this is just another homework… another research… or another errand you need to do for Professor Dumbledore!" she said angrily.
I looked the other way, fearing that we were again about to begin another bout of exchanging some heated words.
"Harry!" Ginny exclaimed. "For this whole week, how many times were we ever together - alone?" she asked and I did not answer. "Only when I was doing my rounds… these times… We don't go to Hogsmeade often… breakfasts, lunches and dinners are spent with my brother and Hermione… When you do your homework, you're huddling with Hermione… After classes, you head straight to the Headmaster's office… When you've got a little time to spare, you, my brother and Hermione go off to some detective work…"
"Stop!" I interjected. "You're just rehashing everything. We're just going in circles, Ginny."
"Well, because you haven't changed," she said insolently.
"Change… that's what you have always been trying to get me to do…" I said exasperatedly. "This is who I am… I have responsibilities I have to attend to."
"Why can't you be just like anybody else?" she muttered. "Why is there always a need for you to go off and do some heroic deed? Why can't you act like any normal sixteen-year old boy?" Yeah, by placing her on top of my priority list.
I stoop slightly and leaned my back on the wall. If she only knew the weight I have to carry on my shoulders… However, I can't tell her. I have already done too much by telling Hermione about the prophesy.
"I am not your normal, average teenage boy. You just don't understand…" I said thoughtlessly.
"Why don't you try me?" she responded huffing. "Because, I've had enough… enough of all the secrets you've been keeping… I don't want to be pushed aside anymore… I love you, Harry. I'll do anything to keep you happy. I wonder now, if there will come a time, that you don't need Hermione's help anymore. When all you need is me… When Hermione can't come rushing to your side and all you have is me."
"Please, don't drag Hermione into this," I pleaded. Suddenly there is this annoying feeling of guilt creeping into me. That feeling behind your eyes that made you both feel bad and angry at yourself.
"That's not possible, Harry," she said firmly. "Because she's the main reason why we were having disagreements… I know she's a smart witch…" Her voice was suddenly rising again. "But is there any magic that a Muggle-born could muster that a pureblood like me can't do?" she growled.
"Take that back!" I snapped, absently drawing my wand from my pocket.
I could see Ginny clearly now. She was taking deep breaths like I do; staring at my wand poised to fire spells.
Ginny is special to me, yet she doesn't make things easier. She shouldn't expect me to run after her when I am still catching my breath.
"Harry, give me reasons to trust you," she demanded. "Assure me that you're the one for me, and I'll forever be yours."
I lowered my eyes and my wand and turned my back on her. I left her, standing there at the hallway, waiting for my reply.
I simply had to draw the line. I guess I didn't want to hold on to something that was not even there. Time and again, Ginny had dangled that rope right before my very eyes, yet I simply refuse to see or grasp it.
I don't want to let go. However, I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll end up not respecting myself any longer.
The castle was surrounded by darkness, yet I took my confident steps towards the library, where Hermione was waiting for me.
*********
He left me. He left me at the dark hallway to feel the pain.
I have had enough. I can't take this anxiety in my heart anymore.
There were times when all I could feel for Harry was anger and frustration. Tonight, I was at the height of my anger. I may have been irrational and hateful.
For so many days, I have refused to accept the fact that Harry and Hermione working together was affecting me this much. I had desperately tried to resist being dragged any further into this quagmire of emotions. Yet, the sense of paranoia that once lingered in my being further arose.
I am scared, because anytime - even at this very moment, I am going to lose him - and I don't want to.
I now wonder if my life had turned into a life of excessive self-absorption. Have I turned into a swollen-headed, stuck-up snob? It was really hypocrite to say that in loving, there was never a need to get something in return, because in my case, that was a complete lie.
I used to dream of my Prince Charming sweeping me off my feet - in an astounding romance - yes, I, Ginny, the romantic. Yet here I am, in love with someone who could barely say he loved me.
I don't want to wallow in depression and self-pity, yet I was powerless to stop the darkness that slowly sips into my being. I had no choice but to surrender to the indignations of emptiness.
Tonight, I have realised that sometimes, when words were not spoken, you should listen to what was not being said. From there you have to decide what wasn't merely right but also what was good.
Harry will haunt me forever, but I have to learn to wake up to the truth that there's no one here but me.
*********
A slight wind from an open window blew right into my face, which sent shivers down to my spine. Only then did I realise the tears I had unconsciously shed.
After Ron left me here alone in the library, a sudden coldness washed over me.
The witty exchange of words drew us together, but I knew deep inside that it will also keep us apart. We had such a beautiful beginning for a love that could never be fulfilled.
Boys are my personal curse.
"Hermione," said the familiar deep voice in front of me. I looked up and wiped the dried tears on face.
"Harry," I replied softly.
"Have you been crying?" he asked me.
"It happened once again," I responded absently.
Harry took the seat beside me and gazed at me sadly. "What did Ron do this time?"
"Don't be bothered," I waved dismissively. "Nothing new… the usual stuff…"
We sat in silence, contemplating… awaiting for the other to utter another word… another phrase… thinking. I looked at Harry for a moment and saw his face blank, yet it looked as though a thousand emotions were running through his head, leaving marks on his eyes.
Whirls of thoughts ran through my head, too. I went back to that thought that boys were my personal curse. Did I fool myself into thinking that love can be learned? I suddenly went from loving Ron to not loving him… from hating him to hating him deeply… from wanting to stay and keep what we had to rushing out of to the door and completely leave him behind. I love Ron and him alone.
I'm in the midst of this emotional roller-coaster ride which I can't stop - can't get out off. "Tell me, Harry, doesn't Ron love me anymore?" I said in desperation.
"I know he loves you… just because someone doesn't love you the way you want him to, does not mean he doesn't love you with all he has," Harry said trying to comfort me.
"Thanks - thanks for being here," I muttered.
"No problem. Just keep in mind that I am always here to see you through lonely days… and nights," he replied softly. One smile from him and the sun shone on my place.
"So am I… for you," I responded. "I wouldn't be far behind - the kind of friend who'll stay with you through it all."
He lowered his head and pursed his lips. I knew right away that something was wrong.
"Did you and Ginny had another fight?" I asked in an exasperated tone.
"Yeah. She rarely tells me what she wants, and then freaks out whenever I fail to read whatever it is in her head," he replied, though I can sense that he was again keeping something from me. "This one, I'm pretty sure, had reached a point when days will pass, without us exchanging any words."
"A big fight, huh?" I quipped. "Want to bet that you are wrong, and she'll be back snuggling you tomorrow at breakfast?"
"I don't know how to reassure her anymore," he said.
"Maybe it's time for you to tell Ginny everything."
"Maybe it's time for you, too, to reveal everything to Ron."
"It's your prophesy… your life that was on the line… it's your call…" I retorted.
He stopped and stared at me, suddenly I felt like I had said something foolish. "Telling everybody wouldn't help much. Letting you on in this little secret is more than enough. You're all the help I need. Having you here is more that enough."
I caught my breath and gasped. I never thought I would ever hear those words coming from him. Misery loves company, I told myself. We were both jaded.
I grabbed the huge book I picked from the Restricted Section earlier and spread it in front of him. "Here's what you need to learn this time," I said to him, pointing at the spell which I wish I would never get to use in my lifetime.
"Thanks," he said softly.
We spent the next two hours going through the pages of that classified book. Harry would sometimes read to himself, while I finish my essay. I would at times, steal a quick glance at him and a couple of times I caught him doing just the same.
After months of convincing myself that I am over Harry, here I am again, hoping. I told myself that I will only fall in love with him once. I never knew that it will be forever.
No. Harry would never have me. I love Ron and will be with him - forever - even if everything in me will die for it.
*********
I am here in a dark corner covered in the sheerness of the invisibility cloak, which I took from Harry's trunk in our dormitory. Tears were rolling down my cheeks - I am crying - in silence.
Harry's words were still ringing in my ears… 'Does not mean he doesn't love you with all he has'
Have I loved Hermione with all I had?
I then decided to leave them alone and took small steps to keep the silence that engulfs the air. I am ending this fateful night and shall sleep in a bed of thorns bleeding in the agony of my decisions.
Will these be the last tears I'll cry for her? Things won't be easy, but just as the sun rises everyday and the sea touches the shore, my decision wouldn't fail me.
=====================
A/N : I'm don't get anything out of writing fancfics but would love to get comments and reviews. So please leave something, let me know what you think of this.
The chapter title was again another song I chanced upon while I was visiting a music store, which I found I have doing quite often.
Do you know the poem by Pablo Neruda 'Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines'? This is what I felt writing this chapter and I'm pretty sure it will be the same for the next one.