DISCLAIMER: Need I do this one more time? Just on the safe side… I don't own any of the characters in this story.
Author notes: The final chapter. I didn't know that writing this whole fic could be so hard - hard in a way that the emotions kind of drag you down. I always get this lump on my throat; a heavy thing was resting on my chest. Kind of hard really, preventing yourself from crying while writing.
There are three companion pieces to this chapter, written even before this fic - I didn't knew then that I could tie them all together. First is Connection, set in a timeframe between Chapter 2 and 3. Ron's strange dream is in Lead Her To Me, and another Hermione's POV is in Crossroads.
I've checked the chapter stats of this story. Quite alarming actually, not many readers have the Gryffindor heart, eh? Only half of those who read the first chapter (some may not have even finished reading it) dared to go to the next one.
Please read and review.
To Erin whose young heart had been broken.
Chapter 3 - Falling Through the Rain
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Days and weeks had passed and yet I held onto him. I was not sure if I was ready to let Harry go. I was afraid of losing him, but deep inside I knew that I already had. So many times I had tried to run away from his indifference - to make him see that I am here - wanting him to feel for me - just a little, in return for the enormous emotion I had for him.
I had felt the most agonizing pain in loving Harry. I felt it whenever he glanced that way towards her; whenever he showed his temper to whoever dared to question her abilities and insult her roots; whenever he looked for her across a crowded room. Whenever he gave her the sweetest smiles - smiles that were once mine. However, I was not sure if I could claim them anymore.
So there I was, like any given afternoon, waiting for him to walk up to me and say something more than a simple 'hi'.
I almost fell asleep finishing my Transfiguration essay at the Gryffindor common room when Harry came out of the portrait hole. He approached me with his usual forlorn look and gave me the perfunctory hug.
"Can we go somewhere?" he asked me softly.
I complied and got up, not uttering a word. He led me out of the Gryffindor tower holding my hand. I did not even bother to ask where he was taking us. However, it looked like we are going somewhere that students haven't discovered, because I had never dared tread these paths before.
Maybe he was taking me to a special place, something he just uncovered. It was a surprise, all right. I never knew that he would bring me to a morbid place such as a graveyard - in Hogwarts.
"How did you chance upon this place?" I asked him.
"Professor Dumbledore showed it to me and Hermione two days ago," he replied.
All my hopes crumbled down. "You and Hermione," I sighed. "Why shouldn't I be surprised?"
"Ginny, we're not here to fight…" he murmured.
"Then why did you bring me here?"
"Because I want to show you two people who had loved me with all they had," he responded earnestly. "They say that there are two people who would surely lay down their lives for you - and they would be your parents… My Mum and Dad did just that. Not that I am seeking replacements nor looking for more people who would do the same, though I definitely need those kind of people - "
"Oh, I know of one who'd be willing to do that for you…" I interjected.
"You?"
I shook my head and said, "Sadly, no…"
"Who then?" he asked, surprisingly looking all oblivious.
"Who else, but everyone's darling Hermione?" I replied acidly.
Harry sat on a mound looking all defeated. He stared at me with his pleading eyes and said, "Please, can we leave her out of this?"
I knelt in front of him and composed myself. "I know why you brought me here," I uttered. "You want confirmation, reassurance… you want to know if I will stand in the center of the fire with you and not shrink back…"
He raised his head and gazed at me with his piercing green eyes. I stared back, and gathered all the courage to do what was needed to be done - something that I had been dreading.
"I'm sorry, Harry… but I can't - I can't make that promise with all certainty," I said firmly.
"I'm tired, Ginny… I'm tired of loving this way," he said meekly.
"You never loved me," I replied back. "Don't say things you don't mean."
"Maybe I have… only not up to what you have been expecting…" he responded.
"I'm not the one whom you really need, Harry."
"And I am not the man of your dreams."
I closed my eyes and took it all in. My heart was breaking and I was trying to put on a brave face.
"How did we get here?" he asked me.
"I'm not really sure," I said. "Maybe - maybe it was meant to happen this way, Harry. Maybe I was here to make you see the light - to show you the path - take away the veil that has blinded you for so long…"
"I'm… I'm not sure what you meant," he admitted.
I took his hand in mine and placed them both on his chest. "Harry, just this once, listen to me - listen with your heart," I sighed. "Answer me this, Harry. Who sustains you from the inside when all else falls away?"
He did not utter a word but the knowing realisation crept on his face. I smiled back, happy that he now had a clue.
I continued. "She already went through the fire with you… faced the frightening coldness of the Dementors with you… Yes, Harry, you found her and she found you - I guess it's time for you to see each other without that veil which shielded what was evident.
"She's with Ron now… it's too late…"
"Ron will get over his infatuation soon enough," I snorted. "Wait for her…"
Harry sighed and said, "I'm sorry for causing the teardrops on your cheerful face."
"Don't be…" I replied back. "I had to go through this - to learn." I was really good at pretending.
I rose from the earth that almost swallowed me whole. "I - I have to go," I said tentatively. "I need to be alone." I did not even bother to look back at him or wait for his reply.
I walked across the school lawn and my feet brought me to the banks of the lake. The sun was about to set, like a curtain call signaling the end of a play - the end of my dreams, the end of one farcical charade.
How does a person grieve? I am puzzled at the lack of tears. The torrents of suffering were unleashed, yet I can't seem to cry. I feel numb.
I thought that what we had would be a lifelong promise - to end into something beautiful - like the poems that transcend all the world's time. I was wrong. All that was left was a reminder of the more basic themes of the same old-age romance - same verses yet of different lives.
Now, I can only laugh in disbelief at how incredibly superficial and romanticized my perception of love and the right man was. I must learn to let go of the selfish and frivolous dreams I have always held on to.
I waited for the sun to go down and be taken by the darkness. Like me - slowly raging against the present onslaught of consternation and trying to escape the haunting of a merciless past.
*********
I watched her walk away from me. There goes my present that never even dared to venture into the future - the dawn that was too afraid to face the sunrise… Ginny.
Ginny was right. We were lovers dancing to a tune wherein each dancer's steps fell so differently. I will not reclaim her anymore. I cannot hurt her any longer.
Have I stayed in the darkness far too long that I was too blind to see?
Hermione… like in the timeless myths, I always hear her voice in the sweetest of tunes, crystallized in my head. She was some cliché that everybody else requires for their mandatory existence - the saviour my weary soul seeks and intensely aches for.
I never knew that I had to live through emotions of love and hate, of hurt and joy until I could acknowledge that she was always - and as always had been - behind all the stories of my life.
I watched the darkness engulf the dying embers of the mighty sun. I have learned that you always love when you try to forget and yet you always forget when you fall in love - you love and forget whichever comes first but still you live and thank for the night anyway.
Time had passed. I woke up at the tingling heat of the rising sun. I watched the sunrise and was filled with awe at the beauty that was before me.
"Harry!"
I squinted and saw Hermione blocking my view.
"We've been looking all over for you. We've searched the whole castle since last night... What are you doing here?" she said frantically. She was still wearing yesterday's robes like I was. There were dark rims around her eyes, which meant she did not even get a wink throughout the night.
I stood up and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Thank you… thank you for finding me," I whispered to her. I again looked at the rising sun and wished I could have at least an idea of what lies beyond the horizon.
*********
I woke up early still remembering the strangest dream I had. It was about something that I had been dreading, something that has been bogging my thoughts - invading my mind even in my waking hours.
I hate to do it - I don't want to let go. Hermione is one thing that I knew I could have that Harry couldn't. But I was wrong - considerably mistaken. Harry does not need to claim her in any way because she already had given him her soul willingly. The heart - the heart I got to borrow for a while - but the time has come to return it to the one it rightfully beats for.
I am angry. I am hurt. Before all the hurting turns to hate - over which I am afraid I have no control of - I must hurt her back.
Today is the day and I gave her my dutiful morning kiss and hug in the common room, right in front of Harry before we went to our breakfast.
"Good morning, Ron" she said to me.
We went about our morning routine. I was about to say something to Hermione when she interrupted, "Uhm, Ron, we need to - "
"Talk," I finished it for her, I guess the same thoughts were running through our thick heads. "I know. We'll do it when the classes are over," I added, then stood up and gave her a knowing smile.
A smile - a smile I bravely mustered even though deep inside my whole being was aching in agony. Knowing that you were about to break someone else's heart apart from yours was an excruciating pain.
I avoided Hermione the whole day; I tried - so hard - I couldn't bear to be near her, because if I did I might change my mind.
Letting go of your priced possession needs a great deal of self-assurance - entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. I wanted to keep her forever locked into my arms yet I have watched her lose her faith day by day because we lost the love little by little. Only then, did I begin to realise that we actually have everything but the spirit.
I waited for her inside the Room of Requirement. I knew she would find me there. Time ticked the longest for me that gloomy night - the stars were hiding behind the thick dark clouds in the murky sky, a storm was looming - storm inside my head and outside the castle.
Hermione opened the creaking door that startled me. I took my eyes off the Forbidden Forest which I have been watching for hours from a small window and turned to her. No hugs, no contact - I motioned for her to take the couch conspicuously standing at the center of the room. I watched her take tentative steps and followed; I took a cushioned chair and placed it in front of her and sat there.
"Ron," she said softly.
I raised my arms in response to stop her from carrying on, "Hermione, please let me do this first."
She nodded and looked at me intently, waiting for my words to flow out.
I watched my hands oddly and felt like I was holding her heart at the palm of my hands. It was there, vulnerable and open - waiting for me to crush into pieces. I gathered all my courage and started. "I am sorry, Hermione. Sorry that I should be the one to do such a thing to you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are my friend, a friend I wouldn't want to lose."
"I just want you to know what I feel, because there may never come a time that I would get a chance to open this all up to you... This isn't something that I have planned or even wanted, but our feelings just can't seem to meet. I wish we could go back to those summer days, but things like this cannot be undone."
Hermione lowered her eyes and I saw her body shrink a bit, yet I continued. "I can't hold on any longer, Hermione. Don't even think that I don't love you - because I do - more than you'll ever know. I love you and that is why I am letting you go… it may not make any sense at all. Holding onto you just hurts us both… maybe we're not really meant to be together."
I watched her blank face and heard her voice echoed, "Haven't I loved you enough? Don't I know how to love?"
"You only don't know how to decide - whom to love," I replied.
"What do you mean?"
"Hermione, you need one thing that's true in your life. You have got to find yourself - find out what makes you happy, follow what your heart tells you. Foolish, it may seem, but at least you are a happy fool - not a lonely, empty wise person," I responded.
How can I tell her that it was Harry who makes her happy? And so I told her, honestly, deliberately, painfully - shedding a little bit of what was left of my pride. "Harry needs you," I blurted. She almost jumped from her chair. "He needs you badly… he's the one for you," I added.
Hermione shook her head because she knew everything that comes out from me was deeply rooted from jealousy. "Ron, I know your every weakness and now I could point them out in everything that you have said," she sighed.
"Some say you were his metaphor, and I totally agree," I said.
"I'm tired of us being this way…"
"This isn't what we should feel, Hermione."
"So what do you say… that this is just it?" she asked.
"It's time to say goodbye, Hermione… Goodbye to the forever we had promised to… you are not losing me at all, just the lover - the friend stays, eternally," I responded.
She had all gone quiet and her face reddened but still there was that numbing stare. No tears were evident on her eyes. She stood and walked away from me and went through the door.
I strained from the first tear that threatened to fall and trickle down my cheeks. I wanted to run after her and comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be all right, but when damaged pride hurts so much more than the loss, I kept to myself.
The clap of thunder and heavy downpour of rain filled my hearing and so I moved to the window and watched the storm unleash its fury to a world that was once my own. A few minutes later I had seen her running through the rain towards the dark forest. I wanted to rush to her side but then again I saw him right at her heels.
I watched them cling to each other amidst the tormenting heavy winds. My heart crumpled into pieces like the grains of sand… falling through the rain.
The moon did not show up at all because of the stupid rain. I'm not sure what time it was but I decided to go to our dormitory. However, it was too late to sleep and I couldn't seem to wakeup from this nightmare.
*********
People have a way with dreaming and believing and inventing words like forever. Words that seem to liberate us from the brief existence that began to count down the moment we enter this world and only stops short at the first kiss of a short-lived romance.
Have you touched the very heart of your own misery? Have you been opened by life's betrayals to become shriveled and close from fear of further pain?
I held onto Harry, desperately. We were standing amidst the fury of the storm that was lashing the grounds. I thanked the thunderstorm for drowning my breaking heart.
The rain kept on pouring, pounding in my aching heart. I prayed for it to stop, but the raging thunder kept on drowning my silent scream for mercy. It never seemed to know when to stop - when enough is enough - and neither do I.
"Hermione, I'm here," he said softly to me ear. "I'm here if you need to talk, to listen - to understand." He then offered me his shoulder and I turned to look at him and all the world dissolved.
I did not hear the whirling of the wind anymore, though I know that the rain kept on pounding down on us. It did not matter how many hours we stood there. The night was quiet, except for the sound of water rushing out of the sky.
I longed for a little more faith. I needed a little more conviction - a little more resolution - because redemption seemed a little beyond my reach.
I needed someone to carry me back home.
The storm subsided and all that was left were the soft kisses of the silent raindrops on my cheeks, yet we stood together. I was not sure how, because there was no moon shining that night - nevertheless I could see his eyes boring into to me, shining brightly.
He definitely had the most piercing green eyes, too piercing. I think he could see even the littlest crevices of my sanity - he could gaze at me and swim into the center of my being and find me there bare and open.
I stared back at him and marveled that he could break the most turbulent thunderstorms. His hands moved and reached for my face to remove wisps of hair that clung to my wet face. He took my face in his hands and then I saw it - there was a promise being made with every look, with every move, without words being said.
I tried to turn my gaze away, yet I could see that he saw what was on my thoughts. I felt his body reached for me in a way in which my body craves for him. The silence was disturbing - I could even hear ourselves breathing. In the moments that felt like eternity, his lips brushed mine, softly - timidly, uncertain - waiting for reassurance.
Would I heed his imploring? If only I would admit the need, only if I would accept - allow my heart to be a little bit more yielding so I could let myself believe once more. I had tried to run away from Harry and yet here I am finding out that all roads lead back to him after all.
And so I responded to his kiss - with the thought that he knows my mind, he can, as well, now know my body - I crashed my lips on his. I reached for him desperately and drank him in - his taste, the rain and my tears.
It had been said that when you meet the one, it was similar to 'coming home'. The way all the comfort the world could offer was nothing compared to the feeling of being in Harry's arms.
After our lips parted, without thinking and in a most unexpected way, I muttered, "I miss you." It was said in all honesty and sincerity, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope.
"No more tears, Hermione," Harry whispered. "We're home."
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A/N : My heartfelt thanks go to my beta readers Austenlover and Raven.