Unofficial Portkey Archive

I'm not going down on my knees,
Begging you to adore me
Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me

Understand me

Ginny left the dungeons swearing that Draco was out of her life for good. How could she forgive him this time? He could try to apologize, which she knew he would, and try to say it didn't mean anything, but she was done. Ginny stood at the edge of the forbidden forest and screamed her frustrations until she felt faint, and had sent all the birds into the skies.

Ginny leaned against a tree and cried, not minding the cold, or the creepy noises of the forest behind her, she didn't care anymore. There was so much pain and anger boiling up inside of her, it was like a poison, and she had to get it out. Seeing Draco lying there naked, knowing he had been with Lavender. How could he say that sleeping with Lavender meant nothing, when sleeping with her was supposed to be so special?

It felt like hours had passed when she finally stopped crying, and was able to think clearly. Her mind was clearly shouting that letting go of Draco was the right thing to do and the only thing to do, but her heart still defended him, nagging at her that he hadn't ever intended to hurt her. She finally made her mind up, as painful as it would be, she was better off without Draco Malfoy in her life. Finally Ginny was too exhausted to think anymore, and headed to bed.

***************************************

After mulling over the past months event's, Ginny was ready to battle the next time she saw Draco Malfoy. All the love she was feeling had been converted into anger, and she didn't care if she ever saw him again. She headed down to breakfast and sat down next to Hermione and Neville. She didn't want to eat, she had so much pent up energy she felt like she could run the Quidditch pitch twenty times and not feel exhausted.

Ginny was playing with her eggs, mashing them to oblivion wishing it were a certain someone's face, when she felt an incredible heat at her back. Ron, who was sitting across the table from her stood up, and Ginny knew from the tingle in her stomach that it was Draco. Ron's angry expression would have told her that, had her body not known it already.

"What the bloody hell do you want, Malfoy?" Ron growled.

"I would like to speak to you Ginevra, privately." Draco could feel every eye in the Great hall on him, as it became extremely quiet. He hated bringing such attention on himself, but desperate times. "Please."

Without making eye contact, Ginny stood up and threw her glass of pumpkin juice in Draco's face. As she exited the hall she could hear cheers and whistles, she did not feel bad, she told herself, it was no less than he deserved. If only she could make herself not feel guilty.

Draco kept his head held high, and bowed slightly to his audience of the entire hall. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face, heading back to his own table. He would not flee the hall like a coward, he would rather sit there, sticky from pumpkin juice than give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him run.

********************************************

When Draco was alone in his room he had time to ponder the complicated Miss Weasley. Draco now knew that he and Ginny were finished for good. At least she thought so. She hated him. When he tried to get her attention, she wouldn't even make eye contact, and if she did, he wished she hadn't. The looks she gave him were filled with such hatred; the same eyes that once made him feel like there was some hope for him.

He was worried about her, over the next few weeks, she looked thin, and tired, and miserable. It wasn't his right to say anything anymore, but he wondered if she didn't think about him, or wonder if he thought about her.

Lavender had meant nothing to him, absolutely nothing at all. He tried once to put himself in Ginny's shoes, and imagined her shagging Blaise, and unfortunately for Blaise he happened to walk past Draco when he was thinking about this. Draco gave him a dirty look, and watched him carefully for several moments, pondering if Blaise had ever even looked at Ginny in a way that Draco thought was inappropriate, and before he knew it, he had imagined killing his friend. If Ginny told him that she had indeed shagged his friend, but it didn't mean anything, he would kill Blaise, and then go after Ginny.

He was quite sure she would never forgive him.

*************************************

The weekend before Easter break began most students were staying at Hogwarts to study for O.W.L.S. and N.E.W.T.s, though this Saturday it seemed everyone was in Hogsmeade, as every shop was particularly crowded. The weather had taken a warm turn as well, and one and all were taking advantage of the sun and the feeling of freedom from classes, at least for a day.

Draco had decided to venture into Hogsmeade with Blaise, who was going to meet with his future mother and father in law for lunch. He was still unsure about going; he was in the courtyard chatting with Blaise until he saw Ginny preparing to go to town. At least he could watch her from afar if he wanted to.

When Blaise left to attend his lunch, Draco wandered the streets, hands in his robe pockets wondering why he had allowed things to go so terribly wrong. Draco was absently looking for Ginny when a dark figure caught his attention.

Draco stopped walking and looked into the abandoned alley where the figure stood. Something about the person made his blood run cold.

He couldn't believe it when the man in the alley motioned to him. He was going to ignore him; he didn't answer anyone's summons. Then the figure pulled the hood of their cloak back, and Draco saw the man's white blond hair.

Draco felt the breath leave his body; his father was out of Azkaban, and wandering the streets of Hogsmeade. Draco looked his father in the eye as he walked straight toward him. Draco couldn't believe the man in front of him was his father. Lucius looked so horribly thin, and weak, and he had a crazed look in his eyes. "Father, you shouldn't be here, someone might see you."

Lucius looked right through Draco, and stared at the wall behind him for a few moments before looking at Draco. "You were always clever. Draco?"

Draco put a hand on his father's shoulder, "I'm here, father. But you really shouldn't be here, if you are seen…"

Lucius seemed to come alive, his eyes cleared, and he smiled at his son. "The time for action will be soon, you must take your place with the next generation of The Dark Lords follow-"

Draco sighed in frustration and pulled away from his father. He knew this day would come, but he had thus far chosen to ignore it and live his life as he pleased, until the time for action came. The truth was, he didn't want to be a Death Eater, and he didn't want to follow a dark Lord who couldn't even defeat a baby, even if he was the heir of Slytherin. He didn't want to join the Potter fan club either, but it seemed like the winning side, as it appeared that Potter's luck was never going to run out.

Lucius didn't appreciate Draco's insolence, and pushed him to get his attention. Draco didn't move a muscle, his father had no strength, and the years in Azkaban had beyond doubt affected him. Draco knew that his father was here now because the dementors and several higher ups at the Ministry were loyal to Voldemort, and had let him go, but he would have expected a little better treatment while he was in Azkaban.

Draco saw Ginny walk by with Neville, who was holding her coat. Draco felt his temper rise seeing them together, even though he knew it was completely innocent.

Lucius followed his sons gaze, and was disgusted at the sight of the Weasley girl, and that weak-minded Longbottom. When he looked at Draco he saw anger, Draco couldn't have feelings for the little tart could he? Surely his standards were higher. "Draco, you know what you must do."

Draco looked at his father, and then at Ginny, who was window shopping with her back to them. He pointed towards her and touched his father's hand. "That is where my life is. That beautiful girl with the long red hair, and the ferocious temper. That is what is worth fighting for. Your cause, Father, is a lost one, I'm sorry to say. You should collect Mother and leave, consider it, please. For me and for her, if not for yourself."

Lucius slowly looked away from Ginny and Neville back to Draco. "She is worth fighting for? And is that why she is here with you now? Or is she hanging on Longbottom for appearances sake? Really Draco, I would think you would have chosen someone more…Appropriate for your position. And you do not get the privilege of instructing me about my life, Draco."

Draco put his head down to avoid his father's knowing gaze. He knew that Ginny wasn't going to speak to him for the rest of the year, at least that's what she said. He knew she was furious, but how many times could he apologize? He was sorry, he was sorry for kissing Pansy, he was sorry for sleeping with Lavender. Maybe Ginny was out of his life for good.

Draco looked up at his father as Lucius readjusted his cloak to cover his hair. "I know I can count on you to make the correct choice, son." Lucius awkwardly patted Draco on the same shoulder he had shoved earlier. "I will be in contact with you soon." With that, Lucius Malfoy disappeared.

*********************************************

Ginny and Neville were spending a lot of time together because Neville was lonely for a friend, and he seemed to have a lot to say once someone gave him there full attention, and Ginny was not in the mood to talk, but she was a good listener. Ginny was so tired of talking about Draco; she didn't want to waste another breath. She didn't think she could ever forgive him, and now she had detention every night thanks to her temper, and Lavender running to Professor McGonagall.

She and Neville spent the weekends, and her rare free moments together, and she was grateful for his company. Ron was obnoxious, constantly reminding her of her 'mistake' of trusting Draco, and warning her not to do it again, and Harry and Hermione were wrapped up in each other. Ginny had isolated most of her friends over the last months, and now she was grateful for Neville's company. He had a wonderful sense of humor that no one else had tapped into yet, and she was appreciative of his presence in her life.

Draco had started keeping to himself, he had a lot to think about, and he couldn't confide his worries in anyone. He wanted to do the right thing, and stay with Ginny, to protect her, but wouldn't she have all her brave little Gryff friends? Draco was disgusted thinking about her and Longbottom. You never saw one without the other these days. Was he so unworthy that she couldn't give him any time? Draco stopped those thoughts, and promised he would stop torturing himself. She said she didn't want him; she wasn't going to change her mind. Draco decided that he would leave her alone, he had his own problems, but he would try one last time, right before school was over, and if she hadn't cooled off by then, he would do what his father wanted, without her, his life wouldn't mean anything anyway.

Draco knew what he had to do, but that didn't mean that he liked it. His father's image preoccupied much of his thoughts; he wasn't the same man that he remembered. When he thought of his father, he thought of someone who was invincible, the most powerful man in the world. He knew that his father had to have weaknesses, even thought he never showed them. Even when he was sent to Azkaban, he sent specific instructions that neither Draco nor his mother were to visit him. He didn't want any more attention drawn to himself, or the Malfoy name.

The man in the alley was his father, at least a shell of the man his father was. There were a few moments when Draco never would have thought his father would be alright, and then he seemed to come out of it, and be his old cruel self. Maybe he had a point, maybe he shouldn't deny the course of the Malfoy destiny, and do what his father wanted him to. What if his father needed him? That was a likely probability, he may need to save his father's life, and the only way to protect him would be to become a Death Eater.

********************************************

Ginny was helping Neville study for his N.E.W.T.s, and was trying her best to keep awake. It was after 2:00 a.m. and the common room was slowly emptying. She had her own homework, and detention, and she could feel the exhaustion of a horrible school year taking its toll on her. The only good thing was that she had made a wonderful friend in Neville. She was able to tell him anything, and he never judged. He confided in her too, and she was looking forward to summer break, and spending some time with him.

Ginny didn't remember falling asleep, but she was awakened by a gentle kiss on the lips. Ginny whispered "Draco" before she felt herself being shook awake. Ginny sat up and stretched, looking at Neville, who was leaning over her on the couch. "I'm so sorry, Nev. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'm just so tired." she said with a big yawn.

Neville gave Ginny a half smile, "Gin, you should go to bed, I'll study a bit more, and head up myself. "

Ginny knew something was wrong. What had she missed? "Neville? What is it? Are you alright?"

Neville looked up at the ceiling, then sighed, picking up Ginny's shoes off of the floor and helping her up, walking her to the girl's staircase. He handed her the shoes and said, "Goodnight Ginny." He then gave her a gentle shove to get her going.

Ginny smiled back at him as she made her way to her bed, unsure of what had just happened. She could see a change in him, but she wasn't sure what it was. How long had she been asleep, anyway?

*********************************************

Draco had to try one last time. Everyone was waiting to board the train at Hogsmeade station, this may be his last chance, and he had had a hell of a time these last weeks of school trying to get close to her, she was better protected than Gringotts. Draco kept trying to catch her eye, then finally, when he was ready to give up and try to catch her on the train, Ginny separated herself, and walked around the back of the building. She waived Ron off who was trying to follow her, saying, "I'm old enough to use the loo alone, Merlin's sake!"

Draco met her on the other side and Ginny sighed and downcast her eyes before turning to look at him.

"What is it Draco? What do you want to torture me with before summer break? Did you happen to sleep with my mum too?"

Draco shook his head at her manner, and tried to approach her.

"Stay right there, loverboy. I don't trust you, and I don't want to hear what you have to say, so excuse me."

Draco nodded, and then said, "Fair enough Ginevra. I just had a few things I wanted to say to you, and I would appreciate you giving me one minute of your time."

Ginny looked at her watch, and signaled for Draco to begin.

"If you ever cared for me at all, you will listen to what I have to say. "

Ginny looked up from her watch to stare at Draco. Of course she cared for him, she always would. But she couldn't trust him, and what kind of a relationship was that, if they couldn't trust each other?

Draco suddenly felt very unsure of himself; he was going to be rejected, and he knew that. But he had to try, he had to tell her how he was feeling, and hope that she knew he was being sincere. "I, I just wanted to say, that if there hadn't been you, there wouldn't have been anyone. No one else will ever be able to make me feel this way. If I blew it, I will live with the regret the rest of my lonely life."

Ginny wanted to melt. He looked genuine, but he had proven that he was good at manipulation so many times in the past. Ginny wasn't sure what to say, when she saw Ron appear around the corner looking for her. She had to push him away, it was better for both of them. She couldn't keep the tremble from her voice when she said, "Oh please! Is that supposed to make me feel bad?"

Draco was genuinely shocked at her response. He was pouring his heart out, and she was mocking him.

Draco smiled at her, bent low and kissed her hand. "Thank you for your time, Miss Weasley. Have a pleasant life." And with that he walked away. He left his heart with her, it was hers after all, whether she knew it or not.

Ginny cried in Neville's arms almost the entire train ride back to platform 9 ¾. It wasn't until she finally fell asleep that she got any peace.

*********************************

That summer Draco Malfoy accepted the dark mark, his father at his side, with no regrets, and no hesitation. His only second thought had rejected him at Hogsmeade station, so he had nothing left to lose.