A/N: Well, here's chapter 7. They should be returning to Hogwarts next chapter. Please give me some feedback. I haven't got much feedback on the new stuff I've written.
Also, I'm still looking for a beta.
Note: I changed this chapter's title to match my original intent. Sorry 'bout that.
Chapter 7: Small Revelations
Harry awoke the next morning rather lazily, and knowing that he had no reason to get out of bed, he decided to simply go back to sleep. Ron however did not appear to be as fortunate. When Harry finally did get out of his bed near noon, he promptly noticed that Ron was not in the bed next to his. Recalling Mrs. Weasley's threat, Harry could only assume that Ron was busy doing the homework he'd been putting off.
Harry passed Ron at the dining room table, books laid out in front of him, while on his way to the kitchen for some breakfast. Harry came back with a banana and sat down next to Ron.
"Wha'ch wok'in' on?" Harry said with a full mouth, drawing a sigh from the doorway where Hermione had just entered the room.
"Charms essay," Ron said absently. Hermione looked at Harry and he soon realized that he hadn't changed out of his pajamas or brushed his teeth before coming down. She wrinkled her nose.
"Honestly, Harry. Just because you finished your homework doesn't mean you should be sleeping in until the afternoon. You're just having breakfast, think of all the other things you could have been doing instead of sleeping!" Ron put down his quill and looked over at Harry who was still chewing on his last bite, fearful of responding to Hermione with a full mouth.
"Blimey, she's scolding you about being done with homework!" Ron finished his sentence with a hint if indignation, as if Hermione were not there. She looked at him sourly.
"I'm not scolding Harry!" she retorted. "I was simply saying that there are plenty of other, more productive things that Harry could be doing besides getting extra sleep he doesn't need." Harry turned to her, swallowing the last of his breakfast.
"Did you have something in mind?" Harry knew that was the wrong thing to ask as soon as her eyes lit up.
"As a matter of fact I do," she said excitedly, shuffling over to where he was and pulling him out of his seat. "I had some new ideas about S.P.E.W. that I think will provide some significant results!" Harry, while not as aversive to Hermione's passion for S.P.E.W. as Ron, certainly could think of other things he'd rather do. But as soon as the thoughts came to him, a voice nearly like Sirius' entered his mind, and he remembered the letter he'd read last night.
Maybe sometimes it needs to be about what she wants instead of what the boys want, the voice explained to him. He still needed to properly thank her like Sirius had asked, so Harry decided it would be best to help her, and smiling nodded his approval.
"I suppose I could spend some time on that," he said carefully. Hermione beamed at him and Ron rolled his eyes, turning back to the foot long piece of parchment in front of him.
Harry went to his room and changed out of his pajams, then followed Hermione into the sitting room that they usually played chess in and Hermione motioned for him to sit down next to the fireplace.
"So what's this new idea?" Harry asked, getting comfortable in his chair. Hermione looked extremely pleased with herself.
"Kreacher gave me the idea." Harry stared blankly, and Hermione realized that Harry might not be amenable to hearing about Kreacher's ideas. She paused, but Harry simply nodded stiffly. "Well you see," she continued, smiling again, "Kreacher is a really wretched little elf, even if the way he's imprisoned is wrong. But he did something that I hadn't noticed another elf do." She paused, smiling at her own thoughts. "Kreacher tried to find ways to do things for people other than his proper master. Think about it, Dobby did the same thing with you second year."
The wheels in Harry's head began turning. She was right, it seemed that for all of their magical binding and self-inflicted punishments, house elves were able to do things that they wanted for other people. The thing that Harry didn't get is how this helped Hermione's cause at all. In fact, Harry thought that it put a slight damper on the "free the elves from oppression" talk. Hermione however had a look on her face like the cat that ate the canary, so Harry simply waited for her to continue.
"Don't you see Harry, elves already understand what I've been trying to teach them!" Harry looked at her confused. "I've just been explaining it to them wrong. Think about it like this Harry, Dobby was the Malfoy's elf, right?" Harry nodded, following so far. "They mistreated him and were rather nasty to him, right? Well Malfoy talked about the things that you did at school, and though I'm sure he put a spin on things, Dobby heard about you and understood that you were a great person - a great wizard Harry." She paused as if to ponder the compliment for a moment and Harry just nodded. "Dobby understood right from wrong, and he also understood kindness from cruelty. He sought you out of kindness."
Hermione paused again. What she had been saying was all very interesting, Harry agreed. He just still couldn't see how it helped at all.
"Harry, the house elves pledge their professional loyalty to their family, but their personal loyalty, that lies with those who are kind to them! Think of Sirius," she said slowly. Harry tried not to and simply let her continue. "Sirius... I'm not saying anything is his fault, Harry." She took a breath. "Sirius wasn't very kind to Kreacher, but for all their faults I'm sure that Narcissa and Bellatrix accepted Kreacher with open arms because of what he could do for them. Their motivations may not have been pure, but they were kind, and Kreacher gave them his loyalty for it."
Harry didn't quite know how to respond to that. A part of him was furious that Hermione would suggest everything might have been alright if only Sirius had been kinder, but another part of him, the part that, ironically, usually spoke in Hermione's voice told him that she was right. Harry simply nodded again.
"That's the key Harry... honest kindness. I think the elves can handle being treated as equals by those who are kind to them. Or, they could learn to anyway." Harry just stared.
"What are you planning?" he finally asked.
"Well," Hermione started. She bit her lip and she decided how to phrase what she was going to say. "I think we need to make a real effort to be kind to elves first, then treat them as equals. If we can show house elves that they already have divided loyalties, and that being free simply allows their true loyalties to be their only loyalties..." she trailed off staring at a point past Harry. "We just might get through to them."
Harry finally began to understand. The plan seemed simple enough, and to be honest, it was a lot less pushy than any of Hermione's previous endeavors, which made Harry feel that it just might work. Harry had never really felt inspired by Hermione's speeches on elf rights, but this time he felt... hope, almost. As if this were suddenly something worth fighting for. As if the house elves really were trapped by their own minds.
"So how do we start?" Harry asked more enthusiastically than he had before.
"Well, that's the thing Harry." She looked at him intently. "I think we need to start by being nice to Kreacher. You received the house in the will, so Kreacher belongs to you. We need to start with him." A dark look crossed Harry's face, as if to say 'anyone but him'.
"Harry, you need to let it go," Hermione told him sternly. "Kreacher is what people have made him. You can't blame him for following the only people that have ever been kind to him." Harry looked at her in disbelief, a look that clearly replied 'I can blame him if I bloody well feel like it'. Hermione let out a small sigh.
"Harry, please, listen to what I'm saying." She looked up at him with a face that made Harry feel very guilty. He kicked himself mentally. He'd been intending to come up here and thank her for always standing by him, and here he was refusing to stand by her because of... vengeance. Sirius wouldn't have wanted that, even if Sirius had hated the elf, as Harry was now admitting. He looked down at his hands for a moment, contemplating her proposal.
"Well," he told her looking back up. "I can't make any promises. But..." he trailed off, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to do. "But I will do my best to not let you down," he finally said. "I... can't quite forgive Kreacher yet, but I will do my best to treat him with... kindness," he concluded. Hermione broke into a great big smile and gave him another warm hug. Harry again felt that doing nice things for others was quite rewarding, and hugged her back.
"I had something I wanted to talk about as well," Harry said, pulling away. He looked towards the door uneasily. For some reason Harry felt like this conversation needed to be private. A small talk between him, Hermione and Sirius. He went over silently and closed the door to the room, facing her with a serious look on his face. Hermione began to get worried.
"Is something wrong?" she asked him. He shook his head.
"I..." He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. "I don't quite know how to start this." He paused for a moment. Best start with the point, Harry reasoned. "In my letter from Sirius, the one you saw me read, he asked me to do something. Something that I should have done before, but never have." Harry laughed. "He practically told me I was an insensitive git," Harry said chuckling. His face returned to its serious expression.
"You've always been with me," Harry explained, his opening phrase softening her worried expression. He chuckled again, this time for a different reason. "I actually can't figure out why, but you've never left me, even when you knew I was wrong, like at the Department of Mysteries, or when I locked myself in with Buckbeak." He stopped to measure her reaction, but she remained unchanged so he continued.
"I don't... I can't imagine how long ago I would have stumbled if you had given up on me," Harry told her. "Ron has... given up a few times before, but even then, you were with me through it. Sirius helped me realize that I have never once appreciated the support you've given me." Harry stopped. He felt that he was starting to sound rather silly, but she still wasn't laughing at him, so he kept going. "I... I don't know what I would do without you there to tell me I'm wrong, or tell me what's right, Hermione. I'd probably be dead right now." He dismissed the notion as though it were simply an afterthought.
"I just wanted to thank you, for always being a true friend to me," Harry told her. "I... I want to try and be a true friend for you and Ron as well, and the things Sirius said... they made me realize that I have been letting you two down in that regard. I've been letting both of you be friends to me, without being a friend back." Harry smiled. He was looking at his hands now. "What's the use in having friends if none of them are willing to be good friends, eh?"
Harry looked up and was startled to see her crying softly, a few tears streaking down her smiling face. Harry immediately began to worry that he'd said something wrong and fumbled an apology. "Sorry," he muttered, looking down again. Harry was quite unprepared for what happened next.
He was almost immediately overcome by a pair of arms that pushed him back into his seat, her hair clouding some of his vision as her face planted itself in his shirt, making it become damp. She tightened her arms around him, and laughed in a queer sort of way, or so Harry thought, as a few more tears ran down her cheeks to his shirt.
"Thank you, Harry," she said. "You don't know how much this means to me." She pulled back and stood up, brushing herself off and wiping her face, smiling the whole time. "You shouldn't apologize. You may have never said it, but I always knew that you appreciated the things I did." She looked at him with a smile that was infectious. Harry laughed at the look on her face, feeling much better about himself.
Yes, he concluded once more. Doing nice things for others is very pleasurable indeed. He made a mental note to try being nicer to Ron and Hermione when he was in a bad mood, since he figured that was the time he could benefit the most from feeling nice.
One thing bothered him though. He hadn't realized it until he started, but he really didn't understand why Hermione had always stuck with him. He always just chalked it up to being a Hermione thing to do, but what exactly that thing was he couldn't quite put together.
The Ron thing to do, he thought, was to vent. Not for Ron to vent on Harry, although that certainly did happen, but to help Harry vent away pent up emotional stress. Both were very important to him, he decided, and though Sirius may not have told him to directly, Harry felt that an important part of keeping Ron 'anchored' would be to have a similar talk with him later.
He smiled. Ron helped him release, Hermione helped him understand. They really were the best friends he could ask for.
"Oh," Harry started, suddenly recalling something from the letter. "I meant to ask, is Crookshanks around?" Hermione looked at him confused for a moment. "Sirius asked me twice in his letters to say hello to Crookshanks for him." He smiled wider and Hermione began to form one at the fond mention of the Marauder. "I think Sirius rather liked Crookshanks after talking with him as a dog third year," Harry continued. "Remember how he commented on Crookshanks being such a smart cat?"
"Yes, I was telling Ron all year long that Crookshanks was perfectly alright." She nodded as if to vindicate her statement. "Course I don't think any of us were expecting why Crookshanks despised Scabbers so much..." She trailed off.
"But yes," she continued. "Crookshanks has been keeping to my room mostly, but I can go get him if you would like." Harry smiled. He wasn't sure why, but the fact that Sirius had been so adamant to him about such a frivolous thing comforted Harry a great deal.
"I would like that very much, thanks."
Hermione made her way over to the door and let out a small yelp when she opened it. There was Ron looking as if he was just about to knock.
"Why was the door closed?" Ron asked oddly. Harry didn't like his tone very much, though he reasoned with himself he had no reason to dislike his tone.
"We were just talking about S.P.E.W.," Harry told him. Hermione seemed to snap out of her momentary surprise and walked past Ron, further up the stairs.
"Where's she in such a hurry to?" Ron inquired. Harry smiled again thinking of what she was doing.
"She's getting Crookshanks," Harry told Ron. Ron looked thoroughly nonplussed, as if he couldn't possibly understand why Harry would find that something to smile about. "Sirius asked me to say hello to Crookshanks for him," Harry explained. Ron seemed to accept that answer, though it didn't seem to change his opinion of the cat in question.
Hermione returned moments later with Crookshanks in her hands, looking very satisfied with himself indeed. She sat down in the chair she had been sitting in the day before with her book, and Harry looked down at Crookshanks who seemed to be purring from the attention. Harry wasn't quite sure what to say to a cat, so he figured exactly what he'd been asked would suffice.
"Sirius says hi," Harry said, looking at the half-Kneezle. "He's... gone now, and he wanted me to tell you hello and goodbye for him." Crookshanks turned and looked directly at Harry, right into his eyes. Harry could swear the cat was trying to say something back.
Harry scratched behind his ears, feeling the fur between his fingers, and thought back to the letter Sirius had written. Sirius had written about Harry's parents a bit, but nothing specific. What Harry really wanted was some of the stories about his parents, things that actually happened. Real memories. He remembered Sirius talking about watching James fall in love being the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and he could almost see the Gryffindor common room in his head, Sirius and James talking to each other at a table while Remus did homework nearby and Peter read from his potions book.
Harry could imagine James turning to Sirius with a very, well, serious, look on his face.
"I think I have a problem, Padfoot," his father would say. Sirius would put down his quill and turn to James, huddling a little bit closer so that they could drop their voices. "I can't get Evans out of my head. I don't know what it is. I have all these girls chasing after me, many of them ravishingly beautiful, but my mind is always on Evans and how she doesn't like me... how she thinks I'm just a slimy git."
Sirius would smile at his father's worried expression and pick his quill back up.
"Did you ever consider that maybe you actually fancy her?" James would look scandalized at the very suggestion.
"Fancy her!?" James would say far too loud, drawing a few stares from around the common room. He would quickly drop his voice again, acting indignant. "I don't fancy girls! I mean, I fancy girls," James would say, realizing the implication of his first statement, "but not like that. Too much trouble actually fancying one of them."
"Perhaps," Sirius would say. "Why do you try to impress her?"
"Well," James would pause to gather his thoughts, "because she isn't impressed! I mean, all of the other girls in the school seem to be, why isn't she? What makes her so special?"
"Indeed," Sirius would respond. "What makes her so special? Why do you care so much?"
"Well... I just..." James would sputter. "Look here, Padfoot, that's not the point. I just want her to see me as worthy." Sirius would set his quill back down and turn to face James again.
"Worthy of what?" James would stop again, apparently in deep thought.
"Well, I don't know. Maybe I want her to think that I'm worthy of her... like she's not any better than I am." Sirius would look at James with a somewhat serious expression.
"Do you honestly think that Evans is no better than you?" Sirius would ask him. "Think about it. Sure, everyone around the school seems to like you, but she seems to like everyone around the school. Which matters more, Prongs?" James would remain silent, knowing he was beaten. "Evans is better than us. That's why I get such a kick out of seeing her prove it." Sirius would stop for a moment. "Maybe that's something that's good, you know. Knowing that there's someone out there who's better than you."
"Maybe..." he would look around the common room. "Maybe I do fancy Evans. What should I do about it?" Sirius would chuckle, picking up his quill again.
"Well, I would suggest you stop being 'a slimy git'." The picture in Harry's head faded as he felt Hermione shaking him gently.
"Harry? Are you alright?" Harry looked up at her and Ron, seeing a worried expression on their faces. "You weren't responding for a moment there."
"Yeah," Harry said smiling. "I was just thinking about my parents." Ron and Hermione looked at each other. This was something that had actually never come up between them before.
"Er, what about them?" Ron asked tentatively.
"Oh, just imagining how they got together." Harry chuckled. "Everyone's told me that my mum didn't especially like my father for most of their time at school, but that's not the truth. I think she just wanted to help him be a better person." Harry sat back on the floor. "I mean, from what I've heard, they didn't really fight, my mum just thought my dad was a bit full of himself." Harry laughed lightly. "Actually from what I've seen, that was probably true."
Hermione and Ron just listened intently. Harry had never really discussed his parents or how he felt about them with either of his two friends, and they didn't exactly know if they were supposed to say anything or not. Harry looked at them with a comforting grin.
"I think I understand them better lately. Their life and such." Harry glanced between his two friends. He felt genuinely better, as if a great burden were finally lifted off his shoulders. A burden of many things. Sirius, his parents, Cedric... he still felt for all of them, and he still felt very bad that they could not be there right then, especially Sirius. But he realized as he stood again that the hurt was dull and forgettable almost, like a wound that had scabbed over. He thought, like any wound, it could be ripped back open and hurt anew, but that he would be might able to move forward finally.
He also realized that this must be what Ron and Hermione were being so cautious about. They were not aware of the small transformation that Harry had undergone in the last few days. He had been worried that Sirius' will would hurt like nothing before had. That it would make Sirius' death real for him in a way that nothing else could.
Well, he had been right, he reasoned. It did make Sirius' death real for him like nothing else had, but he realized that he had to make it more real if he had ever wanted to get past it. He also realized that this was what Hermione and Ron had probably been so worried about since the beginning of the summer. Harry found himself thinking once again, I really do have the best friends.
Harry smiled at his pair.
"I think I'm ready to move on," he said plainly. "I think Sirius would have wanted that." Hermione beamed at him with obvious approval, and Ron grinned at him cautiously. He reached out and pulled his two friends into what he imagined must be the twelfth hug in the past two days.
As Hermione said something about how proud of him she was, Harry thought to himself that he still felt held back. I don't know if I can move forward, Harry told himself. But now I'm at least going to try.