Disclaimer: See Part 1.
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed this so far- you all rock!
In this chapter: OBHWF plays the Titanic. Enjoy!
From My Soul
Part 4
The letters were late.
It was ridiculous that somehow, in all this uncertainty and despite what this might mean for his search, his first thought on seeing the letters from Hogwarts, delivered by the usual owls the next morning, was that the letters were late.
Only by a few days but they were late.
He'd rather assumed since he hadn't heard anything a few days ago when the letters usually arrived, that Hogwarts wouldn't be opening again but these letters proved him wrong.
Hogwarts… He couldn't imagine Hogwarts without Dumbledore there; he could hardly imagine it without Snape-only there, the difference was a good one. He felt the familiar flare of anger and hatred at the thought of Snape; Hogwarts would be better off without him, although he wondered whether Slughorn would be staying on for Potions and who would be taking over Defense Against the Dark Arts.
And yet, for all his curiosity, there was a sort of detached quality to his questions too. For the first time, he wondered about the coming year without the same sense of it affecting him.
Because he already knew- had decided weeks ago- that he wouldn't be going back.
He didn't even bother to open his letter, only put it away. He knew what would be in it; the usual list of supplies and books needed and a reminder of the Hogwarts Express leaving from Kings Cross on September 1. He assumed there would also be an addition reassuring parents and students of Hogwarts' safety even after Dumbledore's murder along with what would probably be an explanation of additional safety measures which the school had taken.
He would need to send a reply to McGonagall later, telling her his decision even if he couldn't tell her exactly what he was doing.
His gaze moved to the letter addressed, in McGonagall's familiar script, to Hermione Granger.
It was thicker than either his or Ron's letters and he picked it up, knowing even before he did so, what he would feel.
The Head-Girl badge.
Hermione had done it; she was Head-Girl.
He should be happy for her; this was an accomplishment for her, a goal he knew she'd been working towards. He should be happy.
He wasn't. All he could feel was a sick sort of terror in his chest-and for a moment, he had a mad impulse to just hide the letters and pretend they'd never come. Let Ron and Hermione think that Hogwarts wasn't opening again.
But even as he thought it, he had a sudden memory of letters flooding into the house on Privet Drive through the chimneys and bursting through the mail slot-and knew he couldn't do it.
Besides, it's dishonest and stealing to hide letters addressed to someone else, the part of his mind that spoke in Hermione's voice reminded him.
"Morning, Harry," Hermione said and he glanced at her curiously. She sounded more cheerful than she had in days and he wondered why. Optimism sounded out-of-place in that gloomy kitchen. He made a mental note to ask her about it but at that moment, there was something else to worry about-something that might well make all of what they'd talked over yesterday since finding the locket rather pointless if she wasn't going to be here.
Silently he handed her, her Hogwarts letter, and then busied himself with pouring a glass of pumpkin juice for her, not wanting to see her expression when she realized she was Head Girl.
He'd been expecting some reaction, some exclamation, but there was nothing and he finally forced himself to look at her.
She was staring at her open letter and the Head Girl badge lying on top of the parchment, an odd expression which he couldn't read on her face.
"Congratulations, Hermione," he forced himself to say and then winced at how stiff his tone had been. It was worse than when he'd been upset over not being made a Prefect in 5th year; his congratulations then had sounded positively enthusiastic when compared with this.
He tried again, managing a small smile. "I always knew you would be."
"Don't, Harry," she finally said and looked up at him, her eyes meeting his. "I'm not taking it."
He stared blankly at her. "Not- not taking it? But- but, Hermione, it- you--" he stammered, at a complete loss.
She smiled a small, serious sort of smile. "I told you before, didn't I? I'm staying with you, Harry. I won't go back to Hogwarts-not if you don't."
Thank God. He felt a surge of relief, the fear that had been twisting his insides into knots since he'd seen the letters dissipating.
"But-are you sure?" he asked lamely. "I- I know how important it is to you-and you'll be missing N.E.W.T's and- and all that…" He trailed off. He had to protest, had to make sure-even if he knew he'd hate himself if he persuaded her that she should go back to Hogwarts.
"I know that, Harry and I knew it before, when I told you I'd stay with you. I knew that but Harry, don't you see, it doesn't matter? There are more important things; this, finding the rest of the horcruxes and destroying them, is more important."
"More important things, like friendship and bravery," he said softly, remembering what she'd said so long ago in their first year-and she'd shown that to him over and over these past few years, hadn't she? Shown just why the Sorting Hat had placed her in Gryffindor-because she was more than just books and cleverness; she was friendship and bravery and-and loyalty.
She smiled and flushed slightly with pleasure at this evidence that he still remembered her words from their first year, and their eyes met and held. "I'm staying with you, Harry," she repeated and now there was a trace of her usual bossiness in her tone, the tone that promised woe to anyone who disagreed with her or tried to persuade her otherwise.
And all he could say was, "Thanks." The one word was inadequate to express the depths of his relief and his gratitude but it was all he could say. Thanks… He was grateful- so grateful; he didn't know what he would have done if Hermione had decided she had to return to Hogwarts after all. What would he do if he had to try and find the other horcruxes on his own? He may have originally planned it that way-but he knew, now, that it had been foolishness to even think it. He couldn't do it alone-even Dumbledore had said that it required two people to get past the charms guarding the fake locket in the cave; how could he- all on his own- possibly hope to find the other horcruxes, let alone destroy them? He couldn't do it alone; he needed-he needed Hermione.
It was as simple as that.
And that reminded him of her tone when she had entered the kitchen this morning-and what they'd talked about yesterday.
"Did you think of anything new?" he asked.
"Not about how to destroy the locket," Hermione said rather reluctantly. "But I did think of something else. Dumbledore said that Voldemort probably hid the horcruxes in some place that had some special meaning for him, like the cave and in the house where his mother's family had lived and stuff."
He looked at her curiously. She'd had an idea; he knew the tone of her voice when she was thinking out-loud to verify an idea she'd had. She'd had an idea-and he felt a flare of hope.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I think-" she paused and then finished rapidly, "I think I know where one of the other horcruxes is. It's got to be at Hogwarts."
Hogwarts. Harry stared. Of course, Voldemort would have wanted to hide a horcrux at Hogwarts; it had been his first real home; he'd even wanted to come back to it to teach…
Hope, excitement, surged up inside him-and then dissipated as quickly as it had come, as he thought more about it. "But where in Hogwarts? The castle alone is huge and there are all those rooms we don't even know about; it could be nearly anywhere. And if he'd tried to hide it just on the grounds, we'll never find it."
She smiled now and he stared at her. She found what he'd just pointed out to be funny? "That's just it, Harry. I think I know where in Hogwarts it would be too. Think about it; he made the diary into a horcrux because it was proof that he was Slytherin's heir, right? What more significant place to him is there in Hogwarts than the Chamber of Secrets? And, because you need to be a Parselmouth to get in, it'd be safer there than anywhere else in the castle and he probably didn't even feel the need to put any extra protective spells around it if it's in the Chamber, which no one other than him really knew where it was and which was guarded by the basilisk anyway; at least it would have been when he put it there. And at the time he never imagined that another Parselmouth-that you-existed to make the Chamber not the completely exclusive place he would have thought, which should work in our favor."
She frowned slightly, the confidence in her tone faltering slightly at his continued silence. "Harry, what do you think? Do you not agree? I- I haven't quite worked out just when Voldemort would have had a chance to hide the horcrux there but it just seems the most likely place from what Dumbledore said."
Harry finally spoke. "I think," he said slowly, "you're brilliant." He grinned at her, excitement breaking through his initial disbelief, first that he hadn't thought of Hogwarts before and secondly that he was now so much closer to finding the other horcruxes and therefore closer to destroying them. He couldn't help but feel even a little bit uneasy; shouldn't it have been harder to find these lockets when it had taken Dumbledore so many months to find the fake locket's location? But Hermione's reasoning made sense; made too much sense to ignore and, if nothing else, he trusted her instincts.
Thank goodness for Hermione. What would he do without her?
He got up, energized now, his mind automatically beginning to work things out. They could stop off at Godric's Hollow, since he still felt he needed to do that, see his parents' graves, and then go to Hogwarts. And maybe Hermione would be able to find something she'd missed the last time she looked in the Hogwarts library, in the Restricted Section possibly, and he might be able to talk to Dumbledore's portrait… And, he thought, with much less regret than he would have expected the thought to evoke except that at that moment, he was too hopeful to fully feel the impact of it, he could say goodbye, possibly for good, to the only home he'd ever known.
He gave Hermione a quick hug and a "Thanks!" before he ran to drag Ron out of bed. Ron was, apparently, taking advantage of Mrs. Weasley not being here to sleep in but he needed to tell Ron what was going on.
They had something to do; they could worry about exactly how to destroy the locket later. For now, they had another destination and another horcrux to find.
~*~*~
Godric's Hollow was a very small little village, he could see immediately.
They had Apparated, as Remus had advised them to do, in the little barrens behind the village church so the townspeople wouldn't see them.
And now they were here.
The cemetery was beside the church; it too was small and quiet and he swallowed hard as he looked around.
His parents had spent the last months of their lives here; he had spent the first few months of his own life here. His parents had died here…
And he was finally back.
The three of them walked quietly, with unspoken agreement, to the gate which led into the small cemetery where he stopped, suddenly filled with some emotion he couldn't quite recognize, something that almost made him nervous, reluctant to move forwards.
He was here, finally, at the spot where it had all begun-and suddenly he was inexplicably uncertain.
"We'll wait here for you, Harry," Hermione said quietly, sensing Harry wanted to have a few minutes alone with his parents but that he hadn't wanted to just tell her and Ron to leave him alone.
"I- thanks," he said with a small, serious sort of smile, before walking slowly forward, further into the small cemetery.
They watched him pause before one headstone and then instinctively, automatically, averted their gazes in an attempt to give Harry some privacy.
And she knew she had to tell Ron now. She didn't know when she and Ron would have another chance to be alone together and it wasn't fair to him, to her, to anyone, to keep things between them uncertain and in limbo as they were now. Even these few minutes alone, united as they were in their sympathy for Harry, were filled with so much tension she could hardly stand it, so many doubts, so many questions, so many things unsaid and undone and the memory of the few things they had done…
"Ron," she began hesitantly, "I- I'm sorry but I- I don't think we- we're right together. It- it just isn't working."
Ron paled slightly, opening and closing his mouth before he finally sighed heavily and admitted in a low tone, "I know."
She felt a wave of affection for Ron on seeing how dejected he looked at this admission and for a moment, wished she could say differently. But she couldn't lie and she couldn't go on like this; the tension between her and Ron was too much and it was disturbing her sleep and making no one happy… "I- I do care about you, Ron; I just think we work better as friends. It's- it's too tense, too awkward, with you as anything more than that. I thought that the tension might mean something but it- it just isn't enough. Maybe it would have been-before-but now…" She paused and then added, uncertainly, "We're still friends though, right? Still best friends?" She glanced involuntarily at Harry as she said this; Harry, who needed them both, Harry, who'd really been the one thing keeping her and Ron as friends for those first few years, Harry, whom she cared so much about and whom she was beginning to be afraid she might care too much about…
Ron hesitated for a long moment and she held her breath, suddenly wondering if this would ruin the trio's friendship just when they most needed to stay together… And then… "Yeah," he said simply. "Still best friends." And he too glanced at Harry and then back at her, managing a small, wavering sort of smile.
She returned his smile and gave him a quick half-hug with one arm, suddenly immensely relieved that it was over and they could just go back to being friends again.
They would still bicker, she knew, but it would hurt less and things would go back to the way they had been. Things would go back to normal, be set right… Somehow. And they were still united in their loyalty to Harry, in their search for the horcruxes-and that was more important than anything else.
Harry stared down at the single tombstone that read, simply,
James Potter
Lily Potter
Rest in Peace.
He knew, for Remus had told him when he'd asked about where Godric's Hollow was, that the tombstone was the standard one automatically given to anyone who died in the parish; there had been no chance in those first days of confusion after his parents had died, for any of the Order or their friends to have a more personalized tombstone made. In those first few days when no one was quite sure what had happened or why and only knew that James and Lily were dead and he, Harry, wasn't and Voldemort was gone-nobody knew where or how or for how long-there had been no one to give thought to the final burying ground of his parents.
His parents…
He thought of seeing their faces for the first time in his memory in the Mirror of Erised, remembered seeing their ghostly forms come out of Voldemort's wand in the graveyard at Little Hangleton, remembered seeing his dad and his mum at 15 in Snape's Pensieve…
And looking down at the tombstone, he suddenly realized he didn't care anymore what he'd seen in the Pensieve about what his father had been like at 15. James may have been arrogant and he may have made mistakes-but, in the end, when it really mattered, he had shown what kind of person he was-and died to protect his wife and his son.
Mum, Dad, it's me. I- I wanted to come see you. Dumbledore's dead now-maybe you know that already. And Sirius is gone too. I- I don't have anyone else, really. I'm alone now-except for Ron and Hermione. I still have them; I don't know what I'd do if I didn't.
I'm going to Hogwarts now to see if I can find another horcrux and possibly learn how to destroy horcruxes once I've found them. I'll find them, Mum, Dad, I promise I will and I'll destroy them all, no matter what I have to do. And then I'll face Voldemort for good.
It's what I have to do. What you would have done if you were here.
I- I don't know what will happen after that. I just wanted to see you, wanted to talk to you-before everything else.
He reached up with one hand to touch the scar on his forehead, remembering when Dumbledore had told him at the end of his first year that love as strong as his mother's had been for him, left a mark, not visible but present nonetheless, a protection in his blood.
Mum, Dad, I don't know when I'll be back but I wanted to say, thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me. And I- I love you.
He took a shuddering breath, looking up to gaze blankly around him for a moment at the other tombstones, at the village of Godric's Hollow.
And then with a last look at his parents' tombstone, he turned away, turned to continue his search and his mission-and somehow, he couldn't help but fancy that he felt a warm little breeze and heard a voice he'd heard for the first time when he'd faced the Dementors 3 years ago say, we're still watching over you and we always will be…
He looked up to see Ron and Hermione waiting for him, sympathy, understanding, loyalty on their expressions and in their eyes-and he knew he wasn't alone. Despite everything that had happened to him, in spite of Voldemort and the dangers, he wasn't alone… And that was the most important, precious thing he needed to know.