A/N - Edward Parkinson is Pansy's father and Elenia's husband. Enjoy! - Kumy
Doubts
Draco popped into sight, his back towards Nevra. She held in a gasp at the sound of his voice. She couldn't face him now. Not after this! She would say something that she would regret later. No…no regrets, not for this man. She stifled a sob at the thought of Bill and Fleur lying in their coffins, their faces masks in Death. Sort of like the mask Draco wore in front of others.
He began talking to Blaise immediately, not noticing Blaise's frantic glances towards an area behind his back in his rush to tell him the information he had found out about today. "Nevra's going to be Initiated. We have got to tell the Dark Side she is part of the Trio…without the protection of our alliance, she will be eaten alive by our fathers…oh and Edward Parkinson, as well. Especially since she is so young to become one of the Inner Circle. We were an exception…I mean, we had been training for this since we got out of the cradle, but she, she is an outsider. And they will not take her in easily. Even with the protection of the Alliance. We must tell…no matter the effect on our plans. Nevra is too valuable to lose because of a bunch of hard-headed…not to mention chauvinistic…old Dark fanatics like our parents and their like."
"Get it right, Draco. I am the youngest Death Eater ever to be Initiated. That is only because I am bringing the Dark Lord the Sorting Hat - in essence giving him Hogwarts. The ultimate proof of Dedication…the Betrayal of a place I consider my home." She laughed bitterly. "Anyways, because I am as young as I am, the Inner Circle members have the right to Test me. Not even the Dark Lord can stop them. So they will eat me alive…it's their duty to make sure I am ready for the job. I don't need the protection of the Trio. I survived without it long enough to become second-in-command. Don't feel obliged to help me, Malfoy."
He spun around in a flash. The only sign of his surprise was a slight widening of his eyes. Before he could say anything, Blaise cut in.
"Don't be stupid, Nevra. The Inner Circle is a entirely different ball game from the rabble you dealt with as student leader…actually, you still deal with them, don't you? Anyways, they are pretty straightforward in their politics."
Nevra remembered all the lies she had caught Death Eaters in, the subterfuge surrounding her. The constant battle to keep her position in the Heirarchy. Blaise called that simple…if that were true, and the Inner Circle politics were "complicated," Blaise was right. She would be in way over her head. She nodded reluctantly.
"You're right. I guess we will have to make a formal announcement…but I want to talk to my followers first. That way they won't think I was keeping secrets from them, and our trust and bonds will remain just as tight…my connection with common Death Eaters is important to the Trio, you know."
She didn't like being defensive. After what Blaise said, she felt like they looked down on "commoners" as if they were inferior. That bothered her. It was a side they had never shown her. She was a commoner herself…only wits and skill and lots of luck had gotten her this far. She didn't like not knowing everything (or at least nearly everything, this was the Dark Side after all) about people she needed to trust…was putting her life in danger for. The doubts that she had pushed to the back of her mind, the risks she was taking, came into vivid focus.
Oblivious to her turn of thoughts, Draco nodded in relief. She had accepted the need. Nevra could be stubborn at times. He didn't understand the feelings he had for her…so he didn't consider them at all. She had made it clear it didn't matter. Strangely, for the first time in years, he had felt like he had lost something then. He can't believe he had actually cried in front of that cottage. Even thinking back, he could feel a prickle behind his eyes…distant memories told him that was a signal of imminent tears. He hastily pushed those thoughts away and resumed his mask. He had made a mistake he would never make again…opening himself up entirely to another human being…letting down all of his guard. He had no idea why he did it, only that he had wanted to stop her tears…heal her pain so badly, that he would have done anything.
That was weakness. And weakness scared him. If these…emotions…became a factor in his plans…everything could fall apart. Because the expendability of people was something he had depended upon to work in his favor. But if people weren't expendable anymore…if Nevra wasn't expendable…his plans would fail. He couldn't allow that to happen. That was the bottom line. With that, he stopped the internal struggle - at least until the doubts began gnawing at him again.
He turned to ask Nevra how she was going to get the Sorting Hat from Dumbledore. What he saw shocked him to his core…their relationship seemed to have taken a 180 degree turn. There was barely controlled fury raging in her fiery eyes…her stance was tense as if instead of a trusted ally, he was an enemy.
What had happened since the cottage? Since she told him that she could have fallen in love with him?
If her eyes were really showing hate rather than anger, then it was all over. Because what he had found out in the past few days, is that he desperately wanted her to fall in love with him…that he was beginning to love her. His love couldn't seem to be restrained, and if her hate for him was true, she would use his love to hurt him.
What a horrible mess…he supposed he deserved it for letting down his guard at last. Something he would never do again.
Pretending
Nevra abruptly spoke when Draco's eyes met hers. "I've got to go. See you guys later." She left before she could do or say something she would regret.
Draco turned to Blaise. "She's furious…at me. What is going on? What happened?"
Blaise grimaced. "I don't think you want to know." At a glare from Draco, he hurried on. "Okay, okay! The Reaction to the Word of Power I used to test Elenia's letter - by the way, it was true, did I tell you? It came today. I…I told Nevra about you killing Bill and Fleur Weasley - and Longbottom and Lovegood."
Draco groaned. "We were going to tell her that after she realized that the Dark Lord can use Compulsion to make people do things…that after he spelled me into doing that, I couldn't sleep for a week."
Blaise sighed. "I sensed as an Empath that it would be better if the "explanation" came from you…she would think it was fake consolation coming from me. I know the Reaction came at an inappropriate time…but that is what it is supposed to do. We're lucky it happened within the Trio, and not in front of the Dark Lord. Now that would have gotten us killed."
Draco said scornfully, "Lucky? This could break up the Trio…yet the problem is we would still be bound under the spell even if we never spoke again. One of the disadvantages of the Innocuroso…there's no release until Death. Or until Voldemort magically reveals how he broke free."
Blaise sighed. "I had hoped that Nevra would have known enough about you to understand that it wasn't something that you would do voluntarily…I mean, kill unborn children." Draco looked away in disgust. "But I guess she either hasn't seen enough of you." Draco laughed in disbelief. "Or she doesn't believe fully what she sees…and I suspect it's the latter."
Draco looked at Blaise with tortured eyes. "Kind of ironic. The first person I open up to totally believes I am not what I "seem to be." Believes I am a man who could kill unborn children against whom I have no grudge."
Blaise looked at him earnestly. "Don't be bitter. She is lost and confused right now. She has no friends, no family, standing behind her…there is only the Dark Side. This Alliance and the bond to the Dark Lord have to be the only commitments she has in her life right now. She is betraying Hogwarts, her strongest connection of all. To find out that a person she is trusting her life with killed people she loved…no matter why or how…has to be scary."
Draco scowled. "You can be too fair, sometimes, Empath."
Blaise smiled, acknowledging the jest. "She loves you, Draco. She is denying it, pushing it as far away as she can, but the love is there. "
Unconscious of the hope flooding his eyes, Draco stood. "She won't ever let herself love me…she told me that herself in Denmark."
Blaise hesitated. This could break Draco Malfoy…but if he wasn't told, Blaise was afraid that he would cease to feel. And that by far would be the worse fate. So he spoke the truth he had been hiding for so long. "You're scared, Draco. Scared that she won't love you. Denying the possibility. And do you know why? Because you love her as much as she loves you. The irony is, as perfect as your love could be, you both are denying it…out of fear."
Draco's eyes filled with a rage unparalleled by anything Blaise had ever seen. "I DO NOT LOVE HER!" But the light of realization shone in his eyes before he Apparated away.
Blaise smiled inside. He did love her. The darkness in him…the inner torment between what was right and what was his duty was fading away within Draco.
What scared Blaise was that the darkness Nevra held was growing ever greater. And what Blaise knew was that, at this moment, only Draco had a bond deep enough with her to save her from herself. He hoped they would realize their feelings in time to save one another. This was something they had to find out for themselves.
Sometimes it was frustrating knowing other people's emotions. Humans were so stupid and stubborn about these things sometimes. They couldn't even see something if it was shoved in front of their eyes. They tried to pretend it wasn't there.