Disclaimer: It all belongs to JKR. I just like to borrow it every now and again.
This is the first time that I've ever ACTUALLY cried writing a story. I had my tissues out and I was bawling. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that it's nearly 6am and I haven't slept yet, but to me, this is quite a sad story. You've been warned.
Major character death. As much as I HATED to do it, this story idea came into my head and it absolutely WOULD NOT leave me alone. So, I had to write it. It's the first time I've killed someone other than Ron … and Ron's baby girl (man I sound cruel, don't I?)
I will consider a second chapter, but at this point, there's no guarantee that anything will come of it. I know there are many ways that I can take it. I can already picture the future….
Please leave a review. I don't do this type of story often so feedback on it would be most welcome. Thanks.
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Hermione's Greatest Gift
"Hermione, what…are we doing?"
"Having sex."
Harry groaned. "It sounds so…dirty…when you say it…like that."
"What else would you call it?" Hermione sighed. "I'd hardly call it…" she moaned, "making love."
"What…about…Ron?" Harry stammered breathlessly.
"What about him?"
"Don't you…love him?"
Hermione stared at him, where he lay above her, in wide-eyed disbelief. "I'm insulted."
Harry lay still in, and above, her. "What? Why?"
"Do you really think I'd be here with you if I was in love with Ron? That's insulting. What do you take me for?"
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"What would make you think I'm in love with Ron, anyway? Start moving."
Harry started moving within her. "Just…always…thought you were. Thought you…loved…each other."
"Some kind of friend you'd be then, uh? Having sex with me thinking Ron and I are in love. What does that say for you?"
"Not much, I s'pose."
"Speed up."
Harry sped up his pace and in no time there was a high pitched moan, Harry saw black, and the moment was over.
He rolled off of her and Hermione turned on to her side to face him. "What do you want out of life?"
"Meaning?"
"What do you want? You know, when The-Boy-Who-Lived becomes The-Boy-Who-Saved. What do you want?"
"I wanna see people happy," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I…"
She put her fingers to his lips to silence him. "I mean for you. Not for everyone else," she said, waving her hand around. "I'm not concerned with everyone else right now. Right now I want to know about you."
"A family."
"That's it?"
"That's it. Just a family. I want a wife and a dozen kids. I want that house in the country where every time I look up on a clear night I see stars. I want a porch swing on the back deck where I can sit with my wife, stare out into the sky, and talk about our dreams or our children…our hopes, our fears. I want simplicity."
"What about being an Auror?"
"That's for the daytime. Simplicity is for the night. Quiet nights with no one around, just me and my family."
"Sounds nice."
"What do you want?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? That's not possible. There must be something that you want."
Hermione looked into Harry's eyes and said the last thing he'd ever expected to hear. "I want your dreams to come true."
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Hermione
The last Horcrux was found before the night of their rendezvous and the only thing remaining was the defeat of Voldemort. Thankfully that time came less than a month later…and not a moment too soon for Hermione.
She was sick. Her body was weakened to the point of near-total exhaustion. The only thing keeping her from collapsing was her determination to help Harry. She slept for as many hours as she could but nothing seemed to help…nothing could make her feel better. She couldn't hold her food down, her skin was pale and pasty, and pains wracked her stomach for long intervals throughout the day. She fought valiantly alongside Harry and Ron, keeping the extent of her illness as much to herself as she could. The boys knew she was exhausted, they all were, but neither attributed her symptoms to anything more than the amount of effort she'd been putting into finding a way to win the final battle.
When it was over, when they felt the veil of darkness lift and she heard Ron's triumphant cry, she allowed herself to fall, exhausted and spent, to the cold, hard ground.
She awoke days later, disoriented and out-of-sorts. A medi-witch was tending to her. "What's wrong with me?" she croaked, her voice hoarse from days without use.
"One moment, dear," the medi-witch replied. She turned away from Hermione and spoke to the two boys sitting in chairs near the foot of her bed. "Can you excuse us a moment, please?" she asked.
"Sure," Hermione recognized Ron's voice as saying.
"Is she all right?" she heard Harry ask.
"Just for a moment," the medi-witch said. "You can see her again shortly. I'll let you know when."
"We'll be right outside, Hermione," Harry called out.
The medi-witch ushered them out the door and closed it quietly behind them. She returned to Hermione's side and conjured a stool. She held Hermione's hand in her own. "How are you feeling, dear?"
"Don't know," Hermione mumbled. "How am I s'posed to feel?"
"Well, better, I hope," the medi-witch replied gently. "It's important we get you feeling well and properly rested. We need to get you to eating and hopefully to start keeping solid food down."
"Why?"
"Well, my dear, your health for one."
"And?" she asked, sensing there was more.
Hermione heard the catch in the medi-witch's breath just before she spoke. "You're pregnant."
Immediately Hermione regretted her instinct to sit bolt upright in her bed. Her head began to swim and large black dots clouded her vision. "No," she gasped, as she fell back down against her pillows. "I can't be."
"Do you…know who the father is?"
"Yes," Hermione replied, her heart racing. "I've only been with one person."
"Shall I find him for you?"
"No," Hermione shouted hastily. "Sorry. I mean no, no thank you. I know where he is."
"Very well."
"How long have I been here?"
"Six days. You were exhausted and malnourished, since your food wasn't digesting. We've been feeding you through a tube and you've been sleeping soundly since you arrived. It would appear as though you're…"
"Six weeks," Hermione finished.
"Yes, that's about right."
Hermione felt the first of many tears begin to form in the corner of her eyes. "Do they know?" she asked, indicating with a wave of her hand, that she was referring to Harry and Ron.
"No. With the exception of a few healers, me and now you, no one else knows. We always feel it best to allow the patient to notify those whom they feel have a need to know."
"Thank you."
"There is something that I must tell you though…something that may force you to consider ending your pregnancy. You are still in the first stage so now is…"
"What is it?" Hermione interrupted nervously.
"When we were conducting our tests, we discovered something…abnormal. It would appear as though…" she paused to recollect her thoughts. "Have you been injured by a curse at some point in your past?"
Hermione thought back to her fifth year when Dolohov hit her with that unknown curse in the Department of Mysteries. "Yes. Why?"
"Do you know what kind of curse it was? Do you have any idea?"
"No, Madam Pomfrey couldn't tell. I was treated with a number of different potions. I thought that was healed," Hermione was surprised at how one thought of Dolohov could leave her sounding so hollow and bitter.
"For all intents and purposes it is. Had you not gotten pregnant, it is likely that you would never again feel the effects of what hit you. However, it would appear as though the curse, whatever it may have been, has affected your stomach and, as such, has left your uterus, where your baby will be formed, damaged. It is possible, that should you continue with this pregnancy either you, or your child, will be at risk during childbirth. Please, take your time to consider what this means."
"No," Hermione stated. "I don't care about any risks. I want to have this baby."
"Miss Granger, please don't be hasty. This is not a decision to be taken lightly. The risks are great. It is possible that one, or both of you…" she paused and took a deep breath, it was never an easy thing to be the bearer of bad news, "could die."
"No," Hermione repeated, with more conviction this time. "How is the baby?"
"The baby is fine…for now," the medi-witch replied. "Perhaps it would be best if you spoke with the fath…"
"No," Hermione interrupted. "I'll not speak with him and I'll not change my mind. He wants to have a child…and so do I. And, if I have to, I'll die to give him one."
"I do wish you would consider the risk," the medi-witch warned. "You are such a young woman…"
"Would it matter if I were older?" Hermione asked sharply. "Would it matter if I waited until I was thirty? No, it wouldn't. I'd still be damaged. I'd still be in the same situation. I'm not giving up this baby. She'll be fine. She has to be," she added softly.
"As you wish. Shall I let them in? They've been here everyday waiting for you to awaken."
Hermione wiped her eyes. She hadn't realized that the tears that had threatened her had actually begun to fall. She looked around for her wand. Not finding it she asked, "Please, can you help me clean up first?"
The medi-witch nodded. With a wave of her wand there were no telltale signs of Hermione's tears. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." Hermione gathered all of her strength. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope with seeing Harry.
"I'll get them." The medi-witch opened the door and called out to Harry and Ron, saying something that Hermione couldn't quite make out. The next thing she knew, they were standing on either side of her bed throwing question after question at her. "Go easy on her," the medi-witch interrupted. "She's not 100% yet. You have 20 minutes."
"Hermione, are you all right?" Harry asked, drawing her hand into his own. "They won't tell us anything. We've been worried sick."
Hermione looked past Harry's shoulder, unable to look him in the eye. "I'll be fine, Harry. Don't worry about me."
"So what's wrong?" Ron asked, grabbing hold of her other hand.
"Exhaustion," Hermione replied quickly. "That's all. Guess I just overdid it."
Harry looked at her skeptically, but didn't contradict her.
Bugger, she thought, Harry could always read me nearly as well as I can read him.
Harry raised a hand to her hair and began to gently stroke it back from her face. "We were really scared, Hermione. The healers really seemed to be worried about you. We were worried that something serious might be wrong."
Hermione closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of Harry's fingers in her hair. "That feels good," she said, before she could stop the words from escaping.
Harry leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Nothing serious?"
Hermione squeezed his hand and looked from him to Ron before answering. "Nothing serious," she said, unable to face Harry with her lie.
Harry kissed her again. "Thank Merlin," he sighed heavily.
Hermione raised Ron's hand to her lips and kissed it. "How are you? Is everything okay? Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. I stayed in the hospital for a couple of days, but there are no problems. I'm doing all right."
"Good." She turned to Harry and closed her eyes, blinking back the tears before she spoke. "What about you? Are you all right?"
"Just worried about you," Harry replied sincerely. "Otherwise, yeah, I'm okay."
Hermione turned back to Ron. "Ron, I'm sorry, can you excuse us for a second? I really need to talk to Harry alone for a minute before they force you both to leave. Do you mind?"
Ron looked questioningly from her to Harry, wondering what was going on between them…why they both seemed so tense. He nodded. "Yeah, all right," he said hesitantly. He leaned down and kissed Hermione's forehead. "I'll be right outside the door."
Hermione pulled her hand from Harry's grasp and carefully wrapped it around Ron's neck. "I love you, Ron, you're a really great friend…the best," she said, pulling him down and giving him a quick, friendly kiss on the lips. "It'll only be a minute," she said, releasing her hold on him.
Ron nodded, glanced at Harry, and then walked out the door, quietly closing it behind him.
The second the door shut behind him Hermione turned her head away from Harry and wiped once again at her tears. "Sorry," she whispered hoarsely. "Just a second." She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, and turned to face him. The look on his face brought a fresh wave of tears and Hermione fought unsuccessfully to hold them back.
"Hermione, what is it? What's wrong?" Harry asked anxiously. "Do I need to call a healer?"
"No, just…" she closed her eyes and pushed her head back further into the pillows to take a few deep, cleansing breaths. "I have to tell you something," she finally managed. "It's…it's important."
Harry sat on the edge of her bed and leaned across her, placing one hand just above her opposite shoulder. With the other, he held tightly to her hand. "You're scaring me, Hermione. Tell me, please."
Hermione closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "I'm pregnant," she said quickly, before she had time to reconsider. "And it's yours."
Harry wobbled, his arm nearly giving way from the pressure he exerted to hold himself upright. "You're…you're what? But…but it was the first time. How can…no," Harry shook his head. "No, you're messing with me, right?" He looked at Hermione with fiery eyes. "That's not something to joke about, Hermione," he said fiercely. "You know how much a family means to me. You know it's all I want…"
Hermione's eyes were blazing and she pushed herself halfway up. "Look at me, Harry," she yelled. "Do I look like I'm lying to you? Do I?" She choked back another sob. "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I know I wasn't the one you had in mind when you were talking about a family. I never thought that this would happen. But I thought you should know the truth." She reached up and held her palm to his face, turning his head until his eyes bore into hers. "You're going to be a daddy."
Harry gave up the fight and fell against her. "A daddy," he repeated. "I'm going to be a daddy."
Hermione could feel the growing wet spot on her gown where Harry's tears had begun to soak through. She began to stroke his hair. "Yes, Harry," she said softly, "you're going to be a daddy."
Harry turned his head and kissed her cheek, then her eyes, then her nose, and finally her lips. "You have to marry me, Hermione," he stated bluntly against her lips.
Hermione shook her head, pressing it further back into the pillows to put some distance between them. "No, I won't marry you."
Harry sat up quickly. "Why not? This is my child, too. You have to marry me…we have to get married."
Hermione continued to shake her head. "This child was an accident. Hopefully a happy accident…but an accident just the same. I don't want you to marry me just because I'm pregnant, Harry. It's not what you wanted, and it's not what I'm going to force you to accept. You'll be a part of our child's life, but I won't marry you."
"Hermione," Harry pleaded, "that doesn't make any sense. Our child needs us both…together."
"If we married, our child would need parents who love each other as more than friends, Harry."
"What if I told you that I love you?"
Hermione shook her head and sniffed. "No," she repeated. "Maybe after the baby's born and you see how involved you are, you'll change your mind. I won't marry you for the sake of this baby. We can love this baby the same whether we're married or not."
"Move in with me then," he pleaded. "Give me that much. Let me take care of you."
"You have Auror training, Harry," she sighed. "I can't do that. I can't put that burden on you. I won't."
"Hermione, please, don't make me beg."
"That's the last thing I want. I don't want you to beg. I want you to accept that I'm pregnant with your child and that I don't plan to ask you for anything more than your acceptance of her."
"Her?" he asked, his eyes glistening.
"Yes, her," Hermione replied. "It's a feeling," she added, turning her face away.
"Well, you're not often wrong," he said, turning her back to face him. "It's definitely a girl."
For the first time since she'd awakened, Hermione laughed. "We still need to have a boy's name…just in case."
"We?" he said hopefully. "You mean I get to help?"
"Of course you do," she replied. "Why don't you go and get Ron? I think this baby needs a godfather, don't you?"
"You mean you want to tell him?"
"Only if you're ready," she replied. "Not a minute before."
He thought for a moment. "I don't think I can hide it from him. I'll go get him."
Harry went to get Ron and he was no sooner at her side, when Harry burst out with the news. "Wanna be a godfather?"
Ron looked puzzled. "A…a…huh?"
Harry and Hermione laughed. "A godfather," Hermione replied.
"But…but how?"
Harry took Hermione's hand in his. "We're going to be parents. Hermione's pregnant. We're gonna have a baby!"
Ron held up a hand. "S'cuse me," he mumbled, his face turned a pasty white and he slid down the wall he'd fallen against. "Are you…are you serious?" he asked from the floor.
Hermione sat up and leaned over the side of the bed until she could see him better. "Yes, Ron, we're serious. I'm six weeks pregnant."
"But…but…that was before…" His eyes opened wide in realization. "That was about the time you started acting all funny. I thought you were just tired or something. I never thought…bloody hell, Hermione." He jumped to his feet and grabbed her hand. "You shouldn't have been fighting with us. You should've been taking it easy. It didn't…I mean…all that fighting hasn't…you know…hurt it. Has it?"
Harry sat down heavily next to her. In all the excitement he hadn't correlated the facts and now he sat, in stunned silence.
"No, Ron," Hermione replied. "The medi-witch said that the baby is fine."
"Why did you do it?" Harry asked, his mind still in a daze. "Why did you keep fighting?"
"I didn't know I was pregnant," she replied softly.
"Why did you do it?" he asked, louder this time.
"Because I had to," she shot back, matching his tone.
He turned to look at her, a fire burning in his eyes. "You knew you were sicker than you let on, Hermione," he seethed. "Tell me why!" he yelled.
"Because you needed me!" she yelled back. "I had to keep on fighting because you needed me," she repeated, her voice soft now, and full of anguish. "I didn't know I was pregnant."
Ron put a hand on Harry's arm. "Let it go, mate," he said softly. "They're both all right now. Just let it go."
"What is all the ruckus in here?" the medi-witch demanded. "I told you that she's in a fragile state and that you shouldn't upset her. I think it's time for the two of you to leave. If you plan to visit tomorrow, you'd bloody well better have your tempers in check. I don't care if you are Harry Potter, this is a hospital and I'll not have you causing all this commotion. I could hear you yelling all the way down the corridor. Now, go on, get out!"
"I'm sorry," Harry said gently. "I didn't mean to."
Hermione nodded. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes as they walked out of the room and she laid further back into the pillow. "I'm sorry," she said apologetically to the nurse. "I should've known better."
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Harry and Hermione
Hermione was in the hospital for another week. After her release, it took another three months for Harry to convince her that where she needed to be was with him. He put off Auror training, deciding he could start after his baby was born…if at all.
"Harry, I don't want to be a burden," Hermione said for the umpteenth time.
For the umpteenth time, Harry replied, "You're not a burden, Hermione. I want to do this. I want to take care of you. Please, just let me do it."
Hermione walked to her room, carrying only her purse. "I wish you'd at least let me help you with that stuff," she said, feeling guilty as Harry and Ron made trip after trip to the moving truck outside.
"No way," Ron replied. "Make yourself useful and go take a bath or something. Just let us work."
Hermione placed her hands on her hips and tried not to smile. "Are you implying that I stink, Ronald?"
"Maybe," he retorted. Hermione's eyes widened and Ron laughed. "No, Hermione," he said in a placating tone, "I just figure that if you get in the bath, you're likely to stay gone long enough for us to finish."
"Without my nagging, you mean?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"You can use my bathroom," Harry said, "the tub is bigger in there."
"Fine," she huffed. She went into her room to gather whatever essentials she could find in the mess and walked through Harry's room and into his bathroom. She closed the door and approached the sink. She set her things down and one by one, began to pick up his toiletries…his razor, his shaving cream, his toothpaste, everything. When she set down his brush she placed both hands on the counter and lowered her head. "How am I going to do this?" she asked herself aloud. "How am I going to live here with him, knowing I can't have him? Knowing what I know…" Her tears made a soft plinking sound when they landed on the counter and she sighed. She hastily wiped them away and went to turn on the bath water.
After a long, warm bath she felt better, but still apprehensive. She got dressed and took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door. She gasped when she saw Harry sitting on the edge of his bed. His shirt was off and he was removing his shoes and socks. "Sorry," he said when he heard her gasp. "Couldn't stand to wear that shirt any longer. I need a shower like you wouldn't believe."
Hermione swallowed hard. "Are…are you done then?"
"Pretty much. Just need to help you unpack a few things. Nothing major," he said, removing his second sock, "Ron and I got most of your books on the shelf already," he added with a smile.
He stood up and instantly Hermione's hand reached for the doorway to hold her steady. Harry began to undo his pants. Hermione was scared he might try to remove them as well so she made a hasty retreat. "I'll just go check on things, then," she said, intentionally averting her eyes although she desperately wanted to look at him.
Harry chuckled. "It's not like it's anything you haven't already seen," he said.
"Right. Yeah. I've seen," she stammered. "I'll um, I'll just…uh…leave you to it then."
"I'll be out shortly. Then we can have some dinner."
"Yeah, sure," she mumbled over her shoulder, "dinner."
Dinner that night was a quiet affair and Hermione was appreciative of that fact. "I'll have to remember to thank Ron when I see him next. You two did a great job in there."
"Thanks. It was no big deal though. Ron knows you appreciate it."
"My mum wasn't very happy about my moving in here, you know."
"Yeah, I know. But this is where you belong. Tell her I'm sorry, but I want you here with me. Call me selfish," he said, taking another bite of the stew Mrs. Weasley had sent for them.
Hermione looked at him curiously. "Why do you want me here, Harry? I mean, you know that you can accompany me to appointments and do all the things that a father is entitled to. Why am I really here?"
"Because I want you here, plain and simple."
"All right," she sighed. "Whatever you say."
Harry reached for her hand, their eyes locked and he searched hers for the truth. "Do you not want to be here? With me, I mean. Do you not want to be with me?"
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. "I want what makes you happy, Harry. Remember? I told you that. I want your dreams to come true."
Harry moved his chair around until he was sitting right next to her. One hand covered hers and the other stroked her cheek. "What do you want, Hermione? There has to be more than just wanting my dreams to come true. No one is that selfless…not even you."
"I want to see our baby grow up," she cried helplessly. "I want to see your face when she takes her first step. I want to watch in wonder when she gets her first tooth. I want to celebrate when she says her first word. I want to hold her and rock her to sleep at night and kiss her cheek in the morning. Damnit, Harry, I want to be there." She brushed his hand away and jumped to her feet. "I want to be alone," she added softly. "Excuse me."
Harry watched her walk away with a look of complete bewilderment. "What is she talking about?" he wondered aloud. "Why wouldn't she be there?"
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The next three months went by in a haze. The further she got along in her pregnancy, the more Hermione began to fear for both her life, and the life of their baby. Pain ravaged her body and she had to bite down hard against her own teeth to keep from crying out.
On more than one occasion Harry threatened to take her to St. Mungos. "I'm okay, really," she said over and over. "There's nothing they can do for me right now anyway."
It was at the start of her eighth month when the pain changed and Hermione woke up screaming. Harry rushed into her room to find her writhing in agony on the bed. He pulled back the covers to pick her up and found a large, red blood stain on the sheet beneath her. "Harry…please," she cried. "Help me."
Harry ran out into the living room and flooed St. Mungos' reception desk. "This is Harry Potter, I need help, quick. My wife is having a baby, there's blood everywhere. Please, can you page medi-witch Simcox? Tell her it's an emergency. She knows where we live. I can't move her. Hurry."
Harry had long ago opened the floo from his house to St. Mungos and to medi-witch Simcox's residence so that in the event of an emergency, she could floo right in without Harry needing to be right there to allow her entrance. In a matter of minutes Harry heard her come through and he ran out to meet her. "She's in here," he yelled. "Hurry, please."
Medi-witch Simcox rushed forward. "The receptionist said `your wife' was having a baby. Does this mean that you two actually did tie the knot?" she asked as she got busy tending to Hermione.
"What?" Harry asked, confused and thinking he hadn't heard her properly.
"I asked if the two of you were finally married," she repeated.
"No," Harry said regretfully. "She won't marry me. Not yet anyway."
He conjured a chair and sat down beside Hermione as she continued to whimper in pain, crying out loudly as a strong contraction tore through her stomach. "Shh…" he hummed next to ear. "It'll be all right, luv," he said softly. "It'll be all right."
"Harry…I…AHH!" she cried out, the pain almost forcing her to buckle over. "I haven't been…AH!"
"Shh…not now," he replied huskily, "you need to relax. Come on, breathe with me."
He inhaled deeply and Hermione tried to mimic him. After a couple of tries she finally succeeded in taking a deep breath. "Harry…I…I have to tell you…AHHH!!!" she screamed. "Make it stop. Please…just…make it stop."
"Hermione, I'm sorry," the medi-witch said. "We're going to have to take the baby."
Hermione shook her head. "No," she said fervently. "What does that mean? Tell me!" she screamed.
"It means you can't deliver the baby by normal means, we're going to have to take the baby or risk losing her."
"Take her," Hermione replied immediately. "Do what you…AHHHH!!" The pains were getting worse. "Save Harry's baby," she gasped. "He needs her."
"I need you too," he said, gently wiping the hair from her face. "I've never told you this, Hermione. But I love you. I have for a long time. Since before the baby…since before that night."
Hermione gritted her teeth against the pain. "Why…never…told?" she stammered with three shallow breaths.
"I didn't think you'd believe me. You said you wouldn't marry me. You said we have to wait until after our baby is born. I wanted to wait until you would believe me. But I can't wait any longer, Hermione. I love you."
Hermione was now well beyond the crying stage, Harry's words had sent her over the edge. "Love…you…AHHHH!!! PLEASE!" she shouted. "Please, no more," she pleaded, her voice faint as she panted heavily.
Medi-witch Simcox performed a spell on Hermione, numbing her from the waist down. Quickly she set to work delivering the baby. Hermione's cries of pain died out as the medi-witch worked her magic.
"Harry," Hermione rasped. "Harry…I'm sorry. I…I couldn't tell…" Her tears began to fall once more and her head rolled to the side, away from him. "Love her," she said. It was the first time her voice had rang clear since Harry had found her. "Tell her…that I love her…that I love you both."
"Hermione," Harry cried desperately. "What are talking about? You can…you can tell her yourself, Hermione. She'll be here soon." He grabbed her head and turned her face to his. "What are you talking about?"
Hermione swallowed hard. "I'm sorry…Harry," she whispered on a dying breath.
Harry sat stunned as he watched Hermione fade before his eyes. "Hermione, please, wake up," he pleaded. "She's coming, she'll be here soon. Please, Hermione, do it for our baby…do it for me." He dropped his head to her chest and cried. Somehow he knew, without really knowing, that she had left him forever. "I love you," he cried. In one last desperate attempt to get her to awaken, he sat up and smacked the bed. "Stop being so goddamn stubborn, Hermione!" he shouted. "Wake up!"
It wasn't until he heard the piercing cry of his newborn baby that Harry remembered where he was and why he was there.
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Harry and Alyssa
Alyssa Jane Granger Potter was born just moments after her mother passed away. One soul passing into the other, Harry was sure. Every time he looked at her she reminded more and more of her mother.
She was supposed to be named Alyssa Rose...her name meaning great happiness and enduring symbol of love. Instead, Harry named her Alyssa Jane Granger Potter, in honor of her mother. Alyssa Jane- great happiness, God's gracious gift…the very things that embodied the woman who had captured his heart; the woman who had literally sacrificed everything to make his greatest wish come true.
Harry set up the nursery in Hermione's room, where her books and her memories would forever surround them both. When he was packing away her clothes from the dresser, he found two letters; one addressed to him, the other to Alyssa.
While Alyssa napped, Harry took his letter to his room…
Dear Harry,
I'm sorry. I know this isn't going to be easy for you to read, but I have to tell you the truth. I can only hope that you'll forgive me for keeping it from you for so long.
If you're reading this, then my worst fears have come true. I'm not there with you, although I am going to assume that our baby is. It breaks my heart knowing that I may not be there to hold her (it is a girl, was I right?), or to kiss either of you goodnight, or to play her song each night before she goes to sleep. Make no mistake, Harry, I'm watching from the beyond. I can't let either of you go that easily, our bond is too strong.
Do you remember that night? The night our child was conceived? I asked you what you wanted more than anything. Do you remember what you said? I do. You said you wanted a family. And I told you that the only thing I wanted was for your dream to come true. I meant it, Harry. With all my heart, and all my soul, I meant it.
I found out I was pregnant just a few minutes before I told you. I had no idea that was why I was so sick for that month prior. Truth be told, I'm not sure it would've stopped me from fighting by your side if I had known. Suffice it to say, fate had stepped in twice by then…the first time when she was conceived, the second when I survived the battle with her still thriving inside me.
When the medi-witch told me I was pregnant, I was nothing short of shocked, but finding out the truth of why I'd been so sick turned out to be the least of my worries. Now don't get angry at what I'm about to tell you…it's not worth it anymore. If you feel yourself getting angry, please, just look at your daughter and let it go.
Here's the truth…
The curse that Dolohov hit me with damaged my uterus…my womb. The medi-witch told me that if I tried to carry our baby to term, there was a chance that one…or both…of us may not live. Twice, Harry. Twice fate had already intervened. I couldn't defy fate now. I HAD to give you this baby. She wasn't conceived in love, not admittedly anyway, but she was born of love. I love you, Harry. I know that's not fair of me to admit to you now. I want you to be happy. I want you to move on. But I want you to know how much I love you. I know you won't admit it to me now, not until after our baby is born, but I'm sure that it's love I see in your eyes when you look at me.
I couldn't marry you, Harry. Not knowing what I know. I had to wait until it was over…until I knew that I would survive…that Alyssa and I would be all right. Marrying you would have been the greatest honor, you have to believe that. I would've been the luckiest woman alive. That's how I know you'll find someone. You're too wonderful and amazing to be alone. You have so much love to give.
Be happy, Harry. Give our daughter a mother she can bond with. Someone who will welcome her with open arms. Someone who will do all of those things that mothers are supposed to do with their daughters. I do have a wish now, Harry. There is something that I want. I want you both to be happy. I wish I could make you promise me that. It would certainly make this whole thing easier.
I love you…I love our daughter. I hope she looks like you. Green eyes and jet black hair. How about if together we pray that she is somehow blessed with hair that falls straight down her back? (I hope you can see the smile on my face).
You have my love. You have my blessings.
Take care of each other.
Always in love,
Hermione
P.S. There is another letter, for Alyssa. Please feel free to read it and see that she gets it when the time is right…you'll know when that is.
Harry wiped fruitlessly at the never-ending stream of tears that had, until that very moment, fallen unchecked down his cheeks and into his lap. He laid back on his bed, holding the letter against his chest. He closed his eyes and concentrated on her face. "You didn't make my dream come true, Hermione, not entirely," he spoke softly to her. "You forgot the rest of it. You forgot the part where you were supposed to be here with me. We should be swinging on the porch swing, gazing up at the stars, and enjoying the simplicity of life. We should be tucking our daughter into bed, and sharing nighttime feedings, and diaper duty. You should see her when I give her a bath," he said chuckling lightly. "The gurgling noises she makes would melt your heart. I go into her room probably a dozen times every night just to make sure she's not a dream. She's all that I have left of you. I think of her as…your final gift to me. The most precious gift a bloke like me could ever wish for. Thank you, luv. I'll cherish her forever. And I'll do my best to love her enough for both of us."
Harry heard Alyssa's soft cries and he sat up. A picture of Hermione sat on the table beside his bed. He picked it up and gazed at her longingly. "She's calling for me. Can you hear her? Your mum says she has your cry. I'll be back, luv. Every night, I'll tell you all about her." He set the picture down gently and laid the letter beside it. He walked quickly to Alyssa's room. He smiled down at where she lay in her crib and he scooped her up.
He flipped the button on the old Muggle stereo and forwarded the CD to Alyssa's song.
Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine.
Little one, when you play
Pay no heed what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear, baby of mine.
If they knew all about you,
They'd end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you,
What they'd give just for the right to hold you.
From your head down to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.
He sat down in the rocking chair, rocking back and forth, Alyssa's body stretched out down his arms, her head resting in hands. He hummed along as the song played…just as Hermione had done not so long ago.
"You want to hear about your mummy, baby girl?"
Alyssa smiled the first genuine smile that Harry had seen from her.
She's too young for that, he thought, his logical mind trying to brush it off as nothing more than gas.
Anything's possible, she does have Hermione for a mother.
Harry nodded his head, "True," he chuckled softly. He focused his gaze back on Alyssa. "Hermione, your mum, was extraordinary. I've never known another woman like her. You wouldn't believe the things she's done. The things she's sacrificed. Her capacity to love. And for all that, for all that she was good, she had a streak in her…" He shook his head and sat back in the chair, situating Alyssa in the crook of his arm. "Let me tell you, baby girl, your mum could cause some serious trouble. She wreaked more than her fair share of havoc in her day."
Alyssa never went to sleep, she never fussed or cried, she lay silently in his arms, watching him as he rocked her and told her story after story about his adventures with her mum.
Harry laughed heartily as he regaled Alyssa with stories. He raised his eyes skyward as though he knew Hermione was listening. He winked before dropping his gaze back to his daughter. "Oh, and then there was the time that she…"
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