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Steal My Kisses
Mei Queen
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Authoress' Note- This chapter is loosely based on the new single from Rascal Flatts, "What Hurts the Most". Even though that song deals with a girl abruptly leaving a relationship without allowing the guy a shot to explain, I thought it would be a good insight into how James feels right now, given that Lily won't leave the safety of Grant to give him a chance. Please review, I always love hearing from you all! If you haven't yet checked out my website, www.geocities.com/meleana317, I urge you to do so and sign my guestbook! Thank you all so much, you rock my socks!
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PREVIOUS-
I giggled softly despite myself. "James…the kiss was great. But I…I've been with Grant for a year. You don't give up a relationship like that based on one kiss."
James Potter's hazel eyes looked desperate. Frantically meeting my own emerald ones, he asked fiercely, "Do you give up a relationship for two?"
Face contorted in surprise as I realized what he was about to do, he didn't allow a word in edgewise as he grabbed my face and tilted it up to meet his, pushing his body against mine for one of the most passionate and fantastic kisses of my life…pressed up against a wall in the Charms corridor, completely after curfew.
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Chapter 3: What Hurts the Most
My whole body felt like it was surging with electricity. This was real. This was passionate. This was somehow even more intense than the morning in the broom closet just a few weeks ago.
But it was wrong. As much I was loathe to break the touch, and I much as my body was protesting for it to continue, every fibre of my being knew that this…whatever this was with Potter…was wrong. It was wrong because Grant was kind, caring, and funny. I already had a boyfriend, and he was perfect…well, really close, anyway. What in the name of Merlin was I thinking, standing here and not only allowing James to kiss me madly, but kissing him back with just the same amount of intensity?
I felt like even my fingers were resisting as I brought my hands up to land on his chest in a futile effort to push him away. Taking it as an encouraging gesture, though, James put a hand into my hair, massaging my scalp, tilting my head slightly upward to deepen the kiss.
And I'm not going to lie. I completely forgot why I was trying to break the kiss. It was a magnificent snogging session, really…it was warm and passionate, just like all good ones should be. But it had a…an X factor. Something I couldn't definitely identify. However, I knew enough to know that these few kisses with James Potter were infinitely different than all the previous romantic experiences I had ever had.
It took picturing Grant Ashcroft's completely crushed expression if he were to see me now to strengthen my resolve and push James away. "Stop. Please. Just…stop it, James," I whispered softly, sliding down the wall to land in a crumpled heap on the floor.
I don't know what made the tears come. But there they were. Normally I, Lily Evans, was extremely composed, calm, and collected. But right now, between Grant's thoughtfulness of the night and James' sensuality, I felt on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
Though he initially looked hurt and slightly angry when I pushed him away, seeing my sobbing form was enough to banish any anger, at least temporarily.
"Lily. What's wrong? You never cry. Are you okay?" he asked with concern, trying to tilt my face up to his.
But I kept my face trained on the floor. I knew that if I looked at him, I'd probably lose control and start kissing him again. I was in enough of a moral dilemma as it was, thank you. Well, that and my face probably looked horribly blotchy from all of the tears that were now rapidly leaving my eyes.
"Well, let's see, Potter. I'm crying. I'm on the cold stone floor of the Charms corridor after curfew, and I'll probably be caught by one of the professors…and you know what? Today, I couldn't honestly give a shit. I'm miserable and upset. I'm confused, and…and I have no idea why I'm even telling you this. You're the root of the problem!" I exclaimed, exasperatedly throwing my hands up in air and getting up to leave.
"Wait," James said softly, putting a hand on my arm to stop me. "Please."
"What could you possibly have to say to me, James?" I asked exhaustedly, turning to face him. Wiping some tears from my eyes, I tried to avoid eye contact with him while he spoke.
"That I care. That I'm better for you than Grant. That I feel more passion with you than I've felt with anyone. That I came to tell you tonight that I've cared about you for years, and just came to the conclusion tonight when we were kissing…that…I love you."
I remember my eyes bugging slightly before I fainted.
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Though the world still felt extremely fuzzy and dark, I could make out two distinct voices- one male, one female.
"What the hell did you do to her?" the female one screeched. Annabelle, my mind registered happily. But that had to mean…
"I told her I loved her," the grim male voice replied. Oh, shit. Fantastic, I thought drearily. Maybe I should pretend to be in a coma. If I sleep for a few days, maybe Potter will forget about me, and my life will go back to normal. …But would I really want it to?
"Well, that was stupid," Annabelle replied in her usual blunt and matter-of-fact way.
James sounded slightly jarred by her response, as if he'd never been criticized before (which I slightly doubted that he had), when he responded, "Why?"
"Because Lily is commitment-phobic, dating someone else, and there's that small snag that she hated you before two weeks ago," she answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Hate? Isn't that a strong word?"
"You're right. 'Extremely disliked' is more accurate," Annabelle deadpanned.
"Whatever. Just tell her I was here, okay? Get me if she wakes up," James requested irritably, and I could hear the sound of a chair squeaking on the floor and then his footsteps as he crossed and, to my great relief, exited the Wing.
"Like I'd notify you before her actual boyfriend," Annabelle muttered under her breath, looking over to me. I "miraculously" woke up when I heard the door to the Hospital Wing close, a fact that Annabelle was just now registering.
"Nice act there," she said, giving me her best 'I'm onto you' look.
"What act?" I asked innocently, hoping I looked sincere.
"The 'oh, I'm busy being a demure sleeper' act. I happen to know that you drool in your sleep. You also usually mutter incoherent sentences. You were making no noise at all for the last five minutes while I argued with Potter…but you're lucky, as I don't put 'snitch' under my list of best friend responsibilities."
I snorted, smiling slightly at her familiar sarcasm. "You caught me," I said with a laugh.
"So… what happened?" Bella asked cautiously after a few moments of silence.
"What time is it?" I asked, slightly disoriented by the amount of light that was pouring into the wing.
"About 10, I'd wager. It's the weekend, though, so no worries about classes or anything like that. But back to what I asked. What happened?"
"Good question. It involved considerable snogging and an 'I love you'," I said grimly, taking a swig of water from the goblet by my bedside.
"You finally told Potter how you feel?" she asked excitedly, her bright blue eyes lighting up.
"Actually, no. And I don't love Potter…well, I don't think I do. But he told me. That's what caused the fainting part," I finished softly.
"Well. Isn't that just a kick? Two boys who love you, both fabulous guys…you wouldn't terribly mind either one…this is the kind of situation most girls would only dream of being in you know. All we need is a fight between them, and then I think I'll forge your permission to make a ludicrous amount of money selling your life to Hollywood."
"Thanks for the moral support there, best friend," I said cynically, lying back on my pillows and looking up at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. I don't know what to do. Should I tell Grant about the kiss last night? This is ridiculous. I re-commit with vigour to our relationship, and then can't even leave the corridor without ending up in the arms of another guy…another guy who is a slightly better kisser than Grant. Mmm.
"No prob. Oh, and Potter wanted to know when you woke up, so I suppose I should go get him. That's what a good best friend would do, right?" Annabelle asked sweetly, her strawberry blonde locks falling into her eyes. I swear I could see the evil glint. Oh, great. She's declared herself 'Cupid' to me and Potter.
"Shouldn't you get Grant? Seeing as we're together?!"
"Well, it's remarkably difficult to tell by your excursions of late, darling," she replied with a giggle. I knew she was just teasing, but a part of me…deep down…knew that there was real truth to what she was saying. Sooner or later, the rumours would start. Grant was Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain, James was the Captain for Gryffindor, not to mention Head Boy, and I was the Head Girl. We were all popular, well-liked people. Sooner or later, Grant would hear about James from whispers in the hallway…but I wanted to get to him first.
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"Lily! How are you doing?" I heard James Potter's concerned voice echoing through the hall. Obviously Annabelle can't follow directions…she got me Potter, I thought to myself irritably. Note to self- when hospitalized because two boys love me…get Emmeline to help.
Grudgingly sitting up and trying to flatten my flyaway hair, I met his hazel eyes with my own. "Confused. Irritated. Slightly hungry."
A slight smile lit up his rugged features as he pulled up a chair by my bedside. "Well, I can't really do much about the first two, but I can nick some food from the kitchens, if you'd like. I know Madam Pomfrey probably isn't likely to get you butterbeer and those treacle tarts you love."
As much as I would like to be irritated with him, I did find myself cracking a grateful smile. The food in this wing was absolutely terrible. I slowly nodded, big grin lighting up my face considerably. "Sounds yummy."
James reached over and affectionately ruffled my scarlet locks, before saying that he would be back in a few minutes with my feast.
It was barely a minute before the door creaked open again.
I was about to make a smart wisecrack about how easily Potter could get lost, before I realised that the person at the door was most definitely not James- it was Grant Ashcroft, my boyfriend. Maybe Annabelle got both of them, I thought, panicking. No, even she wouldn't be that desperate to meddle in my love-life!
"Hi honey, McGonagall told me you were in here," he said softly, gingerly sitting at my bedside and laying a hand casually across my feet. "How are you doing?"
Nervously rubbing my hands together, I looked up to meet his eyes. "Um…I'm okay, thanks. How are you?"
"Great, now that I know we're really committed, sweetheart," he finished softly, reaching over to give me a peck on the cheek.
Wow. I've never understood the thought of guilt boiling in a stomach, but now I totally understand what that means…it's quite convenient that I'm in the Hospital Wing, really, because I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm not the lying type. This is really hard. I feel so terrible about that kiss last night. True, I didn't initiate it, but I responded! That's basically just as bad, I berated myself in my thoughts like this for a few minutes, trying to focus on the ceiling tiles just so I wouldn't have to meet my boyfriend's adoring gaze.
Gathering my resolve, I looked at him. I opened my mouth to tell him about the kiss the night before, about how confused I was, about how we couldn't continue dating until I was positive that Grant was the one for me. But when my eyes caught his caring, sweet ones, all that came out was, "Yeah. Committed. Great."
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Yeah, committed? What the fuck is she doing?! James Potter angrily thought to himself, leaving the door to the wing where he was eavesdropping. He had far more food than he needed, not to mention James really hated treacle tarts, but he just couldn't go into that wing to give me the food. He couldn't interrupt. Reality would hit him too fast that way. He really was the "other guy". Maybe Lily wanted to be with Grant… if he found that out, then how would he feel?! He had always assumed that her readiness to kiss him resulted from extreme dissatisfaction in her current relationship, but "committed, great" didn't sound very dissatisfied to him! Why was he wasting his time with this?
Because he loved the hell out of Lily Evans, that's why he was wasting his time with this.
Slamming his hand angrily at the stone wall next to him, he threw her food into a nearby rubbish bin and headed out the double doors to the school. There was a place James always went to when his world didn't seem to be going right. He came up with his best plans and pranks there. It was his spot.
Climbing slowly onto his rock by the lake, he gathered his knees to his chest, and looked down into the placid water. "What should I do?" he asked himself in frustration, throwing a pebble into the lake. "How can I make her understand?"
Resting his head on his knees, he realized something. Lily obviously understood, but she didn't care.
James tried to put the depressing thought out of his head, but as soon as it occurred to him, he knew it must be true. If she really cared, she would have broken up with Grant and come up to him begging to be his and only his for all time, right? At least, that's what she did in all the dreams he had of the event (of which he had had many, naturally). "It's just wrong," he said softly out loud. "She didn't even give me a chance."
Watching the waves ripple across the dark water, James Potter finally came to his conclusion. If she didn't want him, then he would back off. James wasn't going to go out of his way to see her. He wasn't going to be the sweet, thoughtful guy she came to when she was bored with her boyfriend. He was tired of that. James cared about her, sure, but she was making him absolutely miserable by agreeing to Grant and not giving James a chance to prove himself as a good boyfriend. James knew he could make Lily happy. He didn't know how…but he just knew.
Besides, she had gotten involved with him in the broom closet out of her own volition. She hadn't been forced against a wall (like last night, for example). Lily had had every opportunity to get away. If he left her alone with this boyfriend long enough, Remus had to be right- she would come to him.
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