Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author/Artist: sapphiretragedy (on LJ) , diggingupophelia (on PK)

Title: Secrets and Lies

Prompt: Ron was tortured into insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange the summer after sixth year. Harry and Hermione use a dangerous spell to save him. It opens their minds to each other and long buried feelings are exposed.

Summary (for fics) Medium (for art): See above.

Warning (if applicable): Spoilers for HBP. Dark Fic.

Other ships (if applicable): H/G and R/Hr in the beginning. But I promise nothing over the top.

Rating: Mature. Language and Violence.

Notes (optional): This was a great way for me to come back to H/Hr. I had wandered for a while. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it. Comments and Concrit are welcomed. Flames are not welcomed.

*Originally posted to the LJ community hhr_serendipity for the 2005 H/Hr FQF

Part 1/2

***

Harry was lying on his bed in his room and he was sulking. Today had not been a good day. It was the first day back in Godric's Hollow that wasn't spent repairing the house and researching places that were meaningful to Voldemort's past. Of course, Ginny had taken the first opportunity to corner him for a discussion about where their relationship could go if Harry would just give it a chance. Harry was tired of having that conversation with her. He didn't want to see her get hurt; therefore, he couldn't commit himself to her at present. He really didn't understand what was so difficult to comprehend about the situation. Didn't she remember what happened to his mother and father because they loved each other? Didn't she see what happened to him? He wouldn't wish his life on anyone.

There was a knock at the door. Harry gave a frustrated sigh and rolled over on to his stomach and smashed his pillow down on his head. "Go away," he yelled. His yell was, of course, muffled and the person on the other side of the door took the liberty of entering the room.

"Harry, I don't appreciate you storming away from me when I'm trying to have a civilized conversation with you," huffed Ginny as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

Harry groaned into his pillow. He shifted in the bed so he was sitting up with his back against the pillows. "I didn't storm away. I told you that the conversation was over," he said coolly. "You just don't seem to want the conversation to end until I give into whatever it is you want. I thought ambition was a Slytherin trait," he said dryly.

"It's just that I think you're being silly about this. I mean, I did all that work to convince Mum and Dad to let me come with you and Ron and Hermione. What did you think I was doing it for Harry? Myself? I did it because I wanted to be with you, to support you."

" I know, Ginny," he said in an agitated tone. "You've told me a billion times. It doesn't change how I feel. Look, I care about you. Because I care about you, things have to stay the way they are." Harry mentally counted to ten and without fail, the tears started. Harry instinctively reached toward her to comfort her. However, she pulled away from him. This was new. "Ginny, look, I'm sorry. I'm doing this for you."

" No, you're doing it for yourself. You, Harry James Potter, are a selfish pillock!" she shouted as she stormed out of his room. Her anger was punctuated by the slamming of her bedroom door.

"That went well," he muttered to himself sarcastically. Harry turned on his side and attempted to drift off to sleep. He was sure Hermione would wake him in a few hours to contemplate another one of her theories.

***

Harry was not wrong. Four hours after he had fallen into a restless sleep, he found himself being shaken awake by Hermione.

"Five more minutes and then I will look at anything you want, Hermione," he said as he rolled away from her. Normally rolling away would get her to stop, however, she was relentless.

"Harry, you need to get up. Someone has tripped the wards, you need to get up and get your wand," she said. Her voice as calm, but she was clearly alarmed.

Harry didn't need to be told twice. As he sat up in bed and rooted around for his wand he could hear the unmistakable shrill of the panic alarm charm. He stuffed his feet into his trainers and cast a charm to tie the laces.

"Hurry up, Harry!" she ordered in a commanding whisper.

He nodded. "Where are Ron and Ginny?" he asked.

"I don't know. I went to get them but their beds were empty. They may have gone for a walk. Ginny was in a state," she explained.

"Would they have left the grounds? Fidelius doesn't extend that far … if someone was watching …," he began in a panicked tone.

"Harry, they know not to leave," she reassured him all the while worrying herself. "Now listen, I'll go around the back and you go to the front. It'll be better if we split up."

"No, Hermione. We have to stay together. We'll go around the house. We have to stay back to back so we have our bases covered. Got it?"

Hermione acquiesced to his orders and they left the bedroom to search the inside of the house for intruders before moving to the outside to search the perimeter. The house was clear. The only thing prowling around was Crookshanks and he looked very upset at having his nap disturbed. Before the pair headed outside, Hermione refreshed the security wards so they would know if anyone tried to get into the house while they were outside.

"We should have grabbed your invisibility cloak, Harry," whispered Hermione as they were hunched on the ground back to back as Harry peered around a corner to check if the coast was clear.

"We aren't going back now," he replied. "It's all clear on this side, let's go."

Harry and Hermione surveyed the perimeter of the house and found nothing. They were both utterly confused. The wards didn't set themselves off.

Harry turned to Hermione, "Do you think Ron and Ginny set off the wards by leaving the grounds?"

"It is a possibility, but I don't think either of them would be that stupid."

"Hermione you know them both as well as I do and if Ginny is upset she isn't going to give a damn about what is stupid and what isn't and …"

"And Ron would have followed her to protect his sister," she finished for him. The end of the statement was punctuated by an aggravated sigh.

"Well, come on, let's go searching for them," Harry said as he made his way to the wrought iron fence that marked the end of the property line and thus the protection of the spell.

"Harry!" yelled Hermione. "Don't be stupid. We had better scry for them before we just go traipsing out there."

"That is going to take too long. The sooner we find them, the better."

"It will take us longer to look for them blindly. Now come on. I already have the maps out."

"Fine," he said following her into the house.

***

"Ginny wait up," yelled Ron as he chased after his sister.

"Ronald, I am in no mood for your orders. If you can't keep up, then you should have stayed behind. Besides, Hermione isn't going to find it funny when she realizes you're gone."

"You let me worry about what she's going to do. Stop right there. You can't go outside of those gates and you know it."

"I am so tired of everyone telling me what is best for me," she yelled. " `We can't date Ginny because I have to protect you.' `You are going to return to Hogwarts next year, Ginny. End of discussion.' `You can't leave the grounds Ginny or a Death Eater will torture you.' " She screamed at Ron. "I can take care of myself, Ronald. And be sure to let Harry know that as well." As she spoke she pulled open the wrought iron gate and it opened with a squeak.

Ron hesitated for a moment before following Ginny out. He wanted to get Harry and Hermione, but he didn't think either of them would make the situation better. He ran after her closing the gate behind him.

***

"How stupid could they be?" asked Harry as he and Hermione followed the path outlined on the map. "And before you answer that, it was rhetorical," he huffed.

"Don't snap at me, I'm not the one who wandered of," Hermione said softly.

"Sorry. It's just that we went to all the trouble to make sure we'd all be safe until we were ready and she gets into one of her moods and this happens."

Hermione knew better than to say a word. To say the non-relationship between Harry and Ginny had been tense would be the understatement of the millennium. When they weren't arguing they were ignoring each other. The rift between Harry and Ginny had begun to cause some problems between Ron and Hermione. Ron expected Hermione to side with Ginny because he did. He was very annoyed when Hermione stuck up for Harry. She and Ron had had such an argument tonight. They did apologize to each other, but there would be another row before the night was done.

"There they are," said Harry. He was about to yell to them to get their attention when he heard the distinct pop of Apparation somewhere around them. He took the Invisibility cloak he had thrown over his arm and instinctively covered Hermione in it. "Stay here," he whispered. "No matter what happens don't move."

Harry took two steps toward the clearing but hesitated. He turned toward Hermione and took a page from Dumbledore's book and petrified her. He felt better knowing she was under the shelter of his cloak and couldn't get into harm's way.

Harry moved so that he was out in the open. He immediately noticed two cloaked figures closing in on Ron and Ginny. Each one grabbed a Weasley. Harry managed to cast a successful petrification charm on the Death Eater holding Ron in his or her clutches. Ron fell to the ground still caught in his captors grip.

Harry rounded on the Death Eater who had his or her wand pointed at Ginny. Harry pointed his own wand at the Death Eater. "Let her go. I'm the one you want."

"No," said the voice Harry recognized as belonging to Bellatrix Lestrange. "The Dark Lord wants you. He has great plans for you, Potter," she spat. "This blood traitor, however, suits my needs nicely."

"I don't love her. You can't hurt me by killing her," he said. His voice was cold.

Ginny looked at him. She looked as if her heart had broken. Harry deliberately averted his gaze from her.

"Then you won't mind if she dies," said Bellatrix as she trained her wand on the ginger haired girl in her grasp.

"I didn't say that I wouldn't mind. I said you couldn't hurt me. That's what he wants you to do isn't it? Weaken me by killing my friends? Make me feel like I'm guilty for their deaths?" He paused. He knew the longer he talked to her the easier it would be to save Ginny. "Well it's business isn't it? I need to do what I need to do and you have your own agenda."

"That's very perceptive for a child the last word was spoken as an insult.

"Your lot has made sure I never had a childhood. Now let her go. She's not even a challenge for you," he drawled.

"Not particularly. But I know that watching her die would hurt you, despite your feeble attempts to convince me otherwise," she mocked.

Bellatrix started moving toward Ron and her fallen partner. She placed Ginny in front of her as a shield. Harry kept his wand trained on Bellatrix, but his target was significantly smaller now that Ginny had become an obstruction.

"Harry," rasped Ginny. "No matter what happens I love you. It's not your fault. Kill her," she pleaded.

Harry raised his wand. He took the time to mentally separate himself from the situation. He aimed his wand at Bellatrix's hand. He thought the incantation, "Sectumsempra. He watched as Bellatrix dodged the spell by throwing Ginny in front of it. The spell caught her across the throat and Harry saw the rush of crimson. He could see her gaping for air and the shock in her eyes as pain invaded her body. There was a minimal pang of regret before he steeled himself against any emotions.

He fired an entrail-expelling curse at Bellatrix while part of her was exposed. At the last second, she threw Ginny in front of her. Harry watched in silent horror as Ginny's entrails burst forth from her body and lay before her. The moon bathed them in silver light and gleamed like chains anchoring her to the ground. Harry swallowed back the bile rising in his throat. What was worse was Ginny was still conscious. He saw her hand fall to the gaping wound of her abdomen and the shock cross her face.

Bellatrix's voice sounded in his head, "You have to mean them." The sentiment repeated over and over again. He had to mean it and so he would.

There was silence. Harry rounded on her again. Bellatrix was moving as though she wasn't certain what her next move should be. It was obvious to Harry that his new attitude had obviously confused her. Bellatrix quickly moved to the side of her partner who was stirring. Ginny was being pulled along with her, the leaden weight of her entrails trailing behind her like the train of a gown. Ron was still struggling to free himself from the tight grasp. He managed to wiggle free. Bellatrix saw this and thrust Ginny toward Harry while she took Ron into her clutches.

Harry caught Ginny and felt the warmth of her blood seeping through his robes. She was still breathing. She was pale and her breath was shallow, but she was still alive. Harry only looked up from Ginny when he saw Bellatrix crouch down. She raised her wand in his direction and a green light shot from it. He knew it was the Killing Curse. He tried to duck out of the way, but Ginny caught the curse in the chest. Harry stumbled to the ground his limbs wrapping up in Ginny's in a grotesque parody of a passionate embrace. When Harry finally untangled himself from Ginny and got to his feet, Bellatrix, her partner, and Ron were all gone.

Harry didn't waste time on tears. He went to Hermione and unpetrified her. Hermione had a look of terror on her face. "I could have helped," she murmured as she fell into Harry's embrace. Harry clung to her as the weight of the situation settled on his shoulders.

"Come on, Hermione. Let's go get Ginny so we can find Ron."

Harry and Hermione collected Ginny's corpse and carried it back to Godric's Hollow. Harry carried Ginny over the threshold and laid her in her bed. He drew the covers over her and left her alone in the cold embrace of death. They were up all night scrying for Ron. He was nowhere to be found.

***

Ron wasn't sure where he was but his head felt like a hippogriff had tap danced on it after squishing it with a sledgehammer. He blinked his eyes open and was assaulted by a blinding white light. He noticed that the ground beneath him was cold, hard, flagstone. He tasted the tinge of blood in his mouth and then a barrage of memories attacked him. The events of Ginny's death flooded his mind and he screamed. His screams were rewarded with mocking laughter. He turned toward the sound and made out the forms of two Death Eaters.

"Look here, Severus, the boy's awake," cackled Bellatrix.

"So it appears," replied Snape.

Ron jumped to his feat and instinctively reached for his wand. He wasn't surprised to find it wasn't there, but his determination to fight did not wane. They would do what they would to him, but he would not give in.

***

Harry and Hermione went through the motions of daily living. They ate, and showered, and still managed to breathe through all the pain. Harry and Hermione were on their way to the Burrow to bury Ginny.

Hermione's face was puffy with tears. Harry hadn't cried. He wouldn't cry. He was saving every ounce of hatred for the moment it would really count. Harry reached out and put a comforting hand on Hermione's shoulder.

Hermione turned to him. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. She swallowed back her tears before she spoke. "We'll find him, right, Harry?"

He gave her an imperceptible nod and pulled her into his chest. "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"Harry, it's not your fault," she said sternly. "Now we'd better Apparate or Mrs. Weasley will send reinforcements."

"I don't want to take any chances. Hold my hand and we'll do side along Apparation," he said holding out his hand.

Harry felt Hermione's hand grip his arm tightly. He wrapped his arm around her waist to make their impending landing easier.

***

Ron was tied to a chair in the center of his cell. Bellatrix had come in to welcome him to her humble hole in the ground.

Things started easy. A minor slicing charm on his cheeks, furunculous, and starvation were her warm up act. She wanted to know where Potter was.

"I told you, I'm not the Secret Keeper. I can't tell you where he is. And even if I could, I wouldn't tell you," he spat.

"I think you're lying," she said matter-of-factly. "Your dear Professor has whipped up a nice batch of Veritaserum. I don't want any mistakes so," she paused brandishing a rather large vial of the clear liquid, "open wide."

Ron clamped his mouth shut. Bellatrix cast Imperius. He opened his mouth and swallowed the contents of the vial.

"Where is Harry Potter?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered. His voice was trance-like.

"Bellatrix, it's enough. He can't lie when he's under the influence of the serum," Snape explained, his tone was bored. "The boy is of no use to us. The Dark Lord has told you to let him go. The time to use Potter's friends as bait has passed."

"He knows something, Severus," she protested. " Who brewed this potion?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. "Who do you think? Does the Dark Lord have another Potions master in his employ?" he asked wryly.

"You've tainted the potion," she accused.

"I did no such thing," he said evenly. "No fool would have made any one of those three Secret Keeper. I tried to explain that to you when you went on your adventure. But you and Rodolphus didn't want to hear it. You aren't going to be able to save face now. Admit your mistakes and he will forgive you. After all, as you remind me every day, you are his most loyal servant," Snape retorted sardonically.

Snape's attitude only proved to incense Bellatrix. She turned he wand on Ron and cast the Cruciatus on him. Ron's screams filled the air. Tears streamed from his eyes. His bladder emptied itself and urine pooled beneath his chair. Bellatrix lifted the curse.

"Tell me where he is," she demanded.

"Fuck off," Ron retorted.

Bellatrix pointed her wand at him and he flinched. She laughed at his fear.

"Bellatrix stop this now. The Dark Lord has said he wants the boy unharmed," protested Severus.

Bellatrix turned her wand on Severus. "Would you like a taste of this," she asked stabbing her wand at the air.

"Don't point your wand at me, Bellatrix," he said authoritatively.

She cocked an eyebrow and Stupefy on Snape. He fell to the floor with a thud and she turned back to Ron.

Bellatrix continued to use the Cruciatus on him until he passed out from the continuous applications. When she couldn't rouse him anymore, she left him tied to the chair. There would be plenty of time for it tomorrow.

***

Harry and Hermione were searching for Ron. Immediately after Ginny was buried the mourning ended. Harry and Hermione stationed themselves at Hogwarts. They needed to be near members of the Order and Harry refused to go to Grimmauld Place.

Hermione was holed up in the Library searching for better location spells. Harry was right there next to her helping as much as he could. He was pouring over maps at the moment. He was getting nowhere. He shoved the map off of the table. "If we had a man on the inside we would know where the fuck he was," he yelled.

Hermione closed her book gently. "Harry, the fact of the matter is we don't know if we have someone on the inside or not. We'll just have to do the best we can. And hope. It's obvious from our search that we aren't going to find Ron this way. We can't go out looking for him since we have no clue where to start. We're going to have to keep working on finding that horcrux and work on how we're going to get Voldemort to meet you on your terms."

"How can you of all people say that? The love of your life is out there and you're just giving up?"

"Damn it, Harry!" she exclaimed. "Yes I love him. I can't find him now. But I can help you. Don't throw it in my face that I'm a horrible girlfriend."

"This whole mess is my fault. If I hadn't sent her away that night then she and Ron wouldn't have left," he said unconsciously balling his hands into fists.

"Get over yourself, Harry. You don't have enough power to do any of that. We'll find Ron. I know we will. It' just going to take time."

There was a long pregnant pause. "I hate it when you're right," Harry whined as he got up to pick up the maps he had thrown onto the floor in his moment of frustration.

"When have I been wrong?" asked Hermione. She smiled for the first time in three days.

The sight of that made Harry crack a smile.

***

Bellatrix smiled at her handiwork. She had managed to torture the poor sod until the only thing he could do voluntarily was die. Cruciatus was a wonderful spell. It was her favorite. He was more than likely mad, she surmised. He couldn't tell her anything now. She had her doubts that he even knew he was a boy and not a flobberworm.

She left him there. He would die eventually.

***

Severus made his way down into the bowels of the building to retrieve the Weasley boy. He smirked at the knowledge that the Dark Lord would punish Bellatrix for her stupidity. She had been warned not to harm them. Little did she know it was because the Dark Lord realized that the pent up anger Potter had would translate in the ability to fight better.

When Severus clicked open the door he did not expect to find a broken boy waiting for him. He honestly expected the Gryffindor to be able to fight longer. He made his way to Weasley and cast a cleansing charm before he undid the bindings on his wrists and legs. Severus tried to get the boy to stand, but he was unable to. He scooped the boy up in his arms and made his way to an Apparation point. Bellatrix would tell the Dark Lord she left the boy for dead and he wouldn't argue.

***

Harry and Hermione were clearing their minds by taking a much-needed break. They had opted for a stroll around the lake before they went down to Hagrid's hut to feed Fang. Hagrid was on a reconnaissance mission and the boarhound was an inconsolable wreck.

Harry and Hermione were silent for most of the walk. Each one attempting to clear their heads and forget their remarkable lack of progress in any area of late.

Harry broke the silence. "You've got an ink stain on your trainers," he said casually.

Hermione looked down at her once white trainers. The left one had a brilliant blue ink stain on the tongue. "Bollocks! These were brand new. Mum just owled them less than a week ago."

Harry took out his wand and vanished the stain. Hermione gave him a sheepish grin. "Sometimes I still forget."

"Lucky for you, I don't," he said stopping and sitting down under a tree near the edge of the lake. His tone was heavy and contemplative. "Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had stayed."

"Me too," she answered honestly. "There is a whole other life out there that could have been mine."

"I don't want to die, Hermione," he said, abruptly changing the subject.

"You won't die," she said simply. "It's morbid to think of it." It was her way of brushing him off but he didn't let her.

"Hermione, Ginny's already dead. And Dumbledore and …"

"Don't you say his name in that sentence Harry," she warned.

"Hermione it's been ten days. If they were going to let him go for whatever reason he'd have found us by now. He knew the plan," Harry said defensively.

"I know he's alive, Harry," she said resolutely.

"What are you a Seer now? Did you suddenly become an expert at reading tea leaves and seeing the future in Crystal balls?" he asked sardonically.

"No," she said flatly. Her hand reached out and brushed his chest. "I can feel him in my heart, Harry. And I know you can, too."

"I don't have a heart anymore. Weapons don't need them," he retorted dryly.

Hermione pulled her hand away and shut her eyes in consternation. "Stop that, Harry. Just stop it. You are not a weapon. You aren't going to die when this whole ordeal is over with and I am sick to death of hearing you say these things."

"But, they're true," he replied quietly. His eyes were firmly affixed to the ground. He didn't dare look at her.

Hermione didn't try to hide the fact that she was crying from him. She angrily swiped at the tears on her face and stomped off to finish her calming walk around the lake. Harry stayed seated on the ground and tried for the billionth time to reach Ron using his nearly non-existent Legilimency powers. It was useless. Ron was lost and he and Hermione needed to accept it.

***

Hermione forced herself to take deep breaths as she banished tears from her face with the back of her hand. It was hard for her to see Harry so cold and emotionless. She understood why he needed to do it, but it didn't make it any easier for her. She couldn't even get him to argue with her. It was what she needed most - a good argument- and she couldn't even get a rise out of him. It was very frustrating for her.

Hermione turned and looked at him. Harry's head was resting in his hands and he was very still. She wanted to reach out and hug him, but she knew he'd only brush her away. She reflected on the night of Ginny's death and Ron's disappearance and realized that the boy who sat by the lake cradling his head in his hands wasn't her Harry. She couldn't wait until Voldemort was dead so she could have her Harry back.

Hermione turned away from him and continued on her walk. She wouldn't attempt talking to Harry again until she was calm. Hermione walked toward the forest. As she got closer, Hermione noticed a familiar figure in black robes carrying a bundle and setting it down at the base of the forest.

"Snape!" she thought.

Hermione didn't want to scare him off by screaming for Harry. She quickly cast a disillusionment charm on herself and inched her way toward the figure and his bundle. Hermione bit back a gasp as she saw flame red hair peek out from it's covering as Snape laid the bundle down on the ground. She saw him affix a note to the coverings before he retreated into the forest.

Hermione wasted no time as she ran towards the bundle. She knew Ron was inside, she just didn't know if he was alive or not. Hermione looked over her shoulder. Harry was too far away to yell for without brining attention upon them.

Hermione reached the bundle and reached out to touch it. She pulled her hand away. "What if this is a portkey?" she thought to herself. Her hand hovered over the bundle for a moment. It was burning to touch the red hair that was tempting her. But she managed to restrain herself. She ran as quickly as she could to Harry.

***

Harry snapped his head up when he heard panicked yells coming from Hermione.

"Harry! By the forest … Ron … could still be alive … afraid … portkey…" were the only words he could make out. Hermione was winded and clutching at a stitch in her side.

Harry pulled himself to his feet and reached for his wand. He took note that Hermione already had her wand out and motioned with he head for her to lead the way.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Ron's hair sticking out from under its' cover. Harry ran as fast as he could and didn't stop until Hermione yelled for him.

"We can't touch him. We don't know if he's got a portkey on him somewhere," she said.

"He'd be gone by now, wouldn't he?" asked Harry. He was impatient to see if Ron was alive.

"We need to go get Lupin or Tonks," Hermione said, leaving no room for discussion.

Harry didn't respond to her. Instead he fixed his gaze on the bundle. He was desperate for any signs of movement to know if Ron was breathing. Harry stared and stared but he didn't notice the tell tale motion of breathing from underneath the cloak. His heart sank into the pit of his stomach. "I … I don't think he's breathing, Hermione," whispered Harry.

"His breathing might be too shallow for us to tell. Come on, let's go get help," she insisted.

"We can't leave him," protested Harry. He stepped away from Hermione and Ron and conjured his patronus. He sent it to the castle to find someone who could help them.

Harry and Hermione stared at Ron for what seemed like an eternity. They didn't even look up when they heard approaching footsteps or orders to stand aside coming from Lupin. Lupin was forced to walk around the pair. He waved his wand over the bundle and then stooped down to pick it up.

"He's not a portkey," he said simply. "I'm taking him to the Hospital Wing. He's still alive, but only just," the melancholy tone of his voice was not lost on Harry.

Harry nodded. He looked up and saw a piece of parchment fall from Ron's wrap. He watched as Remus made his way back to the castle and picked up the parchment when he was sure no one was looking. He pocketed it and grabbed Hermione's hand to lead her to their vigil in the Hospital Wing.

***

Harry and Hermione were forced to sit in the hallway and wait. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't allow them to disrupt her work. Neither Harry nor Hermione spoke, but they didn't need words to know what the other was thinking. Each one praying to whatever gods would listen to please let Ron be alive. That's all they asked for was for Ron to be alive.

Harry dug in his pockets for the parchment he had found. He wasn't able to read it. It was written in Ancient Runes.

"Hermione, can you read this?" he asked passing her the parchment.

Hermione took the parchment from him and scanned it. "Where did you get this Harry?"

"I found it near Ron," he replied simply.

"It's not anything I've studied before, but I have seen it. As soon as we find out about Ron, I'll go to the Library."

"Do you love him, Hermione," Harry asked out of the blue.

Hermione surprised herself when she hesitated. She opened her mouth but a strangled gasp came out. She cleared her throat. "Of course I love him," she answered indignantly.

He nodded and turned away from her. He was saved from having to say anything by the squeak of the doors separating them from Ron. It was Lupin. He looked grave.

Harry felt his mouth go dry. He didn't think he could ask the question if he wanted to. He averted his gaze from Lupin. Maybe if he didn't look him in the eye, then the news wouldn't be so awful.

Hermione broke the silence, "Professor, is he …?" she asked. Harry could hear her voice waver.

"No, Hermione he's not dead."

Harry and Hermione uttered a sigh of relief.

Harry caught Lupin's gaze and before Lupin could say anything else, "It's worse isn't it?" It was more a statement than a question.

"I'm afraid so."

Harry trained his eyes on Hermione and expected her to cry or scream or do something. She just clutched the parchment in her hands, turned on her heel, and made her way to the library.

***

Harry had followed Lupin to Ron's bedside. It took all his will power not to bolt out of the Hospital Wing at the sight of Ron.

At the moment Madame Pomfrey was bustling around him. Harry could see the scabbed over cuts that would leave scars across his best friend's face. He could see bruises on all of Ron's exposed flesh. There were dark circles under Ron's eyes. And his once brilliant blue eyes were dull and glazed over.

Harry had to tear his eyes away. He heard Madam Pomfrey utter a restraining charm over Ron. He turned to Lupin who was standing behind him with a supportive hand squeezing his shoulder. "He looks like Neville's parents … only worse," Harry observed.

"He was subjected to numerous rounds of Cruciatus. And it seems he was overdosed on Veritaserum as well. However, that can be fixed. We can't reverse the brain damage. He doesn't know where he is let alone who anyone else is. I'm sorry, Harry."

Harry shut his eyes. He fought all of his emotions as they bubbled up with in him. He was angry with Ron for running away in the first place. He was angry at Ginny for being stubborn and self absorbed and he was mad at himself forever making friends in the first place. "Goddamn it, Remus! This is not the way it was supposed to fucking happen," he yelled. He closed his fists into tight balls and began to pace the length of Ron's cot. He was taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself, like Hermione had taught him. He stopped and kicked an empty bedpan that was lying on the ground. It flew across the hospital room with a metallic clang, then he resumed pacing.

"Harry, I really don't think having a temper tantrum is going to do anything to help anyone," Lupin said calmly.

Harry closed his eyes and cleared his mind. He had to keep it all inside and keep it for the right moment. He concentrated on taking deep breaths and focusing on nothingness. His attempts were interrupted by the banging of the hospital door and the chastisement from Madam Pomfrey that was inevitable, "Miss Granger you of all people should know better."

"Sorry Madam Pomfrey, but Harry I've found a way to bring him back!" she said happily.

"Hermione you haven't even seen him," Harry said gently. "He's like the Longbottoms. He hasn't a clue about anything. I doubt he even knows he's alive."

"I know this already. That note you gave me led me to a spell and we can save him, Harry."

"Note?" asked Lupin. "What note? I don't want you two trying anything that came back to the castle with Ron it could be a trap."

"Professor what other choice have we got?" asked Hermione.

"Let me look into it first," he said by way of compromise.

"There's no time, every second he stays like this our chances for saving him diminish. And you know I'm right, Professor. Now I've looked in the Library and I've found the spell. The spell was in runes so I had to translate it. It doesn't have a name. But Harry and I have to get into Ron's mind to unlock his memories. It seems like basic Legilimency."

"Do you have any idea how much skill that particular ritual takes?" he asked.

"Of course I do, Professor. Together Harry and I can do it as long as we can draw on Ron's power."

"You don't know that he has any left." Lupin said.

"It's his only chance. We need him to fight with us or at least put up a fight before we let him go, Professor. I don't know about Harry, but I'm doing this," Hermione said as she crossed her arms over he chest. The look in her eyes was one of absolute determination. Harry noticed it was the same look she got in her eyes when S.P.E.W. had become her cause of choice.

"If Hermione thinks it's a good idea then I'm helping her," said Harry.

Lupin's eyes grew wide with anger. He opened his mouth to protest, but Harry stopped him. "Your weapon will still be available to you. We'll be fine," he snapped. He turned to Hermione, "Let's get this stared."

***

Harry and Hermione sat in the Room of Requirement. They were preparing for the first of several dry runs of the mind reading portion of the spell. Hermione had nearly twenty books lying open in a semi circle. The room had provided soft cushions on the ground, Harry assumed it was for lounging, so he made himself comfortable while Hermione searched in one of her books for something he wasn't quite sure of.

He couldn't help but notice the delicate curve of Hermione's waist as she reached over to pull a book closer to her. He snapped his head away. "Just what in bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he asked himself. "That is your best mate's girlfriend!"

"… that one right in front of you Harry?" asked Hermione. Her voice effectively returned him to the task at hand.

"Sorry, I was drifting. Which book?"

"That one with the red ribbon for a page marker," she said not bothering to look up from the book she was currently flipping trough.

Harry picked up the book and moved it closer to her. He took note of the way loose tendrils of hair from the loose bun at the back of her head framed her face. He watched as she idly twisted a strand of hair around her fingers while she furrowed her brow in concentration. He shifted his position as he felt his pants grow a bit snug. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

She looked up from the book, but kept twining her hair around her fingers. "Did you find something useful, Harry?" she asked hopefully.

"Are you sure we can do this, Hermione?" asked Harry. "I mean neither one of us is a Legilmens."

With that question, Hermione finally stopped twirling her hair. Her hand fell with a dull smack onto the book that was resting in her lap.

"We don't have to be perfect. I know you can do a little and I've been studying up on it and I've managed to get a few things here and there," she said in her know-it-all tone.

"What's the worst that could happen?" he asked nervously. "As much as I hate to admit it, Lupin does have a point."

"We could end up like Ron or die. We could all die if we don't do this right. That is why we are attempting this with each other before we try any of this with Ron."

"What are the odds Hermione?" Suddenly, Harry found himself trying to dissuade Hermione from the attempt. He wasn't quite sure why, but he wasn't sure he wanted any part of the process.

"Fifty/Fifty," she answered flatly. "It's not great, but it's an even chance."

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes, Harry, I'm sure. There isn't anything in your head that I don't already know. And I don't have any secrets from you. Don't worry."

"You're right," he admitted. "Where do we start?"

Hermione closed the book in her lap and set it off to the side before she started her explanations.

"First you try to get in my mind then I'll try to get into yours," she said reclining.

Harry reached to the side and took his wand up in his hands. He pointed his wand at his own head and uttered, "Legilmens". He looked into Hermione's eyes and focused on reading her thoughts.

It was easy to break through her weak defenses. She had many images floating at the surface of her minds. He saw himself adjusting his position on the cushions in the Room of Requirement. He saw Ginny pushed to him bleeding profusely. He watched himself walk away from Hermione as he went toward Ron and Ginny in the clearing. Harry broke the connection and ran to the rubbish bin that materialized in the corner and vomited.

***

Go directly to Part II

-->