A/N: Thanks for the great response to chapter nine. The last ten reviews are still unanswered. I'll answer them as soon a possible. This chapter is one long conversation between Harry and Hermione. It answers all the questions from the previous chapters, HBP and the earlier books. Those looking for fast stories may find this boring. But it is very important for the storyline. Harry/Hermione fans will like this. Some of it is repetitive but I wanted to include everything in the conversation. Please review!!!
Now for some news on my side. There will be no updates till the 20th of January, 2006. I have my examinations coming up and need to concentrate on my studies. But this story is far from over. I've already made notes for the next two chapters. So stay tuned for more. A very Happy New Year to everyone. Hope the coming year brings better news for Harry/Hermione shippers.
Chapter Ten: Questions Answered
After breakfast on Boxing Day, Harry and Hermione decided to have the talk about the development of their feelings towards each other. They lit a fire in their common room since it was quite chilly.
"So where do we start? I think you should start Harry because my story is very very long. You'll get bored hearing it," said Hermione.
"I can never be bored when I'm with you. Getting to look at you is entertaining enough," said Harry with a sly smile.
"You're a big flirt Harry! Now without wasting much time can you start?" said Hermione.
"Fine, I'll start. You remember how our friendship was weakening during sixth year. I felt that both of us were drifting apart. At that time I didn't think much about it. I was too busy thinking about the Horcruxes. When you sent me the letter about your moving away, I wasn't affected initially. I thought you had stopped caring about all of us. I decided not to dwell much on the matter," he paused seeing that Hermione wanted to speak.
"But Harry how could you think I didn't care about you? I know we drifted apart last year but the reason for that is totally different. I cared for you and everyone else wholeheartedly. I'll tell you about it after sometime," said Hermione indignantly.
"You didn't let me finish. The moment I lay on my bed all I could think about was you. Your help before the Triwizard Tournament floated through my mind. That is when I realized how important you are to me. So I called you but you were very firm about your decision to leave. Again your memories enveloped my mind, particularly the incidents at the Ministry of Magic. When I saw you being hit by the curse I got lost. Had it been any of the others I would have fought back with vengeance. But seeing you like that… I lost my mind. When I finally went to sleep, you know what happened after that," said Harry.
"Why did you tell me all this? You couldn't have felt anything for me at that time. Otherwise you wouldn't have played the matchmaker for me and Ron," said Hermione.
"You say that I didn't like you at that time. That is not true. Within my heart I liked just one person, you. My brain however was foolish enough not to decipher my heart. This is just one example. Despite it being the low point of our friendship, I couldn't forget you. Even if somebody had given me a slight hint, I would have realized it," said Harry, truthfully.
"If you didn't realize it at that time then when did you? It's barely been six months since then," said Hermione. She was deeply into Harry's story.
"It was at the Halloween Ball. Luna asked me a simple question - to describe the qualities of the ideal girl for me. As I have told you, I had made a few conditions in my mind for any girl I date. The first condition was she had to be a very good friend. Without friendship nothing can even start. Secondly my liking should not be an infatuation or a crush. Meaning looks shouldn't be an issue. Then there were smaller things like mutual trust and a good heart. Finally both of us should know each other better than ourselves. So as you heard, these were quite strong conditions. I didn't expect anyone to fulfill all of these within the next decade. Luna went off to the toilet and my eyes fell on you and Ron dancing. That was the moment. I realized that only one girl could fulfill all my conditions. I had been a fool not to see it before," said Harry.
"Remind me to thank Luna once she gets back. What happened after that? It couldn't have been easy for you to see me and Ron going out," said Hermione.
"I considered Ron as my brother and you seemed to be happy with him. So I had no choice in the matter. However there was one way to get what I wanted. When I was looking for my socks that night I found that the bottle of Felix Felices Slughorn had given me still had some contents in it. But I resisted that temptation. I wanted us to share something pure. Not something induced by potions," said Harry.
"I don't know what to say Harry. I always trusted your honesty but I never knew you were so noble," said Hermione. She was deeply touched by Harry's latest revelation. Her curiosity grew even more. "Then why didn't you tell me right after I broke up with Ron?" she asked.
"I wanted you to recover from the shock. Even if you say you didn't like Ron, you were still shaken by the whole incident. I didn't want some sort of a backlash to start our relationship. When I felt you had gotten over all that I told you," said Harry.
"One last question. What were you doing when I caught you unaware while studying for the pre NEWTs?" asked Hermione.
"I was looking at you. The sight of you deep in your work mesmerized me. That was the natural you. The Hermione I've always known. Also on Christmas Eve morning before I woke you up, a similar thing happened. The simple sight of you sleeping hypnotized me. That is when I finally decided to tell you everything. After the dance at the party I felt the perfect moment had arrived," said Hermione.
"Wow! You are absolutely amazing Harry. I never knew you were such a gentleman. I'll try my level best to live up to your expectations and make our relationship a successful one," said Hermione kissing him on the cheek.
"Enough of talking from my side. It's your turn now," said Harry. He was happy that he had told Hermione everything. The first step to a successful relationship was being truthful. Hermione sighed.
"This is a going to be a long one. I'm not sure how much of it you will like. Please don't think badly of me because of what I say. I wasn't mature enough and couldn't think properly," said Hermione.
"Hermione whatever has happened in the past is behind us. We've started fresh. Knowing the truth will help us understand each other much better. Don't be afraid. There is no way I'll think badly of you. It has taken me long enough to discover you and I don't want to lose you," Harry reassured her, putting his hands on her shoulder.
"Thanks for that Harry. For me it started during the end of third year but I was too young to understand any of it. When you and I were saving Sirius with the help of the time turner I knew there was something in you which nobody else had. You had spoken to Sirius for barely half an hour but you figured out he was innocent. I don't think it was purely instinct. I deeply admired you for this. That was the reason why I took such a risk with the time turner. I knew saving Sirius was important for you. Probably even Professor Dumbledore knew that. I wouldn't have taken such a risk with anyone else. This was the first time I thought of more than friendship with you," said Hermione.
"You were only fourteen at that time. How could you be sure of your feelings at that time?" asked Harry.
"To start with I wasn't sure. But once we got back from Hogwarts, all I could think about was you. Then the drama with the Goblet of Fire happened. The moment you told me you didn't put your name in the Goblet I believed you. I knew that you wouldn't lie to me. I also knew how much you were missing Ron's company. I tried my best to get the two of you together. You would remember that I was crying when you finally made peace after the first task. Partly it was happiness that you'd got back your best mate. But partly I was sad that you wouldn't need me after that. Since Ron was back with you you'd give me less time than you'd been giving me. I couldn't bare that thought," Hermione said.
"But how could you think that? There was never a distinction between you and Ron as far as my friendship was concerned. You were both equally dear to me. If anything I valued your friendship more since Ron was also concerned about me being Harry Potter. You always saw me as Harry. Just Harry," replied Harry.
"As I've told you I wasn't wise enough to understand all this. Anyway by the end of the year my feelings for you changed into liking. I'd hoped you'd ask me to the Yule Ball but that never happened. At King Cross' station I kissed you for the first time. Your reaction confused me. Neither did you object nor did you show happiness. Perhaps you were too busy thinking about Cedric and Voldemort," said Hermione.
"Yes that's absolutely true. However the memory of you kissing me for the first time is one of my fondest. Now that I think about it, I feel that I'd started liking you around that time. Otherwise one small kiss wouldn't have affected me so much. So after this how did your liking for me change into liking for Ron?" Harry asked.
"It never happened Harry. I'll come to that part later. I entered fifth year full of hope. I even thought of telling you but couldn't gather the courage. If you turned me down I wouldn't have been able to survive. Also I may have lost your friendship. Thank goodness I didn't. Within weeks of school restarting I noticed your crush on Cho. I'll admit it Harry, I was very jealous. Here was this girl whom you hardly knew and she had taken you away from me. You kept asking me how to deal with her. I instructed you to the best of my knowledge but inside it was killing me. I was very proud when you stood up for me during the Marietta Edgecombe controversy. Finally the two of you broke up. You didn't seem particularly disappointed. I was rejoicing," said Hermione, hoping this wouldn't anger Harry.
"If you'd only told me Hermione, I would have realized it sooner. By that time I subconsciously liked you, that is more than a friend. That is the reason I couldn't think of what to do when you were hit by the curse at the Ministry. It was like part of me had been hit. Don't think I'll be angry with you. All this is really fascinating to hear," said Harry, taking a sip of water.
"Towards the end of fifth year I saw a few signs of your liking me back. But it was just wishful thinking on my part. Since you'd broken up with Cho, I was a bit too happy. We entered sixth year and you hadn't got together with anybody. My hopes were really increasing. One night I decided to finally tell you about my feelings. However, next day you showed definite signs of liking Ginny. I had had enough. The only way I could get over you was by weakening the bond of our friendship. That is why we drifted apart last year. It was all my doing and I'm ashamed of it. I should have been with you when you went with Voldemort," said Hermione tensely.
"I don't blame you for it. But you still haven't answered my question. How did you start liking Ron," asked Harry.
"Since you and I drifted apart Ron was my closest friend at that time. Like you even I'd kept a condition for any person I date. Just one condition - friendship. It was your main condition too. I felt friendship covered all the other conditions. So basically I was down to the two of you. And I couldn't have you. That just left Ron. I thought getting involved with Ron would help me get over you. He too showed interest in me. By the end of sixth year the two of us had got quite close. Closer than ever before. But once I went back home I could think about only you," said Hermione.
"I think this last bit played a part in your decision to leave with your 'parents'. The Hermione I know wouldn't just leave everything here and go away," interrupted Harry.
"You know me too well Harry. Yes, it did play a rather big part. I love my parents very much. But only for their anxiety I wouldn't abandon everything here. When Peter told me about moving away, I felt this would be the perfect opportunity to get over my feelings for you. Being your friend without being your girlfriend was really tough on me. I thought Ron would solve my problems but he didn't. So I decided to leave. You know what happened after that. The time we were alone at my house was very hard on me emotionally. My parents were fighting for their lives. You were there for me. Without you I couldn't have gone on with life. You made me feel like somebody. My liking for you kept growing but I didn't get any reaction at all. So I was losing hope. Your breakup with Ginny got me interested once again," said Hermione.
"Then why did you say you liked Ron when I asked you? What all you've said so far makes perfect sense but how could you say you liked Ron after this?" asked Harry.
"During our stay at The Burrow Ron and I again got close. While you were breaking up with Ginny, he almost kissed me. If you hadn't come in at the time you did, he would definitely have kissed me. We went to Bill's wedding together and I liked it. Ron was his usual self at that time. Still you were in my mind. I thought I'd wait for a few more days to see if you fancied me back," said Hermione.
"That's all right. You probably didn't get the reaction you were looking for when we got back to your place. What happened then?" asked Harry intrigued.
"No I didn't get any reaction from you. I was very frustrated. I tried to think about Ron to keep your thoughts away. Then the time came when you confronted me about my feelings for Ron. By your voice I understood you wanted us to get together. That tore me into two. I played my last card at that time. I told you I liked Ron to check if you would be jealous or not. There was no sign of it. On the contrary you were planning to set us up. That night I couldn't sleep a wink. For the first half of the night I cried and cried. I felt as if I'd lost you forever. At about five in the morning I decided enough is enough. I had to move on. Since I had blind faith in you I believed everything you said about Ron's feelings. I decided to treat you as a normal friend and get together with Ron. That was final. Things worked according to my plans. Ron and I hooked up at Diagon Alley," said Hermione.
"Hermione, before you started to tell me this you'd said I may think badly of you. You've told me everything sincerely. I respect you immensely for it. But why did you think I'll think badly of you?" asked Harry.
"I haven't finished Harry. The 'bad' part is yet to come. I'm normally very firm about my decisions. I never go against what I decide. But this was something out of my control. Despite being with Ron, my feelings for you remained. Meanwhile I also realized that Ron and I weren't working. Instead of talking it out or ending it I evaded the problem indefinitely. If I broke up with Ron, it would have been difficult for me to fight my feeling for you. So I kept going on. Finally I found the reaction I was looking for in you. At the Halloween Ball when we danced there was something in your touch which had never been there before. As you said, it was the first time you looked at me as more than a friend. After that my breakup with Ron was only a matter of time. I felt really guilty. I had used Ron while I liked you. I had cheated on him. When we discovered the truth about Ron, it was a big relief for me. I had the perfect excuse for a breakup and my guilt was erased. But now it has returned. Ron was caught cheating, which led to total isolation for him. I am as much of a cheater as him. However since I wasn't caught, I got away," said Hermione choking slightly on the last words. Harry comforted her by pulling her to him.
"You didn't treat Ron the way you should have. But that is no excuse for Ron's actions. The long and short of it, you two weren't meant for one another. So I'm the biggest culprit. I got the two of you together. Anyway, no point in wasting time on the past. I think we should be nice to Ron once he gets back," said Harry.
"Thanks Harry. Nobody has ever treated me like this. It was very difficult for me. When you're going out with one person but actually love another, it's really tough. We'll be nice to Ron for sure. I think we should tell him the truth," said Hermione. Harry was looking at her with big eyes. She was confused.
"What did you just say… about it being tough for you?" asked Harry.
"I said that when you are going out with one person but actually lo…," she stopped. "Nothing important, I've forgotten it now," she added hastily.
"Hermione I know you well enough to catch your lies. Don't lie to me. Tell me what you were saying. As I've said before you can tell me anything you want. There is no need for you to hide anything. I'll never desert you," said Harry encouragingly. He knew perfectly well what Hermione had said but wanted to hear it from her.
"I said it is really tough when you are going out with one person but actually love another person," said Hermione cautiously. She had told everything to Harry. So there was no point in hiding this.
"You love me?" Harry asked softly.
"Yes, I love you," replied Hermione. She felt great. After all these years she had said it to him.
"I love you too. With all my heart," said Harry. Both of them leaned forward for a long kiss. Their lips were devouring each other. They kept kissing until oxygen became an issue. They pulled away breathless.
"That is the first time someone has said that to me. I was too young to hear it when my parents said it to me," said Harry looking directly at Hermione.
"Oh Harry! I love you! I love you! I love you! You are going to hear it plenty of times from now. Hope you are ready for it," said Hermione, hugging him close to her.
"I think I can handle that. It's hard to imagine we've been together less than two days. It seems like eternity. I love you so much Hermione," said Harry. Both of them sat holding each other. At last they had found what had always eluded them for so long.
**** ****
The Sorting Hat and The Magical Quill sat in a dark corner in the Headmistress' office. The quill seemed to be jumping with excitement.
"No need to be so happy. I have to make almost fifty decisions every year as compared to your one. The probability of me being wrong is much higher," said the hat.
"Don't be jealous. All you have to do is to read a student's mind to select his house. I just get to look at the Head Boy and the Head Girl and connect them by a password. My job is a lot more difficult than yours," the quill countered.
"What password did you choose? Looks like you've been spot on," said the hat.
"I've never been as close as this before. Philia, meaning love in Greek. More precisely, love between friends. In what better way can one describe Harry and Hermione?" the quill said proudly.
"That's brilliant. You've done well. How did you know it?" asked the hat.
"I saw it their eyes. Since I'm not allowed to go into the mind, I read the expressions very carefully. One look at the eyes, you know they are meant for one another. To be frank, it was one of my easier decisions," replied the quill.
"They are most certainly in love with each other," the hat said.