Solace
Chapter Two--One To Anticipate
October 31st, the momentous occasion of Halloween, was approaching and Lily couldn't been more anxious. She always enjoyed the festivities that occurred around the castle on the night of All Hollow's Eve, which allowed her to succumb back to her childish ways. She was a kid again, in every essence, during the Halloween feast. Her green eyes would eye the candy greedily, anticipating the moment the sweet sugar would touch her tongue. Despite her authority as Prefect, she enjoyed the annual prank the Marauders set forth for the holiday. Normally, fireworks were involved.
Fireworks. Lily was always fascinated with the colors, the noise, the effect they held on people. It was as if, for one moment, everyone in the entire room forgot about their problems and allowed themselves to live in the moment. The fireworks seemed to temporarily ease all the pain, all the sadness, and allowed only joy and merriment. Lily loved fireworks. She found herself lost in the blaze, mesmerized by the dancing sparks.
Michael constantly teased her for such petty satisfaction, but Lily refused to care. She always looked forward to the fireworks. Always.
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"Potter," Lily called, only two days before Halloween. She had been in the library studying when she heard someone leave abruptly from their seat. Seeing that unruly mess of jet black hair, she had followed James Potter out into the hallway.
He turned, those enchanting eyes gazing immediately into her own. For a moment, she was dumbfounded by the intense glare, but settled on dismissing it.
As he faced her, his eyebrow cocked and his bag resting gently on his shoulder, she couldn't help but notice how his lips were curled into a slight smirk, as if he'd known she'd follow.
"I just wanted to apologize for the other night," she said quickly, referring back to the party. "Michael was a bit drunk and well, he didn't have much control. I understand that you were only doing what you thought right and well, I was hoping we could work past it."
He considered her words and retorted slowly, "Evans, when you say work past this so-called issue, what exactly lies ahead?"
"Well, we've never been what you call pals," she said, which in turn caused him to snort. "I just thought we could maintain some sort of acquaintanceship."
"You mean neutral ground?" he inquired, his hair falling restlessly into his eyes.
She nodded, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear. "Yes."
"Well, I suppose so," James reasoned. "I mean, I've always been sort of interested in you. As a person, I mean."
She knew that the two of them had moved past the 'Evans, go out with me' phase and had matured immensely over the summer. She only held one discrepancy.
"We need to keep this a secret," she informed him, her voice low and serious.
"Our acquaintanceship?" he asked, bemused. The amusement in his smirk left her uncomfortable.
"You know how Michael Crouch is, Potter," she told him stiffly. "He has a horrible jealous side to him and well, I really shouldn't have to explain how terribly protective he can get. You've seen it first-hand for yourself."
She saw a slight change in his facial expression, as if recalling what he'd seen the previous weekend. Reluctantly, he agreed.
Something inside of Lily that day had told her that befriending James Potter may not have been as horrible as Michael would have made it out to be. He didn't seem romantically interested in the least, only curious. Since the party on the Quidditch field and James' intense focus on her, she'd been extremely interested in what lied behind Potter's public persona.
So, the two of them walked from the castle and towards the lake, where they would surely remain unspotted. Michael was busy being tutored for Potions by the Head Girl, which allowed Lily some free time.
"Can I be honest?" James asked, forcing his hands into his pockets casually.
"Of course," she told him sincerely. "Aren't you always?"
"Well, under normal circumstances, yes, but there are occasional white lies. Plus, there are things we all keep inside of us that well, we just don't mention all the time. And this happens to be one of those out-of-the-blue comments."
"Go on," Lily told him, somewhat intrigued by what he'd had to say.
"Something about you seems incredibly peculiar," he told her bluntly. She laughed derisively, not particularly offended in the least. He grinned lazily and elaborated. "I mean, you put on this smile around everyone, this emotionless grin. And yet, your eyes say different. Your eyes just seem trapped and afraid."
Lily took a sharp intake of air in, aware that the conversation had turned from playful to deep in about one sentence. Potter had said all that she felt, all that she'd been hiding from the world. He'd noticed what Michael hadn't even second guessed. She obviously hadn't hidden her feelings too well. She didn't take herself for one to wear her heart on her sleeve, yet, she wondered if she's held the wrong perception of her image all along.
"I mean, when you smile, don't take this offensively but, it's just not real. You don't seem to have any reason behind it whatsoever. To you, a smile is just a gesture. It's not symbolic in the least. It's never unexpected, it never takes you by surprise. I've just been pondering for a couple of weeks now why anyone would pretend," he told her, his head bent low and his eyes focused on his footsteps.
How did one respond to such profound accusations? Even if they could be considered slightly true, Lily wasn't sure if he was even searching for an answer.
"And what about you?" she retorted back sharply. "You don't do the same thing? You may throw pranks and laugh your bloody arse off all day, but you're not fooling me, Potter. You seem just as lonely as I am."
He sent her a look that clearly answered his previous question; So you are lonely.
In only one hour, James Potter had uncovered more than Michael had in two years.
Uncomfortable with the awkward silence, Lily decided to stray onto more pleasant conversation in hopes of forgetting the painful truth that had stabbed her quickly.
"So, Halloween's two days away. Should I be expecting the usual from the Marauders?" she inquired coyly.
He laughed, throwing his head back in a surprisingly graceful motion. "No," he said shortly. "We've sort of grown past the pranks. I mean, they're good fun and all, but the thrill has pretty much worn out at this point. Even Sirius has vetoed against them."
"Aw, so I have no annual festivities to look forward to on the Marauder's behalf?" she asked, mocking sadness. Yet, for some reason, it really had sort of upset her. The Marauders were growing up. They were maturing. They were moving on. It almost seemed unreal to her. The school depended on the four Gryffindor boys for mischief and fun. Everyone always seemed to live vicariously through the Marauders' actions, Lily included.
She knew for the first time that Halloween would no longer be the same for her. She always anticipated the pranks, the treats, the atmosphere in general. The fireworks. Yet, now, there would be no fireworks.
The two of them walked in silence, thoughts troubling them both. She felt his eyes on her for the second time in two weeks and once more, it wasn't unsettling. She trusted his gaze, although she barely understood it. Yet, she was beginning to realize that he was attempting to learn more about her. To learn what she couldn't say through words.
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As Lily took a bite of her Chocolate Frog, she forced a smile. Michael planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek, which she chose to ignore. He had obviously spiked his own pumpkin juice and she'd have to deal with him later. He always found a way to ruin what she considered her day. Halloween was the only time of the year that Lily entirely gave herself into. Her birthday, Christmas, and every other holiday simply didn't compare.
She wasn't a materialistic person, which made her birthday's significance even less important. Halloween, however, was a time for laughter, trickery, and triumph. Yet, this year, she couldn't help but hold back. Her one day, her favorite day, was going to be robbed by Michael's drunkenness. He was going to celebrate the fact that the Marauders finally seemed to give up on their worthless pranks.
Transfixed by the noise, the joyous buzz circulating throughout the room, Lily stared blankly at the table. She only wished she could enjoy herself. Yet, once again, she was disappointed. She rubbed her sore arm bitterly, knowing the bruise was lying just beneath her sweater.
With such a disappointing Halloween, what hope was left for the other days in the year? What sort of point was she supposed to be receiving?
"Ah, blast, those bleeding fireworks," she heard Michael grumble as he took a swig from his pumpkin juice.
Lily's eyes immediately averted to the center of the Great Hall where, sure enough, emerald green fireworks were shimmering brightly. For once, a smile, a genuine smile, appeared upon her face.
"Why green? It's Halloween. You'd think those Marauders would stick with orange and red," Michael commented dully.
"The Marauders didn't plan these apparently," a seventh year Gryffindor informed Michael.
Lily looked over at James Potter and immediately knew why the fireworks were emerald green. And she was grateful. Pleased and grateful.
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