Chapter 10; The truth
When Harry entered the common room he found it empty. It was no big surprise since Hermione was the only person he shared it with and she was in class. But he couldn't bring himself to go to his classes. His mind was fuzzy and full of thoughts about the new information he had received from Professor McGonagall.
Regulus Black. Why didn't he think of it before? He had heard about him the previous year and knew he was Death Eater who lived only a few days after he deserted Voldemort. It all made sense now. Regulus had the horcrux, but where was it now? Surely he didn't have the time to destroy it before he died, had he?
Thinking of it and examining the locket he and Dumbledore had recovered from the cave, Harry simply sat in the common room. He lost of track of time and was completely lost in his thoughts that his mind kept wandering from Regulus to Hermione. He looked out the window and saw it was getting dark outside; he must have missed lunch and dinner, yet he didn't feel hungry.
He didn't know how long he had been by the window when he heard Hermione entering.
"Harry," she quietly called as soon as she saw him. "What is it?" she asked. "You weren't in lessons all day and you didn't show up for meals," she added as she walked up to him.
"I'm fine."
"No you're not; I can tell you're not. Harry, it was our first day back and you're already skipping classes. You've never done this before, and all you can say is that you're fine?" Hermione exclaimed in disbelief. "I'm worried, you know. So tell me, what's the matter?"
"No need to be worried."
"But I am. Whether you like it or not, I am worried. So now you're going to tell me everything," she demanded stubbornly as she took his hand and gently pulled him towards the couch. Harry didn't want to move or tell her anything, but had no other choice. "So, what has Professor McGonagall told you?" she asked as she sat across him and looked at him, trying to find his eyes that he so desperately wanted to hide.
"It's nothing really. I just, I don't understand how I didn't realize it all sooner," Harry started, but still tried to escape eye contact with Hermione. He quickly lost the battle and was forced to look back up at her. He didn't quite know where to start what he had heard, but once he did, he couldn't stop telling her everything.
"So Regulus Black is R.A.B?" Hermione asked in surprise.
"Yes but where would he hide the real locket?" Harry asked and within a brief moment, they both said out loud at the same time: "Grimmauld Place."
"But, I don't know. What if he didn't think it wise to leave something that important at home," Hermione started, waging an inner fight with herself.
"But where else could he put it, he only lived a few days after deserting Voldemort and his followers," Harry stated. "And we saw a locket there when we were cleaning, remember?"
"Yes, but, does it look the same? And don't you think Professor Dumbledore would have known it if that was a horcrux?"
"I don't think he knew about the horcruxes yet. It was just a locket. Who knows, maybe he never found out that there was a locket there at all," Harry said. "Otherwise we wouldn't have gone after that horcrux."
"True," Hermione agreed and rubbed her temples when the portrait hole burst open and Ron marched in.
"Hey guys. Harry, where have you been?" Ron asked, acting cheerful, but upon seeing the look of mourning on his friend's faces, his smile faded. "What happened?" he asked and without another word, he placed himself right between Harry and Hermione.
"We were just talking about R.A.B," Hermione explained irritably.
"You know who he is?" Ron asked looking at both of them.
"Yes, it's Regulus Black," Harry said and without waiting Ron's answer while Hermione continued.
"He is, or was, Sirius' brother," Hermione added.
"He was Death Eater and somehow found out about the horcruxes," Harry continued.
"He got too deep. He was in Voldemort's inner circle but he deserted the Death Eaters," Hermione said.
"But before he did that, he stole the real horcrux at the cave and placed a fake one."
"After that he was killed," Hermione finished and both of them looked at the confused Ron.
"Wow," Ron replied. "Seems like you've been rehearsing this," he mumbled and shook his head at his two friends. "So, let me get this straight. R.A.B. is Regulus Black, Sirius' brother and Death Eater, who stole the locket horcrux, placed a fake one to take its place and got himself killed?" Ron asked not even knowing who he should look at.
"Yes," came the short reply from Harry and Hermione.
"But where could he…" Ron started.
"That's what we've been trying to figure out until you came in," Hermione told him.
"We came to one conclusion," Harry stated and he looked at Hermione.
"Grimmauld Place," they both said in unison.
"At least it was," Harry interrupted and looked at Hermione.
"What do you mean at least it was?" she asked.
"Mundungus has it."
"Then we have to get it back somehow. It's important," she exclaimed.
"I know 'Mione, but how? I have no idea where Mundungus could be right now…"
"Enough," Ron said out loud. "You're worse than Fred and George; finishing each other's sentences and you're not even related. It's bad enough I had to live with them and now you too?" he whined.
"Sorry, I didn't even notice it," Hermione said while looking down at her hands, her cheeks turning a small shade of pink.
"Yeah, sorry mate," Harry added. He was sorry and Hermione was right, he didn't notice they were doing it either. If Ron hadn't have said anything, they would have kept going like that. They probably still would have talked with one another, finishing each other's sentences.
Ron, as usual, couldn't keep his mouth shut, but Harry had another thing on his mind. He didn't realize until then how perfectly he and Hermione understood each other. How they were able to continue a conversation smoothly when one stopped. They didn't even need to read each other's minds to know what the other would say next. It came so natural to them, but until that moment, neither of them noticed it. And now, now they couldn't help but think of it.
That brought Harry back to the thought that he wanted to forget-Ginny. He never had that type of bond with Ginny. He couldn't read her mind like an open book and he didn't understand her like he did Hermione. Same with her. Ginny couldn't read Harry's mind that way, she just couldn't.
Harry pictured Hermione and Ginny together. One was a little immature, while the other had been mature all her life. Harry couldn't remember a day when Hermione acted immaturely. Perhaps a little bit in their sixth year, but things were crazy that time. Other than that, she was always the model adult. Even when she first started Hogwarts, she was more mature than some 7th year students. She had always thought logically, always thought before she acted, always cared, never rushed and thought things through before coming to conclusions.
But Ginny. She was fun. Fun was the only word what popped into Harry's head when he thought of her. Beautiful too, but fun was the first word. Unlike Hermione, Ginny always acted before thinking. If she would have been half as clever as Hermione, she wouldn't have started a diary that didn't belong to her. If she would have had Hermione's wit, she would have run to her parents or a professor to let them take a look at the diary before doing anything else. But Ginny didn't do those things and that had caused a lot of trouble, and Harry had to save her.
When Harry started his second year at Hogwarts, he had only seen Ginny once in the train station and she already had crush on him. Harry thought of it at that very moment and found it odd. What did Ginny see in him? How could she have a crush on someone she had only seen once and for less than five minutes? She was so tiny, so young and he remembered how the adult wizards and witches looked at him. He was only Harry, The-Boy-Who-Lived to everyone and perhaps Ginny only saw that as well. She must have, there was no other explanation for her instant infatuation with him.
In their fifth year, Hermione was the one who warned him not to go to the Ministry when he dreamt about Sirius being captured, but Ginny never did. She seemed not to think twice about it. It even seemed that she simply wanted to get into some trouble to let Harry save her. Harry, The-Boy-Who-Lived.
"Harry, are you even listening?" Hermione's voice was calling him and he looked up.
"Umm, yeah sorry. I was just thinking."
"Seemed so, you didn't answer for quite a long time. It almost seemed like you were in another dimension," Ron joked and nudged his friend.
"Ron, stop it," Hermione snapped. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale," Hermione said with concern.
"Yes I am. I'm just tired. I better just go to bed now. See you tomorrow," he said and rose up from his seat. He didn't feel well; he actually felt sick, thinking about Ginny. What he had just realized made him feel horrible. How could he have been so blind? He had been too blind to think straight and last year he was trapped because of it. Even if he had small doubts during the summer about breaking up with Ginny, he was now sure that he did the right thing. What she had felt for him was nothing more than an infatuation and only because he was Harry Potter.
"But what about your homework?" Hermione asked before he could disappear from her sight.
"I'll do it early tomorrow morning," he mumbled and went up to the dormitory, leaving a very confused Ron and Hermione behind him.
The following morning Harry woke up very early; he had homework that was waiting for him back in the common room. Stretching and yawning, he got out of the bed and went to the door. Knowing that Hermione's dormitory was right next to his, he tried to sneak downstairs without making any noise so he wouldn't wake her.
Walking out, he was surprised to find that Hermione was already up. "Morning 'Mione. What are you doing here so early?" he asked.
"Well, since you weren't in lessons yesterday I thought I could help you with homework," she replied.
"Why didn't you just let me borrow your notes?" he asked as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Because it wouldn't be fair. I still won't let you copy my notes. I'm here just here to help
you," she stated matter-of-factly. "Don't roll your eyes at me, one day you'll thank me for not
letting you copy all my notes."
"I doubt it," he mumbled but was grateful to Hermione for waking up that early to help him. I doubt that Ginny would have done the same thing, he thought bitterly and tried to deny the sickening feeling inside him. Not that she could help him study, he was after all one year ahead of her, but she still wouldn't wake up that early for him, he was sure of it.
"Harry, you're scaring me. What's the matter? You've been distant for two days now. I'm really getting worried."
"Don't mind me 'Mione. I was just thinking."
"That's what you told us yesterday too, but…"
"I'm alright. So where do we start?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Well, since we have Transfiguration first why don't we start with that?"
"As you wish," he replied.
Even though Hermione told him that she wouldn't let him borrow her notes, she did it anyways. But instead of letting Harry copy and write down everything she had without understanding it, she explained it and they discussed it together. They worked great together. They laughed from time to time, stole quick glances at one another, smiled shyly and completely lost track of time.
Once again, it was Ron who interrupted them by rushing into their common room. Even though Harry was slightly irritated by it, he didn't show it to the others. He guessed that Hermione must have given Ron the password, but he still didn't like the fact that he kept interrupting them like that.
He scowled at himself. How could he think that? Ron was his best friend after all.
"Guys, are you coming? We'll miss breakfast if we don't go down there soon," he said and walked up to Hermione. "Hey," he said slyly and kissed her on the lips. Watching the scene in front of him, Harry felt hot anger boiling inside of him. He wanted to do something, anything, but what? He didn't know what to do. Seeing Ron kiss Hermione reminded him about the scene he witnessed back at Godric's Hollow.
He knew his two best friends were a couple and it was very normal for them to kiss as a greeting, but that didn't meant he had to like it. That didn't stop him from wanting to be the one who could kiss Hermione in the morning, evening and…
He shook his head mentally and rolled his eyes. He felt sick for thinking that way and sick by the scene in front of him. "Get a room," he mumbled and turned his back on them.
"I'm sorry," Hermione said as she looked down and blushed, though Harry didn't see it. He didn't see the guilt written all over her face.
"What's the matter mate? It was just a kiss, can't I kiss my girlfriend?" Ron asked furiously and Harry turned around.
"Leave it Ron," Hermione warned.
"No, I won't. It was okay for him to snog Ginny in front of everyone. I understood that when we were back at your place Harry, all the memories, but am I not allowed to kiss her here either?"
"Ron, stop it," Hermione said at the very edge of tears, Harry simply stared blankly at Ron.
"She's my GIRLFRIEND Harry. Why don't you go and get yourself one too if you want, but let me live. Don't come here to ruin my love life, especially now when I hardly get to see her," he kept yelling at him.
"Ron, please," Hermione pleaded. She couldn't believe how Ron could say anything like that to Harry who already had problems of his own and she couldn't understand how Harry could be so calm about it. Why didn't he say anything?
"Are you finished?" Harry asked coldly and Hermione felt a sharp shiver run down her spine. She had never heard Harry speak like that. Never had she heard his voice so cold, so numb. Ron noticed this too and shut up immediately. Ron thought Harry would argue with him, or said something in return but this was far worse. Feeling badly for what he has just said to his friend, Ron turned on his heels and left the room. He was too proud to apologize, at least not at that moment.
Harry and Hermione were left in the common room together, both looking at one another.
Hermione could see pain in Harry's eyes, though she couldn't put her finger on why he was hurt. Without a word, Harry did as Ron had done and turned around, heading toward the portrait. But Hermione was fast and she grabbed his arm.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, almost whispering.
"It's okay," Harry replied with the same cold tone, and was about to walk again when he noticed that Hermione was still holding on to his arm.
"Don't leave like that. Aren't we going to breakfast together?" she asked.
"I'm sorry 'Mione, but I need to be alone right now," he said and turned to look at her.
"But…" Hermione started as another tear rolled down her cheek.
"No buts, I need to think. Try to understand."
"I do, but you haven't eaten since yesterday morning, you need…"
"All I need is to think," Harry said gently.
"No, you need your strength, Harry," she pleaded as silent tears made their way down her cheeks.
Harry couldn't' bare those tears; couldn't bear that she was crying because of him, yet he needed to think, to clear his mind. Then he did something he hadn't done in a long time. He put his hand on her cheek, looked into her eyes and with his thumb, wiped the lingering tear.
"I'm sorry, but I need to go. I'll meet you in lessons," he said and leant closer to her and placed a light kiss on her forehead. He then smiled and without another word, he hurried out of the common room, leaving Hermione stunned and standing in the middle of the room.
Just as Harry had said, he didn't go to the Great Hall; instead he went to the lawns, walking towards the lake where Dumbledore's tomb was located. Sighing, he stood before it. He was there for the first time since the funeral. Looking at the tomb, he could no longer deny the truth and hoped that it was just a dream and that Dumbledore was still alive.
Seeing the white tomb brought back the memories of that horrible night; the night when Dumbledore had been killed. He had learned from Sirius' death that he couldn't change the past, but he could promise revenge and that's what he did there, whispering his promise quietly to the white stone.
Knowing he couldn't stay long, he looked at the tomb one last time and walked back to the castle, cursing himself in his thoughts. He had come out to clear his mind, think about what he felt for Hermione and for Ginny, but instead he thought about Dumbledore. Before he finally entered the school, he promised himself to keep his mind and thoughts on the horcruxes and only horcruxes; how to find and destroy them, and how to get his revenge.
On his way to class, he heard a voice that he knew too well. He stopped and hid himself behind the corner and listened, though he felt bad for doing it.
"Ron, how could you do that? How dare you to attack Harry like that and because of what?" Harry heard Hermione's angered voice.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I just…"
"You just what? What Ron. Can't you see he's having hard time and now you being a git," she yelled at him, not even letting Ron finish his sentence.
"He's always having hard time," Ron muttered.
"Of course he is, look what he's lived through. The best you can do as best friend is to support him, not shout at him for something insignificant."
"Since when is our relationship insignificant?"
"From the moment you started making a scene over it."
"But I didn't say anything that isn't true. You're my girlfriend, can't I greet you with a kiss?" he exclaimed.
"Ron, you selfish little brat. It's not only about that. Stop thinking about yourself all the time. Think of Harry as well and his feelings. Would you like to see me snogging Harry?" she asked and Harry felt like choking. He could never have thought that Hermione would say anything like that, but he kept silent and listened more.
"No-no, but it's different."
"How?" she asked.
"Because, because you're friends with Harry, you wouldn't…"
"Wouldn't what Ron? We were friends too, remember? And still are I hope."
"Yes but…"
"So why don't you stop making a big deal about it. Stop thinking about yourself for a change."
"I'm not."
"Of course you are. For Merlin's sake Ron, if you think that dating someone is about snogging them everyday, we're over. You may go to Lavender and snog her senseless, I don't care. We're over Ron, OVER!" Hermione yelled angrily and turned around and walked away.
Harry could hear her footsteps and he was speechless, he didn't know what to do or what to say. He regretted coming inside the castle so soon, and regretted overhearing his best friends fight over him. He looked at the direction of Gryffindor Tower, wanting, urging to go up there and lock himself in his room so that Hermione and Ron could have the perfect relationship, so that they could just forget about him. But he had promised Hermione to meet her in class and numbly, he started to make his way to the classroom, wondering if he would be able to act normally after what he had just heard.