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Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How? by Horcrux Seeker
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Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How?

Horcrux Seeker

A/N: Gosh! Thank you so much to those who reviewed chapter 1!

I never thought that you would enjoy it as much as I wrote it-again thank you!

Well, this kinda scared me, since now I had to make chapter 2 almost as hilarious as the first-but I don't think I pulled it off…it's basically fluff and smut! ;P

To those of you who I may disappoint with this chapter-my heartfelt apologies!

But believe me without my beta-Twitch E. Ferret-it would have been much worst! So thank the gods for little favors-To my beta reader, thanks for putting up with me…

DISCLAIMER: I reiterate-characters not mine, just getting kicks out of it…

Chapter 2

"Are you sure?" Ginny asked.

"Saw the rings myself, I did!" Seamus answered.

"That wasn't the only thing we saw last night!" Dean added with a smirk.

Neville blushed as Ron grumbled, the boys were retelling the story of what had occurred at the Head Students' Chambers the night before, seeing their Head Girl au natural. The image definitely erased the bookworm image they had of her.

"Blimey! They've been married for five-"

"Six!"

"-six months and none of us even had an idea that they were ever together," Ginny exclaimed smacking her forehead, "and I thought Ron was dense!"

"Ronald is not dense-he's a bit emotionally blind. Been hit by a case of umgubular slashkilter." Luna Lovegood mentioned in her trademark dreamy voice.

"Luna, I'm not even going to try to understand that!" Ginny retorted.

Ron sat there at the Great Hall surrounded by his friends. He had been brooding over the fact that his two best friends got hitched without even inviting him, much less telling him!

"Furious does not even do justice to what I'm feeling towards them! SO what if they forgot the miniscule tidbit that I'm their best friend-oh wait the bloody hell-former best friend! Yeah I like the ring of that better…" was all Ron thought.

Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil were listening in to the juicy conversation taking place at their table, sniggering at some comments, remaining silent sometimes, and offering their own opinion to some snide remark.

"Anyone think maybe Hermione's preggars and that's why they got married suddenly?" Lavender mentioned. This was met with some sneers and nods as they all contemplated this new angle given.

"Don't be daftie, if Hermione was carrying Harry's sprog, don't you think it'll be obvious? They have been married for six months!" Ginny countered.

"Ronald, kneazle got your tongue? You haven't said a word…" Luna said as she turned her attention to the redhead male beside her.

"Well what the bloody crap do I say? Oh congratulations for pulling one over on us-job well done mate! Give my regards to the missus! So what if I've been your best mate since our first year in Hogwarts…I don't mind that you didn't even invite me to the wedding, much less mention it!" Ron ranted, shaking his head he continued, "Gods! They could've been at it like bunnies before the wedding for all we know!"

"No, we weren't at it like bunnies before the ceremony Ronald! But let me enlighten you that Harry was a perfect gentleman in properly waiting till our wedding night…THEN we started going at it like bunnies!" a soft soprano voice replied. Ron immediately recognized its owner as Hermione Grang-er-Potter. This vulgar comment from the Head Girl caused Seamus to choke on his pumpkin juice as it squirted from his nostrils.

"My, my the Potters have graced us little people with their presence!" Dean mocked in a loud voice which carried over to the other tables.

Harry and Hermione had immediately noticed the sudden hush in the Great Hall when they entered hand in hand, their wedding bands now visible to all those present. As they walked to their usual spot at the Gryffindor table, the whispering began to pick up again as all eyes were focused on them. Hermione prepared coffee for the two of them while Harry started to butter some toasts, and after placing some raspberry jam (which was his wife's favorite) on two of them, he placed it on her plate. At the same time he did this, she handed him his coffee. The couple took turns ladling eggs and bangers unto each other's plate; Hermione took an orange and sliced it into quarters giving Harry two slices.

The group at their table just gawked as the couple continued to eat breakfast in comfortable silence. Hermione looked up and stretched out her hand as one of the owls dropped the Daily Prophet into it, and she opened the paper in front of them while she wiped the chin of her husband with a napkin, taking a bite of the bacon Harry offered her. Engrossed in the articles in the Daily Prophet, the newlyweds had not once looked at each other, but were still in sync.

Ginny was the first to find her voice, "Oi! You two have this married couple breakfast ceremony sorted don't you?"

The Potters raised their heads looked at Ginny seated across the table then each other, suddenly they burst out laughing.

The Gryffindor group plus a Ravenclaw at their breakfast table looked at them with sour expressions.

"Sorry, but this is so hilarious!" Hermione said between chuckles, she was wiping the tears from the side of her eyes while she continued, "Harry and I have been like this every morning for the past few years…"

"Yah-every since fifth year!" Harry added, "Can't believe you just noticed now!"

Their friends looked at each other disbelievingly, they just realized that what the Potters said was true. Harry and Hermione had been fixing not only each other's breakfasts, but all their meals when they ate together. No one had really noticed since Harry and Hermione had been doing this routine for years. It came so naturally, and despite the fact that the whole school kept them under their watchful eye to search for any indication of them being a couple, everyone disregarded this blatant display due to habit!

"Well, that certainly put us in our places!" Pavarti sniffed as she watched the married couple stand up from their seats having finished their meal.

"Can't believe it! You two are so close we didn't even notice any change-you two were able to pull one over the whole school!" Lavender exclaimed with a pout.

"Believe me, it's much harder than you think!" Hermione replied, holding the hand of her husband as he assisted her when she stood from her seat.

"All the suppressed emotions, restricted physical contact, stolen moments…" Harry ranted, "But, now that the whole world knows I can finally do this…"

In the middle of the Great Hall in front of the whole student body and the faculty members present, Harry pulled his better half roughly towards him. He shoved one hand into her hair, and placed the other at the small of her back as he dipped her and snogged her senseless. Hermione, after getting over her initial shock, smiled into the kiss and cupped her husband's face.

The male population assembled at the Great Hall erupted in applause, cat calls and hoots for their Head Boy, as the female population swooned and looked completely envious at their Head Girl!

"Way to go Potter!" Justin Finch-Fletchley shouted as he gave them a standing ovation.

"Yeah! Snog her face off `arry!" came from Seamus.

"Gods! She is SOO lucky!" a first year Hufflepuff girl gushed.

"Give me a bucket, I'm about to puke my breakfast!" came from a Slytherin prefect.

The couple broke apart smiling and gazed intently into each other's eyes. Hermione was flushed and saw her husband's normally emerald eyes take on a darker shade of green. Harry pulled her upright and as they looked up to the high table they saw their Headmaster standing and clapping along with the rest of the male population, Hagrid was applauding too, and as he stomped his feet it caused the Great Hall to feel a slight earthquake. Lupin raised his cup of tea in salute to the couple, while Snape looked at them scornfully, and McGonagall hid her smirk by taking a sip from her goblet.

Someone from the crowd shouted, "Potter, do you really love her?"

Harry released his wife and jumped on the Gryffindor table and on the top of his lungs bellowed, "I LOVE HERMIONE WITH MY WHOLE BEING AND SOUL! I BECAME THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE THE DAY SHE MARRIED A BLOODY BLOKE LIKE ME!"

The people at the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff table cheered, the Slytherin table was quietly snickering "mudblood lover" amongst other things, while those at Gryffindor went wild! Harry's housemates were screaming, whistling, and clapping! No one in all the seven years that Harry attended Hogwarts did they see him so uninhibited, reckless, and blissfully happy.

He jumped down took Hermione in his arms again and lovingly gazed at her face glowing with love and ecstasy, "I live for you Hermione Potter…" gently brushing his lips on hers.

Hermione felt her breath hitch at what Harry said, she was ecstatic at seeing Harry acting so childishly and so carefree.

"And I for you my husband." she muttered, then with a cocked brow and a wicked smile she brought her lips to his ear and whispered, "Remember when you suggested that I should just do away with my knickers, easy access anytime anywhere?" Harry nodded and she literally heard him gulp, "Well, I took your advice, love."

With a growl, Harry swung his wife into his arms and sprinted out the massive doors of the Great Hall, ignoring the catcalls and bawdy remarks.

Once everyone had settled down after the hasty departure of Hogwart's Head Students, Dumbledore had not stopped chuckling to himself. He turned to face the Potions Master of the school who as usual had a grim face and not missing a beat said, "Severus, I believe that the Head Boy and Girl will be arriving a tad late to your class."

"Not to worry Headmaster, I have already planned their detention and the number of points I am to take from them." Snape retorted.

"Ah, Severus you forget who we are talking about," Remus said," Miss Grang-er…Mrs. Potter will not allow her spouse to corrupt her priorities. In fact I believe with all my heart that Hermione will be a good influence on Harry." To which Minerva nodded in agreement.

"But then again, Harry IS James' son, "Remus continued, "so knowing that he inherited his father's attitude but at the same time not wanting to upset his wife…I suppose Harry will do what he considers the best option given the circumstance…"

Dumbledore's eyes took on a playful twinkle while Snape's scowl deepened and McGonagall had a bewildered expression.

"Well get on with it Remus, we do not have all day!" Snape snapped.

Lupin took his time, sipped his tea and looked out to the students still at the Great Hall, he loved the fact that Snape had no idea of what he was talking about. Being a Marauder, he knew that he had to give Harry ample time to…finish his business.

Snape snorted in disgust, "I have no time for your games Remus, out with it or else I'll be heading off to the dungeons to begin class."

"Well now that you put it that way…"

Snape stood up with a huff.

"Alright fine," Lupin sighed, as Snape sat down slowly "I therefore deduce that Mr. and Mrs. Potter will not be late to your class Severus…"

Snape sneered again, "And how did you presume that, Remus?"

"Easy, Harry's the son of a Marauder who too was whipped by his wife-like father like son…Harry took Hermione to conclude what they started here to your classroom Severus…maybe even in your storage room!" Remus chuckled at the look of disgust on the face of the Potions Master. "Hence, Hermione will be satisfied because they will not be late to your class…and well…Harry will just be um…satisfied period," Lupin finished with a pleased tone.

Snape stood up abruptly causing his chair to fall back, looking at Lupin he merely growled, "Utterly revolting."

Dumbledore and Lupin sniggered while McGonagall turned red with embarrassment and watched as the Potions Master of Hogwarts marched out the Great Hall rapidly, black robes billowing around him.

XXXXX

Harry ducked into a corner panting, he watched as a group of females rushed past him. He then opened the broom closet behind him, seeing that it was vacant he decided to lock himself inside for his own safety.

As he sat down on an overturned pail he thought to himself, "This is just ridiculous! Don't they have any morals? Merlin! You'd think that being a married man would end this nonsense!"

Harry had been running around the castle after being chased by a mob of females which his friends and wife endearingly labeled "Potter's groupies". Hermione was at Arithmacy class while he had a vacant period, which it seemed the rest of the bloody birds in Hogwarts knew. Harry was planning to wait out by the lake to soak up the warm weather, waiting for Hermione to finish her class. When she was done she was going to meet him so they could go visit Hagrid at his hut for tea. But amazingly here he was running around the castle, being chased by females crying their eyes out.

"Harry tell me it isn't so! You love me! You just don't realize it yet!"

"You're just trying to make me jealous Harry by saying that you married her!"

"Marry me Harry!"

"Let me show you how to really have fun in bed!"

"How can you marry such a plain bookworm when you could have me?"

Harry chuckled then covered his mouth realizing he laughed too loud and hoped that no one had heard him. He thought of what the girls kept screaming at him while they chased him, it took all his will power to prevent himself from hexing them to oblivion. The words they used in insulting his wife were outrageous! He was at wits end when he was able to shake them, and now here he was the savior of the magic world holed up in a broom closet AGAIN, cowering from a bunch of hormonally charged girls!

"If Rita Skeeter could only see me now!" Harry thought.

He realized that he had not thought this through, he was stuck in a broom closet and safe-yes, but he had no means of telling Hermione his whereabouts. She would certainly be ticked off that he would be late meeting up with her. Harry thought about using their mental connection in contacting his spouse, but then realized that it worked only for short distances. He stood up and with his back to the door he kicked the pail in frustration which ricocheted off the wall and hit him in the shin, yelping in pain he just grew more irritated.

The door of the broom closet opened suddenly and someone slipped in to the already tiny space. Harry panicked as the person behind him shoved him forward and he had to extend his arms which hit the wall to prevent himself from completely falling forward, his eyes grew wide with shock as he felt a leg slip between his and pushed his legs forcefully apart. Since he was caught off guard at the sudden intrusion, Harry was not able to prevent anything from happening, "So much for constant vigilance-Moody would have my head for being this careless!" Harry then pulled himself out of his personal reverie and concentrated, he was kind of relieved when he felt small hands run in front of his pants and worked on his belt buckle and zipper. "Thank Merlin it's a girl!" He was scared that maybe a queer `Potter groupie' would have done this, considering the position he was in!

Harry was about to do something before the situation could get out of hand, but then he smelled it despite the strong disinfectant odor in the broom closet, cinnamon and vanilla. "Those hands…only one person can make me this hard instantly…" he thought with a smile as he felt them slip into his boxers and encircle his already stiff cock. He felt her plaster her body on to his back, then heard her whisper an incantation and he was frozen in his position-legs apart, pants and boxers bunched around his ankles and arms braced against the wall, he couldn't move from his shoulders down but was not numb.

Smiling with anticipation at what his wife planned to do with him he turned his head and whispered, "Mione…"

She laughed provocatively and shimmed around him, she turned and met his eyes, not breaking eye contact with him she slowly rubbed her body against his as she situated herself between his arms, Harry closed his eyes and again moaned, "Mione? What are you playing at?"

Opening his eyes, he saw his wife with a sultry smile on her face that made his blood boil. She raised an eyebrow at him enclosed her hand around his cock again and said, "You should just worry about all the things I am going to do to you…" Hermione looked around the tiny broom closet and continued, "I believed we haven't really done anything in a broom closet…It's kind of-naughty…don't you think?"

"We have our own bedroom, love…we don't need a broom closet." Harry whispered closing his eyes as Hermione moved her enclosed hand up and down.

"Hmm…well let's see what all the fuss is about these closets then…" with that Hermione kissed Harry, their tongues meeting and their moans intermingling as Hermione's hand kept going up and down his shaft in an increasing pace. Harry tore his mouth from his wife and let out a loud groan, he opened his eyes and saw that Hermione's were almost black with passion, she had a triumphant look in them too. He watched her look down at what her hand was doing with him and he too looked down and what he saw was so erotic, if he wasn't in a body bind he knew that his knees would have buckled beneath him.

The next thing that happened would have blown any coherent thought that was established in his mind.

Hermione stopped jacking him off, with her finger she wiped away the fluid that had accumulated on the tip. She saw Harry look at her with a questioning look, then without breaking her gaze with him she brought that finger up to her lips and began to suck on it. Harry's eyes widened and he gulped hard as he felt his erection grow harder than he thought possible. Then when he thought that it couldn't get any better, Harry watched his wife beam up at him as she went down on her knees.

"Harry, watch…" She ordered as she looked up at him while gripping his erection she tilted her head and opened her mouth to engulf him.

Harry thought that he would have just burst right there! He looked down at his wife as she worshipped him in the most intimate way ever. It amazed him at the techniques that Hermione used on him. He had heard stories about some of them, and some of the guys even talked about it, but he would bet his soul that he was getting the best blow job worthy of being written in Hogwarts: A History! Harry could not control himself any longer, as much as he wanted to prolong this moment and the sensations he felt, he exploded seeing floating black spots. When he was finished he let his head drop feeling sapped and dizzy and watched with fascination as Hermione swallowed, stood up and wiped the corner of her mouth demurely with her finger and licked it with a smile.

"Mione love, you will be the death of me…" Harry panted.

"Now we have got to do that again…" Hermione said with a glorious smirk, "You Mr. Potter, give a whole new meaning to the word `delicious'! I knew you were quite a dish-but oh my…"she was now blushing.

"Come here and kiss me…" Harry demanded.

Hermione complied as Harry tasted himself on her lips and tongue. At first he thought that he would be repulsed at kissing her after her swallowing him, but it actually turned him on and he could feel himself stiffen again.

"Dear Merlin! Harry-will you ever be sated?"

"Undo this binding spell and let's see…" Harry replied with a smile, "My dear wife, let me at least return the favor…"

"I believe it was I who was repaying you, love." As she waved her wand over her husband causing his body to relax as he immediately wrapped his arms under her bum and lifted her, Hermione wrapped her legs around his hips and arranged her skirt for him to impale her.

Just as Harry was about to thrust into her, the broom closet door opened again and Hermione found herself falling forward as her husband was being pulled away from her.

Harry was not pleased with the intrusion, he and his wife had their wands out so fast that the intruders did not have a chance as the smartest witch of their age screamed "PETRIFICUS TOTALIS" and the `Man who Saved' shouted "STUPEFY". The poor interlopers did not know what hit them as they all fell over themselves stiff as boards.

Harry immediately stood up pulling his pants up hastily as he tried to cover his wife with his body. When the couple had smoothed over their clothes, they looked around and saw a strew of stiff bodies belonging to their friends, their eyes all wide with astonishment. Hermione sighed and waved her wand over their fiery haired best friend releasing only the upper part of his body as Harry knelt down beside him.

"You have ten seconds to explain yourself." Harry growled.

"How the bloody hell were we suppose to know what you and Hermione were doing in there?" Ron exclaimed. He saw that Hermione was looking down at him with her arms crossed over her chest tapping her foot on the floor beside him as she gripped her wand. Ron was terrified, he knew that it would be suicide to get on the wrong side of Hermione-especially an unsatisfied Hermione.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, we were in a broom closet! What do you think we were doing there? Getting supplies to wax the floor?" Hermione demanded.

"You're married and have your own bedroom! What would you need a broom closet for? These places are only used by those who don't have the luxury of our own private quarters!" Ron whined back.

Hermione had already released the girls from their spells and looked over at them as they stood up and brushed themselves off, "How did you find us?"

"Marauder's map," Neville stated after Harry muttered `finite'.

The Potters exchanged glances and shared a groan.

"Five points from everyone in this damn corridor for disrupting the Head Students from an important personal…um…" Harry began.

"…discussion" Hermione finished.

"That will be the last time I'll ever listen to you boys!" Lavender said with a huff as she straightened her hair.

"Let's surprise them indeed! Look who surprised whom! I am so amazed that even in the state you two were in-you were able to do that!" Pavarti said with awe.

Ginny sidled up to Hermione as a platinum blond seventh year student from Slytherin sauntered over to the group, "Potter, I see that being whipped has done wonders for you…I bet all the sex adds a bonus too."

"Well ferret you should know…"Harry countered.

Draco shrugged, with a smirk he kissed Ginny on her now blushing cheek and with a whisper he greeted his girlfriend, "Hey red…"

"Oh you are so dead…" Ron growled as he started to charge toward the Slytherin beside his sister his wand every ready after he witnessed the exchange.

"Ronald, behave…" Luna said.

"Wanna play Weasel?" Draco drawled as he placed an arm around the shoulders of Ginny in an act of defiance.

"Ginerva Molly Weasley…Explain NOW!" Ron said in a low threatening voice.

"Well Ron…um…I'd like to introduce you to Draco Malfoy my…my boyfriend."

The group of boys just stared bugged eye at Ginny, while the females in the group went behind Ginny in a sign of support.

"Please tell me you're joking…Please tell me you're bloomin' joking…" Ron said with utter disgust, his face turning a tinge green, as he continued pointing his wand toward the Slytherin.

"Now Ron…uh…don't make me take more points off again because of this. Malfoy may still have a prick stuck up his arse, but he has proved his worth in the war." Harry stated in a placating voice as he positioned himself between the two boys.

"Harry are you nutters? Do you know what you're saying? This is Malfoy-you know, ferret boy!" Ron shouted.

"Ronald, let Ginny be…She's a big girl now." Luna said as she placed a hand on his arm to soothe him.

"You're all mental!" Ron shouted arms flailing about.

"Ron, mum and dad knows about Draco and I. Please Ron, be happy for me." Ginny begged.

Looking at his sister blankly, "When did this happen?" was all Ron could ask.

"Well Weasel, I kind of fell for Red here during the war when the Order paired me up with her in covert missions. Remember, when YOU didn't want to be my partner...So I reckon I owe you, huh?" Draco explained with a slight condescension, to which Ginny elbowed him in the gut as she hissed "You're not helping, Draco!"

Everyone looked at Ron as he digested this bit of information, "Bloody hell! Their hooking up was MY fault? What the bloody shite is the world coming to? First Harry and Hermione, now Ferret and Ginny? What in bloody hell happened to the Big Happy Weasley Family?"

"Ron, I have been dropping hints about Draco and I." Ginny tried to explain softly.

"Hints?"

"Yup, anvil size hints!" Ginny said.

"Like what?"

"Remember when Mum asked us to clean the Prewitt jewelry box so she could take stock of her baubles in case something happened to her during the war? You do recall our conversation, right?"

Ron nodded, a frown on his face, "I asked you if you still hoped that you and Harry would hook up again after the war."

Ginny shifted uncomfortably as she gave an apologetic look to Hermione and Draco, both of whom just shrugged at her.

"Yup and you asked me that question when we were admiring an emerald pendant, right?"

"Okay…what's this leading to?" Ron asked as he grew impatient.

"What did I reply? Do you recall what I said about Harry and I?"

"You said that you weren't fancying emeralds anymore but your heart was more into…" Ron then had to stop himself as realization hit as he looked at Ginny wide eyed.

"…platinum." Ginny nodded, "There was another time when…"

"Oh shut it! I've heard enough!" Ron whined as he covered his ears mockingly, then smirked as he looked at Ginny as if seeing her for the first time in ages, "I do have an emotional range of a teaspoon…"

"Not exactly bro-your just too…" before Ginny could finish the others jumped in to their conversation.

"Daft?" Dean suggested.

"Stubborn?" Harry offered.

"Wappy?" Seamus added.

"Mental?" Lavender said.

"Nutters!" Pavarti recommended.

"Okay! Okay! I get the picture!" Ron yelled raising his hands in mock surrender.

"I'm just glad Ron didn't get his head crushed by those anvils!" Hermione joked.

"I AM a dense git! I didn't expect my two best friends to get married and never in my wildest nightmares did I think my sister would hook up with the same bloke she attacked with flying bogeys!"

"You didn't expect Harry and I would get together?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Well, if someone had told me that you and Harry would end up together back when we were in fifth or sixth year, I'd declare them delusional!" Ron reasoned out.

"The only people delusional would be those who wouldn't expect Harry and Hermione to end up together! I mean honestly, the smartest witch of our age with the boy who lived? That was so predictable it had to be written in the stars!" Pavarti stated.

"As predictable as me ending up as Queen to King Weasley!" Luna said dreamily as she snuggled to Ron while he blushed profusely.

Hermione just shook her head at the setting before her. "Um…so tell me, why again did you disrupt us before I could start my exciting ride on the `Potter Express'?"

The boys gawked again at the Head Girl as she looked around the group, "Did I say something wrong?"

"'Potter Express?' So Scarhead is a minute man?" Draco sniggered.

"A wham bam thank you ma'am!" Dean snorted.

"What's a minute man?" Neville asked with a bewildered expression.

"Oh please! Harry and I were just trying to sneak in a quickie before we'd got out of the broom closet! As randy as we were, a quickie would have suffice till we got to our own bedroom!" Hermione declared while rolling her eyes, oblivious to the bugged eyed stares of those around her.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose trying to prevent himself from laughing. He knew that he and Ron corrupted her during their seven years of friendship, but every since he and Hermione started having sex together, his wife just became `decorously' lewd and shameless -not that he was complaining.

"What exactly was the reason that you needed to track us down?" Harry asked.

Ron suddenly smiled wickedly as the boys rounded up on Harry, "Easy mate-we realized that we owe you a bachelor party."

With that the boys carried off Harry in one direction as the girls took Hermione the other way, the Potters knew that they were in for a wild night.

XXXXX

A/N: by the way Harry on the Gryffindor table?-imagine Tom Cruise on Oprah's sofa…cheesy yes but it fits doesn't it? ;)

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