Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the characters, not the lyric bits… I probably do own Kotone, and maybe the plot, but that's about it.
A/N: Not much to tell at this stage of the story. Ginny's having problems, Harry and Hermione are miserable, and Ron's the bearer of the bad news. Kotone makes a brief appearance. R&R& above all, Enjoy!
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Chapter 20: Love Lost
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Can you break hearts, can hearts speak?
Can you torture hearts, can you steal hearts?
They want my heart on the right spot
but then I look below, it beats left there.
Can hearts sing, can a heart burst?
Can hearts be pure, can a heart be made of stone?
They want my heart on the right spot
but then I look below, it beats left there.
Can you ask hearts
(can you) carry a child under yourself?
can you give it away
(can you) think with your heart?
They want my heart on the right spot
but then I look below
it beats there in the left breast
the envious have not known it well.
Excerpt from the song 'Links, 2, 3, 4' by the band Rammstein
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An odd, young witch with very long, dirty-blonde hair that was tied behind her back into a long, thick rope-braid, was walking along the main street in the small village of Ottery St. Catchpole. She wore a light yellow tee shirt and a pair of faded cut-off denim shorts with calf-high, red leather boots. A pair of black cauldron-shaped earrings dangled from her lobes, a multitude of bangles and bracelets clattered on her wrists as she walked, and her neck was adorned with the bottle-cork necklace that was made for her years ago by her mother.
She didn't seem to notice the curious stares or the whimsical mutterings of the villagers that she passed. Her unfocused gaze and her peculiarly aimless stride was the subject of many whispered conversations each time the daughter of the eccentric, reclusive Leonard Lovegood journeyed through the normally boring village.
She turned off the main street onto a dirt road that led southward out of the village. After she crossed the wooden bridge that spanned the Otter River, the trees and bushes became thicker alongside the road that twisted between the hills. After several minutes, she felt the tingle of magic surround her as she passed through the boundary of the muggle-repelling wards that surrounded the Burrow. After another turn in the road, she saw the barn and broom shed, then in a few more steps the ramshackle house appeared.
Luna looked beyond the orchard, towards the paddock where the Weasley family had set up their makeshift Quidditch pitch, expecting to see Ginny, and maybe a few of her brothers, practicing there.
She had made arrangements the day before to help Ginny practice for the upcoming Quidditch season, in case Hogwarts actually opened for the next term. Even though her broom handling skills left much to be desired, she agreed to help in hopes of getting the chance to speak with her brother, Ron. She felt badly about how she reacted to what he had shown her earlier in the week. A spark lit in her unfocused eyes as she remembered looks that he gave at her unmerciful teasing, and just as quickly, a cloud passed over her face as she recalled the formula he had shown her.
She shook the thoughts from her head as she approached the front steps. She could hear some faint, screeching sounds coming from one of the upper floors, and assumed that someone was tuned into the Wizarding Wireless Network. She climbed the steps and knocked on the kitchen door. After several moments with no response, she creaked the door open and looked inside.
Plates of cold food were still sitting on the scrubbed-oak table and a few pots were being magically scrubbed clean in the sink. Seeing nobody in the room, she made her way up the stairs to Ginny's door. She knocked on the door and waited, but heard nothing. She placed her hand on the door and felt a slight vibration, probably from the wireless. Assuming that there was a silencing charm placed on the door, she made her way back down the stairs, out into the yard and over to the broom shed. She picked out a broom, one of the older Shooting Stars, and daintily mounted the broomstick sidesaddle before gliding up to Ginny's bedroom window.
Luna looked inside and saw Ginny curled up on her bed, facing away from her. She carefully knocked on the window, but Ginny didn't seem to respond. Luna pressed her forehead against the dirty glass to get a better view inside. She noticed that Ginny was trembling and convulsing on her bed. She wedged her fingers under the window, and as soon as it slid open, a terrible, screeching scream assaulted her ears from within the room. She pressed herself flat on the broomstick, glided into the room and hopped off. Her usual, dreamy expression fell when she saw Ginny's red, sweaty face.
Ginny's mouth was frozen open in a long grating wail. Her eyes were clenched tightly shut, but didn't prevent the tears from swelling out from between her lids. Her fists were clenched so tightly that her nails had wedged into her palms, causing a slight trickle of blood to drip from her hands into a rather large stain on the sheet, suggesting to Luna that she had been in that position for quite a long time.
Regaining her composure, Luna tried the door, but as she suspected, there was a locking charm on it. After a few surprisingly unsuccessful tries to break the charm, she climbed back onto the broom, glided back out of the window and returned to the kitchen. Once there, she grabbed a handful of floo powder, tossed it into the fireplace and called out into the green flames that erupted, "Ministry of Magic, Mr. Weasley."
A few tense moments later, a face appeared in the fireplace, but not the face she expected. A haughty, drawling voice answered, "Yes, this is Mr. Weasley, how can I…"
The expression on the face in the fire fell from a arrogant sneer to a rather unpleasant scowl as he recognized, not only the strange Ravenclaw that he vaguely remembered from Hogwarts, but her unmistakable surroundings of the Burrow's kitchen, "What do you want."
Luna immediately recognized the face of Ginny's estranged brother, Percy. Hoping that he could put aside whatever difficulties he had with the family if his sister was in trouble, she said to him in an uncharacteristically panicked tone, "Please, you have to help! Ginny's in trouble and I don't know what to do!"
"What do you mean, 'trouble?' If she's been caught using underage magic, there's nothing I can do, it's her own…"
"No!" exclaimed Luna loudly, "There's something wrong with her, and there's nobody else here! You have to help!" Luna looked at Percy, and upon seeing his torn expression, she angrily yelled, "She's your sister, for Merlin's sake!"
Percy snapped out of whatever internal conflict he was fighting. He didn't know much about the odd Ravenclaw, but what he did remember about her was that she was unflappable, so if she was this distressed, it had to be something dire. Percy's face disappeared from the fire, and a moment later, he stepped out of the green flames into the kitchen.
Percy looked around, half-expecting his mother to burst through the door and tie him to a chair to try to talk sense into him yet again, but dismissed that thought when he saw the agitated look on Luna's face, "Where is she?"
Luna started for the stairs while saying, "In her bedroom, but there's silencing and locking charms on the door. I had to use a broom to get through her window."
Percy ran up the stairs three at a time and stopped in front of Ginny's door. After a few attempts to unlock the door, he ended up blasting it apart with a hasty 'Reducto' and rushed into the room. He only paused briefly when he heard her terrible wailing, but recovered quickly by scooping his sister into his arms and rushed through the door, saying "St. Mungo's is still closed to new patients, I'm bringing her to Hogwarts."
Percy raced down the stairs, out of the building past the anti-apparation wards and disappeared with a loud crack.
Luna walked down the stairs into the kitchen, grabbed a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the magical fire while saying, "The Three Broomsticks."
Luna gracefully stepped out of the fire at The Three Broomsticks. She smiled and nodded to Madam Rosmerta before stepping out of the tavern to the main street of Hogsmeade. She let out a sigh at the sight of the castle in the distance as she started her long walk to Hogwarts.
Meanwhile, a scraggly-looking rat dashed from the now empty house, raced through the garden and hedges, making its way to the safety of the forest beyond with another report from the Burrow.
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Ron startled himself awake after only a few hours by one of his unusually loud snorks of a snore. He was laying facedown and fully clothed on his bed in the Head Boy's bedroom, with his cheek stuck to a cold puddle of drool on his pillowcase. He pulled himself into a sitting position and placed the half-eaten sandwich that was still in his hand on the night table next to his bed.
The first waking thought that came to him was the book that he and Hermione had found earlier that afternoon and the trouble it was causing between Harry and Hermione. He was certain now that his sister did use that potion and he was just as certain that she had no idea of its true purpose. The more his thoughts dwelled on that fact, the angrier he felt.
He stood from his bed and entered the common room. He remembered that Hermione took the book with her into her bedroom. He softly knocked on her door and waited a few moments. She had told him earlier that if she wasn't there, she would be with Harry, so he quietly cracked her door open. In the dim light, he saw Hermione's sleeping form under the sheets of the bed and the book he was looking for sitting on her nightstand.
He silently crossed the room and picked up the book. Before turning to leave, he looked down at her sleeping face. He could never remember seeing such a sad expression on his best female friend. He even noticed the drying tearstains on the pillow beneath her face.
Even with the forlorn expression she wore, he could see how Harry could fancy her. The other Gryffindor boys always referred to her as 'plain' or 'unremarkable.' A few even had less complimentary ways to describe her. She wasn't homely, but she certainly wasn't a candidate for a Playwizard centerfold model, either.
Even when she had her buckteeth, he thought she had a pleasant, 'girl next door' look about her. Now that he was actually paying attention, he could see exactly what Harry found so attractive about her, and why she was so perfect for him. Hermione was comfortable, not just in her looks, but in her personality as well. She complimented Harry perfectly. Actually, they complimented each other. Knowledge and power. Wisdom and strength. Friendship and bravery.
They actually understood each other in a way he could never hope to do, and he knew they always did have that connection that neither of them could really explain to anyone else.
Ron felt a prickling behind his eyes and a pained frown crossed his mouth as he noticed another tear fall from Hermione's sleeping eyes onto the pillow. It wasn't fair to them. He silently admonished himself for even thinking that he could use her in the way that he had intended before. He let his own feelings of inadequacy blur his judgment. She deserved someone that truly loved her, just as Harry did. Harry had so little in his life that made him truly happy and Merlin knows, if anyone deserved a little happiness, it was Harry.
Ron lifted his hand to wipe away a fresh tear that threatened to drop from her cheek, but hesitated before pulling his hand away. Instead, he whispered to her, "I'm sorry," before turning and striding out of her room. He scribbled out a hasty note to Hermione, letting her know that he was taking the book and making a quick trip to the Burrow to have a little chat with his sister. He placed the note prominently on the desk and exited the common room into the castle.
Ron made his way through the familiar halls and passages towards the main entrance. He was just descending the stairs to the entrance hall when he spotted Harry walking through the doors to the Great Hall with the crying Kotone in his arms. He was shocked to see how the distraught little girl's skin appeared to be much chalkier and paler than usual. He hid the grimace that threatened to emerge when Kotone turned her woeful, but still frightening face towards him, knowing that the little girl sobbing in Harry's arms was just that… a scared little girl.
"Hey, Harry, what's wrong with her?" asked Ron, visibly uncomfortable with Kotone's distress.
"She's why we came here and never made it to the Ministry, she was injured on our way there."
"Did you get attacked?" he asked concernedly, wondering why they didn't tell him right off if they had been attacked.
"No, well, not directly. Voldemort decided to let me know how unhappy he was by way of my scar," then Harry continued with a rather cold expression, "We think Kotone was trying to help me, and it looked to Hermione that she was attacking me, so Hermione stunned her. We're not sure if it was the stunner or what she was doing to me that hurt her."
It was while he was speaking that Ron noticed that Harry was… Harry. "Why aren't you Professor Buck? Did you change your mind?"
"It seems the transfiguration wore off somehow. I'll be speaking with McGonagall about it later." Harry then noticed the book in Ron's arm and asked, "What's that?"
Ron looked down at the book, then back to Harry with an unreadable frown. He figured now was as good a time as any to let Harry in on what they discovered, "We need to talk, mate. Let's go up to your room for a bit of privacy."
They made their way back to the first floor towards the DADA corridor and entered Harry's chamber. Ron sat heavily on the sofa while Harry settled Kotone in his bedroom. After many assurances that he would just be in the next room and wouldn't leave her alone, Kotone allowed Harry to tuck her in the bed.
Harry returned to the sitting room and sat next to Ron, "Okay, what's up?"
Ron silently stared at the book in his hands, trying to find the right way to broach the subject. After a very long pause, he finally asked, "What to you feel about Hermione?"
Harry inwardly groaned. He was expecting Ron to bring up the relationship issue with him at some point, but honestly didn't expect it right then. He assumed that Hermione told him about how he tried… how he did kiss her, with spectacularly disastrous results. He subconsciously rubbed the still painful knot on the back of his head as he looked absently around the room for a few moments before he answered, "I was wondering when you were going to bring this up. She's a great girl, Ron. You're both my best friends, probably my only two real friends. I think you two will be great together."
Ron's eyes widened, having not expected that answer at all. He let that hang as he continued, "Okay, so what do you feel about my sister?"
The neutral expression that Harry was trying to maintain fell for a fraction of an instant before he answered, "Again, she's a great girl, too. I hope I'm still around when this whole Prophesy business is over. Maybe we could pick up where we left off."
Now it came to the question that Ron really didn't want to ask, "Where did you leave off?"
Harry's brows furrowed in thought, "What do you mean?"
Ron's ears began to take the same shade as his hair. He glanced down at the book, and then his gaze fixed straight on Harry's eyes, "I need to know, Harry. How far did you get with Ginny?"
Now it was Harry's face that was flushed with embarrassment, "Well, we kissed a few times, we basically just hung around with each other… I mean, I never… you know…"
"No, I don't know," Ron felt the bile churn in his stomach as he continued, "but like I said, I need to know how far you went with her. Have you even snogged her, you know, with your tongue and all?"
"No!" Harry quickly yelled while standing from the couch. He began to pace the floor between the sofa and the fireplace nervously
Ron felt the burning in his stomach diminish as he raised his eyebrows in surprise and simply asked, "Never?"
"Of course not! Why would you think that I'd ever…" Harry stopped pacing and a confused frown appeared on his face.
Ron, feeling a bit more confident and a lot less ill, asked, "Did you ever touch her breasts?"
"NO!" yelled Harry with a disgusted look on his face, "How could you even think that! I'd never do that to her!"
A long pause ensued before Harry haltingly asked, "Did you… did you ever touch Lavender's breasts when you were with her?"
Ron didn't know whether to be relieved that Harry had never molested his sister or angry because now he was positive that Ginny had used the elixir, "I know it's not polite for a bloke to kiss and tell, but yeah, I did... Under her bra and everything. She even let me kiss 'em a few times."
Harry still had that confused expression when he stopped pacing, turned to Ron and asked, "What about Hermione? Have you touched hers as well?"
"No, mate, I haven't," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice, "I tried once, a long time ago, but she got kinda angry with me. She's not the type, you know? And just to let you know, I have no intention of dating her. We tried, sort of, but we just don't click, if you know what I mean. I think I have something cooking with Lu… someone else, anyway, if I can get her to talk to me again."
Harry didn't appear to be listening after Ron said the word, 'No.' He thought back to the time when Ginny and he were alone in the same classroom that he found Hermione and her canaries in.
Ginny was sitting on the desk, looking absolutely smashing. She had the top three buttons of her rather loose shirt undone and the tails pulled out from her skirt when he arrived there. He was standing at the desk as he hugged her. He felt oddly nervous as she slid forward on the desk and wrapped her legs around the back of his. She took his hands and moved them to her waist under her shirt when they kissed. He remembered the queasy feeling he got when she licked his lips as they kissed. He vaguely knew that she expected him to open his mouth. He didn't. He repeatedly pulled his hands from the bare skin of her waist, only to have her place them right back on her waist under the tails of her shirt and nudge them upward. He felt the queasiness build in his stomach. He pulled away from her, gave her a quick kiss and fled the room, making a rather lame excuse of forgetting about a transfiguration essay that was due.
He had thought at the time that the queasy feeling was love. He asked the room in a pained whisper, "What's wrong with me? She was practically begging me to do it…"
As brief as it was, he felt none of that queasiness leading up to the kiss with Hermione. He vaguely remembered the emotion that swelled within him the instant before the kiss… He had known at the time that, if Hermione had done the same with his hands as Ginny had done, he would have been perfectly willing to have his hands roam free under her sweatshirt. The raw desire he felt at the time was so intense, so overwhelming… then nothing.
Harry looked at Ron in bewilderment and asked in a choked whisper, "Why couldn't I do it?"
"I think this is going to answer that question," said Ron as he stood and drew his wand. With a flick, he lit the candles on the writing desk as he walked towards it. He brushed the dusty piles of rolled up parchment, obviously abandoned homework essays from the previous term, onto the floor then set the book down. He flipped the book open to the section with the torn page and motioned Harry to sit.
When Harry seated himself and began reading, Ron started speaking, "See the torn page? I found that in Ginny's room, along with an empty glass vial. Hermione and I believe she made that potion sometime in the last two years. We think that…"
Ron was interrupted by an intense rapping on the door. He crossed the room to the door while Harry read. When he opened the door, he was met by a very agitated Hermione.
"Ron! Thank Merlin you're here! I got your note and thought you left already!"
"I ran into Harry on my way out. I figured it was as good a time as any to show him the book."
Never mind that right now. Ginny was just brought into the hospital wing. I don't know much, but from what I heard she was in her room and cast silencing and locking charms on her door. When they finally got through to her, they found Ginny on her bed screaming hysterically and crying."
Ron didn't waste any time. He brushed past Hermione and sprinted down the hallway towards the stairway. Hermione looked into the room and saw that Harry was still seated and apparently staring at the book that lay open on his desk.
"Harry?" asked Hermione, "Are you coming?"
Harry just silently shook his head. She slowly made her way across the room and stood behind him, "Are you alright?"
"It was you," he said in a whispered monotone, "It was you all along… I knew it."
"What?" she gasped, "No, Harry! I would never dream of doing something like that to you! It wouldn't work for me! You read it, didn't you?" She felt despair coursing through her, the panic making her feel light-headed.
"No, that's not what I'm saying." His voice sounded flat, almost dead, "When you were helping me rescue Sirius. It started there... no, actually before that. It started when I saw you petrified. I was so scared for you, so worried that I felt physically ill. How could I have forgotten? I knew something was happening back then, but I had no idea what it was. I'd never felt anything like it before. Then the year of the tournament came. You were there for me, the only one who didn't turn their back on me. You believed me, the only one who believed me, Ron didn't. Even Dumbledore didn't at first. It was then that I was sure of it."
Hermione felt the prickle of tears coming from under her eyelids as he spoke. She wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to say, but she was afraid that she had a good idea.
Harry continued in the same pained tone that was now cracking in places, "Who would have ever guessed that Skeeter got it right? I was going to talk with you after the tournament, win or lose, I was going to tell you… but… but when Cedric was killed and Voldemort returned, the last thing on my mind was telling anyone anything…"
Harry took a deep shuddering breath before continuing, "You remember that summer, right? Nobody spoke to me. I couldn't get any information at all. Then I was told that you were spending your time there with Ron. I thought I'd lost my chance. By the time I was allowed to go to Grimmauld Place, I was more angry at myself than anyone for not seeing it sooner. It was then. Something happened there that summer. That's when things started changing. I could see it in you, and in myself, but I couldn't do anything about it."
"Ever since that summer, right up until the end of this last term, things continually got worse. I wouldn't listen to you, you wouldn't listen to me, and I'd entirely forgotten the promise to myself that I made during the tournament. I promised myself that I would tell you that I loved you."
Hermione wore a blank expression as she hoarsely whispered, "So what you said on the train was true, you really did love me?"
When he finally looked up from the book and turned to face her, she was startled to see the trails of tears down his cheeks. He nodded as he said, in nothing more than a whisper, "Now it's gone. It's too late. I've lost already. Dumbledore told me that the power I had that would defeat Voldemort is love, and I've lost it."
"Harry, you've got to believe me," pleaded Hermione, "There's a chance... there's hope. That potion Ginny made wasn't designed for a half-blood, and it's only supposed to work between a parent and child. She was only supposed to use it once, but Ron says that she has no more of the elixir, she must have practically bathed in the stuff. The book says in order for it to become permanent, she would have to use an application within thirty hours of when we first kissed, which was four hours ago. She's messed up this spell from the start, so I can't really promise you anything other than I'll do everything I can to undo what this 'elixir' has done to us."
Hermione leaned beside him, closed the book and lifted it from the desk. "I'm going to make a quick trip back to St. Osyth and get a change of clothes for us and a few other things. I should only be an hour or so, and when I get back, I'll be in my room working to break down the Arithmantic formula to this 'elixir.' Now that I know more about what its true purpose is, many of the equations will make a lot more sense. If you feel the same way as I do, and I pretty much suspect that you do, try to overcome it and visit me if you need to talk. I'll understand if you don't but… well, you know where I'll be."
Harry watched as Hermione tucked the book under her arm and strode from the room. He heard the shuffling of small feet from the other side of the room and a quiet, but growling voice spoke to him.
"Shishi-sama, what happen to your Washi-chan? I not see gouitsu (bond), what happen to wagou (harmony)?"
Harry was still staring absently at the door, only half-listening to the little half-witch, "What? What did you say?"
As Kotone approached him, she looked up at Harry's face and saw the worried and defeated look in his eyes as he stared blankly at the door. She relaxed her mind and let her spirit take control. She saw his lion-like aura surrounding him, but it was strangely pale and faded. She noticed the frayed end of the tattered ribbon of light dangling from his chest, the remains of the bond that gave his lion its strength. She saw the fine, silvery thread that she, herself, had placed between them, the connection she needed to ensure that she could help him when needed. She also saw the smoky, ethereal serpent writhing around him, its black fangs deeply embedded in Harry's shoulder. Its eyes smouldered like bits of burning charcoal as it eyed her menacingly. She knew she could do nothing about the serpent, she didn't even know what it was, exactly. She was much too young and not nearly as skilled in soul magic yet.
One thing that she failed to notice was one black, web-like filament that stretched out from Harry towards the ceiling.
"Shishi-san?" she said aloud.
Harry tore his haunted eyes away from the door that Hermione left through and turned to Kotone. As their eyes met, that strangely familiar feeling of time slowing washed over him. His surroundings faded from his view as he heard the pleasant, melodic voice drift into his mind, 'What happened to the joining, the harmony? Why is Washi no longer bonded to Shishi?'
Harry let out a mental sigh, 'That's what we're trying to find out, little one. It seems that a girl who likes me wanted me to like her as well. She tried a spell that she wasn't familiar with. We believe that she thought it was some sort of potion to make me love her instead of Hermione. It seems that half of it worked, somewhat.'
'Did Washi read book? Book will help Washi-chan to understand, maybe to help,' said Kotone softly.
'The book you gave to us? We haven't been able to translate it yet.'
'Very important. Must understand book to help.' With that, Kotone broke their connection and raised her arms to Harry. He lifted her up and planted her on his lap, where she immediately wrapped all of her various appendages around him, as if to give him a full-body hug.
"I am so sorry for your sadness, Shishi-kun," said Kotone as she yawned into his chest, "I will help you and your mate all that I can."
A moment later, Harry felt her body relax into him as she fell asleep. Harry's eyes drifted back to the door as he held the sleeping half-witch in his arms, wondering if he would ever get back what he now realized to be the only true weapon he had against Voldemort.
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