A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you have no idea how happy it made me to get those. This chapter is filled with a lot of things that needed to be taken care of, thus, not so much emotion. However, the next chapter should be much more emotion. I hope you all enjoy, oh and I don't own any of the characters, because if I did, Anvils would have been more obvious…
Chapter 2: Ghost
Well if dreams are like movies
Then memories are films about ghosts
You can never escape
You can only move south down the coast…
Hey Mrs. Potter don't cry
Her Mrs. Potter I know why
But Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me…
The price of a memory is the price of the sorrow it brings
Mrs. Potter's Lullaby- The Counting Crows.
Day 2, Month 1, Year 1 AV
Hermione:
I thought I was going crazy, maybe I am in. He's here with me, whenever I need him. But he really isn't, at least I know that he isn't. I feel like I could die the moments I realize I must just be imaging him. The pain is so intense and it means I must be losing my sanity. I want nothing more than this to be one big dream that I can wake up from and see him lying next to me…
Harry:
It's fucking frustrating, when you can't do anything but sick back and watch the woman you love as she drowns in her sorrow. You want to make her believe you are there, but how can you do that, when you aren't even sure why. You hold her until she cries herself to sleep or someone interrupts you. You wish you were there for more than minutes at a time. You wish…
Ron woke early the next morning, next to Luan, wishing that the previous day was just a dream. The unfortunate thing was he knew it wasn't and he didn't want to deal with this day. He rolled over and curled himself against Luna. He could smell her shampoo and for a while he just enjoyed the moment.
"What do we do now?" she whispered after awhile.
"We have to make arrangements." Ron said sullenly.
"I think the article I wrote will be in the Quibbler today. I asked that condolences be sent to the Burrow. I didn't want Hermione to see it all. I was afraid she might not take it well."
"Thank you." Ron said, "I don't know if I would have been able to handle it as well."
"We should get up, I'm sure your mum is working on breakfast and we have to meet with the funeral directors some time today. " Luna paused, saying things like that made it so final. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready for the day. I'd be surprised if there wasn't a press mob outside of St. Mungo's when we go there later today."
Ron held back a sigh that was stuck in his throat. When it came down to it, he really didn't want to take care of any of the things he knew he was going to have to take care of. But he had been raised to do what he had to do and frankly, he would have done just about anything for Harry, even if that meant excepting his death and moving on with the necessary arrangements.
"You realize that if you do this, there is no turning back?" Ron asked, holding his glass between his hands, anchoring him to the bar where they sat.
"Ron, if I don't do this, nothing will ever be normal." Harry muttered, after taking a swig of his whiskey. "I've loved her in so many ways for so long, I don't think there is a way I could give myself to anyone else, it wouldn't be whole at least."
Harry fiddled with his glass, his fingers moving over the smooth contours of the glass.
Ron let himself think of it for a second. What could they do? They were about as in love as any two people could ever be. He was happy for them. Despite everything, the war, their own stubbornness, they had managed to make it work.
"If you hurt her in anyway, you know I'll have your head." Ron said, smiling as he threatened his best friend and brother. He knew that Harry would never hurt her. He knew that Harry had all the power in the world to hurt her.
"I'm afraid if I don't do this, it would hurt her." Harry smiled back at Ron.
"That's probably very true; she seems to love you for whatever reason."
"Yeah, poor girl, I can't see why. I'm not attractive, I'm on a hit list of a psycho and my best friend has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon." Harry laughed at his own humor, but sobered quickly.
"Ron, this is so fucking clichéd to even ask, and I know the answer, but-" Harry paused, how did a moment full of levity turn into such a depressing moment?
"Of course I will." Ron answered before the question was even asked.
"I should wake Hermione up; make sure she is getting ready for what the day may bring. She needs to be seen." Ron looked out the window. "She shouldn't be alone right now either. "
"She's not alone, she has Harry with her." Luna said her voice confident as she turned the faucet on to the shower.
~*~*~*
Hermione slept soundly after her early morning spook. In fact, upon waking the next morning, she felt like it had just been a dream, nothing more than her grief taking advantage of her dreams. Her eyes felt like sand, though, and she didn't really want to get out of bed. She wanted to stay curled up in her bed and pretend that maybe, today someone one would tell her this had been a plan to give Harry his freedom and that he was really alive and well waiting on an island for her to meet.
Of course, that was just a dream, something that would never be. She choked at the thought.
"If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?" Harry asked one morning when they were laying in bed together. They had decided to spend a morning sleeping in, something that was a precious commodity in the last few weeks.
Hermione thought for a moment, the sun that shone through the window warming her dark hair as Harry played with it.
"An island where no one knows who we are." She said after much deliberation.
"That could be hard to find." Harry said, a small smile on his face, after all, much as he tried to pretend otherwise, he knew how famous he really was. "Any particular location for your island, Princess?" He asked, tracing her cheek with his fingertips.
"Anywhere, as long as the weather is reasonably nice and no one could ever find you." She smiled as she rolled on top of him, letting her hair cascade around him, sheltering them from the outside world.
"You know, I don't think they would allow us to leave, even if I'm successful, they'll always want to see me, to know that their hero is living his life." Harry said, when a grim voice.
"Maybe I'll just have to figure out a way that they won't look for you…"
Their conversation was too ironic to be true. She knew she was only wishing for a happy ending. Though endings like that can only be found on cellophane.
She lay there for awhile letting her mind wander. Not upon anything in particular, but just wander. She lay on her side, and as she did she could almost feel Harry playing with her hair. His warmth as he wrapped himself around her, she loved it when the cuddled like that. She never felt more protected. She began to cry, the thought of it too much to bear.
"Shh, it'll be alright." She heard him whisper, making her cry more. "Shh, I'm here, I'll always be here." She sobbed more. He sounded so real, he felt so real, she didn't want to turn around, afraid that if she moved at all the illusion would be dead and he wouldn't be there anymore. So she lay there, letting her imagination create her Harry, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist that she had found the previous night.
~*~*~*
Ron knocked on Hermione's door and opened it when he heard a slight "come in". He walked into the room, looking at Hermione, his heart breaking for her.
She was curled up on her bed, playing with a bracelet on her wrist. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked lost and confused.
"Love, you need to get ready for the day. We have to go to St. Mungo's and fill out some paperwork." Ron said as he sat on the end of her bed. If Ron had been more observant, he would have noticed that the comforter was matted down, almost in the shape of another person.
She didn't respond and Ron got up and kneeled in front of her face.
"Hermione, I know that you don't want to do this, but you need to get up. The world, unfortunately doesn't stop because we want it to. Time doesn't work like."
"Ron, this morning I swear he was hear. I could hear him and he was holding me." Hermione whispered. Her voice was a ghost of what it had been, barley above a whisper.
"Hermione, he'll never leave you, not truly, he's a part of you." Ron tried to give her some comfort. "What you and he had, it was special, and as long as you hold on to that piece of him, you'll always have him."
"Yeah and he took a part of me with him Ron. I don't know if I'll have that back. " Hermione said, almost bitterly.
"Hermione, there will be press there today. The announcement has been made in all the papers. You need to be prepared."
"I know Ron. "
"He wouldn't have left you if he had the choice, you know that." Ron said.
"I know." She sat up finally. Her hair was a mess and she looked like death warmed over, but then again who didn't feel like that right now.
"Alright, I'm going to see if Mum has made breakfast and you take a shower. We'll leave as soon as you are ready," Ron said, giving Hermione a kiss on the cheek.
~*~*~*
Hermione came down to the kitchen looking every bit the mourning wife. She was dressed in complete black, her hair was in a bun and she had a handkerchief ready. She looked too composed, Ron was almost scared. Ron was alone, Luna was still getting some things ready and owling some reporters of the Quibbler, letting them know that she would prefer it if they did not try and press Hermione for an interview. They would get their story. His Mum had flooed home to get his father and meet them back here.
And as soon as she walked in the kitchen her face got pale.
"I think I'm going to wait in the parlor. I don't think I can eat anything." She said as she rushed out.
Ron watched her go, suddenly loosing his appetite as well. He suddenly felt guilty, eating a breakfast like this when Harry couldn't- He stopped, that way lead only to destruction.
Ron cleared his breakfast and walked to the parlor. Hermione was taking long deep breaths, her hand on her stomach. She was staring out the window, watching the cars pass by. Whereas yesterday had been a depressingly rainy day, today was beautifully sunny.
"Hermione, are you sure you're okay?" Ron asked, worried that his friend may have caught flu when she was outside the night before.
"I'm fine Ron; I'm just a jumble of nerves, that's all." She said, straining for a smile, though that was impossible.
"Ron." A voice from the kitchen yelled. It was his parents.
"We're in the parlor." Ron answered back, giving Hermione one last look.
Hermione watched as Molly and Arthur walked into the parlor, carefully trying to hide their sadness with a smile on their faces.
"Hermione, are you feeling any better?" Molly asked, as she bent down to give her a hug. Hermione nodded, trying to put the morning behind her and focus on what lay ahead for the day. Ron looked at his mum with a question in his eye.
"Yes, thank you Molly." Hermione answered, before Ron got a chance to inquire, though she wished she could just go back to her room. She didn't want to hear the condolences over and over again.
Luna came into the room a few seconds later, breaking what had become an uncomfortable silence. None of them were sure what to do with themselves.
"So, are we ready to go?" She asked, as she straightened Ron's clothes for him.
"Yes, the Ministry sent a car over, its waiting outside for us." Arthur said. And with that they walked out the door.
~*~*~*
The ride to the St. Mungos had been a somber and quiet one. No one spoke and the radio had been tuned to a station that played only classical music. No commentary were heard or if they were, no one paid attention. Hermione sat with her hands folded in her lap, staring out the window the entire time. She didn't hear Ron and Luna's hushed voices discussing where the best place to get out was. Certainly, they didn't want Hermione to feel pressured by the press, however, they knew they couldn't continue to sneak around them. They would want to see her and at least here someone say that everything would be alright, even if their hero had died. They had decided that they would go in the main entrance. They would leave comments short and sweet, letting them know that a major press release regarding the major details would be given at a later time.
They soon pulled up to St. Mungo's and sure enough, there was press from all the wizarding world's news syndicates. They had been waiting and Ron knew someone inside St. Mungos was paid handsomely for their arrival information. Arthur was the first to exit the car followed by Molly. Luna was the next to exit the car with Ron trailing her and offering a hand to Hermione. As soon as Hermione got out of the car, the flashbulbs started to go off.
Hermione exited the car in a graceful manner, the manner of someone controlling every move she made and making sure that she looked composed. A podium had been set up for their use and Ron escorted Hermione to stand directly behind the podium. Luna was first on the microphone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," Luna said, waiting as the crowd begin to quite. "I am sure you all understand what a difficult time this is for Mrs. Potter. Before she takes any questions, if she wants, I would like to brief you on the situation that is at hand. First, as I am sure everyone is aware, Harry Potter was taken off life supporting spells last night. It was done with the consent of Mrs. Potter. The family will be planning a memorial and funeral service, the details of which are yet to be worked out. With that being said," Luna gestured to the awaiting reporters as Hermione walked up to stand next to Luna, "We'll take your questions."
The crowd burst with questions and Luna pointed to the a young wizard standing in the middle of the group, "Mrs. Potter, first I would like to offer my condolences, your husband was a great man. That being said, will his funeral be public?"
"My husband fought for all of us and triumphed in the name of all that was good. I don't think a private
funeral is too much to ask. However, their will be a memorial service in honor of him, the date still unknown. This
service will be open to the public." Hermione offered her voice giving away her unease only when mentioning the
word funeral.
"Mrs. Potter, Bill Tippin from the Salem Times, I too offer my condolences." A wizard in his twenties offered when Luna selected him, his accent giving away his American origins. "Of course everyone here is curious what happened at the final battle. Will the information be made public and was Harry's death caused by the former Terrorist Tom Riddle?"
This was the question that Hermione was dreading to answer. What had happened at the final battle? She shuddered to think about how she found him- it flashed before her eyes, a sight she would never forget, how he seemed to disappear, her grief overtaking her… She shook her head, banishing those thoughts as she couldn't help but smile for her husband's triumph. Apparently Voldemort's true name had been released to the press and this American had chosen to use it. Harry would have been proud.
" The information regarding the final battle, is as far as I know still classified information. That being said, I know my husband would have appreciated your use of Tom Riddle's name."
The group of journalists seemed to be disappointed in every answer they were receiving, or not receiving when put more aptly. A murmur was running through the crowd of reporters. Finally, without being called upon, a woman's voice rang through the air.
"Mrs. Potter, what prompted you to end your husband's life last night?" Hermione was taken aback, she didn't know what to do about what she had just been asked. She didn't- her breath was coming in short breaths, Luna moved in front of the microphone as Ron slowly backed Hermione away.
"Ms. Skeeter, I'm sure you are aware, as are your readers, that Harry was on life sustaining spells, without these spells he would not have been able to survive on his own. He specifically asked that he was never to be placed in that situation, letting him sustain life in that manner for a month was pushing the limit." Luna said, shooting icicles at the woman.
"I see," She merely replied letting her quill skim over her parchment.
However, few noticed that Hermione was still having problems calming herself, they were too busy watching the exchange between Luna and Rita Skeeter. Ron decided it would be best to take her into the lobby of St. Mungo's. It was dark when they first stepped in, the bright light from outside making it difficult to adjust to the dimmer inside.
"Mrs. Potter," A nurse said as she came up to them. "Let's get you to a room." Hermione tried to shake her head, she didn't want to get examined.
"Ron-" She gasped, trying to tell him she was okay.
"No, Hermione, you're not going to win this one. You need to be examined. Something isn't right,
you've been sick." Ron said, firmly as he helped the nurse escort into an examining room.
"Mr. Weasley, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside." The nurse asked, while she prepped the room, resetting talismans and other magical objects.
"Alright," He answered, turning to Hermione, "I'll be outside if you need anything."
Hermione just scowled at him, but nodded.
"Mrs. Potter, I'm just going to cast a mild calming charm, before I check you out further." The nurse said, as she cast the charm. A turquoise blue surrounded Hermione and she felt her breathing calm.
"That's all I need." Hermione said, trying to stand up and walk out of the room.
"I understand that you may not want to be checked out, but Mr. Weasley already contacted us, to ask if we could possibly check you over, just as a precaution. He said you were outside in the rain last night. And while, I know you know that their really is no harm it that, he was concerned."
"As you said, Nurse," Hermione paused to read the nurse's tag, "Nurse Simton, I was outside in the rain and I've just lost my husband. I'm sure in your medical study you've heard of Post Traumatic Stress as well as grieving? That being said, I am as fine as I am likely to be and would like to leave."
"I would advise you not to do that," the nurse warned, though she stepped away from the door, a hint of shame in her voice as she was just scolded by the most famous and arguably powerful witch in the wizarding world.
"Your advice has been noted." Hermione said, whisking from the room. She ran right into Ron, whom she would have killed if Luna had not stepped into her line of vision.
"Hermione, the Mediwizard is ready to meet us in his office," Luna said, giving Ron a questioning look. He merely shook his head and looked at her with a promise that they would talk about this later.
~*~*~*~
Hermione sat in front of the parchments she was supposed to be signing. The quill was balanced in her hand. She sat there, wondering how it had been easier to go into battle than it was for her to sign these damn papers.
"Because, once you do that, it becomes official, you are a widow and your husband is truly gone." She sat there, closing her eyes to the millions of thoughts that were intruding.
Mediwizard Brunner had been kind enough to leave the room after explaining everything that was going to happen in the next few days. Harry would be prepared for- The funeral could take place next week, as Ron had suggested, wanting to make sure that Lupin was able to be there. The traditions and wishes for the funeral had already been decided upon, Hermione was reminded. They had done that weeks after they were married, as a precaution, should anything happen and both were incapacitated. Hermione didn't know whether to be grateful that they had already had everything in order or whether to be sick and see it as some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. All she had to do was sign this damned piece of parchment and Harry's estate would transfer to her name completely, though most of it was already in her name anyway. She raised her hand shaking, over the document and set her quill down to the parchment. She signed, pausing over her last name as she wrote "Potter". She remembered how she felt the first time she had been able to use his name. She remembered how everyone had assumed that she would keep her maiden name, professionally, Harry had even agreed it would have been okay with him, but she wanted nothing more than to let the whole world know that she was with him.
"Hermione," Harry said quietly as they were enjoying their dessert. It was her birthday and Harry had insisted they go out to dinner, even with all the chaos that was under way.
"Hmm." She said, looking into his eyes, she saw something different, what exactly it was, she wasn't sure.
"I, uh, I wanted to ask you" He smiled holding something out in his hand as he got down on one knee in front of her. She could feel her self stop breathing. "Will you marry me?" He asked, quietly almost afraid that he would scare her away with his question.
"Harry, are you?" She couldn't, she didn't even know what to say. Say yes! Her brain told her. "Yes, of course, I will." She said, her eyes filling with tears. He slipped the ring on her finger, and she felt the weight of it on her hand, foreign but so welcome.
Later that night, they had been walking home, and Hermione was staring at her hand watching the light catching the marquis diamond. She couldn't help but feel like a little kid, giggling like a school girl at the sight.
"What's so funny?" Harry asked.
"Nothing, I'm just so happy, I can hardly hold it in." Hermione answered, turning her face to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"I'm glad, I was afraid you would say no or something." Harry confessed.
"Harry, why on earth would I say no?"
"I don't know, its just the thought that goes through your head when you ask someone to marry you. I was ready to have to convince you, tell you that you could keep your name and everything." Harry said a bit.
"No" Hermione merely said.
"No what?" Harry asked as he stopped mid-stride.
"No, I want your name. I want the world to know that I am Mrs. Potter. My name doesn't change who I am. But, it does let the world know that I promise to be yours and you promise to be mine until the end of time."
She signed the parchment, looking at her name, her ring, and wondering where she could go from here. Who was she now, without him?
~*~*~*~*~
Day 7 Month 1, Year 1 AV
The week had passed with little commotion. Hermione spent most of the time she wasn't required staring out windows and sitting silently in a chair. She still looked pale and wasn't able to keep much down most of the day. Ron was worried about her, but he didn't know what he could do if she refused to get help. So he watched her move around the house, like a ghost, answering all the right questions and putting forth all the right effort. The memorial was to be held today and the funeral the day after. Ron hadn't seen Hermione go into or out of her bedroom since the press conference at St. Mungo's, something which worried him as well.
The morning was overcast, but the sun was shining just enough to wake Hermione from her restless sleep in the library. She must have finally fallen asleep sometime, though she couldn't exactly remember when. She couldn't sleep, she was too full of regrets and anxiety. It felt wrong to sleep in her room when Harry wasn't there for her. She didn't know exactly what she was going to do. She didn't want to go to the memorial today. She really didn't want to say goodbye. If one thing about the past week had been clear, it had been that Hermione still wasn't sure she believed he would never be back in this house. She stretched a little before sitting up. The library's deep mahogany woodwork shining under the peaks of sun that it would receive. She folded the blanket and set it back where it belonged on top of the ottoman that stood at the foot of the oversized arm chair she had fallen asleep in.
Walking up to her room, she felt dizzy, but she shook the feeling with a few deep breaths. She walked through the double doors, barely looking around as she walked into the bathroom. She turned on the shower, listening to the water falling, she climbed into the shower, eyes closed as she mechanically washed. She had finished, when she grabbed her towel and stepped out of the shower, and than, everything changed.
"Hermione?" Hermione looked up to see, well it was Harry.
"Harry?" she gasped, one hand shaking as she brought it to her face.
"Hermione, where have you been?" He asked, stunned to see her.
"I've been here." She whispered, though it was getting more difficult to breath.
"Not in here though." He said, "I've been waiting for you. I love you"
"Harry," She closed her eyes as she answered, "you're dead, you're not here."
"Hermione," Harry answered, but it was too late, and he was too slow as Hermione fell to the ground, her head hitting the sink.
He tried to move, but the next thing he knew, he too was gone…
~*~*~*~*
Day 9, Month 1, Year 1 AV
Hermione opened her eyes, tears coming to them as the light stung her eyes. She moaned at the feeling.
"Mrs. Potter" A friendly voice said. "Mrs. Potter, how are you doing?"
"Harry?" Hermione murmured. Her head was throbbing a bit.
"Shh, Mrs. Potter, My name is Madam Tinley"
She finally managed to open her eyes, and was confused. This wasn't her room, this wasn't even her house. "Where am I?" She asked.
"You're at St. Mungo's."
"Oh," and then it came rushing back to her. The shower, turning around, Harry had been there. He had been real. He had asked her where she had been.
"Mrs. Potter, you were brought in by your friends Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Apparently, you fell in your bathroom. We had to run some diagnostic tests. Mrs. Potter, were you aware that you are pregnant?"
"What?" Hermione, could only ask. She moved her hands instinctively to her abdomen. She tried to make sense of it, surely she would have known by now. Hadn't she-no she hadn't had her period, but she thought it was stress. She hadn't been having a regular cycle since the war got increasingly dangerous.
"Mrs. Potter, you are pregnant with twins. But when you fell, well your breathing was minimal and the Mediwizard is worried that you may have complications because of your fall. You are going to have to be on bed rest when we release you." She paused, letting Hermione receive the information before continuing. "Mr. Weasley is waiting in the family room. I'm going to let him know you are awake. Would you like to see him?"
Hermione nodded, her brain still absorbing what she had just been told. She was pregnant, they were Harry's last gift to her. She was, it was, bittersweet. She couldn't be happy, not when she knew that her beloved would never see his children, yet, she had him in this small gift. She burst into tears.
A pained look crossed Ron's face as he walked into the room. He centered himself before he started, "Hermione, thank god." He said as walked in and sat next to her bed. "Hermione, the nurse, she told you everything right?" Ron questioned.
"Yes, I-" She didn't know what to say to this. Her voice cracked and more tears ran down her face.
"Shh, it'll be alright love. Thank god Luna found you when she did. The Mediwizard said that if much more time had passed you may have-" He stopped not wanting to add more loss to the long list they had already compiled. "Do you remember what happened?"
She remembered, but how could she tell him that she saw Harry? How could she say that she was going crazy? "I, uh, I got dizzy and I don't know what happened after that."
Ron looked at her, "Luna is getting everything ready for you at home. The Mediwizard said you have to stay in bed, so Luna is making your room comfortable. She's making sure that you have enough books and such. The Mediwizards said they would release you this afternoon, so, we'll take you home."
Hermione barely listened, her head was too full of everything that had happened. She was pregnant, she was crazy. She merely nodded when it seemed appropriate as Ron and the nurse explained what was going to happen in the next few days. She barely heard Ron say that they had continued with the memorial, but they would wait on the funeral if she wanted. Hermione spoke up enough to say she couldn't sit through the funeral and that they should go ahead a reschedule it and give everyone her condolences. She also asked that no one know that she was pregnant besides the Weasleys. She was pregnant…She smiled, but it was a smile that was filled with fear.
"I'm going to leave so the nurse can help you get ready to leave." Ron said, giving Hermione a kiss on the cheek.
~*~*~*~
A/N: Well, there you have the first big reveal of the story. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I'm sorry that this is taking so long to get out, I'm really excited about the story, but when I sit down to right it, I've been getting distracted. Fear not, however, this story is in my head and will be finished. I'm hoping I'll get the next chapter out within a couple of weeks. Please leave reviews if you have the time, I know I appreciate it immensely!
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