A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed. I don't know how on earth I got this chapter written in a week, don't count on this happening all the time! Anyway, I hope you enjoy…
Oh, I do not own these characters, nor do I intend to make any money. I am however, please to receive any reviews!
Chapter 4: Little House
It's over
but just started
Her blood stained the carpet
Her heart like a crystal
She's a lucid and departed
A life left behind
She can't find in her mind
Gone away
Away with these nightmares…
Me and the Moon~ Something Corporate
Day 14, Week 2, Year 1 AV
Harry:
His death at my hand was an end of something. For most, it was the end of death, darkness, and fear. Finally, after years of fear, many could live the lives they had put off without wondering if planning was an idle fantasy. But, for me, it was an end of what had once been. Had I have known what was to come, I can't say I would have been noble enough to go into that battle.
Harry sat at his parent's grave. He knew he should be in his bed, but he couldn't sleep there either. Instead, he chose to be with the two people who had started his destiny. The two people he was told, he was most like in the world. He took a shot of Ogden's. He never got belligerent, never really even got close to drunk, no that would not have pleased Hermione. Instead, he drink just to the precipice of numb, a point where he could still reason, a point where he couldn't feel.
When he was here, he thought of many things, contemplated many lives he could have had, many he should have had, and one he wished he hadn't. He contemplated bitterness, and the luck his parents had to follow each other in death. He couldn't even take comfort in the fact that Hermione thought he was with her. He had abandoned her, in her torment. The one thing he promised never to do and he was not powerful enough to beat whatever it was that plagued her. He had tried everything he could think of and nothing worked. He was a failure.
At this he laughed out loud.
"Laughing out loud to no joke may be a sign of an addled brain."
Harry looked up, the voice was a familiar one, one which comforted him.
"Remus." Harry offered up the Ogden's, as Remus Lupin sat next to him. "Have a drink."
Remus took a small drink. "Harry, what are you going to do when Fall comes? When the nights become to cold for you to sit here, wallowing in pity?"
"I'm not wallowing. And I'm a wizard aren't I?" Harry cast a charm, Hermione's charm, and bluebell fire was warming his and Lupin's hands, for though there was a mild wind from the south, the night itself still was a bit chilly.
"Funny, Harry." Remus sighed, looking at the graves they sat near. Some would believe a graveyard to be a dark and scary place. But he could understand why Harry found comfort in this place. He often did, as well. Something about the finality of this place. It was consistent. "Seriously though, you are doing no one good, sitting here wishing for things that aren't."
Harry didn't respond to that. "Remus, did my parents want to have me?" Harry wasn't really sure where such a fatalistic question had come from, and yet, there it was.
"Harry, they always wanted children." Remus avoided the obvious question. Harry knew why, it wasn't as if he actually believed he was unwanted.
They sat in silence, Harry contemplating his life more.
There were a thousand things Remus wished he could do to comfort his young charge. At just under twenty-three, the young man had been through more than thousands go through in a lifetime, and yet, he was still so unbroken. But, Remus feared, that this too, was something that wouldn't last much longer. The circles under Harry's eyes were getting worse and his skin had lost any color it had once had.
"Remus, Hermione's pregnant." Harry said, his voice quiet.
Remus didn't have anything to say to this news. What was he to say. Congratulations seemed too tactless for the news, yet something should be said. But he didn't have to say anything, Harry continued.
"She's going to have twins. And I wonder, how we are going to do this? It would be enough of a challenge if we were both around and healthy. But, she's not in any state that she'll be able to take care of those children and I-" He sighed, " I don't know if I can be a father to them. At least not the father I wanted to be."
"Harry, you are such a loyal and caring person. You will give those children of yours a very great life. And well, as for Hermione, I can't promise you anything. It would be foolish for me to tell you fairy tales about how she's going to get better because we don't know that. But what I can say, is that children our the greatest gift we can receive. Don't squander it by wondering if you deserve it."
Harry looked at Remus, the man would never have children. His illness didn't allow him to. "I'm sorry, Remus, I know I shouldn't-"
"Don't be Harry. I know that you are worried. But I also know that you will be a great father."
"Thanks." Harry said, as he stared up at the sky.
"Harry, please, take my advice and go home. Get some sleep." Remus said, standing up. Harry stood as he did, and gave the man a hug. "I will, tell Tonk's I said hi, will you?"
Remus nodded, and apparated away. Harry sat back down, taking in the tableau in front of him, wondering just how he was going to make it work.
Harry thought about what Remus had said. Was it enough that he loved his children more than he could put into words? Could he do it without Hermione?
"Are you sure you want to go there?" Hermione asked as they sat at her parent's table.
"To be honest, no" Harry sighed, "but, at the same time, I'm not sure that I
couldn't go."
"Harry, do you want me to come with you?" Harry looked at Hermione, her offer surprising him. They had been searching for Voldemort's horcruxes for a little over a year and a month ago, Hermione and Ron decided that it wasn't going to work between them. They bickered more than they ever had as friends, and they realized it was probably more the expectations of others that pushed them together. It wasn't a messy breakup by any means, in fact, Harry was told by Ron, it had been a relief. They didn't have to play act anymore. However, Hermione had still decided that she needed some time alone. Not that she was upset, but she wanted to see her parents, forget about everything for just a month. And Harry, well, he couldn't deny her anything.
Thus, Harry was surprised that, not two weeks after she had left, she was willing to come with. Harry had promised her that he would stop by if he was planning to do anything she would consider dangerous. He figured a trip to Godric's Hallow would be consider dangerous in her book, and therefore, found himself telling her his plans in the middle of her parent's very muggle kitchen.
Sometimes, he really was in awe of her selflessness. "Hermione, you wanted a break, I don't want to take that time away from you." He said, taking a sip of the tea Hermione had made. The truth was, Harry wasn't sure of anything at the moment. Something had happened in the last couple of months. Harry had noticed a slight shift in thoughts and feelings. Most of the time he didn't notice it, but then, in moments like this, he was confronted with that "something".
"Harry, one day isn't going to kill me. In fact, it might be kind of nice. Mum and Dad are driving me crazy. Mum keeps treating me like I'm some sort of guest, always asking what I want to eat and apologizing because they have to work. It's silly really." She stopped and Harry realized she must have thought herself tactless for complaining about parents who were alive and cared about her.
"Har-" Harry knew he should have kept a stopwatch, he knew she would begin an apology.
"Don't." Harry said, raising his hand. She merely looked back at him, a sheepish look crossing her face. Harry thought it was cute.
"Alright, let me write a note for Mum and Dad. I'll tell them I won't be back until tomorrow, I don't want them to worry should we run into any problems." She said as she got up to get a piece of paper. Harry watched her move about her kitchen, and for a moment, he thought it would be nice to see her moving around his kitchen. But as with many thoughts that come on a whim, it was quickly lost to thought that he still hadn't guaranteed a future.
Harry smiled thinking about that day. He really didn't know if he could have visited Godric's Hallow that day, alone. She had been supportive the entire time. She didn't push, and she didn't claim that she knew what he was going through. Instead, she stood by his side and when it became to much, she held him in her arms next to his parent's grave.
Harry felt spent, his tears wouldn't come anymore. However, he was riding another emotional wave, this one was gratitude for his friend. She held him, his head resting on her shoulder , her hands soothing him, running their way up and down his back. He had never felt so content and yet so exhausted in his life. A part of him didn't want to move, but they had been there all night, and they needed to get going if they were to be back at the Grangers at a reasonable time.
He sat up, and it was at that moment that he realized his best friend had been crying too.
"Hermione?" he questioned, reaching up to brush her tear off her cheek.
She smiled. "Do you have any idea how wonderful you are Harry?"
"I'm not wonderful, I'm anything but, look at what I've caused." He said, his hand stretching over his parent's grave.
He stood, afraid that his emotions were going to take the better of him again. She stood to meet him, looking up just slightly at him. Her eyes were sparkling at they shone from moonlight, and her hair was ever so slightly frizzed from the humid summer night. She looked beautiful, he realized.
Another tear was falling down her face, and Harry reached out to cup her face, wiping it away with his thumb. "Hermione, please don't cry." He asked, still not sure what would give her cause to cry.
"Harry, you truly are-" She paused, starting over. "So many people would be bitter about what they had been through, if they were you. So many people, would turn their backs on this world, after all, what has this world given you. And yet, here you are, working to save the world that his given you so little."
"Hermione, don't make me out to be something I'm not. I don't do this for the world. And I sure as hell don't do it to be hero-worshiped. I do it for the Weasley's. I do it for Remus and Tonks. I do it for Hogwarts and those who we've lost. But mostly, when I stand facing the choice between what is easy and what is right, I think of Ron and you." He paused, looking at her anew.
"Hermione, it's you." He whispered, looking into her face and knowing there wasn't going to be any way to turn around from this. Once he put his lips against her soft lips, it would be the end. It should have scared him, should have made him turn around and run away. And yet, there he was, moving closer to her, and she was tilting her head, inviting him to kiss her.
It was a soft kiss, a little more than chaste, but much more intimate than any other kiss he had ever shared. It had nothing to do with how they kissed, they kept it rather kid friendly, and yet, it was as if his soul was touching something in the direction of heaven.
He pulled back, not wanting to break his newfound connection to heaven, and yet, he knew that he had no other option. And yet, the minute he pulled away, Hermione pulled him back. And this time, her kiss was hungry and searching. It felt almost wrong, to be kissing someone like this in the middle of a graveyard.
When they finally stopped, Harry looked at Hermione, her lips slightly swollen from his kisses. "His kisses" he thought.
"What?" She asked. He smiled as he looked down at her.
"I-" He stuttered, never was he what some would call smooth. "I don't want to apologize for that Hermione."
"Good, because I wouldn't accept!" She said taking his hand in hers. "Come on, we should get going."
It was with that kiss that Harry's whole world shifted. From then on, they decided to take time off occasionally, deciding that if life could not be enjoyed, even just in the most minute of ways, then they would forget what they were fighting for.
He spent the next week with her and her parents. They went out on dates and did things regular people did. Of course, they had to use forms of polyjuice to make themselves look different. But, it was a small sacrifice that they were willing to take. It was with a feeling of gratitude that he left that night. He knew that he could still make it, Hermione would never forgive him if he gave up all hope. He apparated away, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.
~*~*~*~
He breathed a sigh of relief that Potter didn't stay the whole night. The nights he had to worry about that wretched boy meant he could get little done. He got back to work, lighting a candle and casting a disillusionment charm on the building, just in case. Not that many people in the village came to this place, not since they knew Harry Potter showed up. They had respect for him in this village. After all, Harry Potter was their precious savior. Some would be surprised that he had chosen Godric's Hallow as his place of refuge, but he was wise enough to know that sometimes the best hiding place was right in front of someone's face.
He sat at the table, pulling out a parchment and taking his quill in hand began his letter. He began to write his letter carefully, for it would take just the right amount of convincing to get his friend to meet him, especially if he had found a place that was secure. However, if he was too forceful, the Slytherin in his friend would surely see straight through the message. So, he crafted his letter with the correct words, enticing his friend to help him. After summoning his raven, he placed the proper enchantments on the letter and sent his raven off with the letter. If his friend was still alive with the boon of freedom, his raven was sure to find him.
He would stay here as long as possible. He found in comfortable, even if the Potter's had once lived in this place, and he was able to do what he needed to do from this place. Luckily, he had thought enough to bring the tomes he needed and the potions supplies he had. They would be essential if his plan was to work. He certainly did wish he could be in the comfort of his own home, but a wanted Death Eater certainly could not be found among his questionable items. No, instead he would wait here until he had the correct bargaining chips to ensure his freedom. All he needed to do was bide his time, orchestrate a little accident, and soon freedom would be his. He would see to that.
~*~*~*~
It was shortly before ten, and Harry had just made his way down to the kitchen. He knew Remus was right, he did need to do more for himself. He decided the first step was a proper breakfast. He wasn't surprised to see his friend still enjoying his breakfast.
"Morning." Harry said in a quiet voice. He definitely was not a morning person, and though he had come home before midnight, he wasn't able to sleep until early in the morning. He had laid in his much too big bed, wondering what there was for him to do.
"Morning, Mate." Ron answered, pushing toast in Harry's direction. He knew that Harry usually started with a piece of toast. Sometimes he would eat more, but often, Harry could only stomach toast in the morning. The kitchen was bright and the sun was shining outside.
"It's supposed to be a warm one today. It looks like spring weather is finally here." Ron said, looking up from The Quibbler. Though, if you asked Harry, he wasn't sure how much could be trusted from the document Ron held. Though Harry would never say so much to Ron, after all, his wife was now the Editor-in-chief of the paper. "It says it should last until the first. You're coming to the Twin's birthday party, right?"
Harry looked up, he had forgotten that the twins had their birthday so soon. Then again, he had pretty much lost all sense of time. "It's already almost April?" He asked, wondering how so much time had passed. Hermione had fallen ill just shortly after Ron's twenty-fifth birthday.
"Yeah, I know." Ron said at Harry's look. Though Harry wondered for a moment if his friend truly knew what he was thinking. Had it only been a month of this hell? How was he going to live through another month, or a month after that, or after that? He tried to shake the frustrating thought. It only upset him and set him of his course to take better care of himself.
"Ron, I don't know if I'm up to all those people." Harry said.
"Harry, it's just my family."
"Ron, "just your family" means like forty people, at the least. What with your brothers and their wives and kids." Harry said, a small smile crossing his face as he said this. He knew it would just be the Weasleys and though the thought should make him feel comfortable, he only became aware of how much he would feel like an outsider. True, they had made him an honorary Weasley, he even had his own hand on their clock, yet after marrying Hermione, he always felt like he had begun his own family. And being surrounded by all the Weasleys it would only put into sharp view how much his own family was missing.
"Well, you know Mum will have kittens if you don't show up. She already hates the fact that you're never here when she comes to visit." Ron smiled. "You'd best be careful mate, or she'll stalk you at the hospital soon."
Harry laughed, knowing that his friend was correct. "I don't know Ron, we'll see."
"You look better than you did last night." Ron said, passing his friend a plate of kippers. "Did you actually sleep?"
"As a matter of fact, yes I did finally sleep." Harry said, his good mood wearing down just enough to sound annoyed. "Remus came to visit me last night. Any idea what that was about?" He asked, eyeing his friend suspisciously.
Ron turned red, but tried to lie, "I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
Harry just laughed and then sincerely he added, "Thank you."
~*~*~*~
When the raven landed next to his desk, he was afraid he wards had been breeched, but after a quick check he was happy to see that they were not. He took the note from the bird, and noticed that it waited for no reply. In fact, it took off so quickly, he would have thought that he had imagined the bird.
He recognized the wax seal immediately and had he have known better, he wouldn't have opened the letter. But for as smart a man as he was, he could not deny that a small part of him still considered the sender a friend.
Dear Brother,
It seems that a certain Mrs. Potter has been struck ill by a certain curse that we have the answer to. I dare say we may be able to come to some agreement with Mr. Potter and thus, buy our freedom. Mr. Potter seems quit distraught over his wife's condition and with any luck, his usual rash behavior can be exploited in our favor. If you are in agreement, please use this as a portkey. It has been preset and luckily for us, the wards upon you destination are much to strong to let the Ministry notice such a small blip as a portkey arrival.
I hope to see you soon.
Of course, he knew that it would not be signed. The seal would have been enough to alert him to who had sent the message, and he must admit, the idea did have merit.
He considered his decision, wondering if he was a fool to go along with such a scheme. Yet, knowing Potter the way he
did, he was pretty sure the brat would bend the rules to save his precious wife. Packing a bag with items he considered
necessary, he activated the portkey and waited for his departure, wand in hand, just in case.
~*~*~*~
Harry spent most of the day at the hospital as always. Today, Hermione had been fairly inactive, thus leaving Harry with little do to but ponder. He would rest his head upon her stomach and talk to his two little babies. He found it unbelievable that such a miracle could take place inside his wife. He brushed her hair and read to her from her favorite books.
When the nurse came in to examine Hermione, he was asked to leave, and he thought he would take the time to get something to eat. Instead, Molly Weasley accosted him in the hallway.
She took him into her embrace, before beginning on her mission for the day. Molly Weasley felt it was definitely not within her adopted son's best interest that he mop around a hospital all day. In fact, she felt he might be better served he got out for just a little bit. It was with that thought in mind, that she had arranged to take him to Diagon Alley and have Ginny meet her there. A trip to buy a few things for the baby should cheer him up.
"Harry, dear. I know how difficult all this is for you. But you really must try and look out for yourself. You are going to be a father, and I will not have any of my grandkids neglected." She said, her motherly voice making Harry smile. It was true that Molly felt that Harry was one of her own, and it did make him smile to know that she cared.
"That being said, I suggest you and I go to lunch in Diagon Alley and search for something for those two wonderful children you are expecting." She said, walking him down the hall way in tow.
"But-" Harry tried to protest, but he knew it was really to no avail. When Mrs. Weasley saw fit to put something into motion, it was usually very difficult to get her to change her mind. "Alright, but I can't promise I will make good company."
"Pish-" She said, as they got to the magical door that lead straight to the streets of Diagon Alley. "Now, I invited Ginny along, she needs to get some things for hers and I thought it would be a great time for us all to go shopping together." Ginny had married Neville a few year previously and seemed to have her mother's flare for having children. She was currently expecting her third child, and she glowed in pregnancy.
Harry found himself actually enjoying the company he had that day. It was nice to have Molly and Ginny talking his ears
off and their excitement of his children made him feel as if it was really real. They had lunch at a small cafe and
from there went straight to one baby store after another. Ginny really didn't need much, she already had a large
supply of baby things in her possession, but she knew what Harry would need, and knew that they could never get started
to early.
"Harry, have you thought about which room you want to use for the twins?" Ginny asked as they were walking around the bedroom section of the baby store. To be honest, Harry hadn't given more thought to his wife's pregnancy than what it would mean for her. "No, I"
"Harry, it's okay, really. Neville didn't think about it either. But here we are, and you must think about it." She said, matter of factly. "Well, whatever room, you want it to be nicely lit from natural light. And you need to think about color for the room. As nice as pastels for making the room feel like a nursery, you want to have bright colors, they help stimulate a child's learning process." Harry listened to Ginny babble on, and wondered how on earth he was going to decide what to get. It was while she was talking that he saw them. Two, small lion cubs, that were made to attach to one and other so they slept on each other. Harry knew the moment he saw them that he had to have those for his children. He could set it on Hermione's bedside, and they could look out for her.
When he brought his purchase up to the counter, the women made friendly conversation. "Oh, I'm glad you found these sir. They are perfect for newborn babies. They have a slight warming charm that can be activated and so many kids love them. I know they calmed my little Harry." She said as she rung up his bill and packed them in a bag. It was when she handed him his receipt that she noticed who she had been talking to.
"Oh,my. I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, I didn't realize." She said, as she fussed with her outfit.
Harry, who hated it when people fussed over him, just smiled. "Don't worry. How old is your little boy?" He asked politely.
"He's just turning one. His father and I named him for you." She said.
Harry didn't really know what to say to this, so he begged goodbye and walked out the door. He knew he was considered a savior, but he never thought that people named their kids after him.
Having had learned more about babies than he wanted to know, he thanked Molly and Ginny and made sure they would be able to get home okay. Ginny was supposed to meet Neville at his office in Diagon Alley, and left them to find him.
Upon saying goodbye, Molly had one more order. "Harry, I want you at the twins party. If you are not there, nothing can save you from the howler you'll receive from me!" She said, before kissing him on the cheek. "Give Hermione my love." She said, as she knew he would be heading back to St. Mungos. "I will, Mrs. Weasley and thanks."
"Harry, it's mum." She said.
"I know. Old habits and all." He said sheepishly before he hugged her once more. "Thanks mum, for everything." And without further conversation, he parted ways.
When he got back to Hermione's room he noticed that she was awake, her eyes open, yet he knew they did not see the reality that was surrounding her.
"Hey," She said, smiling as he walked into the room.
"Hey yourself."
"I thought, that maybe you were upset because I fell asleep when we were discussing names and decided you were never going to come back and visit me." She said, her voice betraying more pain than she was trying to show.
"I would never leave you Hermione." He said sitting down in his chair next to her bed.
"That's not true, you left me." She whispered. It hurt him to hear her say that. "You're not even here right now, but at least I can pretend." She said solemnly.
Instead of trying to deny what she thought to be true, Harry decided to change the subject.
"I brought something for our kids." He said pulling out the lion cubs. He watched as they animated themselves and curled up on Hermione's lap.
"Oh, they're adorable Harry." She said.
"And until they are born, they can watch over you, even when you think that I am not here, know that I am always with you." He said kissing her on the lips. For the rest of the evening, he conversed with his wife, pretending that everything in his world was okay. If there was one thing his wife had taught him, was to savor every possible joy in his life.
~*~*~*~
He looked up when he heard someone stumble in the other room. Wand in hand, he walked into the room to find his expected guest.
"I see you brought supplies with you." He said, his voice showing that he was pleased.
"Of course, if there is one thing you can count on is that I am prepared."
Lucius Malfoy smiled. Yes that it true, Severus Snape was always prepared. And if there was one thing you could count on Malfoy's for, they too were always prepared, even to make deals with the enemy.
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