A/N: There's not much to say about this one except thank you to my betas and there's a minor shout out to A Christmas Story and maaaybe a small homage to Ocean's 11 if you squint toward the end.
It'd been two months since Harry proposed, laid out on a pier in Fiji soaking wet in his best dress robes, and Hermione's eye was still drawn to her engagement ring like a magpie. It'd glint in the sunlight or in the candlelight at work and she'd wonder what in the world was causing that before looking down at her ring. It'd done that twice today. If she tried hard enough she could still smell oyster on it.
Hermione took a deep breath and sighed looking around at the chaos surrounding her. The sun was out, the temperature was surprisingly perfect for March, the clouds were big, white and puffy and hung so low in the sky she felt as if she could almost reach out and touch them. It was a perfect day for a party which was in full swing at the Burrow. Everyone had come out to celebrate Luna's impending birth, but it had turned out to be a celebration for not only for Luna, but Hermione, Tonks, who found out she was three months pregnant with twins and looking about five months along, and Ginny, who was the most recent at just six weeks. All four women along with Fleur, who was finished, having children at only two, were sitting at what Luna had dubbed the "Preggers Picnic Bench."
"John's driving me insane," Tonks said with an exhausted affection born out of having a toddler. "He keeps -"
Said boy interrupted their chat by running up to them on his stubby little legs and patting Tonks's belly. "Baby!" he chirped happily.
"That's right, love," Tonks grinned down at her son, running an affectionate hand over his black hair.
"Baby!" John ran to Hermione next to Tonks and patted her belly.
"How did -"
"Watch," Tonks murmured with a grin as John toddled off to a group of men consisting of Draco, Ron, Harry, Remus, and Charlie standing about twenty feet away.
"Baby!" John exclaimed happily patting Draco's belly. He went around to all the men in the circle and patted their bellies chirping, "Baby!" before running off and intercepting Molly coming out the back door with a plate full of food. "Baby!"
"We told him mummy has a baby in her belly and since then he's been going around to everyone, especially complete strangers, patting their bellies and saying `Baby!'. He did that to a particularly rotund woman with a wicked mustache the other day and I nearly died of embarrassment. Thankfully she was very understanding when I explained, but I swear I thought she was going to incendio me with her eyes," Tonks explained. "Or strangle me with her mustache. The thing had to be living with the way it was twitching on her face."
The women laughed softly. "Zat iz notsing compared to what Etienne did to my muzer," Fleur spoke up with a resigned yet still Gallic wave of her hand. "Bill sometimes callz me `petite chou' which iz a term of affection in France, but Etienne was still learning to speak and `e was a bit confuzed between French words et Anglais. So when we went to go vizit her when he was about two, `e went up to my muzer and said `Bonjour, mon petite chien.' He told `er, `Good morning, my little dog.' I do not zink I `ave ever been so embarrassed my entire life."
Ginny was the only one who could control herself enough to gasp out between her giggles, "What did your mother say?"
"She iz French. She smiled graciously and said, `I love you too little one, but per'aps you should learn Eenglish before you learn French.' I zink Etienne has `ad my muzer wrapped around her finger ever since," Fleur smiled.
"Ah the joys of parenting," Ginny sighed. "Have fun while you two still can," she grinned over at Luna and Hermione.
"I've already had a taste of parenting," Hermione grinned. "Remember when Harry and I babysat Alaric? He had the grace to pee all over me. Harry was conveniently on the other side of the room when it happened, but I think he got it worse later. The next day he was burping Alaric after his breakfast and Alaric vomited all over Harry's back. A little secret ladies," she leaned in conspiratorially. The women leaned forward as well. "Harry can handle blood, broken bones, burst boils and every other bodily secretion known to wizard kind, but he cannot handle vomit. I don't believe I've ever seen that shade of green before."
"This green?" Tonks asked before changing her skin tone to a sickly light shade.
"That's the one."
"Remus used to turn -"
"Bloody fu-uuuddge." Ron caught himself just in time and glanced over at the glowers of most of the women not too far from where he stood. "Ginerva, your offspring just chucked up all over me!" he growled, angrily stomping over to her with his nephew held out in front of him. A mass of white dripped thickly down his shirt front.
Alaric giggled happily and Draco smirked behind Ron's back. "Come to mummy," Ginny cooed softly taking her son from her brother and wiping Alaric's chin while nuzzling him. Ron stomped off grumbling under his breath. "I hope this next one's a bit more Weasley than Malfoy," Ginny confessed holding her son who stared adoringly up at his mother. "Alaric's not even walking and barely teething and already he has it in for Ron."
"And he's utterly besotted with you, just like Malfoy," Hermione grinned nodding at Alaric's rapt attention and wide eyes.
"You might want to be careful. Crispy Catons have been known to infect infants and one of the side affects is that wide eyed look. Mothers get too close to their babies and that's how they spread," Luna piped up.
Hermione rolled her eyes when Luna wasn't looking, Tonks looked utterly bewildered, Fleur merely tossed her hair and sighed while Ginny smiled graciously. "Thank you Luna, I'll keep my eye out for them," she replied sincerely.
"I swear you've got your son trained, Malfoy," Harry spoke up softly. "He's puked on me, peed on Hermione -"
"And that's the second time he's puked on me," Ron cut in rejoining the men, waving his wand over the mess on his shirt.
Draco smirked again and sipped his beer. "He does seem to have it out for Gryffindors," he agreed with a Gallic shrug and a smug grin.
"That's good to know," Remus murmured glancing over at the women. "I wonder if any of you realize that all of us, except you Charlie, will be fathers at the same time. With the twins that will be five mouths to feed, five toddlers to wrangle, five `terrible two's'."
The men looked at each other and Charlie grinned. "Somehow I'm a little glad I'm still a bachelor."
"What're you suggesting Remus?" Harry asked softly, glancing warily at the group of women who had their heads bent together and seemed to be deep in discussion.
"I'm suggesting that we take a page from the Greeks. If any of our spouses or soon to be spouses goes conveniently missing while there's a screaming mouth to be fed or a misbehaving toddler to punish, we pool together our resources and help each other find that missing spouse. We should know where the women like to hide out so that we can bring them back."
"Yeah! If we're stuck with the sprogs, they need to be stuck with them too!" Ron agreed enthusiastically.
"How very articulate of you, Weasley," Draco muttered with a sardonic eye roll.
"Shove off, Malfoy."
"Children," Remus murmured, "we have work to do."
_______________
"Honestly, I still don't think that Harry would do that to me," Hermione huffed softly in protest.
Tonks, Fleur and Ginny lifted their heads from where they were gathered around the parchment and lifted disbelieving eyebrows. "Hermione, Remus is the most patient, soft spoken, wonderful man I've ever known and I love him very very much," Tonks spoke up. "But when John has been screaming his head off all day for no bloody reason even he disappears. Now Harry will be the first to admit he's no saint, so cough up the locations."
Hermione sighed and lifted her eyes to the bright blue sky. "There's a pub not far from our flat called Hoops n' Hoots that he likes to go to sometimes," she started, "along with the traditional haunts like The Three Broomsticks, The Leaky, Weasley's Wheeze's, etcetera. Basically wherever Ron is Harry will be and vice versa."
"Ronald is a bit predictable like that," Luna spoke up dreamily, her attention seemingly focused on the garden wall and the bushes lining it.
The women paused and looked over at the bushes a bit warily. "Something the matter Luna?" Tonks asked quietly, easing into Auror mode.
"Yes." But Luna refused to elaborate and eventually the women resumed their conversation with wary looks at the bush and Luna.
"Hello ladies," Harry smiled coming up behind Hermione, leaning down and wrapping his arms around her. He noticed how quickly Ginny hid the piece of parchment they'd been gathered around. "Getting into trouble?"
"Honestly Harry, do we look the type to get into trouble?" Hermione teased with turning to look up at him with a good natured grin.
Harry's only response was a non-committal noise. "Molly's finished fussing, so we'd better hurry up and get some food before the Weasley boys eat all of it or Fred and George slip something into it."
Hermione stalled until she and Harry were the only ones left at the table. Harry sat next to her facing out, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "How're you feeling?" he murmured.
"Good," she grinned leaning over to kiss him softly.
"So," he murmured between kissing her lips, ear and neck, "what was that list about?"
"What list?" Hermione replied softly. Two could play at this game. As good as Harry was at ferreting out information, Hermione was as equally good at keeping her secrets.
"That list on the table."
"I don't remember seeing any list."
Harry pulled back and grinned. "Liar."
"Sneak," she grinned back.
"C'mon, let's get some food before Ron eats it all."
Hermione's eye was caught once again by the sparkle on her finger along with a whiff of oyster. Her thoughts drifted to the wedding preparations. The date had been set for a year from their engagement in January and Hermione had her hands full not with preparations but with Molly Weasley and her own mother's kind but often unwanted suggestions. Hermione opened her mouth to bemoan said suggestions if Draco and Bill hadn't just turned bright purple and sprouted monkey tails.
"Gred and Forge strike again," Harry chuckled taking his place in the food line, watching with amusement as Bill chased the twins around the yard yelling dire threats and retribution when he got his hands on them. Draco, on the other hand, seemed almost too calm about the whole thing. He didn't even seem to be the least bit disturbed by his new coloring and extra appendage; at least it seemed that way until Bill, sweaty and panting, chased the twins back toward the food line. Draco leaned back against table, slumping slightly, his demeanor carefully relaxed. Fred hardly even noticed the quick darting of Draco's foot in his path. Fred landed with a loud "OOF" and George, following closely behind, fell onto Fred, squashing his twin further into the grass. Even Ron had to crack a proud smile at that.
All worry and concerns about the wedding lifted from Hermione's mind as she laughed with the others. Today was a day to relax and Hermione followed the example of her friends, and did just that.
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