A/N: Second to the last one! I've been updating fairly regularly, almost every day, but the last chapter hasn't been written so the last update may be a week or more. Thanks to hal for the beta. If you find any mistakes or Americanisms, please let me know. Hal was a bit, um, well drunk when he read this so even though he gave his ok and I've gone through this with a fine tooth comb, there still might be some errors that escaped my eye. Thank you once again to the readers and reviewers!
It was a perfect day for hard labor. The temperature was cool, the breeze was mild, and the sky was clear and blue save for the enormous white clouds left over from the late November storm the day before. It was a good day for Quidditch as Ron had, not so subtly, repeated at least four times in the last half hour alone.
But it was grunt work and torture, well Hermione called it "cleaning," for Harry, Hermione and their hapless volunteers Ron and Luna.
Ronnie and Sirius were spending the day with their respective grandparents while their parents waded through dust motes the size of small domesticated farm animals, cobwebs that would shame Aragog, and grime that would be the envy of any dungeon.
Yes, the Potters were moving and unexpectedly as well. Two weeks previously Harry happened to be passing by the house on the outskirts of London and was instantly smitten. It was an old moderately large two story stone home with a basement, lots of windows, wood floors and a large over grown garden and yard out back. The property was set off the street by a tall iron and stone fence and so many trees it was almost impossible to see the house. It had lain vacant for so long that even the people who were interested were turned off by the amount of cleaning that needed to be done to make the house habitable. Of course, those people were mostly Muggles and a bit of cleaning was no problem to two witches and two wizards, even if a little elbow grease was involved. With that in mind, Harry had taken Hermione and nine week old Sirius to check out the house and with her approval, bought it on the spot for what seemed like a song.
"I still can't believe this house was vacant for so long," Hermione said walking up the shady and cool path. "It's beautiful."
"Why was it vacant for so long?" Ron asked eyeing the house warily.
"Basilisks breed in the basement," Harry deadpanned. "And it has spiders the size of lorries."
Harry could practically see Ron flashback to their second year and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. "You're taking the mick," Ron said without any conviction.
He finally let out a snort of laughter and fought down a grin in the face of Ron's murderous glare. "Yeah. But really, the realtor said that it was haunted."
"Is it?" Luna spoke up, looking up at the house with an unfocused gaze.
"I don't know. If it is, the ghosts didn't show themselves when we had our first walk through," Harry replied walking up the three wide steps that comprised the stoop. He unlocked the door with a key, making a mental note to ward the door and the house so they could Apparate straight in or use their wand to open the locks. "Home sweet home."
The movement of the door kicked up a cloud of dust obscuring their view into the foyer. "We certainly have our work cut out for us," Hermione coughed behind her hand.
"And you're positive there are no spiders?" Ron asked squinting warily inside.
"Positive," Hermione replied, crossing her fingers behind her back.
Luna quirked an eyebrow at Hermione to which Hermione coolly quirked an eyebrow back, daring her to question it. But Luna knew they wouldn't finish without Ron and this was probably the only time she'd ever see her husband clean so she wisely kept her mouth shut.
"Come on people, daylight's wasting," Harry ordered, ushering the others inside.
Inside they conjured buckets, rubber cleaning gloves, soap and sponges because while magic could take care of the dirt, it couldn't make the walls shine nor give the house a clean smell. "If we split up, we'll get more work finished that way. Boys you take upstairs, Luna and I will take downstairs and we'll leave the basement for later," Hermione said picking up her bucket of supplies.
Ron grumbled and grumped, but did as he was told, stalking off toward the stairs just off the foyer.
"Good luck," Harry grinned, thinking he got the better end of the deal. He leaned down and kissed Hermione softly.
"You too," she replied with a mischievous grin that had Harry on guard. That grin never boded well as the last time he'd seen it, he'd wound up covered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream with a cherry on top. And that had just been the night before.
Harry narrowed his eyes at her and made his way upstairs behind Ron, glancing back at her occasionally. She merely smiled and waved her fingers before disappearing behind Luna into the kitchen at the back of the house.
Upstairs was a complete mess, if not messier than downstairs. The dust was at least an inch thick, the windows so covered with grime that even though it was bright outside, inside it looked like twilight. "Ron," Harry called out.
He poked his head from one of the rooms. "Yeah mate."
"Why don't we start on the windows first, that way we can actually see what we're doing before we start cleaning everywhere else."
"Sounds like a plan," Ron called back before disappearing. A moment later he walked out into the hall with a frown. "Oi. Did you see my bucket out here?"
"No, why?" Harry watched Ron look in all the rooms, in every closet until he found his cleaning supplies in the master bathroom.
"That is the weirdest thing ever. I didn't even know you had a master bath, so why are my supplies in there?" Ron said running a hand through his ginger hair and glancing back at the room behind him.
Harry grinned. "Nice try mate."
"I'm being serious - oh sod it, you're not going to believe me are you." Ron knew him well and Harry wasn't going to have one pulled over on him.
"You found the supplies, so let's get this done. I'll take the room across the hall, you can take this one."
They split up and began working with both wands and sponges. An hour later they had made some good headway having completed all the upstairs windows. They still needed to be washed on the outside, but at least they could see. The added light cast the dust and cobwebs in greater detail. "Not much extra to see," Ron commented looking around, eyeing the cobwebs suspiciously.
"True, but it needed to be done," Harry replied with a sigh. "The dust should probably come next."
"Right."
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Hermione and Luna stepped back and looked at the kitchen with satisfaction. The counter tops were gleaming, the wood floor was spotless and the cupboards had been cleared of any unwanted residents. "How do you think the boys are doing upstairs?" Hermione asked, a grin quirking her lips.
Luna glanced at her with a similar smirk. "Quite well I believe. If they haven't been beset by nargles, I have a feeling they'll have a different surprise in store for them."
Hermione smirked, glancing up the hallway to where the stairs lay beyond.
"So when're you going to tell them -"
The sounds of a shrieking male and two sets of pounding feet reached their ears, echoing loudly off the wood floors. The pounding ran over their heads down the hallway and to the stairs, then back toward them. "Get it off me!" Ron screamed, flailing his arms wildly about.
"He saw a spider across the room and when he ran away he ran into some cobwebs. Now he's convinced there's a spider on him," Harry explained a safe distance behind Ron and his flailing arms.
"Ronald," Luna spoke up, her voice as cool and calm as a pond. "There is nothing in your hair."
"Are you sure? Look to be sure," he said bending at the waist in front of her.
She thoroughly ran her hands through his hair, taking out bits of cobweb, calming her husband down. "Yes, I'm positive," she finally pronounced.
Ron relaxed slowly from his anxious fidgeting and straightened. "Thanks love," he said giving her a kiss.
After a bit more reassurance from Luna, the four parted ways again, the boys returning upstairs and the women moving on to the dining room just across from the open kitchen.
"Do you think -?" Hermione asked with a small grin.
Luna grinned back, eyeing the ceiling. "I don't know. Maybe. Although I don't know her very well, I can see how anyone would want to take advantage of Ron's phobia."
"Are we being a bit mean by not telling them?" Hermione asked having an attack of conscience.
Luna turned away from scrubbing the window and cocked an eyebrow. "After all the pranks we've had to put up with, no," she replied. "I feel wholly justified," she added turning back to the window humming a song that sounded a lot like "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch."
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Upstairs, Harry was diligently siphoning the dust off the floor with his wand when he heard giggling coming from down the hall. The girls sound like they're having fun, he thought with a grin.
"I SAID knock it off Harry!" Ron bellowed from the direction of the giggling.
Harry stepped out into the hall just as Ron came storming out. "What's going on?"
"What do you mean, what's going on? I should be asking you that," Ron retorted. "I told you three times to stop moving my bucket but you wouldn't listen."
"I was in here the entire time," Harry replied, confused.
"Yeah, right. I'm not going to believe you either," Ron replied turning and heading back to the room he was cleaning. "Just cut it out."
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes heading back to his room. Ron was going mental, he had to be. He returned to his cleaning, but didn't get very far when the bucket of suds and dirty water tipped over, splashing all over the wood floor and his shoes. Softly cursing his own clumsiness, he cleaned up the mess, dried his shoes and returned to the bathroom for more water. A bright purple goo instead of clear water oozed out of the tap and Harry frowned. "What the hell is going on?"
There was more giggling coming from downstairs and Harry's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Whatever was going on, the girls were in on it. He shut off the taps and snuck his way down the stairs. "Hello Harry," Luna called up, catching him as she walked out of the den and past the stairs.
"Oi, Luna. Have you and Hermione been upstairs at all?"
"No, why?"
"Been telling any jokes?"
Luna's forehead crinkled in confusion. "Are you sure the snarkles haven't made you daft, Harry?"
"Er. Probably yeah. Snarkles," he muttered walking back upstairs.
"You're an odd one," Luna called up to which Harry only shook his head.
Ron was humming happily when he walked past the room he was working in and the water was running clean and clear when he returned to the bathroom. Chalking up the odd behavior and possible hallucinations to too much dust, Harry filled his bucket and returned to work.
No sooner had he resumed cleaning when someone yelled "SPIDER!" at the end of the hall.
Harry walked into the hall and Ron shrieked again running out of the room and downstairs. Now he knew he was being put on. He walked toward where the voice had come from and jumped into the room on his right. "Ah HA! GOTCHA!"
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"Ron, calm down, there are no spiders here," Hermione said for the tenth time in about as many minutes.
"But you screamed it! I heard you!" Ron gasped, pasty white and shaking in the corner of the kitchen.
"Ron, I think I found your spider," Harry said coming into the kitchen. He stepped aside revealing a transparent girl about eight or nine years old wearing a frilly Edwardian style dress, dainty little boots and a large bow tying back her ringlets. She grinned sheepishly and shyly ducked behind Harry
"The house is haunted," Ron whispered, regaining some of his color. "You knew didn't you," he said rounding on his wife and best friend.
"Weeeell, yes," Hermione grinned. "Remember last Halloween? Remember the taffy apples? Well Luna and I figured this would be a good payback and Constance was kind enough to help."
The little ghost girl giggled. "It was fun," she admitted in a soft voice.
Ron and Harry cracked grins, enjoying a well done prank even if it had been done on them. "Are there any more ghosts we should know about?" Ron asked with a quirked eyebrow.
"Sir Geoffrey, Constance's father," Hermione replied, grinning. "They're the only two here."
"Papa's down in the basement sulking," Constance spoke up, peeking around Harry to look up at him. "He liked the dust."
"He doesn't mind that we're moving in, does he?" Harry asked with a bit of concern.
"No, he doesn't mind. He'll come around once he sees what a wonderful job you're doing to the house. He really loved this place and once he sees that you do too, he'll warm up," Constance reassured them with a gap toothed grin.
"And how did you know about them but we didn't?" Ron asked, crossing his arms on his chest and leaning back against the countertops.
"I happened to meet Constance when we split up," Hermione said, nodding to Harry. "He wanted to see the backyard again and I stayed in the den and that's when Constance decided to prank the poor realtor. I don't think I'd ever seen that shade of white before."
"I was wondering why the realtor wouldn't come back inside when I came back to the den," Harry murmured thoughtfully.
"Anyway," Hermione went on with a grin, "Constance saw that I could see her and had she been alive she probably would've bowled me over when she found out I was a witch. I honestly meant to tell you, but then I remembered Halloween and I couldn't find it within me to say anything."
"You are a wicked woman," Harry grinned walking over to her, trapping her against the counter. "I knew there was a reason I was marrying you."
Hermione grinned back and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh really. And it had nothing to do with love or the fact that I'm the mother of your child."
"Nope, it had everything to do with your deviousness and wickedly evil mind," Harry murmured back. Vaguely he sensed Luna dragging Ron out of the kitchen so they could be alone and Constance sinking through the floor with a disgusted look on her face. "So when can we go home?" he murmured against her throat.
He could tell she was tempted to tell him now, but he knew that she wouldn't let them skive off. "I know, I know, not until we're finished," he answered for her with a sigh, reluctantly stepping away from her.
"Later," Hermione murmured, kissing Harry's chin in apology and promise.
"So why was the reason you married me?" Ron asked, bracing his arms on either side of Luna, effectively cornering her by the stairs. He had a smug grin on his face, thinking he was so suave.
"Well Ronald," Luna began with a low seductive rasp to her voice, "I've always been highly turned on by," she pressed herself against him, her lips millimeters from his wildly beating pulse, "you're ability to clean."
Ron groaned dropping his head against the wall behind Luna, feeling a pair of rubber cleaning gloves pushed into his stomach as she ducked out of his arms. "Woman, you're bloody unfair."
Luna merely smiled distractedly. "It's true; I'm very turned on by you cleaning. You have no idea how much I've wanted to run up there and jump you."
Ron looked at his wife with a bit of suspicion. "You're not just saying that so I'll help you clean at home are you?"
She merely smiled distantly and wandered away, humming something that sounded a lot like "Witchy Woman."
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