Authors Note: Hey everyone. I've been trying to get this chapter finished and beted for you but I suppose my new beta doesn't have the time to help me anymore so I am uploading this with only myself editing it. I have changed a few of my chapters so you might want to reread them but it isn't necessary. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry for it taking me so damn long to update. After I finish my current stories I am going to completely finish a story before publishing it so that the updates are much faster. Anyway, as always not mine don't make any money from it and its just for fun. Please read and review as they are the closest thing to a beta that I can get at the moment. Oh and if anyone is interested in being a beta for me please email me or send me a pm on the forums.
Warning: a lot of angst in this one. But what else did you expect? It is a cheating fic after all :P
Love,
Manda/snoopy
I was late getting off work and the sun was almost completely out of sight when I showed up at her flat. The door was locked so I used my magic password to open the door. I could hear the shower going and my heart thumped loudly within my chest. I hadn't seen Hermione since that stupid article came out so I was a little nervous that she would throw me out on my bum. I knew that she probably should. She doesn't deserve this. Ron was right it had to end. I flipped on the telly even though I wasn't really in the mood and just flipped through the channels one after another. I hoped she wouldn't be very angry but to be honest since Ginny's little outburst earlier this morning I was ready for anything.
"Harry…" She whispered with surprise and I watched her cross the room like a ghost. She looked beautiful wearing her blue fluffy robe and I could smell the soap she had used. My heart tightened within my chest and I took a deep breath. The sorrow in her eyes was more than I could bear. She looked so sad and I wanted to take away every hurt I had ever caused her. I wanted to take care of her and forever walk away from all of it, but I know she never would.
"Hey." My voice sounds odd and disconnected to the gravity of the situation.
"I didn't think you would come by today with everything going on." Her eyes were already tearing up and her soft voice usually so sure and confident wavered slightly. She has been crying. Over me.
I was at her side in an instant. We clung to each other. Our world was about to come crashing down around us and there was nothing we could do about it. I look into her eyes and touch her cheek lightly with my fingertips. She is everything to me. I will die if we can't be together soon.
"Harry…I…"
"Shhh…don't talk about it." God I love her so much. She is so soft and I can't help but touch her skin and kiss her lips. To Hell with Ginny. This is where I belong.
She feels so good but she pulls away from me. Her eyes stare into my very soul and I know what is about to happen.
"Harry…I have to talk about it. I have to talk about everything." She drops her eyes to the floor in an attempt to escape the situation. I can't blame her. "For years we pushed each other away in one way or another and then you married..." Her voice caught and I looked away. "I didn't think my heart could take it when that happened. Then…that one night after you came here all upset it was like my heart had started beating again." She shook her head and I began to die inside. "I guess I was happy that you wanted me like I wanted you." She gave me that sweet little smile and I shattered into a thousand pieces.
"I love you Harry, and I probably always will, but we need to move on from all this deceit before it smothers us." She held her head up high then and I knew she meant for me to go. I loved her for it. She was always much stronger than I. I nod my head solemnly and walk over to her. She holds her breath and I reach out to wipe the stream of tears away from her cheeks. She closes her eyes and holds onto my hand briefly.
I can't tell her that I'm going to win her back someday. I can't tell her that I have a plan to end it all. I can tell her only one thing that I know she yearns to hear. I bring my lips down to hers and gently kiss her. I release her and look down into her expressive brown eyes that hold so much power over me. "Hermione…I…I…love you so much. I'm sorry for what I've done to us." She sobs and I turn to go. I want to stay with her and hold her. I want to make it okay but I know the only way I can do that is to escape from my prison. Then I'll come back to her as a new man. I'll be free to take her into my arms and love her without any guilt. I don't know how I could walk to the door without collapsing. The only thing driving me now is her. It's always been her.
Hermione…
I hear the door shut softly and I fall to the ground with my head on the soft cushions of my couch. My soul was shattering and my heart felt like it was going to split into, but I did it. I saved us both. "He said he loved me…" I whisper softly. How ironic that he can only tell me that sentiment on the eve of our end. I rise up and go to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. It would have been so easy to just allow him to ease my pain and sorrow with his kisses. I could have let him make love to me but I knew when I read that article that it was only a matter of time before the press found out who I was. Now at least he can be truthful when he is asked the nature of our relationship. What is the nature of your relationship? Can you pretend that years of your life had not happened? Perhaps I should move away? I was lost in thought when I heard a knock on the door. Part of me wanted it to be him.
It is Ron. He comes through the door looking grim. "Hey Hermione. Is…uh…Harry here?"
I look up at him and shake my head. "I assume he went home. To be with his lovely wife." I didn't mean for my jealousy to sound so obvious.
Ron nervously steps from one foot to the other clearly agitated. "Is he ever really with her Hermione?"
"Look Ron I'm tired of all this bull shit! I've had a really bad day and I have a headache. So Say what you mean to say. It's not like you don't know what has been going on. You obviously feel like it is your business." My tone is a bit harsher than I usually am.
He looks at me and softens a little. "I'm sorry…I just have something I need to tell him and I thought he would be here."
I sigh, "He was here, but he left about an hour ago." I feel tears begin to burn behind my eyes. "For good I guess." I turn away hoping that Ron wouldn't decide to comfort me. I was wrong.
He comes around to take me in his arms and that is all it takes. I am openly sobbing on his shoulder and he is patting me on the back. "It's alright Hermione. Did you do it or did he?" He pulls back to look in my eyes.
"I…I told him we needed to stop and he told me…he told me he was in love with me." I felt Ron stiffen a little at the words but he was my best friend after all and I had to tell someone. He nodded his head.
"Yeah, I kind of knew he did." He said quietly and stepped away from me awkwardly. He offers me a handkerchief and leads me to the couch. "Are you going to be okay?"
I nod my head and give him a weak smile. "You're a good friend Ron. Thank you for not judging me." I look into his freckled face and concerned eyes and I feel thankful that I at least still have Ron's friendship. Maybe someday I'll have Harry's friendship back as well. The way it used to be. My heart aches.
He pats me on the back a little and stands up to leave. "Well, if you need anything let me know okay?"
I nod my head and stand to give him another hug. He smiles at me before walking to my door. "Give Luna a floo this week. Maybe you two could…I don't know. Go shopping or something."
I smile at him. After all these years he still associates females with shopping, clothes…and perfume. I do love him for trying though.
"Thanks Ron. Maybe I will." I close the door softly behind him and for some reason I feel free. I hated the lies and charade of what my life had become. My only hope was that I could stand up to my ideals this time. I had to be strong for both of us and maybe things would be okay…in the long run. They just had to be okay.
Harry…The 2nd Day of The Breakup…Very Late…
I don't know the time when I stumble into my cold empty house. Hell I don't even know what day it is. I don't even care if she is back. I stagger into my office falling down onto my lounge chair and pray I don't heave. My mind is clouded with the firewhiskey and I feel my mind slowly growing numb to the pain. I have only one person on my mind as I sink into oblivion and she is soft and gentle. She is Hermione.
Early The Next Morning…
I hear a loud crack and my brain bursts into agony. I try to raise my head and speak but it feels like my mouth is packed with sand and my head must be crammed with marbles. "Who the hell made that noise?" I croak feebly.
"It is Dobby, Sir." The little house elf rushes over to my side and helps me to sit up. "I have news sir of Ms. Ginny!"
I at last take a good look at my little friend, who is dressed in a miniature little overcoat and a large wide brimmed hat just like those old private investigator movies. For some reason he had taken a liking to muggle entertainment. His eyes are so big the sunglasses can't even cover them. I can't help but smile at him as he bows just like always. Apparently, Dobby must have taken this assignment seriously.
"So what have you found out?" I hope that no one saw him dressed up in that get up.
He gives the room a sly glance before stealing closer and whispers. "Your wife has not been as sly as Dobby has oh no. She has been having meetings Sir."
Harry murmured a focus charm over himself to help with the hangover and stared at Dobby. "What do you mean by meetings?"
"Well Sir, I have been following Ms. Ginny for two days. The first place she went was to her Family's house for an evening. Then she left sir and I followed her to London where she spent a great deal of gold." He then stopped and brought out a little pad of paper and began reading. "Ms. Ginny bought three new hats, a green cloak with a fur lining, a black cloak with red velvet lining, two pair of shoes and a small bottle of perfume." Dobby was breathless and licked his lips before continuing. "Then Ms Ginny sir…she went inside a muggle restaurant, sir, and Dobby can't stand what happened next sir!"
"It's okay Dobby," Harry said anxiously. He was leaning forward now trying to decipher everything the little house elf was trying to say. "Keep going. You can do it."
"Well sir, she met someone there!" Dobby dropped his head in his hands and moaned pathetically.
Harry could feel his heart pumping hard. This was it. He knew it. "So…who was it?"
Dobby, jumped up and blinked several times before backing away from Harry awkwardly. "Dobby is not sure he should say sir. Harry Potter must promise not to be angry." Dobby shook his head. "Dobby knows that Harry Potter will not be happy with Ms. Ginny at all!" He wrung his hands over and over nervously.
"Now Dobby…it is very important that you tell me what you saw." I try to remain calm. Dobby blinks uncertainly and shifts his glance to some sort of commotion in the hallway.
"Ms. Ginny is home sir!" he whispered pitifully.
I reach out by instinct and gently grab him by the arm to him calm. I shake my head. "No…no…no…Dobby don't run away." I whisper hastily. "Just tell me…what did you see?"
"Mr. Malfoy sir…"
Ginny flys into the room gracefully and finds Harry holding onto the little elf. A moment of understanding passes between them and Dobby blinks before disappearing with a loud pop.
"So I see your little spy has made it home. Honestly Harry, if you wanted to know what I was up to why didn't you just ask me?" She gives me a sneer.
"Do you like my new cloak?" She twirls it around with delight and I feel sick inside. "I saw it at Jenkin's Cloaks and Robes and simply had to have it."
"What have you been telling him Ginny?"
"Whatever are you talking about Harry?" She smiles innocently and I close my eyes.
"You know what I am talking about." I am finding my patience with her growing thin. How could I have married her? "It's not that I care who you see behind my back but what the hell did you tell him!"
She stops and glares angrily at me. "I told him the truth Harry! That used to be a quality you valued. Remember?"
"Look, I'm not mad okay? Just what did you tell him?" I see the fire in her eyes change, they seemed to soften and she backed into the high back chair by my desk to sit down.
"I didn't know he would use any of it, in the beginning. He is quite charming you know. We became friends and I trusted him. Then things changed and he kept asking me questions...I…I didn't know how to stop answering him!" Her eyes filled with something almost like regret but my clouded mind was thinking only of Hermione and how for the millionth time I had let her down.
"What…did…you…tell…him!" I forwarded on her and she shrunk back into my chair.
"I to…told him about the flat…and…and…how you always come home…late." She looked up at me then and for the first time in a long time I felt sorry for what I had done to her as well. "Don't you get it Harry…I am so lonely. I know what I did was wrong but I couldn't help it!" Her sobbing grated on my nerves.
"Don't you see Ginny? Don't you see what all of this deceit and damn idiotic pride is doing to us?" I shake my head at her. "This isn't a marriage." I whisper weakly.
She angrily shook her head… "No! You promised Neville you would take care of me! You swore it!"
"Don't…Don't tell me what oath I swore to a dead man." Her bottom lip trembles slightly. I rub my temples wearily. "Gin, I am moving out."
"Let the world be damned I'm moving the hell out!"
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