She didn't know how long she stood here, head against door. But she did know that Luna's head slowly popped out from behind the living room wall and invited her back in with a soft smile and sad expression. Hermione smiled back weakly and pushed herself forward from the door. She made her way into the living room and smiled to herself when she saw Luna cuddle back with Ron. Irregardless of the reactions from everyone when they had announced it, she had to admit they were absolutely adorable together. She sat down slowly, keeping her eyes set on the carpet. If she wasn't so close to Ron or Luna, she'd be so embarrassed. She felt a rush of conflicting emotions.
Oh, that Charles. That sweet, sweet Charlie.
Oh, that Harry. That…that…that idiotic Harry.
There was a creak in the carpet and she glanced up. Harry's hands were in his pockets, his eyes set on the ground.
"I shouldn't have cone. I'll be going now."
It was Luna who stood up this time, with a smile that was questionably large. "Nonsense, nonsense, there's
plenty of food." Without another word, she turned around and walked into the dining room, moving a fork a smidge
to the left.
"No, really," Harry tried pathetically once more, scratching the back of his head. It wasn't right. Anything that he had done. What a surprise.
"Honestly, mate, stay," Ron said surprisingly softly as he got up from the sofa. "We made enough for four people." He patted Harry on the back before going into the dining room as well.
There was a bit of a tense moment as both Harry and Hermione kept their gaze to the floor. Harry sighed, feeling a weight in his stomach. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to-"
"I know."
"It doesn't justify what I-"
"I know."
Harry sighed, unsure if he was glad she could read him mind or not.
Hermione inhaled and exhaled before getting up and patting his chest. "Don't be rude," she said softly, caressing the folds on his shirt, "Stay for dinner." She made a motion to move but halted in her steps. That tie. That tie he was wearing. It looked so familiar. Her eyes went wide when it dawned on her. The tie she bought him on their first anniversary. She grabbed her hands away from him, almost rudely, and hid her eyesight from his, making her way into the dining room. He followed.
~*~
Ron and Luna had decided to go to a late-night movie.
"There's that new movie out, Star," Ron had said.
"What movie?" Luna had asked.
"Oh, you know, that movie with the bloke you like so much."
"Oh. Oh yes…him."
"Yes, come along, Star, before we miss the previews."
Harry and Hermione had settled into comfortable chairs, awkwardly staring at one another, unsure of who should speak or even leave first.
"Excellent dinner," Hermione mumbled.
"Hm," Harry agreed just as quietly.
"How's work?" she asked, desperate to halt anything that could lead to awkward conversations.
Harry tsked. "It's terrible."
"Is it?" The concern in her voice was unmistakable and she wished she could have taken it back the moment she
asked the question.
"I'm thinking of quitting."
She rolled her eyes at this, the concern disappearing. "Hush, you'll do no such thing."
"Work just isn't the same when I don't have you," he said quietly, keeping his eyes focused on the arm chair. The teasing in his voice was gone.
She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes. Work wasn't the same without Harry, either. Life, really, wasn't the same without him. "I know."
Harry picked at a loose thread on the arm chair. "I want that life back, Hermione. I just want to do this again. A do-over. I want another chance at a life with you."
She wanted it, too. So badly. But things wouldn't be the same. Would she be able to trust him as well as she had once before? "Things have changed."
He shook his head, twisting the thread around his finger. "Not the important things. I still love you. You still love me."
"It's more complicated than that, Harry."
His eyes slowly rose to view her. "You still love me, don't you?" he asked slowly.
She felt her head grow heavy and her eyes slowly glisten.
"It's okay," he offered.
Hermione sighed, dropping her head into her hands. "I have never stopped loving you, Harry Potter," she whispered pathetically.
He felt as though he had sprouted wings. It had been far too long since he had heard her say it.
She sniffed and brought her head back up quickly. Brushing her hair aside, she wiped at her eyes. "Are you happy now?" she asked, "I'll admit it; I still have feelings for you." She got up from her chair, almost begging him with her hands. "But Harry, I can't do this to myself. We can't be together. Not after everything you've done to me. Everything you've put me through. I can't be with you, thinking every time I leave you; is he going to be lonely and be with someone else? I can't stop thinking about you. And I have to stop. It's not worth it, Harry." She sighed and shook her head. "It's not worth it."
Harry stared at her, taking in everything she had said. "You're the only one for me, Hermione," he said innocently. He got up from his chair as well, but kept his distance. "If I don't have you," he whispered, "I don't have anyone. And I'm nothing on my own." He took some small steps towards her and managed to slip his hands around her waist. The two simply stood there for a moment, remembering how well they fit together. Their eyes connected and the tears stopped for a moment. Slowly, he leaned his head in, his lips getting closer and closer to hers. But she had turned away from him slowly and politely, easing out of his grasp and showing him her back. She sniffed and closed her eyes, completely powerless. "Some things are worth a second chance," he whispered.
"And some things aren't," she whispered back.
"I made a mistake. I made a huge mistake," he said. He brought his arm up and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Please, let me spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
There was another short moment as he waited for her response. She simply stared out into the open street. "It's too late," she finally concluded, shrugging off his hand. When she made a motion to move, he reacted.
"He said you could make a longer list," he said, referring to Charles' comment. "Is it true?" When she didn't respond, he took a step closer to her and whispered into her ear. "You always try to pull a suitcase with one hand first."
There was another silence as he waited for her to list something about him. Finally, she sighed. "The first things you check on a broom are the bristles."
He smiled, remembering all those times she had accompanied him to shops. "You secretly long to fly."
"You read the last chapter of novels first."
"You carry a pen with you everywhere."
"You put chips in your sandwiches," she almost giggled.
He smiled and turned her around to see her face. He cupped her face in his hand and wiped at a tear. "You tried it once when you thought I wasn't looking."
She grinned this time. "You thought I wasn't looking." She was always looking at him.
"You write two drafts before sending out an owl."
"You rub your hands together when it's hot outside."
"You crack your knuckles in the morning."
"You whistle in the shower." Too many times had she woken up to him happily whistling in the shower.
"You wish you could whistle."
"You take the nuts off ice cream bars."
"You like spending time in greeting card stores."
"You own five pairs of shoes." She secretly admired him for it.
"You wanted a bunny cake for your birthday when you were seven."
"You tried to make your own Marauder's Map of your apartment." She had offered to help him quite often but he refused, wanting to do it on his own.
"You're ticklish on your toes."
"You sleep without a shirt on from May to September." Although she wasn't a complainer.
"You take a shower every morning between eight and eight ten." He loved that she was so punctual.
"You put your hands in your pockets when you walk home after a successful day."
"Your left eye closes for a second when you smile and think of me."
She stared at him, her hands shaking slightly as she brought them to his shoulders. Her eyesight suddenly shifted from his lips to his eyes and back again. "You like kissing me for no good reason," she whispered, suddenly wanting nothing more than for him to just make her forget about the past year. If anyone could, it was Harry. Her Harry.
"Your hands shake when you're nervous," he whispered, tightening his grip on her waist.
"You don't deserve me," she murmured, tilting her lips towards his, their eyes slowly closing.
"No, I don't," he said. "You deserve the world." He paused, caressing her face. "And although no one can give it to you, no one will try to more than me." It was a rather banal line that had popped into his head but it was total and utter truth and they both knew it. When she didn't respond and they brushed their lips together, he managed to smile weakly. "I win," he breathed.
She closed her eyes and he kissed the top of her nose. "Bastard," she muttered.
Harry smiled. "You absolutely hate losing."
She took the sides of his face into her hands and brought her body flush against his. "Shut up," she whispered quickly, "Please, just shut up." And as they kissed feverishly, they knew that this time, they most definitely would not mess it up.
~*~ END~*~
Dedication: This chapter and entire fic is dedicated to *someone special* out there. Even though this might be the last fic I dedicate to you, know that I am incomplete without you. And without you, I'm not whole, I'm not happy, and I'm not real. No one will ever take your place in my heart.
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