~About seven months ago~
It was as though Harry Potter had broken his heart. It was as though Harry Potter had broken Ron Weasley's heart, the way he was acting.
"He has no right to act this way," he growled, pacing around in a circle.
Ginny rolled her eyes. "He's allowed to hurt too, Ron. He loves her."
"Well, he's got some way of showing it!" Ron yelled at his sister. He turned to the top of the stairs. Softening his voice only slightly, he yelled to Harry, locked in his room, "Come out and eat, we made your favorite!"
"Leave me alone!" they heard Harry yell back.
"Prick," Ron grumbled.
She hit his arm. "Watch your language, Ron." Nicole had just entered the apartment.
"Thank Merlin," he replied instead, shoving the tray of food in her arms. "What took you so long? Doesn't matter; maybe you can get him to eat. He's in his room." He turned around and shouted to the second floor, "Nicole's here!"
There was no response.
Ron just rolled his eyes and grumbled, "Just go up."
She nodded her head and headed upstairs. By the time she opened his bedroom door, she was almost shaking with fear. The room was in complete ruins. Absolutely no object in it wasn't destroyed by some sort of spell. She wouldn't have been surprised if he told her he'd repaired his bedroom door multiple times.
"Harry," she whispered, suddenly fearing not only for the pathetic man sitting at the base of his bed, but for her own good. "I've brought you some food."
"I'm not hungry," was the gruff reply she heard. In the dark, his hunched body and withering clothes, it didn't even seem like he had said it.
She swallowed. "Harry."
"I can't," he said helplessly.
"Harry, please," she said, tearing up, "You have to eat."
"Why?" he whispered.
She was quiet, unsure of what to say. She sat down next to him, placing the tray in front of him. She took his arms away from his face, almost gasping to see his red, wet face. His eyes were completely bloodshot. "Please, eat. Please, Harry."
"I'm alone," he said, ignoring her pleas. "I'm alone, Nicole."
"You're not alone, we're here for you."
He covered his face again with his hands. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to function without her. I don't know how to breathe without her. She's supposed to tell me how to avoid snoring before we go to sleep." He started sobbing.
Nicole caressed his back. "Harry, please."
"I'm empty," he declared through his sobs, "I'm empty. There's nothing inside. I'm empty."
Tears stated to fall from her eyes. It was killing her that he was like this. She took his chin and made him face her. "Don't say that, Harry."
"I'm empty," he said again, staring at her through his teary eyes, "I'm empty, Nicole James. I have nothing. I have nothing to give." His upper body began to crumble.
She gripped his shirt over his chest and pushed forward. The force caused him to shift back up and look at her. "You're not empty," she whispered slowly. "This," she pushed against his chest again, "This isn't empty. You will always have something to give."
"Why?" He whispered, tears still falling from his eyes.
"Because," she said, sniffling, "You can't be empty if I love you."
He was silent, his tears halting. He looked at her calmly. She was still crying. "You're not empty," she
repeated, "if you have my love in your heart." She let go of his shirt and launched her arms around him,
pulling him into a hug.
Harry's arms stayed at his side.
~About seven months later~
"You didn't even hug her back?"
"I was caught off-guard."
"That a beautiful, funny, talented, spunky young woman loved you. Yes, I'm surprised as well."
Harry frowned and turned back around, pushing his back into the chair. "I've been unhappy for a long time."
"And why do you think that is?"
There was no response.
"Come on, Harry, it's not a hard question. Did Nicole send you?"
Harry fiddled with his fingers again. "No, I came on my own."
"Why?"
He sighed. "I'm getting married in three months."
"Congratulations. Any chance I'll get an invitation?"
"You don't want to come."
"I thought that was the polite thing to say."
"You being polite, how surprising." He sighed and fiddled with his cuffs. "I've been thinking of Hermione more and more."
"Why do you think that is?"
Harry got up from the chair and started walking around the room. "I don't know." He picked up the candy tray and took one. "I don't know."
Dr. Knight pulled off his glasses. "Do you love her?"
The candy tray flew at the wall, smashing loudly. "I don't know," Harry said gruffly, running his hand through his hair, pulling at it. He sat back down in his chair. "I love Nicole."
Dr. Knight took out a wand and fixed the candy tray with a simple flick. "You owe me more candy." He said calmly.
"I loved Hermione."
"And I loved my candy."
"But I love Nicole."
"And I love my candy tray. Do you love Hermione?"
"I love Nicole."
"Harry."
"Don't ask me again." He pushed two fingers to his eyes. "Please, don't ask me again."
"Harry."
"Please don't."
"Harry."
Harry finally looked up. Almost gasping, he saw anger in Dr. Knight's eyes. The table next to him was broken.
"I don't think I can do this anymore."
"What are you talking about?" Harry's eyes were preoccupied with the broken table.
"You're aggravating. You're stupid. You're spineless. I don't think I can do this anymore."
Harry's eyebrows went up and down. He looked up and caught Dr. Knight's eyes. "You hate me," he said. It was a statement. Both of them knew it.
Dr. Knight got up slowly, glaring.
There was something in his eyes Harry had never noticed before. There was a tense moment. Harry studied his eyes, unable to tear away from their stare. There was something in his eyes he recognized. Something…from the past. "You're an orphan."
Another tense moment as Dr. Knight calmly looked down and fixed his shirt. "Do you know what destruction you've cause?" he suddenly asked coarsely.
Harry swallowed, suddenly feeling hot.
"Yes, I'm an orphan."
"I'm sorry," Harry said, almost automatically. He ignored the soft `ha!' than emerged from Dr. Knight. "I'm an orphan, too." A bookshelf suddenly came tumbling down. Harry turned to see each and every book fly off the shelf and land on the floor. He turned his head back to Dr. Knight, almost in awe. The broken clock, the broken table, the tumbling bookshelf. "You know non-verbal magic."
"Dark magic," he almost growled, his eyes turning thinner, "When I'm angry."
"You're angry."
"I know you're an orphan," he snarled, "Do you even have any idea what happened that
night?"
And truthfully, he didn't. He had heard stories. He had pieced together the entire night based on what exactly fifteen people had told him.
"When Death Eaters got word that their master had been defeated by a mere baby," he continued, "they went on a rampage." Pause. "A killing spree. They came to my town and killed everyone they could find." Pause. "They killed my parents."
"I'm sorry," Harry could think of nothing else to say.
"I was fourteen." Pause. Pause. Pause. "Everyone and everything I knew was gone. They burned everything down after they were done."
"I'm sorry," Harry could think of nothing else to say. He was in shock. Total and complete shock. "It was a muggle town." He meant it to be a question but it came out as a statement.
"I came home from school and saw nothing but fire."
Harry almost closed his eyes, unwilling to relive such a terrible event.
"Everyone. Everything. The life I knew was gone."
"I'm so sorry," Harry weakly said again. There was another silence as they stared at one another. Feeble
and rage. Apologetic and unstable. Consolation and fury. Suddenly Harry's eyes went wide and he understood.
"You blame me."
"You killed them," Dr. Knight whispered darkly, his eyes shining with ferocity and pain. "They didn't die for Dumbledore. They didn't die for the wizarding world. They didn't die for you." His head shook with rage for a second. "They died because of you."
Harry. could think. of nothing. to say.
"Your parents die saving you. They die valiantly. They're recognized by the world as heroes. You survive. You even get an insufferable scar to prove you're exceptional. You live with an aunt and an uncle and a cousin. You go to school. You save the school. You save the world. You get the girl. It must fucking suck to be Harry James Potter." Dr. Knight gritted his teeth. "After that attack, a fugitive Death Eater named Colt took me under his wing and I was lucky to get a decent place to sleep at night or even two meals a day. He robbed banks as a muggle, using magic under his cloak, to give me money to get to medical school. He wanted me to be different."
Harry opened and closed his mouth.
"He died in the Second War. You killed him."
Harry blinked. He recognized the name Colt.
"Avada Kedavra!" The Death Eater's wand spurted out the green light and Harry barely had time to
flinch. However, he did register the man jumping in front of him, taking the hit, and falling to the ground before him.
Harry killed the Death Eater and fell to the ground. A woman rushed to the scene, tears already forming.
"Colt," she whispered, "Please, don't be dead. Colt, you have a family." She
started to cry.
Harry closed his eyes. Thank you, Colt.
"He told me you were a hero," Dr. Knight whispered painfully, a look of hatred in his eyes, "He was willing to die for you." Pause. "So he did."
Harry suddenly looked to the ground, closing his eyes. What a mess. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"You have taken everything from me," he heard Dr. Knight slowly whisper. He opened his eyes and looked up,
suddenly aware of the black wand Dr. Knight had sticking out from his robes. He looked back at Dr. Knight, almost
gasping for air when he saw the anger.
"You're going to kill me." he said surprisingly calmly.
"No," Dr. Knight responded, surprisingly quickly. Pause. He had thought of it countless times, each time deciding against it. "I'm not a monster. I'm a doctor." Pause. Without taking his eyes off Harry, he took out his notebook. "I'm a doctor, first and foremost and you're a client." He took out a pen. "Our history has nothing to do with the present." He underlined the first thing written.
eyes. laugh. facial expressions. love.
"You love Hermione." He couldn't have said it louder or clearer. "That was obvious when I first met you." He underlined the second thing written.
obsession?
"You love her to the point of greed. The point of materialism, you can't even breathe when she's talking to someone else, right?"
Harry opened his mouth.
"RIGHT?!" he shouted in his face.
Harry stepped back. Dr. Knight grabbed him and pulled him close again, underlining the third thing written.
loneliness.
"Nicole was a prostitute," he stated brashly.
Harry opened his mouth again.
"SHUT UP," the older man yelled, "She was a prostitute, a distraction, a time-waster and killer, a fucking garden gnome, if you will." He got closer to Harry's face. "She was a time-killer, she could have been anything. Hermione was gone. You were lonely. Nicole was there. That's it." He wanted to spit in his face but he resisted. He flipped the page and underlined the next thing written.
marriage.
"You married Nicole because you're spineless. You agreed to marry her because you're spineless. You want to spend the rest of your life with her because you're spineless. I don't even want to keep talking about why you are." He flipped the page and underlined the last thing written.
me.
He pushed Harry's body away from him and glared. "You didn't know about me. You didn't know I was an orphan or how and why I lost my parents. You didn't care. You came to me because a newspaper ad told you I was the best therapist ever. And it was right. I am good. I'm fucking incredible. But when you met me, you realized I didn't give a damn about you. And you're right. I don't. You never wanted to know why. Why you're the only patient I don't give a damn about. You came. You came to me even though you hate me. You came to me even though you can't stand talking to me. You stay in this room and tell me what you need to say because you know I don't give a damn about you. You like my cynical attitude because it's justified. It's right. It's honest, and you need honesty in your life or you'll suffocate."
Harry swallowed.
"You came to me because you knew I'd tell you want you need to hear, not what you want to hear. You came to me because you knew I'd spit in your face and push you around, not offer you a shoulder. I'm cold and brash, and you have too many caring people in your life already." He got right in Harry's face. "You knew I'd tell you want you needed to hear to get her back so here it is, Potter." Pause. "Get the fuck out of my office and go find your true love, you gutless so-called-hero."
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to *someone special* out there. To love someone is to see something no one else sees. I see everything.
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