~Three months after about a year ago~
"Alright, tell me about your father." He was acting like a child, constantly asking questions, but he couldn't stop. She fascinated him and he wanted to know everything about her.
Nicole thought for a while. "My father was the bravest man I ever knew. He was hardworking and loving." She looked off into nowhere and smiled. "He had an incredible sense of humor."
Harry smiled. "He must have been a great man."
"He was," Nicole whispered, wiping at a dry eye, "We were the best of friends."
Harry waited for a while, sipping at his tea. He readjusted his seat on the couch. He never did like the couch; Hermione picked it out because it matched the wallpaper in the room. "Tell me about your brother," he said.
Nicole smiled immediately. "Jason was my older brother; he was always cracking jokes with my father. The two of them were huge Quidditch fans and tried so many times in vain to get me into it."
Harry smiled again.
"I never got into it until he died," she said suddenly. She put down her tea and scratched her neck, keeping her vision to the table.
Harry felt a lump fall into his stomach. He put down his tea. "I'm sorry; I keep doing this to you."
Nicole looked up at him and smiled. "It's alright." She rotated her finger on the rim of her glass. "Tell me about your family, Harry."
Harry nearly laughed. "My family?"
"Not the Dursleys," she said quickly, "Your parents. Do you remember them?"
Harry thought for a while. Not many people had ever asked him about his parents. "When I was in my first year at Hogwarts," he said slowly, "I found a mirror in a room. It was called the Mirror of Erised. It showed us our deepest desire." He heard Nicole intake a sharp breath. "I looked into it," he said, his eyes narrowing, trying to remember what he did so many years ago, "and I saw my family."
Nicole's eyes widened slightly. "Your family?"
He looked up at her. "My family," he repeated, smiling, "Aunts, uncles, cousins."
Nicole smiled sweetly.
"And my parents by my side," he finished. "That was the first time I met them. The first time I laid eyes on them."
"How did you know they were your parents?"
Harry smiled, happy the memory was returning to him. "I just did. I looked into their eyes and I just knew." He closed his eyes and smiled. "I can still remember it. The feeling. Of being accepted and loved. Of being understood."
"That was your deepest desire?" She asked.
He opened his eyes and turned to her. "Yes. To belong to a family."
She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry you never got to meet them."
"It's alright," he said, picking up his cup and taking a sip.
She looked around the room. "It's strange how different this room looks like without party streamers or couples dancing on the floor." She turned her head back to him. "You fascinate me, Harry," she said.
He nearly choked on his tea again. "I do?"
She nodded with a smile. "You do."
He smiled back. "You fascinate me, Nicole."
The whole situation was bugging her and she didn't know why. She decided to change the subject. "This mirror you're talking about is fascinating me. I want to go see it. Where is it?"
Harry shook his head. "I don't know. It was moved after the Philosopher's Stone was taken out of it."
She shook her head excitedly. "The Philosopher's Stone! That's why it rings a bell! I read the story about it on the journal the day after."
Harry smiled and laughed. "You were brought up on the Quibbler?"
Nicole laughed as well. "Father would read most of it when I was young and couldn't read. When I grew up, I started reading a lot more."
"Sounds like Hermione," Harry said simply.
Nicole turned to him and smiled. "You and Hermione are great together." There was a certain kind of sadness in her eyes that he tried to ignore but couldn't. It was something he was always noticing about her. Sadness. Sadness seemed to creep into their conversations and he always wondered why it seemed to follow her, especially.
He moved forward on the couch. "Nicole..."
She bowed her head immediately. "I miss him." She was referring to her ex-boyfriend. For as long as Harry knew her, she had been missing Henry Case.
He leaned forward even more and placed a hand on hers. "You know," he said slowly, "he didn't deserve you."
Nicole smiled sadly.
It was at that exact time that Hermione chose to come home. It was at the exact time, when Harry returned Nicole's sweet smile, that Hermione decided to walk into the apartment.
Harry and Nicole sprung apart, as if their conjoined hands had suddenly caught fire. Nicole grabbed her tea cup and sunk into the couch. Harry sprang from his seat and ran his hand through his hair.
"Welcome home, Hermione," Nicole said, never taking her eyes off the tea.
"Thank you," Hermione replied softly.
"I should go," Nicole said quickly. She got up, picked up her coat and left. Hermione barely had enough time to move out of the way before Nicole starting running down the stairs, out of the building.
There was a silence as Harry and Hermione stared at one another from across the room. "Welcome home, darling," he said.
Hermione stared at him a little while longer. She shed her coat off and stood against the wall, keeping her distance. "Do you love me?" she asked, pain in her voice.
Harry scoffed and dug his hands into his pockets. "That's such a ridiculous question; I'm not even going to answer it."
"Do you love me?"
Harry pulled at his hair. "Yes!" The room echoed the answer. "Yes, I love you!" He pointed to the door. "Nicole is just a friend!"
Hermione tried to smile. He walked towards her and pulled her into a kiss. Running hair hand through her hair, he smiled when he felt her smile. "I missed you," she whispered tenderly.
"I missed you too." And when he leaned out, he almost gasped. For a moment, and simply for a moment, Hermione had changed into Nicole. He didn't know how, but she did. And for that moment, that simple moment, he stared.
"Harry?"
The vision faded. Nicole's hair suddenly started curling and darkening. Her bright sky blue eyes grew somber. Hermione was now standing in front of Harry. Harry shook his head slightly. He had just imagined Hermione to be…
"Harry," Hermione said, suddenly taking his face in her hands, a worried expression on her face, "What is it?"
He looked at her. He gazed into her deep chocolate eyes.
"What is it?" she asked again, softer. "Don't lie to me."
She was being ridiculous that day. There was no way he would, could lie to her. She'd be able to tell in a second anyway.
"I just imagined you as Nicole," he said bluntly. He felt his heart tha-thump violently as her caring expression ever so slowly turned to shock. Then hurt. Then silent acceptance.
"You think about her." It was a sentence, not a question. A statement, not a suspicion. A fact. She was
Hermione Granger, by the way. She wasn't stupid. And she knew. He knew. She knew he knew she knew. They knew he
thought about her. So much more than he should.
"I swear I don't know why," Harry whispered frenziedly. Her hand slipped from his cheeks and he grabbed them desperately. "Hermione, I don't-"
"-Think about her willingly, I know." She pulled her hands away from his. She took her purse and hooked it onto her shoulder. "I know you don't want to, but you do."
"Hermione."
She left before he could say anything else.
~About nine months later ~
There was a silence in the room and the ticking clock sounded louder than usual. Harry jerked his head sideways. "What?" he asked with a hint of malice, "No witty comment?"
Dr. Knight lowered his glasses. "She broke your heart." He then smiled almost evilly. "Tell me how."
Harry sighed and turned his head back around. "You don't get it."
Dr. Knight rubbed his eyes. "Then tell me what `it' is," he said in a way that sounded like there was nothing more he didn't want to hear.
"I broke her heart."
For the first time in all the sessions, Dr. Knight was interested. He sat up in his chair. "How so?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "You're a terrible person."
"I'm a therapist."
"You find my pain amusing."
"I find it fascinating."
"You're cynical."
"Yes, I am."
Harry rolled his eyes. He wanted to get up and leave but he didn't. "You're a terrible person."
"You're still here." Pause. "Aren't you?" Pause. "As cynical, negative and blunt as I am, you're still here."
Harry closed his eyes. He wanted to cover his ears but he didn't.
"You want to be here. You like talking to me. You don't know why but you find my personality helpful through this process. You like the fact that I don't care about you."
"You care," Harry said, gritting his teeth.
"No, Harry," Dr. Knight said, "I don't. You pay the bills. Now tell me what happened."
~About 8 months ago~
The sky was gray. How suiting. He felt the water on the grass seep through his shoes and make contact with his
socks. But he didn't stop. There was rumble and the clouds above moved slightly. The squeaking from the swings was
getting annoying. But he didn't stop. He didn't stop walking until he was facing her. She stopped, digging her
feet into the ground, making her swing stop abruptly. There was a silence, but it wasn't quiet. The wind was a bit
strong and leaves were rustling about. He pushed his hands into his pocket.
"I miss you," she said.
He sighed and got onto the swing next to her. They began swinging. "I don't deserve you," he said.
"I know," she said, almost smiling.
He stopped swinging, watching her swing back and forth. "I can't do this. I can't be with you, knowing I'm doing this to you."
She was silent, her eyes fixated on the ground. She kept swinging.
"Don't you hate it?" he whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "Don't you hate being away and wondering what I'm doing with my female best friend? Why I spend so much time with her? Don't you hate wondering? Don't you hate knowing I have feelings for her?"
She closed her eyes and let tears fall from her closed eyes. She loved him. She loved him so much and they both knew he'd always love her more than Nicole. They both knew his feelings for Nicole weren't serious. But she'd love him even if they were. She loved him when he felt for Cho. She loved him when he felt for Ginny. And now, she loved him with he felt for Nicole. But yes. She hated it.
"You deserve more than me," Harry said, getting up. He stood there for a second, waiting for a response. But she kept swinging, avoiding his eyes. "I packed your things."
The swing stopped. She was level on the ground, sitting next to his towering figure. Her eyes still fixated on the ground. There was another loud silence. "I love you," she finally said.
He blinked away tears. No matter what, he promised himself, he wouldn't cry in front of her. "You deserve better than hope. While you're away on conferences, you deserve more than just plain hope that your boyfriend isn't shagging some other woman. You deserve more than some pathetic boyfriend who can't last twenty-four hours without you before calling up his best friend to spend the night. You deserve more than me." Without even waiting for a response, he turned his head away, blinking more tears away. "Pick up your things tonight between five and eight, I'll be out." He Disapparated with a pop.
Ron would pick her things up. She would spend the rest of the night crying in Luna's arms.
~About 8 months later~
"And you call me heartless."
"I said you were cynical."
"You said I was a terrible person."
"Not exactly heartless."
"You broke her heart in a children's park on the swings," Dr. Knight repeated, not even trying to hide his disappointment, "Then what?"
"Then…" Harry closed his eyes, "I went home."
Dr. Knight rolled his eyes. "Naturally. It's what I do at the end of the day, as well."
"To an empty house."
He rolled his eyes again; feeling extremely frustrated, and checked the clock. It broke when his eyes made contact with it. Hoping Harry hadn't noticed that, he turned his vision back to Harry. "Naturally," he said calmly, responding to Harry's last comment, "It's what I do at the end of the day, as well."
It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes. He caught sight of a diploma on the wall.
Dalton Arthur Knight
PhD in Clinical, Social and Counseling Psychology
University of Bedfordshire
Harry raised an eyebrow. "You're a muggle?"
"Muggleborn," Dr. Knight sighed, as if tired of that assumption, "Can we move on with your case, I have more important patients."
Ignoring the callousness and almost embracing it, Harry continued. "I had trouble eating. Sleeping. Living, really, without Hermione. One day, Nicole came up to my room, trying to get me to eat."
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to *someone special* out there. You make me happy.
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