Curse of the Second Assistant by Miranda Aurelia
I'm almost done Chapter 3 of my Book Club fic, but as I've always said, Azkaban Hot Tubs is my baby, so I
have to post something for it! Plus, screwing up Voldie's spells is so fun.
Chapter 2
In the History of Magic Classroom:
Ron had given up any pretense of being awake and was now snoring away with his head tucked in his arms.
Harry and Draco were passing notes while Hermione was diligently jotting down every single word being said by Binns.
"In 1546, the Goblins had focused their attentions on the outskirts of the city and it was then they planned a full-scale turkey launch-"
Hermione blinked for a second as she re-read what she had written. Turkey launch indeed! She scratched that out with vigorously, determined not to doze off again.
At that moment, a sharp knock was heard at the door.
Professor Binns looked up with annoyance as a seventh-year Hufflepuff prefect stuck his head into the classroom. "What is it this time?"
"Sir, Professor Dumbledore wants to see Potter, Granger, Weasley and Malfoy in his office," said the prefect in an apologetic tone.
****************
"I knew it!" moaned Draco, "I told myself that the day I get called to see the old fool the same time as you, my reputation would be beyond repair!"
"Hey!" Hermione put her hands on her hips, "Don't call him that!"
"I'm sure he's been called worse," Draco shrugged carelessly.
They then proceeded to spend another ten minutes guessing the password as the gargoyle taunted them and Hermione almost had to stun Draco when the latter decided to strangle said gargoyle.
"Ah, there you are," Dumbledore said in a jovial tone as Ron and Harry came into view, followed by a scowling Hermione and Draco.
From her place in front of Dumbledore's desk, Ginny gave them a small wave.
"Ginny?" Ron looked confused, "What are you doing here?"
"I have no idea, but since Draco's here and everyone has the delusional idea that Harry and I are destined to be together…so here I am."
Draco glared at Harry until Hermione rapped him in the back of the head again.
"OW!" Draco snarled, "Potter, control your woman!"
"And two hundred years of women's lib has just been thrown out of the window," noted Harry as Draco ducked his head to avoid Hermione's palm, "Malfoy, you never fail to astound me."
"Puh-leeze," Draco smirked, "It doesn't take much to astound you."
"Draco," hissed Ginny, "Zip it!"
"Now Gin-Gin, as much as you lust after my luscious bod, let's wait until we have more privacy, hmm?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen……SHUT UP!"
Everyone stared at Ron in shock.
"Thank you Mr. Weasley." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye, "Everybody, please take a seat. I called the five of you here for a reason," began the Headmaster, "Recently, some sources of mine had received word concerning a new prophecy, which is what I would like to discuss with you today."
"If it doesn't include money, count me out of it," Draco muttered under his breath before Ginny's elbow came into contact with his side.
Dumbledore adjusted his spectacles and read out from a long scroll:
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One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all
And in the Darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor
Where the Shadows lie.
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<>"Uh…" Ron looked a bit confused, "So we're looking for rings in a place called Mordor?"
"Wouldn't it be better to look in Diagon Alley?' Ginny voiced her question.
However, Harry and Hermione seemed to have other concerns.
"I thought Frodo took care of that already?!" Harry asked Hermione with his voice bordering on hysterics, "Even facing Voldemort's easier than going to Mordor!"
"Calm down, Harry," Hermione wrapped her arms around him, "There, there," she said soothingly, "There's probably been a mistake…although I'm sure the orcs aren't that bad."
If anything, that just seemed to make Harry go even paler.
Draco, Ron and Ginny just looked at them with what could be termed extreme confusion.
"Okay…." Draco took care the stretch out the word before assuming a thoughtful expression, "Is it just me or do Potter and Granger seem to know an awful lot about the prophecy?"
Harry ignored this as he turned back to Dumbledore, "With all due respect sir, I cannot deny Frodo his journey. Therefore, I would ask that you find him to carry out this crazy suicidal mission to destroy the one ring. That and Gollum scares the shit out of me."
Dumbledore blinked, "Gollum?"
He looked at the scroll again, "Opps, wrong prophecy."
Harry and Hermione let out a collective sigh of relief as Dumbledore began searching through the pile of scrolls on his desk.
"Aha! This is the one I was going to tell you about." He unrolled the scroll and read out loud:
When evil rises once more,
The four heirs must unite as one
And set on a journey of danger and lore
Through the land of the endless sun,
Pass the caves of despair
And over the mountains there
When the moon is full,
Only then will the ring resist its pull.
"That's the prophecy?!" Draco asked incredulously before he snorted in contempt "Well, whoever wrote that was a bloody awful poet."*
"So you'd feel better getting doomed by a better sounding prophecy?"
"Uh….yeah?"
Hermione hissed and gestured madly, "What kind of logic is that?!"
"Whatever it is, it's far superior to Potter's."
"Oi!" Harry threw Draco a glare, "Can you stop putting me down already?"
"You already have an entire set of books named after you, boy-o, you can stand a few put-downs from lowly old me."
"Hey, Harry's at least two months older than you!" Ron interrupted, "So you can stop calling him boy-o already."
Draco just shrugged, "I was going for the condescending tone." He paused, "Is it working?"
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"Oh yeah," gloated Draco, "I've still got it."
"The power to create murderous urges in everyone within ten feet of you?" Harry shrugged, "Well, whatever helps you sleep at night."
"Actually, it's a nice, warm glass of milk, but thanks for your concern."
"He was not concerned," injected Ron.
"The lady doth protest too much," snickered Draco.
"Did you just call me a girl?!" roared Ron.
"And if I did?" Draco had an evil gleam in his eyes.
"You, you-AH!" Ron yelled out in frustration before he turned to Harry, "Can I kill him now?"
Harry blinked, "Why are you asking me for permission?"
"Good point," and Ron proceeded to launch himself at Draco when he was interrupted by the Headmaster clearing his throat.
"Mr. Weasley, I would appreciate it if you kept the bloodshed to a minimum - after all, bloodstains are so very hard to remove these days."
At that pronouncement, Harry and Draco exchanged a wary look.
"I knew McGonagall wasn't joking about that bloody axe murderer!" thought Harry darkly.
"-That last part was a joke, of course," chuckled Dumbledore.
"Damn!" thought Harry and Draco simultaneously, "So much for that theory."
***********
At Death Eater Central's Underground cave network
Currently, Lucius, having browbeaten his flight agent into giving him his tickets half-price was now in the process of browbeating the hotel manager that owed him a favor.
During this, most of the other Death Eaters were once again gathered around in the huge cavern as Voldemort read from his recipe book once more.
Suddenly, a fight broke out between Goyle and another Death Eater. Just as the pile in the middle lit up again, Goyle managed to knock the other Death Eater's stylish but affordable wig off into said fire.
Of course, Voldemort proceeded to ignore all this and he continued the incantation: "I call upon Lord Moo-wap, the God of-hack, hack, hack!" He began coughing as thick clouds of black smoke began rising from the flames.
Apparently, wigs and dark magic did not go together.
Soon, the cavern was filled with smoke and the Death Eaters raced through the cave network towards the entrance….well, at least they would have had they been more coordinated.
"We're all going to dieeeeeeeeeee!" screeched one Death Eater as he raced around flapping his arms.
The thickening smoke made it hard to see and as the Death Eaters scrambled towards the tunnels for some fresher air, one of them decided that it was time to show some initiative - by blasting a hole into the ceiling.
"AHHH!!"
If anything, the chaos only increased with the falling rocks. However, the improvised ventilation shaft also allowed a way for the smoke to escape and a well-directed charm from Earl put the fire out.
"I always thought this place could do with a skylight."
"Duly noted- Hey, where did everybody go?"
"To get some air."
"I guess they didn't notice the portable oxygen chambers which could be activated by a secret password only known to us."
Lucius shook his head, "I know. The utter stupidity of all non-Malfoys astonishes me too."
Beside him, Earl just nodded knowingly.
*************
* I couldn't resist the reference to my favorite vampire.
[insert usual request for 10,000+ reviews which the author knows is highly unrealistic and that she should be
pleased to get more than one].