A/N - well, this is the last 'chapter' of the story with an epilogue still to come (it's already written so will be out by the end of the week, probably). This has been fun. I have a one shot in my head, which I'll do next and then another 'canon' short fic so you'll be hearing a bit more of me yet! Thank you for all your reviews, they've been lovely and so very positive. They are most appreciated.
So, enjoy this and look out for the epilogue!
Chapter 12 - The Healing of Harry
Six weeks flew by and it didn't seem long before it was time to return home. Lying on the couch for the last time, Harry stared up to the ceiling in the darkness, thinking about all that had happened since their arrival in Australia.
The first week had been full of plan making as the Granger's ended their life in Melbourne to start another in York. They (as the Wilkins) had immediately gone to their employers and resigned from their respective jobs, saying they had to return to England due to a family emergency. No-one really questioned their decisions with Mrs Granger's boss even letting her finish up earlier than the required four weeks.
The house was put on the market with it selling within two weeks while the furniture in it was slowly sold off, bit by bit. The main concern was the welfare of Sandy - but even there, fate stepped in and helped out. A work colleague of Mr Granger's had been looking for a dog for her daughter and when she heard that Mr Granger was returning to England, asked about Sandy. A decision was made and Sandy was given a wonderful new home with a family who loved her dearly.
While the life in Australia was wound down, a new life in England was beginning. Harry and Ron spent a lot of time in the Australasian Ministry of Magic, sorting out how they were going to bring the Granger's back as the Wilkins. They were also finding out about possible places to live and businesses to buy (it had been decided that the 'Wilkins' were giving up being dentists and instead planned to buy a café - something Mr Granger had always wanted to do).
After two and a half weeks of sorting everything out, the trio went sight seeing, making their way up the east coast of Australia until they got to the Great Barrier Reef before travelling inland to Ayres Rock then back to Melbourne.
They had a blast.
Harry and Ron had been like excited school children, finding enjoyment in nearly every little thing, sometimes driving poor Hermione around the bend - though she took it all in her stride, relaxed and happy after being reunited with her parents.
The sleeping arrangements helped with that as well, as Harry and Hermione were able to share a room with Ron quite content to have a room to himself (where he spent many a night just watching the television for hours). The more time the young couple spent together, the more Harry realised how much she meant to him.
By the time they returned to Melbourne, there was only a week to go. The house was pretty much packed up with only the essentials left, and both Mr and Mrs Granger were no longer employed. They spent their week looking around Melbourne and finalising everything off.
This was why it was a tired but contented Harry lying on the sofa bed for the last time. Things had gone so well, it was like it was meant to happen. But the best thing was how happy Hermione was and how much like her old self she had become. It made it all worthwhile.
It also helped that Harry got on brilliantly with her parents, especially her father who shared the same sort of dry humour as himself. Over the time they had spent together, Harry felt that he had made a good impression and even handled the 'what are your intentions with my daughter' talk to the satisfaction of the cautious father.
But it was time to go home and face reality once more. Being unemployed, he was going to help the Grangers slash Wilkins settle into York and then he will try to find a job, something he wasn't really looking forward to.
As he drifted off to sleep, he thought of what was waiting for him back in England and how much he had enjoyed being a tourist. The idea that he'd like to travel more passed through his mind, but only if Hermione could come with him. Still smiling, he fell asleep.
He could hear the snake moving around the rubble at his feet, but Harry ignored Nagini and instead looked frantically around for Hermione and Ron. The blast that had partially collapsed the wall was still echoing in his ears, only to be replaced by a bone-chilling wail.
Turning, he made his way frantically to the sound, and saw a body half hidden by brick and mortar, although the red hair seemed to scream at him through the dust. Hermione was sobbing over the body and something within Harry died.
Ron's blank eyes looked up at him, the life snubbed out by the spell's blast.
"You killed him!" Hermione screamed.
"No, it wasn't me…"
"You took him away from me!" she continued to yell, her face distorted in anger, "your stupidity killed Ron!"
"No," Harry strangled out.
"I hate you! Because of you I've lost everything! Because of you Ron is dead!"
"No," he repeated, stunned by her words, "it isn't true - Fred was killed. Fred died…"
"You killed me too, Harry."
The new voice came from behind him, making Harry spin around to see a broken Fred walking towards him, painful and slow.
"It wasn't my fault," he tried to argue but was ignored as Fred was soon joined by Remus and Tonks.
"Yes, it was Harry," Remus told him, "because of you our son will grow up an orphan."
"Because of you, my mother lost her husband and her only daughter," Tonks added.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"You deserve to suffer," Fred sneered.
"You need to lose as much as we have," Remus continued with venom.
"No, please," Harry begged, stumbling backwards as they came towards him.
"How quaint," a sickening, familiar voice cut in and once again, Harry swung around to see who was speaking only to face the one person he wanted to be dead - Voldemort, "little Potter still having dreams."
"Leave me alone."
"Ah, but I can't," Voldemort snickered, "I've come take all that you love, finish what I started. Make you suffer."
"You can't make me suffer anymore," Harry said strongly, though he felt anything but strong, "you're dead. I killed you!"
"Didn't I kill you?" Voldemort asked as the castle morphed into the forest, trees replacing walls. All around him were figures watching but unlike the previous Death Eaters, these were people he knew - Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, even Peter Pettigrew and Snape, stood and watched.
"Please…" he moaned.
"All these people," Voldemort continued, circling Harry menacingly, "you killed. All these people died for you. And they'll keep dying - you deserve no-one, Harry Potter. You deserve a life of emptiness and pain."
"That's not true!"
"How can you possibly think that you can be loved?" Voldemort asked, a foul grin crossing his face, "how can you possibly think that…this…could love you!"
Tied to the trees, the way Hagrid had been a lifetime ago, was Hermione, absolutely terrified.
"Hermione," he breathed, making his way to her, only to be blocked by Sirius.
"Help me, Harry," she cried before her body spasmed as if under the Cruciatus curse.
"Leave her alone!" Harry screamed.
"You'll hurt her, just like you've hurt everyone else," Voldemort continued to taunt, "why don't you just let her go?"
"No, I can't leave her."
"Well then, watch her suffer!"
Hermione cried out in pain forcing a slither of fear through his heart.
"No!" he cried, "Hermione! Stop this!"
He tried desperately to push Sirius out of the way but his godfather was steadfast, the vision of Hermione's tortured form still untouchable before him.
"You killed them all, Harry Potter," Voldemort said from behind him, "and now you will kill her too…"
"NO!"
Harry's eyes slammed open as he bolted upright, scared and confused. He gulped in air, aware of his t-shirt sticking to his body from the sheen of sweat that covered him. It took him a moment to remember where he was and what he had seen - the memory making him look frantically around him for some sort of semblance.
Everything was blurry, his glasses forgotten, but he could tell there were people with him. One of them handed him his glasses and soon the room came into view only to see Hermione kneeling at his side, pale and scared. With a flood of relief, he gently grabbed her face, running his hands over it to make sure she was real and whole.
"Are you alright?" he asked her urgently, "are you hurt?"
"I'm fine, Harry," she whispered, tears already forming in her eyes.
A new thought assaulted him and with the same sense of urgency, he looked around for the other familiar face.
"Ron!" he cried, slumping slightly with relief when he saw his friend, "I dreamt…I thought you were dead!"
"I'm okay," Ron told him quietly, watching him with wide eyes, "mate, that was some nightmare! You scared the shit out of me! Oops, sorry Mrs Granger."
"Actually, I agree with you, Ron," Mrs Granger said and with a wave of embarrassment Harry saw that both Mr and Mrs Granger were looking at him from the foot of the couch, "Harry, that was one hell of a dream."
"Yeah, sorry for waking you," Harry mumbled, drawing a hand over his face wearily, "I haven't had one that bad for quite a while."
"You've had dreams like this before?" Mr Granger asked.
"Yes," Harry sighed, "but not for a long while. Not since…" he glanced at Hermione and blushed slightly - he was going to say not since he started sleeping with her, but thought her parents might not be comfortable with that, "not for a while."
"Well, I for one won't be getting back to sleep for a bit," Mrs Granger put in quickly, "would anyone else like a nice cup of tea?"
A chorus of yes's went around the room giving Mrs Granger an excuse to leave the lounge and go to the kitchen. Harry sat upright, swinging his legs off the couch allowing Hermione to sit next to him, taking his clammy hands in hers.
"You need to talk about this," she said quietly, "you can't just ignore it."
"I can't, Hermione," he admitted, closing his eyes only to see the tortured image of her before his lids, "you don't need…"
"Don't tell me what I do and don't need, Harry Potter," she interrupted him smartly, "you were screaming out my name! And Ron's! It was horrible and I am not going to let you live through that all again!"
"It may be easier to talk about this with us here, Harry," Mr Granger put in, sitting down in one of the chairs, "we don't know what happened, a fresh set of eyes, so to speak…"
"It's my problem - you don't need to know…"
"You've made Hermione face up to her demons," Ron cut in sharply, "don't you think it's time for you to do the same?"
Harry glared at Ron, who just glared back. When Harry looked at Hermione, she too looked at him stubbornly. Mrs Granger came back with the tea, sitting next to her husband on the other chair - all watching Harry carefully. Realising he wasn't going to get anywhere, he sagged into the couch and frowned at them all.
"Fine," he grumped, "you wanna hear about my dream, I'll tell you! Instead of Fred dying amongst the rubble of Hogwarts, it's you Ron, and Hermione is hating me and blaming me for your death. Then Fred, Remus and Tonks have a go at me, saying it was all my fault, that Teddy now being an orphan is my fault, that they died for me!
"Then it's Voldemort telling me I don't deserve to be happy, or have someone to love me so he takes away Hermione and tortures her in front of me, saying its my fault she's hurting because it's always my fault that people I love are either killed or hurt!
"It happens where he killed me, and it has everyone who died watching like Sirius, like Dumbledore, like mum and dad! Everyone!
"So there you go, my pathetic nightmare, and I know why I'm having them - guilt and all that rubbish. They aren't going away so I'll just learn to live with them…"
"You haven't had the dreams since you've been here…" Mrs Granger ventured softly.
"I've been too busy thinking of other things," Harry shrugged, "too excited about being away I suppose."
"Then why tonight?" Ron asked.
"I don't know," Harry replied in a mutter, "look, I'm sorry for waking you all. Why don't we just forget it and…"
"You were killed?" Mr Granger questioned with a frown, everyone looking at him, "I don't understand - how can you have been killed yet you're here, now."
"Hermione learnt all about being noble from Harry, Mr Granger," Ron tried to joke, but no-one smiled.
"Being noble saved Harry's life?" Mr Granger asked.
"Do you remember me telling about the search for the Horcruxes?" Hermione spoke up, addressing her parents, "that Voldemort had separated his soul into bits and we had to find them all before we could go after Voldemort himself?" they nodded so she continued, "well, Harry found out that he was a Horcrux so made the decision to go off and get himself killed to protect us all…"
"…and just like so many times before, what we see as stupidity ends up being brave and heroic," Ron adds, "because his selfishness meant that Voldemort's killing curse backfired, once again, and Harry doesn't die…"
"I am sitting right here you know," Harry muttered under his breath.
"…instead he pretends he's dead," Hermione continues, ignoring Harry completely, "only to come alive and kill Voldemort…"
"…saving us all," Ron finished with a nod.
"Oh my," Mrs Granger cried.
"You survived this…killing curse a second time?" Mr Granger tried to confirm.
"Yeah," Harry answered sourly, "I'm a real freak of nature."
"Of course, the wizarding world sees Harry as their saviour," Ron said, "the defeater of evil, their hero…"
"I'm not a hero," Harry growled.
"You sound like a hero," Mrs Granger added softly, "in fact, you were born a hero…"
"I am not a hero!" Harry shouted, standing up and pacing angrily in front of the television, "why does everyone think that? My mother died protecting me! Sirius died trying to save me because I was so stupid and arrogant to think I could actually save him - when he wasn't even there! Dumbledore died protecting me, Hermione was tortured because of me…"
"Hermione was tortured?" Mrs Granger interrupted, concerned.
"Yes!" Harry yelled before anyone else could answer, "yes, she was because I was once again stupid! Can't you all see, I'm not a hero! I'm an idiot! I've had people constantly help me through everything, constantly telling me what to do! And I can't even get dying right! Giving my self up solved everything - if I had done it sooner, Fred and Remus and Tonks…they'd still be alive! But no, I had to bumble my way around, and they paid for my ignorance with their lives!
"Don't you get it? It should be me dead, not them! It should be me! It was my destiny! It should've been me!"
"You think you should've died?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Yes!" he answered immediately, then, "no! I don't know!" He ran a hand through his hair, turning his back on them, "I don't know. It's just, everyone keeps telling me I'm this amazing, powerful wizard! That I can take over from Dumbledore, when I can't! I didn't ask for all of this! I didn't ask to be the one to kill Voldemort! All I ever wanted was to be normal, to have someone care about me…"
"Oh Harry," Hermione breathed as he dropped his head wearily.
"When I was young, locked in the cupboard under the stairs because of something I had done wrong," Harry said emotionlessly, "sometimes hungry because my crime meant I wouldn't get fed, I dreamed that there was something better out there for me. That life had to get better because it couldn't get any worse.
"Then Hagrid came and took me away from it all, came and saved me and I thought this was it, my escape from the bollocks that was my life, and be a normal…wizard.
"But of course, nothing in my life goes smoothly and I learn my parents were murdered and that Voldemort is after me and blah, blah, blah.
"All I wanted was to be normal and I will never have that. I will never be able to walk down the street without having the fear that someone wants me dead because of who I am and what I've done. And everyone who gets close to me, they have the same dangers.
"I didn't ask for this. I never wanted fame or glory or heaps of money. All I wanted was to have a family of my own, to be loved. To be normal."
"You are loved, Harry," Hermione told him gently, standing behind him but not touching, "you're loved more than you know."
"But I can't love back," he whispered, "I don't know how."
"Yes you do."
He turned to look at her then, his eyes burning as his emotions finally broke through the wall he had built around himself.
"It's not fair," he said, barely audible.
"I know," she said back, reaching out and catching the first tear that rolled down his cheek.
"I didn't ask for all of this."
"I know," she replied tenderly, "but this is your life, Harry. You can't change who you are, who you've become, because everything you've gone through has shaped you. Just like what I've been through, the good and the bad, has shaped me, made me stronger. We just…you have to be able to accept the past so you can carry on with the future. You need to let it go."
"It's not fair."
"No, it's not fair," she agreed, "you're right. What has happened to you has not been fair at all. Which is why you need to let us help you, why you need to let us in."
"I don't know how…"
"This is a good start," she smiled sadly.
"Will…will you help me?" he asked.
"Of course," she told him, wiping away more of his tears, "you know, I love you so very much…"
"I don't deserve your love," he cut in, turning his back on her once more, "you deserve someone better…"
"You can't tell me what I deserve and who I can love," she replied curtly, "don't turn your back on me, Harry Potter!"
"I can't…" he started but suddenly the wall he had so carefully built around him, keeping his emotions in check as he lived the life that others thought he should, crumbled. All his loneliness from his childhood, the despair of his parents murder, his fears, his sadness - everything, was released. His first sob shook his body to the core, his legs buckling with its intensity. The second sob saw him fall to his knees as he hugged himself in a weak attempt to get himself under control. When Hermione's arms snaked around him and she pressed herself into his back, he knew there was no return.
He cried for all the horrors in his life, his sobs wracking his body. He swivelled around so his face was hidden in the crook of Hermione's shoulder, crushing her to him. After a moment or two, he felt another set of arms wrap around him and knew that Ron was there, by his side once more.
After the longest time, he had run out of tears. He pulled himself away from his friends and tried to wipe his face clean with his sleeve, embarrassed from his outburst.
"Sorry," he mumbled, staring down at the floor.
"You don't need to apologise for crying, Harry," Hermione said softly.
"Yeah," Ron added, "even I've cried once or twice."
"Really?"
"Let's see," Ron thought out loud, sitting back away from Harry and Hermione, "my brother was killed in front of me, I saw my best friend's body paraded around before me like some sort of prize. The girl I fancied was tortured and I couldn't do anything about it then I find out the girl I love had been…well, let's just say she wasn't treated that great while she was held captive. So, yeah, Harry I've had a bit of a cry now and then."
"I didn't think I was allowed to cry," Harry admitted sheepishly.
"It's a man thing," Mr Granger put in, reminding Harry that Hermione's parents were still there, making him feel even more embarrassed, "for some bizarre reason, us blokes don't think we're allowed to cry. But honestly Harry, with all that you've been through, it's amazing that you're not a blubbering wreck!"
"You three have been through so much," Mrs Granger frowned, "I can barely imagine what it has been like for you."
"It's had its good moments," Hermione said, her eyes never leaving Harry and he could see her need to help him shinning in their concerned depths.
"Yeah, it has," Ron agreed then stood, smiling down at them, "I don't know about you lot, but I need to get my beauty sleep…"
"Oh," Hermione blurted, glancing between Ron and Harry, "well, I guess…"
"How about I sleep in your room?" Ron suggested quickly, "let you and Harry chat for a bit longer. Will that be alright, Mr and Mrs Granger?"
"Fine with me," Mrs Granger smiled, also standing, "we have a big day tomorrow, best I get some sleep too."
"Righto," Mr Granger agreed, "I guess I can trust you with my little girl, Harry."
Harry stood, bringing Hermione up with him, looking at the others with a coy smile.
"This has all been a bit embarrassing," he told them, "but I guess necessary. Thank you for not thinking I'm some freak show."
"I could never think that of you, Harry," Mrs Granger replied, "Hermione loves you and I trust her judgement. Plus, from what I've seen you are a lovely young man. I know you don't think yourself as a hero, but you brought my daughter back - that makes you a hero to me." With that, she went over and pulled Harry into a hug, whispering 'thank you' in his ear.
"I agree with Helen," Mr Granger added as his wife pulled away from Harry, "you seem like a good bloke. My advice to you, man to man, is trust the women in your life - they may seem a little strange at times, what with talk about showing your feelings and not letting thing bottle up but they're usually right in the end. However Hermione is my pride and joy and if you hurt her…"
"I won't, Mr Granger," Harry assured quickly, "I promise."
"Good," Mr Granger smiled, "and I think we'll catch up a bit more in the following weeks. You're a good man, Harry."
"Thanks."
The Granger's made there way upstairs, leaving Ron standing there with Harry and Hermione.
"You should've said something," Ron said after a moment.
"You were all going through your own stuff…"
"So?" Ron interrupted, "Harry, you've been through so much more and we're your friends. We're here to help."
"You didn't tell me about your stuff."
"Because I had Luna and my family, I guess," Ron sighed, "you deserve a life, mate. If anyone deserves happiness, it's you."
"Thanks Ron," Harry smiled back, "I think now I actually believe that."
"Good," Ron slapped Harry good-heartily on the back, "now, don't get up to mischief, you two. Mum and dad are just upstairs."
Hermione stayed silent as they watched Ron disappear up the stairs and all of a sudden Harry was embarrassed all over again. He stood awkwardly by her, wondering what he should do when she spoke, ever so quietly.
"The weeks after we first got together," she said, "I have never felt so special, so cared for, so loved in all my life. And then coming here," she turned to him then, smiling shyly, "your support, your help, the way you keep putting me and what I wanted first - Harry, I feel your love for me with every breath that I take. You know how to love, you just don't recognise it."
"I would do anything for you," he whispered.
"And I would do anything for you," she whispered back, "I love you, and I don't need you to tell me to know that you love me too…"
"You deserve to hear those words…"
"And I will, in time. Everything good happens in time. You and me, we're forever and I can wait. We both…we need to heal, to work through what has happened so we can have a future. Together."
"Together. I like the sound of that," he paused then gave her a crooked grin, "do you think less of me after my breakdown?"
"I've seen you cry before, Harry."
"When?"
"When we saw your parent's graves for the first time."
Harry nodded in remembrance, realising that Hermione had been there for pretty much every major emotional point in his life.
She has always been there.
"Come on," he said, taking her hand and leading her to the couch, "let's talk."
"I hope that's not an euphemism for a bit of a snog, Harry Potter, because Ron is right - my parents are just upstairs."
"Considering I don't know what that big long word means, I can assure you that I mean just a talk," Harry grinned, "anything more will have to wait until we get home."
"Home," she grinned back, "I like that."