A/N - hope you like this chapter as I'm a bit unsure how some of you will take the reactions of those who star in it. Oh, I guess I should warn you that there is H/G in this chapter. Thank you again for your lovely reviews. Enjoy.
Chapter 4 - the Weasley's
When Harry made his way down for breakfast, he was anxious - and he was early. But it seemed he wasn't early enough as only Kreacher greeted him, handing him a short note from Hermione telling him that she needed some time alone to think about things and that she'd see him later.
Sighing, Harry sat and ate his breakfast, wondering where Hermione may of gone before thinking about what he'd say when he talked to Ron. He also remembered that he was to meet Ginny today as well but strangely that thought didn't capture him as it usually did - he was too worried about his two best friends.
Sighing again, he flooed to The Burrow and was directed by a busy Mrs Weasley to Ron's room, where he was still encamped. Hoping he wouldn't see Ginny on the way (and was relieved that he didn't) Harry knocked on the closed door of the attic bedroom.
"Go away," Ron shouted grumpily.
"Ron, it's me," Harry told him, "open up. We need to talk."
"I've got nothing to say to you!"
"Well, I've got heaps to say to you," Harry growled, "and if you continue to be a git Merlin help me, I will blast your room apart!"
Harry heard the door unclick and with a certain resolve, he made his way inside. Ron was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and didn't acknowledge Harry's presence.
"Why do you always do this?" Harry asked after a moment, his voice hard.
"Do what?" Ron sniped, "I haven't done anything."
"Jump to the wrong conclusion then open your fat mouth without thinking."
"You're living with my girlfriend," Ron spat, "and she shifted in while I was away. All a bit convenient, isn't it?"
"She shifted in because she had no where else to go," Harry explained with little patience, Ron finally looking at him, "her parents didn't come back from Australia, she's had to sell her family home and basically pretend her folks are dead. So when she turned up on my doorstep asking for somewhere to stay, I didn't stop and think, 'blimey, I wonder if Ron will approve?'"
"Her parents didn't come back?"
"No."
"Bloody hell."
Ron sat up, his anger forgotten as he mulled over what Harry just said, his concern all over his face. Harry just stood and watched, glad that Ron finally saw sense.
"Is she alright?" Ron asked finally, looking at Harry worriedly.
"No, no she isn't," Harry said with a sigh, sinking into the chair by the desk, "and I'm worried about her. It didn't help with you acting like a bloody idiot. Blimey Ron, what were you thinking?"
"I…I don't know," Ron cried, hanging his head down morosely, "I guess…we've hardly spoken since she went away and things were so horrid between us when she left. Then seeing her laughing with you like that, it just brought all these…I'm really sorry Harry. I know you'd never do anything with Hermione behind my back."
"It's not me you should be apologising to," Harry told him, "she was really upset, Ron."
Ron didn't say anything but Harry could tell he was thinking hard. He frowned impatiently as he waited for Ron to finally speak.
"Can…can I talk to you?" Ron said timidly, glancing at Harry, "and you promise not to kill me?"
"Kill you?" Harry repeated, his frown deepening, "what's going on?"
"Promise me, Harry," Ron pleaded, "'cause I really need to talk to someone and, well, you're my best friend."
Harry looked over at Ron warily, wondering what was the matter. But Ron was right - they were best friends.
"I won't kill you," he said finally, "I promise."
Ron nodded absently, took a deep breath then said, "I think I like someone else."
"You've cheated on Hermione?" Harry roared, standing and glaring over at Ron, his promise quickly forgotten as the urge to throttle the quickly paling redhead clouded his brain.
"No!" Ron exclaimed, backing away from Harry to the other side of the bed, "no, I would never do that!"
Harry stopped, his fists clenched at his side as he glowered at Ron.
"Explain," he snapped.
"There…there's so many things," Ron stammered, once more thinking - momentarily forgetting the angry man on the other side of the bed, "but I guess it started when she went away.
"I didn't want her to go. I thought that she'd leave and never come back, that she'd want to stay with her mum and dad and fall for some tanned lifesaver or something. She wrote to me a few times, but I didn't write back. You know what I'm like with that sort of thing," he glanced uncertainly at Harry with a small grin - Harry just stared back. With a grimace, Ron continued, "things here were horrible. Mum just kept crying all the time while George…George didn't know what to do with himself. It was like half of him was missing, which, I guess, it was.
"I spent a lot of time away from The Burrow, just walking around and thinking. When I was at work, it was fine but at home…
"Anyway, one day I bumped into Luna…"
"Luna?"
"Yeah," Ron replied thoughtfully, "it seems she didn't like being inside for too long after being held captive for months. The thing is, we started talking and for the first time, I felt like someone actually understood me. We kept meeting up and chatted. After a while, it wasn't just about war stuff but other things as well.
"It was so easy with her, Harry," Ron stated softly, once more looking at Harry, "I didn't have to watch my words, or worry if I would say something thick. I just spoke. I was just me and Luna seemed to be okay with that. With Hermione, it's like I'm always trying to be someone better, something more. I mean, we started getting on really well last year, but…"
"But what?" Harry prompted, getting caught up in the story, his anger ebbing away.
"It wasn't me," Ron admitted with a shrug, "it always felt awkward I guess. But she loved it, she started to look at me like I was something and not just an idiot. And after a while, it started to feel less…awkward. The thing was, every time I forgot about what I should do or say, we rowed.
"With Luna, it doesn't matter. Plus, I don't have to compete with you."
"You don't have to compete with me, Ron," Harry frowned, going back to his chair by the desk, "how many times do I have to tell you - there's nothing going on between me and Hermione!"
"I know, I know," Ron assured, grinning sheepishly, "you love her like a sister. But you always come first, Harry. And you didn't see her when we thought you were dead. Mate, she lost it big time. I think I knew then that I'd always be scared that I'd lose her to someone better because she and I - well, we're not a team, you know? It's different with Luna. It's better with Luna."
"So why did you act like such a prat last night then?"
"Because when I saw you two laughing together like you were," Ron explained, "I thought of what it's like with me and Luna."
"You felt guilty."
"Yeah."
"You need to tell Hermione," Harry sighed, thinking about how his already fragile friend may take more bad news, "and you need to apologise for yesterday."
"Even with…with everything else going on," Ron ventured uncertainly, "blimey, Harry - her parents…"
"I know," Harry agreed, running a tired hand over his face, "but you need to do this. She deserves the truth, Ron. Just…just be a bit sensitive about it, okay? Actually think before you speak."
"Right," Ron replied, suddenly standing as if a man on a mission, "is she at Grimmauld?"
"No, she left this morning," Harry sighed again, "I don't know where she went."
"Oh," Ron frowned, thinking "okay. Er…is it alright if I go and wait for her? You're staying here to see Ginny, aren't you?"
"Yeah, that's fine."
With that, Ron left, leaving a weary Harry sitting alone at Ron's desk. He wasn't surprised, not really. Though he had seen the relationship building between his two best friends for quite a while, he didn't really understand it. They were too different but he thought they made each other happy.
Now Hermione had another disappointment to deal with.
"There you are!"
The sound of Ginny broke into his thoughts, startling him as she came into the room.
"Hey Gin," he welcomed as she came and kissed him, "how was France?"
"Amazing," she beamed, taking his hand and leading him out of Ron's room, "I have so much to tell you! Let's go a for a walk outside so we can catch up properly. I didn't believe Ron at first when he said you were up in his room! I mean, I thought the first person you'd want to see would be me, especially since you saw Ron last night."
"Well, Hermione and Ron had a bit of a row," Harry tried to explain as he was pulled through The Burrow and out into the back garden, "and I needed to see Ron about it…"
"Hermione's back?" Ginny questioned as she intertwined her fingers with Harry, slowing down to a stroll before shrugging dismissively, "and she and Ron are always fighting over one thing or another. They'll work it out."
Harry didn't comment as Ginny began telling him about the family trip to France. He barely heard what she was saying, only really picking up that Mrs Weasley is now ready to move on and George had decided to carry on the joke shop in Fred's honour - everything else seemed unimportant.
As he listened to her chatter about the shops and the sights of Fleur's family village, he started to feel angry again. They were out of sight of The Burrow, walking towards a favourite snogging spot when his anger finally got the best of him.
"Do you even care why Hermione's back?" he asked her, interrupting her story about making friends with a local girl.
"Pardon?"
"Hermione," Harry repeated angrily, "she's back and you haven't asked if she was okay. I thought you two were friends."
"Well, I assumed she was okay," Ginny replied, annoyed, "because otherwise you would've said something…"
"I haven't had much of a chance."
"Excuse me?" she spat, stopping and glaring at Harry, her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing.
"I said, I haven't had much of a chance to say anything," Harry told her, ignoring her glare, "you've been so intent in telling me about all the fun you've had in France…"
"I'm sorry if the excitement of getting away from this place where the memories of my dead brother are everywhere, where my mother bursts into tears every time she sees something that was Freds'. I thought you'd enjoy knowing that our family is finally starting to heal after losing someone we loved…"
"Don't try the guilt thing, Ginny, because I've had two months of being there and supporting you while your family works through losing Fred," Harry shot back, "I'm glad you're all able to start to move on - that's great. But what about me? What about my healing? What about your friends?"
"Every time I ask you if you're alright, you say yes, that you're fine…"
"Can't you tell that I'm not fine?" he asked, grabbing hold of her arms and making her look at him, "look at me Gin, really look at me - what do you see?"
"You…you look tired," she attempted, no longer angry but more scared - Harry let go of her, "but Harry, you're so strong! You saved us! You can handle anything that…"
"No, I can't," Harry interrupted, turning away from her, "I'm not the hero you think I am, Ginny. I'm not unbreakable, untouchable."
"I know you're not, Harry," she said softly, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist, "and I'm sorry for not realising that you need some support too. I'm here to listen if you want to talk."
Harry didn't say anything as he stared out onto the sloping green fields. In two days time, Ginny returns for her final year at Hogwarts and here he was asking her to try and understand what it feels like to be him - about making the choice to be a sacrifice, about dying yet not dying, about watching people that you love taken away from you one by one. About growing up in the most brutal way possible.
She was only a year younger than him, he knew that, and she had also experienced pain, loss and sacrifice. But would she understand? Could she understand? He suddenly felt so much older than her and in his heart he knew that things had changed.
Ginny hadn't recognised that he was lost, that he wasn't well and that he desperately needed help. He knew he had become a master of hiding his feelings deep away but she was his girlfriend, she was supposed to know him better than anyone else.
Hermione had known.
Harry bowed his head down and took a deep breath before removing Ginny's hands from around his waist and turning to her.
"I have to go," he muttered.
"Harry?"
"I can't do this right now. I'm sorry."
"Oh no, Potter," she growled, gripping his arm tightly, "you are not starting this conversation and then just running away. You accuse me of not listening to you and when I offer to do just that, you turn away from me? What in Merlin do you want from me?"
"I want you to understand," he told her, "I want you to look at me and see a human being, a boy who doesn't have a bloody clue! Because I don't think you see that, Ginny! And I'm too tired to care any more. I want you to listen, but more importantly, I want you to be able to understand! And I don't think you can."
"How can I understand if you won't let me in?" she yelled at him, "you just go about, brooding and all misunderstood…"
"I lost everything!" he shouted, snatching his arm out of her grasp, "everything! You lost a brother but I've lost my parents, my godfather, my mentor, my friend…my life! My whole purpose of being! Do you get that? Do you see? I have nothing!"
"What am I then, chopped liver?"
"It's not always about you, Gin," Harry spat, "and by the way - Hermione's lost her parents. They stayed in Australia. So she isn't fine either. I'll talk to you later."
And with that, he was gone.