A/N - thank you once again for your reviews and I won't say anything more other than I hope you enjoy!!
Chapter 7 - Rock Bottom
The hurry up from Kreacher brought Harry back to reality - it was Monday morning and if he didn't leave soon, he'd be late for work (though in reality, work was the furthest thing from his mind). He hadn't slept as he spent the remainder of the early hours pacing his room, thinking again and again about Hermione's confession.
She loved him.
Hermione loved him!
Nervously, he ventured down to the kitchen, wondering what he was going to do or say if she was already there. Part of him knew she wouldn't be - she had been leaving earlier than him for nearly three weeks now - but it didn't stop the butterflies that had taken flight in his stomach.
When it was only Kreacher who welcomed him, Harry let out a sigh of relief. Slumping down to his bowl of homemade muesli, yoghurt and fruit, he casually asked his elf where Hermione was.
"The Miss left," Kreacher replied and Harry stopped eating.
"Left?" he repeated, "you mean, she's gone to work?"
"No, the Miss left," Kreacher confirmed with a nod of his head, "she woke Kreacher up, the Miss leaving with all her boxes and bags."
Harry jumped from the table so quickly his chair tipped backwards unnoticed as he sprinted up the stairs to the room Hermione had been staying in.
"Hermione?" he called out, tapping on her door, his heart thumping in his chest, "Hermione, open up. I need to talk to you."
He waited for a bit, but when there was no reply, he tentatively turned the doorknob and opened the door. The room was exactly how it was after he and Kreacher had cleared it over a month ago - all and any trace of Hermione had gone.
She had left Grimmauld Place.
Rushing back downstairs, he went straight to the fireplace, ready to floo to the Ministry and check whether she had gone to work but found his way blocked by his house elf.
"Kreacher, I need to get to work urgently," he growled, "can you please move?"
"Master Harry has not finished his breakfast."
"I'll eat something later - right now I have to…"
"Master Harry is to eat!" Kreacher insisted, not moving, "Kreacher's instruction is to ensure Master and Miss is to eat a special breakfast before leaving the house. Master Harry has not finished his breakfast!"
With a groan, Harry quickly went back to the bowl of muesli sitting on the table, picking up his fallen chair and sitting down heavily on it, silently cursing his earlier instruction given after his meeting with Professor McGonagall that neither himself or Hermione were to leave the house without eating a proper breakfast.
Scoffing down what had been placed in front of him, he frantically thought about where Hermione may be. Her options were pretty limited and to say he was worried was an understatement.
"Did Hermione mention where she went?" Harry asked between mouthfuls.
"No, Master Harry."
"Did she eat something?"
"The Miss ate her special breakfast as requested although she didn't want to!"
Harry just nodded, sculling down his glass of pumpkin juice and then once more heading for the floo. This time he was able to leave and in moments stepped into the atrium of the Ministry. Ignoring everything around him, he quickly made his way to Hermione's floor, stepping out into an open plan office where five or six large desks sat covered in copious piles of paper.
Near the far wall, however, was a desk that was reasonably clear, the piles neat and orderly. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was Hermione's. The floor was empty as he strode over to the desk, glancing an eye over it in search for a clue where his friend could be. He could see she hadn't been there so far this morning.
"Can I help you?" a female asked him, making him turn to the voice to see a small, plump, middle-aged woman making her way to him, pausing when she recognised who he was, "Harry! Er, I mean, Mr Potter - what an honour…"
"Have you seen Hermione?" he interrupted quickly, noting the look of awe that usually preceded a request for an autograph or something.
"Hermione? No, not this morning," the woman replied, "Mr Potter, I just have to say…"
"Claudia, that's enough," another woman cut in, her tone firm and unweilding - Claudia blushed under the stare of her much older, taller and skinner colleague then scurried to her desk, "I'm Dotty Sidewalker, Mr Potter, Miss Granger's boss. Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine," Harry lied, "I'm just looking for Hermione."
"Well, I got an owl early this morning with a letter of resignation," Dotty explained, frowning at Harry, "I admit, I was rather surprised and not to say disappointed. She is quite a brilliant worker with a wonderful mind…"
Harry didn't hear the rest as he hurried out of the office and made his way as quickly as the lifts would let him, to his own floor. Looking at his watch, he saw it was about the time Ron usually showed up so he went to his cubicle, located next to his own.
"Ron!" he called out, popping his head into the cubicle and seeing that it was empty, "Ron!" he shouted, extending his head over the dividers and scanning the pretty empty office for his tall, redheaded friend.
"You bellowed."
Harry jumped out of his skin as Ron's voice came from behind him, making him turn to see Ron standing there, casually eating some toast.
"Hermione's missing," Harry said without preamble - Ron frowned.
"What'd you mean, Hermione's missing?" he asked.
"I mean that when I got up this morning, she's taken all her stuff and left," Harry hastily explained, "and I've just spoken to her boss who said that Hermione has resigned…"
"Resigned?" Ron repeated, his toast forgotten, "what happened?"
"Nothing happened," Harry spat, trying to will away the blush that he felt warm his cheeks.
"Right, because Hermione's the type of girl to quit her job and run away for no apparent reason," Ron snarked, "what happened?"
"I…I can't tell you," Harry stuttered, "but we need to…"
"I need to know what happened!" Ron ordered firmly, crossing his arms and glowering at Harry, "what did you do to her?"
"Nothing!" Harry protested with a glower of his own, "look, we're wasting time!"
"Why can't you just tell…"
"Because she told me that she loved me, alright!"
Ron stared at Harry in silence, the tips of his ears turning a lovely shade of scarlet being the only sign that Ron heard Harry's frantic whisper. After a few moments, Ron seemed to get himself together, blink, and then re-focus on Harry.
"So, she finally told you then," he said.
"Told me?" Harry hissed, "you knew about this?"
"Yeah, she told me when we broke up…"
"And you didn't think to mention it?"
"It wasn't up to me to say anything," Ron informed him smartly, "so, what did you do?"
"Do?"
"For Merlin's sake, Harry - are you really this dense?" Ron muttered angrily, "yes, do! Did you tell her how you felt, talk to her?"
"Well, no," Harry admitted awkwardly, "I mean, one minute we were talking about the nightmares and the final battle and then she…she confessed," he slumped dejectedly at the memory, "it kinda knocked me for six!"
"And then she left."
"Yes!" Harry cried, his urgency reignited, "yes, she left and we need to find her!"
"Find who?"
Both Harry and Ron turned to Neville at the same time; their ex-classmate standing in the entrance way of Ron's cubicle.
"Er…no-one," Harry started.
"Hermione," Ron said at the same time - Harry threw him a furious glare.
"Hermione's missing?" Neville asked, concerned, "for how long?" Both Neville and Ron turned to Harry.
"The last time I saw her was around four-thirty this morning," he stated, resigned reluctantly to the knowledge that he was quickly losing control.
"Just over four hours ago," Neville mused, "where have you guys looked?"
"No where yet," Ron answered, "I was thinking the places that are significant to her…"
"She hasn't been gone for long," Neville interrupted, thinking hard, "maybe she's just gone somewhere for the day or something. Why are you guys so worried?"
"She's taken all her stuff and quit her job," Harry told him.
"…and because she's upset, she's unwell and the weather's packing in," Ron added, "she isn't thinking straight at the moment, Nev, and she's got no where really to go. We need to find her."
"Well, you two know her best," Neville continued, "where shall we look?"
"She didn't come to The Burrow, but I'll go back and check a bit more thoroughly, then go to her family home…" Ron started.
"You know where she lived?" Harry cut in before he could stop himself.
"We did date, you know," Ron reminded him, "I went to her place once or twice," Harry accepted the comment with a frown, Ron continued, "why don't you go to Hogwarts, Neville and Harry - Godric's Hollow…"
"What about work?" Neville asked.
"I'll keep `em off your backs," Seamus piped in, looking over the edge of one of the dividers, "you lot just go and find Hermione."
"Right, thanks Seamus," Ron nodded in acknowledgement, "I think we should spend no longer than an hour at each location so we'll meet back here at nine-forty five. If you find her, send your Patronus to notify the others. Neville, can you tell both Harry and me?"
"Sure, no problem," Neville confirmed, "see you back here in an hour," he quipped, then turned on his heel and left.
"Harry," Ron confronted the quietly seething man, "promise me if you find her, you contact me before you approach her, okay?"
"I can deal with Hermione on my own, you know," Harry objected, his voice low and angry, "I can be a lot more sensitive than you could ever be!"
"Not about this. Look," Ron started, pulling Harry away from the cubicles before casting a quick muffliato around them, "when we broke up, she told me she realised she had feelings for you, which I kinda guessed, but she knows you don't feel that way about her. These past weeks she's been trying to work it all out. I…I know that I haven't been much help, but this last week we've started to talk again and she's just really messed up at the moment. She's been hiding this away from you for so long, I just think we need to do this together."
Harry stopped and thought for a moment, knowing that really, Ron was right. Hermione hadn't spoken to him properly for the last month, last night being the first time they had been in the same room together for longer than a meal since Ron's return. Seeing Harry probably wouldn't achieve anything.
"I'll wait for you," he finally agreed.
"Good," Ron nodded then as one, they both headed to the lifts, "I guess you haven't been outside?"
"No."
"The weather is rubbish all over the country and due to get worse…"
"We need to find her," Harry interrupted.
"We will."
Harry apparated in the woods on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow and immediately felt the chill. Pulling his cloak closer to him, he glanced around the clearing that had once been their campground before striding off towards the village.
It was the first time he'd been there since the previous Christmas and the memories of that visit tried to divert him from his purpose this time around. The occupants of the village were also an unnecessary distraction - after the fifth person coming to him and offering their thanks, Harry cast a quick disillusionment charm and disappeared from sight.
He saw no sign that Hermione had been either at the graveyard, church or his old house. It was there, however, when Neville's glowing Patronus told him what he wanted to know. She was at the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts.
Without a second thought, he removed the disillusionment charm, apparated to Hogsmeade and began to jog up the track to his old school. He spotted Ron just ahead of him and caught up easily, both not speaking as they hurried onwards.
The wind was biting and just as they came to the gates, it started to rain. Professor McGonagall was waiting for them and with a brief nod of acknowledgement, let them through the wards and led them towards the forest.
"Is she alright?" Ron asked after a moment.
"I haven't seen her, Mr Weasley," the headmistress replied, "Mr Longbottom informed me of the situation and found her before myself."
"Where is she?" Ron continued to question, but Harry already knew the answer. The direction they were heading towards was sickenly familiar.
He also hadn't been back to Hogwarts since the last battle, he hadn't wanted to return to the site where so many died. Where he died. The grounds were empty, but Harry kept seeing bodies lying, untouched, before him. He was starting to panic, he knew it - the months of nightmares about the dead flashed before his currently awake mind. He wanted to leave so badly - but they had to find Hermione.
They came in sight of Hagrid's hut, newly built after the fire that destroyed it the year Dumbledore died. Hagrid was teaching a class under a magical, protective shelter and had not seen them but Harry couldn't help notice that Ginny was there, listening to whatever Hagrid was saying.
And standing right next to her was Draco Malfoy.
Malfoy had returned to Hogwarts to complete his education, his family semi-pardoned for their assistance in tricking Voldemort into thinking Harry had died. Lucius, however, was spending time in Azkaban.
Harry paused when he saw the blond head of Draco bend to the red of Ginny, whispering something that she found quite funny, hiding her giggle with a hand.
But his curiosity lasted for only a second as Hermione's welfare took prominence and in a heartbeat, he continued walking towards the Forbidden Forest.
Neville was waiting for them, sheltering from the rain under the branches of a large tree. He took them into the forest, explaining that one of the centaurs had told him where Hermione was but otherwise they walked in silence.
Harry knew they had reached their destination as soon as he saw the ring of half-men, half-horses standing on guard. They relaxed when they recognised the small party, parting and allowing them through.
Hermione was sitting on the spot that Harry had fallen all those months ago - marked by a scar of dead earth had never re-grown. She was soaked to the skin, her bags forgotten in a pile by her side, her shoulders round and defeated.
Harry and Ron quietly made their way to her, the others leaving just as quietly knowing this was a moment for the trio alone. Harry was torn - he wanted to reach out to her, to help her but he also knew he was the reason that she was in so much pain. He realised he needed to stand back and let Ron take the lead.
"Hermione," the redhead called out tentatively.
"Leave me alone."
"You know we can't do that," he continued, stopping just behind her. She said nothing. Ron glanced uncertainly at Harry, who tried to tell him silently that he had no idea what to do. Taking a deep breath, Ron went and sat next to her, ignoring the mud and the wetness as he did so.
"What are you doing?" he asked her quietly.
"I…I don't know," she whispered, her head dropping forward, "I don't know anything any more. Oh Ron, I've made such a mess of everything!"
"No you haven't," he tried to reassure her, "we want to help you."
"How?" she asked, "he was never meant to know and now…"
"Harry's really worried about you," Ron carried on, "he has been since you got back. He isn't going to turn his back on you now, just because you were honest with him."
"I'm such a fool."
"Hermione, come on," he nudged her gently, "you know as well as I that you're not a fool. That's my job."
"You're not a fool, Ron," she argued weakly, then whispered, "he's here, isn't he."
"Yeah," Ron confirmed, glancing at the still Harry before looking back to Hermione, "you know he wouldn't let you run off without him trying to track you down. It's that whole - what did you call it ages ago?"
"Saving people thing," Hermione supplied helpfully.
"That's right, his saving people thing," Ron nudged her again, trying to get a smile, "you'd think that after he saved the wizarding world from a madman, he would become just a mere mortal, like one of us. But no, when one of his best friends is in trouble, he's off again."
"He can't save me this time."
"Will you let me try?" Harry asked, speaking finally as he went and sat down in a spot between his two friends, trying desperately to ignore the memories it brought back to him, "Hermione, please, let me try."
"How?" she asked again, "how can I…how can I get myself whole again?"
"You can come back home," Harry told her firmly, "come back to Grimmauld Place."
"I can't…"
"Yes you can," Ron said, "I'm going to, I'm shifting in next week. Mum's finally is letting me go. It'll be fun…"
"Fun," Hermione scoffed, "living with my ex-boyfriend and the object of my unrequited affections…"
"We were best friends before all of that," Ron countered quietly, "and we're still best friends. That hasn't changed, has it?"
Hermione looked up at them then, and Harry gasped in shock. She was deathly white, bordering on blue, her eyes bloodshot and dead looking while the rain bet mercilessly down onto her.
"Bloody hell Hermione, you're freezing!" Ron exclaimed, taking off his cloak and chucking it over her shoulders, Harry doing the same, scooting in closer to her as he did so.
"Don't do this, Hermione," Harry begged, "please, don't put yourself through this…"
She just looked at him with sad, wounded eyes.
"Have I ruined everything?" she asked timidly, "Will you still be my friend?"
"I will always be your friend," Harry reassured, taking her ice-cold hands in his, "and we'll get through this, all of this. You, me and Ron. Just let us help you. Please."
Ron had put his arm across her shoulders as Harry spoke, trying to warm her up with his body heat - Harry doing the same, all forgetting about magic for the moment. The three of them sat there, huddled together in the mud and the rain in the place where Harry once made the ultimate sacrifice. The boys waited for Hermione to speak, some how knowing that they needed her acceptance before they could do anything.
"I'm sorry for bringing you here, Harry," she said finally, her teeth starting to chatter.
"If I say that's okay, will it get you out of the rain?" he tried to joke.
"I am cold," she admitted tiredly, and then, "can you take me home?"
"Sure," he told her and after a quick glance at Ron, who indicated what he should do with a nod of his head, he scooped her up in his arms and started carrying her out of the forest. She was shivering so he held her in closer to him in a feeble attempt to make her better, noticing just how light she felt.
She didn't complain.
Ron grabbed her belongings and followed them, Harry absently wondering why there were so little of them. It didn't matter, though - all that mattered was getting Hermione home and well.
Professor McGonagall was waiting for them at the forest's edge and quickly fell into step with them as they made their way back to the castle. She explained that Neville had returned to the Ministry and will be putting in both Harry and Ron's apologies for their tardiness for the day. She also advised that Madam Pomfrey would be available if needed to look after Hermione.
Ron spoke for them as Harry stayed resolutely quiet, the mess of emotions making it impossible to speak. It wasn't Hermione who had messed everything up, it was him. And the way she was shivering in his arms, he feared that he may lose her as well, that her name would be added to the list of those he…loved? dead.
His brain constantly stuck on that one thought - she loved him, not as a brother but as a…boyfriend? Romantically? Not even Ginny has said that she loved him and he knows he has never, ever told her. But did he? Did he love Ginny? He knows he cared for Ginny, but loves?
Did he love Hermione? Yes, he did. Romantically? He wasn't sure…no…maybe? No! He didn't know. But he did know that she was important to him and he couldn't lose her, especially now.
He couldn't lose her.
They made their way through the castle to the hospital wing, a wet, sorry group of people. So lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't notice Ginny watching the small procession from the doors to the Great Hall where she was heading for lunch or the look of sadness that crossed her face as they passed.
A/N 2 - I know that isn't what most of you expected but there has to be angst before fluffy goodness!
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