Chapter 11
The Scare
"So how've you been holding up?" Andy perched herself on the arm of a chair in Harry's apartment, drinking a cup of coffee. "Happy birthday, by the way…nineteen years…that's a biggie…"
It was about nine in the morning, a week after the whole fiasco of Ron returning, and Andy had come to see him.
"Thanks. I'm fine, really!" Harry said, smiling brightly as he looked up from his papers.
Andy surveyed him sorrowfully.
"Harry…" She said pleadingly.
"What?" Harry looked up.
"Oh, don't do the fine act! It's such a load of crap! Listening to you pretend you aren't hurting makes me feel like the worst friend ever, because you should be able to tell me what's wrong. Harry, please, I'd give anything for you to be sobbing your heart out, and completely miserable, but this whole fine thing is killing me."
Harry sighed.
"Andy, I am fine. I'm completely…okay. I'm a nineteen year old bloke, who's just lost the love of his life, and now I'm completely alone, living alone, trying to get over it. I'm fine. I'm not jumping up and down for joy, but I'm not beaten down and broken. I'm still alive, and…I don't need Hermione to survive. I can do this, I can get over her."
Andy looked at him doubtfully.
"I'm moving back in." she declared, standing up, "You need me, you can't do this alone."
"No." Harry stood up as well, shaking his head, "I don't want you to move back in. You're happy with Oliver, and I need to do this alone. I should have learned my lesson by now…I'm a big boy and I need to start helping myself get over my problems. Sooner or later I'm not going to have anyone to depend on and if I don't start helping myself now, I'll never be able to."
Andy smiled sadly and sighed.
"I hate when you do that. I wish you would just let some of us help you out. Hey, are you going to Thomas's tonight?" She asked abruptly.
Harry laughed.
"Yeah, I am. I still can't believe Dean opened a bar. Listen, why don't you get outta here? Go be with Oliver, and I'll meet you later, okay?"
"You sure?" Andy asked hesitantly, picking up her bag.
"Absolutely, you've scarcely seen him this whole week. Go."
"If you're sure…"
"Bye, Andy!"
"Bye."
o--o
Harry waited until Andy had left before sinking into a chair.
He needed to get out of his apartment. It was like a death trap.
Every second he was reminded of Hermione.
He found her robe the other day and nearly lost control of his emotions again.
He decided to go to Dean's bar a bit early…get a head start on the drinking…
He walked out of his apartment straight over to the elevator buttons.
Sure, he could've Apparated, but Dean's bar was located near a Muggle residence so he didn't think that was wise.
He jammed the button impatiently.
Darn things take so long getting to this stupid floor.
Finally…he really needed to consider moving to an all magic apartment complex.
The doors pinged as they opened and he stepped inside.
He went over to the side and pressed a button.
The doors had closed before he heard her gasp.
Damn…I never check the stupid elevator.
"Harry…" She said.
He didn't respond. He wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want to, or if he'd simply stopped functioning when she spoke.
"Happy birthday. H-How are you?" She asked cautiously as the elevator began its very slow descent.
"How do you think?" He asked sardonically, "To tell you the honest truth, I feel like some kind of plastic cup that you stepped on. That's the way my heart feels right now. It's a plastic cup…and that damn cup just won't straighten out again…it needs that love…the love that you felt for me…to make it stand up again. That's how I'm bloody feeling. Oh, but you're fine. From what I can see, you're just bloody perfect. Waltzing around the bloody halls with him, laughing, hugging, kissing him…"
"About that," she cut him off, "You need to stop staring at me like you have been. You can't look at me like that anymore."
"Like what?"
"Like I'm yours…like you love me…stop doing it, because I just can't-"
He turned to face her.
"Can't what? Can't love me? No, Hermione you think I really want to be looking at you like that? You think I don't wish I could just get over looking at you just like that? Don't you think I'd rather be looking at someone else? I mean I'm bloody Harry Potter! I've defeated Voldemort! Don't you think if I really wanted to I could go out and find someone else? Well, no, I can't, because I had already found someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with! I was done! I didn't have to look anymore, I had found her…I had found you…So, sorry but none of this telling me you can't stand me looking at you. I'm sorry you're just gonna have to get over that because…Hermione you left me you. You chose him over me."
"I didn't choose him over you! I had an obligation to go back to him! He thinks I love him and-"
"What did you say?"
"What?"
"You said `he thinks I love him….do you love him?"
"Of course I-"
"Think really, really hard about that before you answer. I can tell you right now without a doubt that I don't think I love you. I know I love you, and every time I see him holding you I pray to god that you know how much it's killing me."
She looked at him, and his eyes were blazing with a sort of passion.
It came over her all of a sudden.
She just fell against him and she kissed him, deeply.
He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back.
Her mind was screaming `NO! NO, this is WRONG!'
Ding.
The doors opened and she pulled away, rushing out of them.
"No!" he ran after her, but she Apparated before he could catch her.
o--o
"Harry! Oh my god, Harry how long have you been here?" Andy rushed over to him. She'd just arrived at the bar, and had noticed Harry, sitting alone, with at least a dozen empty shots surrounding him.
"While." He said dully, turning a glass around in his hands.
"What happened, mate?" Oliver asked, coming up behind them.
Harry grinned sluggishly.
"I saw her today…the elevator…and she kissed me…but she ran away from me…like I was repulsive…so's I came here and…Seamus was here….drinking contest…"
Andy was horrified and looked around her, trying to find Seamus.
What she saw was much worse.
Hermione had just walked in the door and had spotted Harry,
A look of terror came over her face and she started walking towards them.
Andy motioned for Oliver to keep Harry preoccupied, and walked up to Hermione, blocking her way.
"Hi, Andy, I just…need to get over there." Hermione said, trying to move around.
"Turn around." Andy said.
"What?"
"Don't you dare go up to him right now. He's the lowest I've ever seen him, and seeing you will not help. Stay away, you hear? He's dealing with this the only way he knows how…he's being stared at, and talked about, and he's miserable…I want you to see what you've done to him, but you are going to stay away. You made your choice, so you can just walk your little self right back out of those doors."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears at the harshness of Andy's voicce.
"He's going to kill himself, my god; look at how much he's drank!" She protested.
"Well, you should have thought of that before you kissed him. How cruel can you possibly be? He's torn into pieces seeing you walking `round with Ron, and to go and kiss him….Just get out of my sight right now, before I have to do something I'm going to regret."
Hermione turned around and left, Apparating back to her apartment.
o--o
She opened the door and burst into tears.
"What's wrong, love?"
She gasped and looked up.
Ron was there.
In her apartment.
"N-nothing's wrong." She said.
"Yes, something is."
"NO IT'S NOT!" She yelled.
Ron looked completely taken aback.
"Something is…tell me sweetheart."
He crossed the room and put his arms around her.
Hermione started sobbing as he pulled her into a tight embrace.
His arms were so strong and protecting around her…
It was a perfect moment…but she was hearing Harry's voice… Every time I see him holding you I pray to god that you know how much it's killing me …"
"No!"
She shoved Ron off of her, and he staggered back.
"What in the bloody hell is going on?" He yelled.
"What's wrong? You want to know what's wrong. Maybe you're what's wrong! Maybe it's a lot for me to handle, having been thinking you were dead, and all of a sudden you just pop up! So maybe that's what's wrong with me!" She yelled back.
"Oh, great, now it's my fault that I got captured? Just like it's my fault someone put Ginny under the Imperious, and she's terrified to death of everyone now! Just blame me!"
Hermione stepped away from him, sobbing.
"God, I'm sorry….I'm such an idiot! Ron, please…"
Ron held up his hands.
"No! You're crazy right now, so I'm out of here. Let me know when your hormones calm down."
Hermione stood there silently, watching him leave her apartment.
She sank slowly to the floor and just lay there, crying.
I'm pathetic…I'm living a lie…and I'm hurting everyone that I love…god what am I doing…I can't keep this up…
She lay there for what seemed like hours, trying to find some small reason that would make her feel like she wasn't a complete failure.
She found none.
She finally pulled herself together at about ten at night. She stood up, and a wave of nausea overcame her.
She clapped a hand to her mouth and stood there until the feeling had passed, but it scared her.
She was shaking, trying to keep control of her thoughts…praying that it was just a passing thing…she'd stood up far too quickly…that was it…
Oh, sod it all. She couldn't do it. She needed to check…to be sure…
Hermione got out her wand and went over to her bookshelf to find the spell. She really needed a friend about now, but finding one was highly unlikely.
I can do this….it's probably nothing…
She took a deep breath and said the spell.
Within an instant, a slip of parchment shot out of her wand and landed on the floor.
Trembling, she reached down to get it, and when she read what it said, her heart nearly stopped.
Suddenly, things seemed a lot clearer. She knew what she had to do, and so, Hermione sat the paper down on her counter and Apparated, never thinking twice.
o--o
"Ron!"
She burst into his room at the Burrow to see him sitting on his bed with a photo album.
"Wh-What are you doing?" she asked, coming over to sit beside him.
"Just thinking…looking over memories…" Ron said.
Hermione looked down at the photo album.
There was a picture of the three of them, on graduation, standing outside the steps of Hogwarts…right before Harry had proposed to her…
Ron had his arm around her, beaming, and Harry was standing on the other side. Just like always.
Only, now she noticed something different about this picture.
Photo Harry kept sneaking glances at photo Hermione's face, and then looking down quickly before looking back at the camera…and there…photo Hermione was doing the same, only she kept looking at photo Ron before turning to photo Harry….how could they have all been so blind to it….
"I've been staring at this blasted picture for ages, trying to get my memory back." Ron said angrily, shutting the book.
Hermione jumped, startled.
"Don't rush it, Ron…maybe…maybe you aren't meant to…to keep those memories…maybe this is a fresh start for you….a start where you can put everything in the past behind you, and you can move on."
Ron smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry I got cross with you earlier…it's been so hard, trying to ease my way back into life. Work is a nightmare…and Harry's become distant. It's like every time he sees me, or has to be in close working conditions with me, he's miserable…I don't understand it, really. Plus, there's this huge case coming up…Malfoy's taken to murdering more and more now, and he's getting dangerous and no one can capture the git…"
"He'll be caught." Hermione said confidently.
"Herms, if I ask you something…if…will you promise me something?"
Hermione winced at his name for her…she hated that…but nodded nonetheless.
"I…was…did anything happen…to you…or Harry…or anyone else while I was gone…since that night at the party?"
Hermione went very still.
"Well…obviously we were…it…Ron…there's something that…I think you shouldn't ask for your memories." She said finally, "You need to move on. Put it all behind."
Ron nodded.
"Well…only the thing is…bits of my memory are coming back…little things, things I can't make sense of. Just anything will set it off, as well. Earlier, when we were fighting…I kept seeing you and me in the hallway outside your apartment…and Harry was there and we were all yelling…but I don't know why…"
Hermione let out a dry sob.
"Let's…just not think on that right now, shall we? Here…come on…let's go back to my apartment and have some tea or something…"
Ron nodded listlessly and together, they Disapparated from the Burrow.
o--o
"Let me just…go splash some water on my face." Hermione murmured, and started to walk out of her kitchen.
"What's this?" Ron asked in a slightly strangled voice.
Hermione turned quickly.
Ron was holding the parchment…oh god.
"It…it's…" Hermione's mouth went dry.
"What…'not pregnant'? What the hell is this, `Mione? You did a pregnancy spell?"
Ron looked up at her, hurt.
Hermione took a deep breath.
"I…was just being sure." She whispered.
Ron was staring at her, grasping the parchment.
"No."
"Ron, look, I just got sick and I just…just needed to be-"
"We never slept together." He said, as if making sure she knew that.
"I know." She whispered softly, "I know."
-->