A/N: Well the good news is I really was overall pretty satisfied with this chapter so you get to have it now! . Oh, and no one guessed the quote! Honestly…haven't you ever watched Notting Hill? Well, enjoy and review!
The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.
All that I know is I'm breathing now.
I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
Chapter 8
A Slip of the Tongue
The next morning, Hermione got up to cook breakfast for Harry, intending to have it cooked before he woke up, but he was an early riser and ruined her surprise.
"You're such a spoilsport." She said as she started cooking.
Harry grinned at her as he sat down to watch.
"Maybe so, but you're hilarious when you're mad."
Hermione turned to look at him.
"Hilarious?" She said, arching her brow.
"Cute." Harry said, "Cute is what I meant."
Hermione grinned as she turned back to her cooking.
"Uh-huh. I'm sure."
Harry said nothing, and just sat there watching her. Hermione noticed this after a while and kept glancing back at him. He had this huge grin on his face and it was making her nervous.
"Look," She said, as she dropped an egg on the floor, "You're making me nervous! Why do you keep staring at me?"
"You moved in." Harry said.
Hermione dropped another egg.
"What?" She said quickly.
"You heard me," He said grinning, "You moved in with me."
"I did no such thing." Hermione said, "I still have my apartment."
"But you don't live there." Harry said.
"I-I do too!"
"No you don't. You come over here after work, sleep here, eat here…the only time you go back to your old apartment is when you get clothes."
Hermione looked a bit defiant.
"And what's your point?" She asked, putting food on his plate.
"My point is, you moved in. You live here, with me."
"I stay here." Hermione corrected, "I still have an apartment."
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Because…just because I do." Hermione said, sitting down to eat.
"But it's useless. You just make payments on it every month, and it's wasting your money, and since you're living here I really don't see why you would need an apartment." Harry said, "So why don't you get rid of it?"
"What? No, no I couldn't do that." Hermione said.
"Well why not? We're getting married, `Mione! You're going to end up living with me, anyways! It makes sense for you to get rid of it, unless you're keeping it for your other lover you've got hanging `round."
Hermione looked up in shock, but saw that Harry was joking.
"I…just let me have the apartment, Harry, okay? Just drop it."
Harry stared at her as she kept eating, keeping her eyes downcast.
"No, no I will not bloody drop it! Why do you need it Hermione, why don't you tell me that?"
"Harry…" Hermione pleaded.
"No, I want to know why you feel like you need some other place to live when you're clearly living here with me!"
Hermione looked pained.
"I don't want to say!" She said, standing up, and putting away her plate.
"Why not?" Harry said, standing up as well.
Hermione turned around, and he'd cornered her against a wall.
"Please don't make me say." She begged, "It'll hurt you."
Harry rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, like I'm really not going to want to know now." He said sarcastically, "Hermione...'Mione...please…we are engaged, sweetheart. I like to think that means that there are no more secrets."
Hermione nodded.
"You're right." She said, "But this is a secret I'd like to have."
"No." Harry said, putting his hands on her arms, "I don't want secrets…secrets cause problems."
Hermione sighed.
"Alright, fine!" She yelled, "I'm keeping the bloody apartment because…it's…it's my place if something goes wrong!"
Harry narrowed his eyes.
"If what goes wrong?" He asked quietly.
"Us! Merlin, Harry, don't look at me like that! You have to know it could happen! I-things like that happen! We could have some horrid row and not ever want to see one another again! This happens all the time! It's my safety net, alright? That's all it is."
Harry let go of her, as if he'd been shocked.
"A safety net?" He said, his voice shaking, "For when I leave you? For when I hurt you? Oh, okay, I see." His voice was dripping with sarcasm, "You think that oh, you know, I love Harry Potter…and when anyone loves Harry Potter, they end up getting hurt. Hell, you don't have to even think that, you've been through it. I hurt you already! I left you to go to America, and it hurt you! Bloody hell, Hermione! Can you not trust me enough? You obviously can't if you think I would ever let you go! Dammit! Do I not love you? Didn't I ask you to marry me, only just last night? Huh? Didn't I give up everything to be with you?"
Harry took a deep breath and turned around and slammed his fist into the wall.
Hermione was startled, and tears started sliding down her face.
"Harry!" She said, and tried to make him face her, but he flung away from her. She reached out to try again, but jumped out of the way when the door to the room next to him shot off the hinges.
"Harry, stop!" She yelled, but it was too late…he'd lost control.
The couch went next…then the television…anything electrical…and finally, finally…everything that possibly could have exploded, had.
Hermione was standing against a wall, completely numb. She'd never seen him like this. Slowly Andy's words came back to her. He's powerful…He made the oven explode before he told me about you...
She shook her head to clear it and looked around the mess for Harry.
He was standing in the midst of it, and had finally turned around. He looked so completely defeated that she reached out for him, but he jerked away.
"Don't." He said brokenly, "I can't control it if you touch me."
She withdrew, feeling useless, back to her wall.
He closed his eyes and started breathing slowly and deeply.
Hermione watched him, feeling terrified and guilty all at the same time.
He took another couple of deep breaths before opening his eyes and looking around him slowly.
Hermione followed his gaze, and watched as he walked over to his wand, that had been sitting on the counter.
He picked it up and looked at his right hand.
She gasped at the sight of it. His fist was purple, and his hand was clearly broken.
She wanted to walk over to him, but his words of losing control were echoing in her mind.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
Harry looked up, and the last bit of anger evaporated from his face.
"Oh, Merlin, `Mione. No, no, it's okay," He said as she started crying.
He walked over to her and took her in his arms.
She was shaking now, and he tightened his grip.
"It's okay, love, just calm down," He said soothingly, "Relax…just breath okay? It's
alright…I won't do that again….it's okay…"
He continued to talk to her soothingly until she had completely calmed down.
"I…oh god." She said, laughing shakily, as he stood back from her.
"Yeah." Harry said, looking around at the mess, "That pretty much sums it up."
Hermione took another shuddering breath and looked down at her watch.
"Oh, Harry, you'll be late!" She cried.
Harry looked surprised.
"For what?" he asked.
"Work!"
Harry smiled.
"Love, I'm on vacation, remember?" He frowned slightly, "But, I do need to go in today…just to…see how things are going."
Hermione nodded.
"Okay, well you go on. We'll clean up later, okay? I've got to get ready for work."
Harry nodded and kissed her before Apparating.
Hermione sighed and sank down to the floor. She'd only been sitting there for a moment or so when Andy walked in through the door.
Andy swore.
"What happened here?" She asked, looking amazed.
Hermione stood up.
"Harry." She said simply.
Andy looked surprised.
"What did you do?" She asked in amazement, "He hasn't done this in…god knows how long."
Hermione sighed.
"It was-a combination of things. He said something about how I'd moved in, and I said I hadn't because I still have my apartment, so I haven't really moved in and-"
"Hermione! I hate to break it to you, but you're moved in." Andy laughed.
Hermione grinned weakly.
"Yeah…and that led to the question of why I still had my apartment, and he found out that I…that I'm afraid of us…of us…breaking up…and that the apartment was my safe place if that happened…and he was so upset…he looked so betrayed, and he just…completely lost control when I tried to touch him to calm him down."
Andy looked shocked.
Hermione kept going.
"He…he said I didn't trust him…he talked about giving up everything for me, about how we were getting married…leaving me for America…it was…horrible."
Andy looked surprised.
"You-you're getting married?" She said, shocked.
Hermione looked up at her.
"Yes," She said smiling slightly, "Unless I've made everything go horribly wrong, we're getting married."
Andy grinned.
"Oh, congratulations! This is fantastic…the two of you…finally! My god…I wondered when he would do it!"
Hermione laughed.
"You saw it coming?" She asked.
Andy made a noise of disbelief.
"How could I not? Gosh…he's been so happy lately…I just knew he was going to ask you soon. So…how did he do it? Was he a complete mess? God, I told him he needed to practice proposing to a girl…he was absolutely horrid at it…" Andy said reminiscently
Hermione stopped breathing.
He was absolutely horrid at it?
She could hear Andy talking, but the words weren't making sense.
Andy stopped speaking and stared at Hermione.
Her face was white and she looked like she was about to faint.
"Hermione, are-are you alright?" Andy asked uncertainly.
Hermione looked at her slowly.
"What…did…Harry…did he…he's been engaged before?" She whispered.
Andy's eyes widened as she realized what she'd done.
"Oh…Hermione…"She whispered, looking horrified, "He…oh I was so sure he'd told you!"
Hermione shook her head.
Andy looked miserable.
"Hermione, he told me…oh I promise you…he told me he was going to come clean with you about everything…he didn't want secrets between the two of you…"
Hermione was hearing Harry's words only moments before. I don't want secrets between us…secrets cause problems…
"What….who was it? When?" Hermione said quietly, looking up at Andy.
Andy looked highly uncomfortable.
"Look, can't….can't we just forget I mentioned it? I'm sure he'll tell you soon." She asked desperately.
Hermione shook her head.
"No. He had the opportunity already. He's not going to tell me, so I want you to tell me."
Andy looked around; trying to find a way out of the mess she'd gotten into. Finally, she sighed.
"Sit down then."
Hermione conjured up two chairs and she and Andy sat.
"When?" Hermione asked.
"It was when he was in America…hardly a year since he'd met me."
"Who…who was it?" Hermione asked, "Some-some random girl?"
Andy looked at her fingers before lifting her eyes to Hermione's, looking terrified.
"It was me."
Hermione was numb. For just a second, she was that seventeen-year-old girl again…standing in front of her only love, and listening to him…his words breaking her heart. This moment…it was that little flicker of a memory that took her back….
Flashback…
"Hermione…can I speak with you a moment?"
It was Harry. He'd come up to her…in front of everyone…graduation was about to start.
"Oh…Harry…I don't know…shouldn't we be lining up?"
"Please, `Mione…just a second."
Hermione turned to Ron.
"Give us a minute, will you?" She asked, feeling nervous. Ron was looking at her strangely.
"Yeah…yeah...just hurry up, will you?" Ron asked.
She nodded, and let Harry lead her away from the crowds to `their spot' by the lake.
"I know you told me not to do this….to be alone with you like this…but it's important." Harry said nervously.
Hermione looked worried.
"Is something wrong?" She asked.
Harry swallowed.
"Yes…no…yes. Yes, something is wrong. I can't go on anymore, Hermione. I want…I want to shout it from the rooftops that you're mine. I…I want you to be mine. I…It's graduation, Hermione, and we're all leaving for bigger and better things, but for me, for me...graduation means leaving all of this….my home, my family, and you behind. I don't really think I can do that. So…so I'm…this is going to sound absolutely insane…but…Hermione…will you marry me?"
What??
Hermione looked at him, and saw him reaching into his pocket.
Oh god, no don't take that out.
"Wait!" She cried out.
Harry stopped, and withdrew his hand.
"Wh-what's the matter?" He asked.
"I…Harry…please…I can't." She said.
Harry looked shocked.
"It's…please tell me it's not for him." He said, laughing shrewdly.
Hermione looked pained.
"Harry…I told you…please…I love you, and this…thing we've had has been great! But Ron is absolutely devoted to me! His whole life is based on me being his girlfriend, and if I leave him, god, Harry…he'll crumble to pieces. It'll destroy him Harry."
Harry was shaking his head.
"No, Hermione, please, listen…what about me? I can't live without you!"
Hermione glanced behind her nervously. Ron had turned toward them from a long way away, and was slowly starting to walk towards them.
"You can." She said, turning back, "You are so, so strong, Harry. You can make it. He can't, Harry, and I won't do that to him…I'm just…not strong enough." She said with finality.
"I…you can't really consider going to him." Harry said derisively, "You'll be miserable. He'll never make you happy, `Mione! You'll be miserable every second you're with him. He's-a"
"Stop it, Harry. You won't make me come with you by insulting Ron. He's your best mate, Harry! Think how betrayed he'll feel!"
She glanced behind them again.
Ron was getting nearer.
"Hermione, just tell me, now…if you really, truly, can leave me, and be happy with Ron, tell me now. I won't be the fool that hangs around making you feel crazy if you'll be happy. I want to know that you won't regret your decision…I want to know that you'll be happy if you won't be mine."
Hermione hesitated.
Ron was yelling to them to hurry up.
"I'll be fine." She lied, "I don't want…I want to be with Ron. It's the right thing."
Every ounce of hope Harry had held crumbled within an instant. He felt numb with disbelief. His whole life was walking away.
Hermione had turned her back on him, and was telling Ron that she'd only be a moment.
When she turned back around, Harry was gone.
End Flashback.
"HERMIONE!" Andy yelled, and put her arms on the girl.
Hermione turned to look at her dazedly.
"I…sorry…I…was thinking…" She murmured, and put a hand to her head. It was spinning.
Andy sat back down looking worried.
"How…how are you feeling?" She asked.
Hermione looked at her.
"I've just found out Harry proposed to you." She said, "How do you think I'm feeling?"
Andy shook her head.
"You didn't let me finish, Hermione. Harry wasn't really…he didn't really want to marry me."
Hermione snorted.
"Oh, I can see that, he just wanted to propose to you." She said.
Andy sighed.
"Listen, Harry wasn't himself when he did it."
"Had he been drinking?" Hermione asked.
"Well…no…" Andy said.
"Then how was he not himself?" Hermione asked.
Andy looked at her in disbelief.
"He'd just gotten the newspaper from over here. He had it forwarded to our address in America so he could keep track of what was going on `round here. There was a…an article about Hogwarts students in it, remember? He'd wanted this edition especially; ever since he found out that someone had tried to find out where he'd gone. They were doing an article on your graduating class, since Harry had been in your class. Everyone wanted to know how he was doing, a year later. Anyways, there were a few snippets of interviews in there…and the one with Ron said that he was planning on settling down soon, with you."
Hermione was confused.
"I don't remember that…" She said.
Andy raised a brow.
"You gave an interview." She said.
Hermione nodded.
"Yes, I know, but I…I was there with Ron when he gave his interview…he never said he was settling down, let alone with me. It…it must have been the reporter…they must have screwed it up." She said, almost to herself.
Andy sighed.
"Well, screwed up interview or not, Harry went berserk. He came into the living room, looking absolutely scary. He was mumbling about settling down, and kept saying something about showing you. He asked me if I'd marry him, and I knew something was wrong. I went into the kitchen to find out what had upset him and saw the article. I made him sit down, and talk to me, and he let everything out….he'd already told me about you, but he told me about asking you to marry him at graduation, and what you'd said, and he cried…Harry cried. I'd never seen him so broken down…so beaten…." Andy trailed off, and looked at Hermione.
Hermione sat very still, processing everything Andy had just told her.
"Listen, Hermione, you won't blow this out of proportion, will you? You'll let Harry tell you on his own time? He'll tell you, I know he will…I just…you two are finally happy, and I don't want my stupid slip up to mess that all up for you."
Hermione nodded.
"I…I won't let it mess us up." She said.
Andy looked at her for a minute, and then stood up.
"Right, well, you've got a lot to think over, so I'll just leave you to it." She said, and left.
Andy, of course, went to Harry.
"I've made a horrible mistake." She gasped, as she burst into his cubicle at work.
Harry looked up, and dragged her inside.
"Shh! Andy…I'm not supposed to be here…you'll let everyone know I'm here." He hissed.
"We have got to talk." She whispered.
Harry nodded, it was clearly important.
"Right. Okay, here, hold onto my arm, and we'll go and have a coffee."
Harry Apparated them out of the Ministry and to an outside table at a little coffee shop in Diagon Alley.
"What did you do?" He asked. "I assume this is about the mess in the apartment…"
Andy shook her head.
"Not really. This is about me and my big mouth, and you, lying to me and telling me that you had told Hermione your secrets."
"I did." Harry said. "Or, rather, you told them to her, and I verified them, and added a few."
Andy stared at him.
"OH, Harry, did it not occur to you to tell her, oh I don't know…that you'd proposed to me?" She said sarcastically.
Harry looked at her in surprise.
"Oh, wow, Merlin…I'd forgotten about that…wait…you…she doesn't…"
Andy nodded.
"Oh yeah. She knows. God, Harry! I'm not meant to know secrets! She told me you'd gotten engaged, and it-it just slipped!"
Harry covered his face with his hands.
"Oh, God…I've already terrified her half to death…and I fought with her about having secrets just this morning." He moaned.
Andy sighed.
"Harry…why didn't you tell her?" She asked, "It would not be a problem if you'd just told her!"
Harry laughed.
"It wasn't important!" he looked up at Andy, "Sorry to sound like I'm putting you down, but I was an absolute idiot when I proposed to you! I didn't care for you like that, and you sure as hell didn't, and I only did it because I was so angry…and hurt at that stupid article! I'd forgotten all about proposing when I told her about being in America!"
Andy grinned.
"That's what I tried to tell her! She was so shocked, that I don't think…she's not going to see it as a stupid joke is she?"
Harry shook his head.
"Not likely."
"You should go tell her, right now."
Harry shook his head, again.
"No, no, because it will be obvious. I'll tell her tomorrow, I promise. Now then, let's talk about just what else you've let slip."
Andy sighed.
"I haven't said anything! I don't even know about anything else!"
Harry grinned.
"I know. Hey, are you hungry?"
Andy nodded.
"Great. How's this, we'll go eat, it'll be my treat for you warning me about this whole thing."
Andy grinned.
"Deal."
Harry stood up and mockingly offered her his arm, which she mockingly took.
They walked away without a care in the world, two good friends, never hearing a faint click that would mean their comfortable life crashing down.
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