Chapter 12
"I know?!" Ron repeated in disbelief, "I'm standing here with bloody proof that you've been cheating on me, and all you can say is `I know'? What the hell kind of answer is that?"
"I'm not even going to try to deny it, Ron, because it's the truth. I cheated on you. Not…not since you came back…and…well, actually it was before you went missing…I…I need to explain from the beginning."
Ron took her by the arm and went into the living room where he sat her down on the couch before sitting next to her.
"Damn right you need to start from the beginning." He said.
Hermione took a deep breath.
"I started…my…my affair at Hogwarts. Seventh year."
Ron shook his head in disbelief.
"It…it went on for quite a while," she said quietly, "it ended at graduation, when…when he…he
proposed to me and I turned him down. I didn't see him again for a bit…not until kind of recently, and…we…we
couldn't deny our feelings…we love each other, Ron…and…right before you went missing, Ginny found out about us and
demanded that we tell you. Before we could tell you, though, you showed up and….saw us together…when you went on the
mission to capture Draco, you were upset, and acted rashly…then you came back….and I, I didn't have the heart to do
that to you a-again…" Hermione broke off for a minute, crying, "just like I'm doing now…oh god…s-so…I-I
broke it off with him…and I think I may have ruined everything."
She finished in a whisper, and looked up at Ron miserably, waiting for him to start yelling.
His face was pale, and his hands were shaking, but his gaze was steady.
"So…I take it I know this bloke pretty well, then," He said calmly, "since it started at Hogwarts."
Hermione nodded slowly.
"Yes, he's…you know him."
Ron nodded again.
"And…who is he?" he asked, his voice strained.
Hermione shook her head.
"That won't do any good now;" She said sadly, "There's nothing going to come of it, because I've ruined everything, so there's no point in you knowing his name."
Ron watched her quietly as tears ran down her face.
"Go." He said, turning away from her.
She looked up in shock.
"G-go where? It's my apartment!"
"No…go…go to him. It's him that makes you happy, whoever he is, not me, so just-just go."
Hermione looked at Ron.
"I can't believe you're being s-so understanding a-about all of this…you weren't last time…"
Ron laughed dryly.
"Yes, well, I suppose the first time I was a bit distraught, but…I've been noticing that you aren't happy, and…I don't want to force you to be with me, if it's someone else that makes you happy. And you'd better hope this bloke treats you good, because he's obviously and idiot if he let you go."
Hermione smiled slightly.
"He wasn't willing." She said sadly, "But he's one of the sweetest guys I know."
Ron nodded, his throat getting tight.
"Yeah…so…erm…I suppose that I've overstayed my welcome here…and uh…I guess I'll see you around."
Ron stood up and walked over to the door. He turned around to face Hermione.
"You um…you're really something special, you know that?" He said, his throat making his voice sound choked.
Hermione looked at him, her face softening.
"Thanks, Ron."
Ron nodded, and left, closing the door behind him softly.
Hermione took a shuddering breath, willing herself not to cry. She'd really thought Harry had been wrong, and that she'd have been able to hold out her lie for longer than a week…she should have known better, really, to think that Ron wouldn't find out…she could have saved so much wasted time.
She felt like it took every ounce of willpower in her to get up from her couch and go over across the hallway to Harry's apartment.
She knocked on the door softly, feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach.
"Who is it?" Andy's voice called, but before Hermione could answer, the door had opened.
Andy's face showed shock, and she began to close the door but Hermione stuck her foot in it.
"Please," She whispered, "Just…let me see him…for a minute…it…I think it will make all the difference."
Andy wrinkled her nose and seemed to ponder the thought.
"I…don't know if you really want to…" Andy said after a moment.
Hermione shook her head.
"I really do. I've…I've got something to talk to him about, and it really doesn't need to wait."
Andy sighed, but opened the door, nonetheless.
"If you walk out of his room, and you've completely destroyed him, I swear to god, Hermione, I will kick your ass." Andy said warningly, as she led Hermione to Harry's room.
Hermione smiled a bit.
"You have my permission." She said.
Andy snorted as she rapped on Harry's door.
"As if I'd need it. Hey, Harry! Open up will you? There's a friend here to see you!" Andy yelled.
"Yeah, just give me and Gin another minute, will you, Andy? Tell whoever it is to sit down or have a drink or something."
Andy raised her brow at Hermione who shook her head.
"Alright, Harry, I'm going to be in the kitchen, okay? Anything you'd like for dinner?" Andy asked.
"Just fix something, I don't really care."
"Okay."
Andy turned to Hermione.
"Do you want to wait here or in the living room?" She asked.
"I…I'll go across the hall and wait in your old room, if that's okay." Hermione said.
Andy nodded.
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Thanks, Andy."
Andy waved and left to the kitchen.
Hermione, instead of going to sit in Andy's room, crept close to Harry's door. She could hear muffled voices, but a quick spell would fix that…
"-a fantastic girl, Gin, and I really wish we could be together, but I don't deserve you. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, and I just can't. You're absolutely perfect for me, but I don't love you. I've given my whole heart away to someone, and they haven't had the courtesy to give it back just yet."
"I understand, Harry…It would be nice…you and me that is…but I almost think I've been in love with the idea of being in love with you, if that makes any sense at all…sort of like one of those `you can't have it, so you want it' things."
"Yeah," Harry said, his voice sounding hoarse, "I know a bit about those things."
"Promise me something before I leave, though, Harry." Ginny said.
"I'll try." Harry said.
"Promise you won't let this kill you…I've been so worried about you. Your last episode nearly would have had you in St. Mungo's if Andy hadn't found you when she did. I know that Hermione took the best part of you, and that she's got all of you, but I want you to fight like hell to get it back, alright? Promise me?"
Hermione stepped away from the door, not waiting to hear Harry's response, and she quickly disappeared into Andy's old room, as the door to Harry's opened.
She watched through the cracked door as Harry gave Ginny a hug, and Ginny walked away.
Harry stood there for a moment, and turned to open his door again, and that's when Hermione pushed open Andy's.
"Harry." She said breathlessly, stepping out into the hallway.
He turned around in shock, his back stiffening.
"H-Hermione…how did you get in?" he asked, his eyes darkening.
"Andy let me in; I needed to talk to you."
Harry snorted.
"Like we "talked" in the elevator?" He asked.
Hermione winced.
"That was…poor judgment on my part." She said slowly, "but I really want to talk to you."
Harry surveyed her cautiously for a moment, and then stepped aside for her to enter his room.
"Thanks." She entered the room and went and sat down on his bed.
He sat down beside her.
"So…" He said.
"Ron knows about us." She said softly.
Harry nodded.
"So…the way I see it…there's one of two reasons why you're here. Number one, you're trying to warn me so that I don't get the living crap beat out of me when Ron finds me all vulnerable at a bar. Number two: you're feeling pathetically lonely now that your boyfriend has left you that you decided to come crawling back to me to break my heart again. So…which one is it?"
Hermione's mouth had opened slightly in shock at the forcefulness in Harry's voice, and she closed it.
"It's neither," she said quietly, "I realized something today, is all, and I just…thought you deserved to know what I realized."
Harry sat back and crossed his arms.
"And what did you realize that was so important?" He asked.
Hermione looked down at her hands.
"I took a pregnancy test today."
She saw Harry's arms slip from the corner of her eye, but she continued to stare downwards.
"Y-you're p-pregnant?" He whispered. "My god, Hermione…you…you move fast, don't you?"
Hermione looked up, hurt.
"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked.
"Well, obviously…you've been with Ron for only a week…"
Hermione stared at him, her eyes filling with tears.
"You think I slept with Ron? I never….Harry….I gave all of me to you...I would never, ever…with Ron…"
Harry took a deep, shuddering breath.
"So it's our baby, then." He said, exhaling, "well…that does present a problem. I see a reason three now. You're warning me against having the crap beat out of me by Ron, and you're also trying to come crawling back. Fantastic."
Hermione sighed.
"There's no baby, Harry." She said quietly.
"But you said you took a pregnancy test!"
"You didn't let me finish, did you? I took a pregnancy test today, because I've been feeling so nauseous lately that I was worried that I might be…well…anyways, I'm not, but taking that test, it made me think, really, really hard about what I would do and how I would feel if the test had been positive, and…I realized that Ron isn't the man I want to have children with, or get married to, or grow old with. That's you. It's always been you, and I've just been too stupid to fully realize it, and I know that it's far too late for us now, but…I just didn't think I could walk away without ever telling you how I felt."
She stood up, and sighed before walking across the room, and opening his door.
"You know," Harry interrupted her, as she started to walk out, "I don't trust you, now."
She turned around.
"I wouldn't trust me, either, if I were you." She said, leaning against the door frame.
Harry nodded slowly.
"I don't trust you," he repeated, "and I don't know if I can ever trust you again, but…I think it might be worth a shot."
Hermione's head shot up to look at him. She searched his face to see if he was serious.
"I…you mean…?" she spluttered.
"I mean that I'm not stupid enough to let you go again when I'm given the chance to keep you."
"Harry…"
"I'm warning you though; things will not go back to how they were. It's going to be difficult, and we'll probably fight like crazy, but I'm willing. I want to make it work this time, Hermione, but I'm warning you…this is it…if this somehow goes wrong-"
"No negative thoughts," Hermione interrupted, "I want to start our new relationship with a clean slate."
Harry paused, and then smiled.
"I like the sound of that."
Hermione grinned.
"Me too. Oh and there is just the slightest problem I didn't mention yet, but we're starting out with a clean slate so…"
"What's that?"
"Ron doesn't know it's you."
Harry's eyebrows shot up.
"Then who does he think it is?"
"He just thinks it's some guy I met at Hogwarts that he knows pretty well…I didn't want to tell him, because I didn't think we would ever be together."
"Well, that's the truth…it's just missing a few major details…like the fact that it's his best mate."
Hermione laughed nervously.
"Yeah, something like that. I just…thought you might want to know so that…in case he asks…"
"I'll tell him the truth, `Mione. Don't worry, I'd much rather have this all over with."
Hermione sighed.
"I'm really sorry about everything." She said, coming over to put a hand on his face, "I…I was a mess, and I just thought that….what I was doing would eventually be best for everyone, but…it wasn't. I was just…getting all of this pressure and…"
"What pressure? I never pressured you…I left you completely alone." Harry said, puzzled.
"I know, you were wonderful about it all, really…it was…well…Mrs. Weasley sort of…cornered me…"
"What did she say to you?" Harry asked his breath catching.
"She…said that if I went in to see Ron, I had to stay with him, or I would have to turn and walk away without ever looking back, without ever seeing him again, and do that."
Harry looked startled.
"I wouldn't expect you to do that, love," he said softly, "Ron is a huge person in both of our lives, and we can't just cut him out…it's impossible. I love you so much, and I really don't want anyone to get hurt because we love each other, so we're going to try to make this work, and we're going to be honest with Ron."
Hermione hugged him, and smiled when she felt his arms wrap around her.
"I love you." He whispered.
Hermione laughed.
"Why do you love me?" She asked, "I've given you every reason not to, but you still insist on doing it…why?"
Harry let go of her and sat her down on his bed.
"That depends on your definition of love." He said, sitting down beside her and taking her hand, "I personally believe that love is…many things. Love is something more than a word…or a feeling…it's an entire way of living. Love is rare, and beautiful but terrifying at the same time. Love…love is giving someone the ability to completely destroy you, and trusting them not to. And believe it or not, I do trust that you will never intentionally destroy me. So really, when I think back on my definition of love, and I think about how I feel about you, the two match up perfectly. As for why I still insist on loving you…well…I'm running out of reasons why I shouldn't."
-->