Separation
Harry knew he needed to get some sleep. He wanted to sleep, really, because that was the only way that he would get to see her. He wanted to see her, didn't he? Harry didn't know. After all, it had been several years since they had all hugged and said their good-byes. The minister had promised that it wasn't going to be forever, but here it was five… no wait, six years later, and Harry was still stuck in this God-forsaken coal mine town, unable to use his magic. He was cut off from the magic world completely now, and hated every moment of it.
Why in the hell did the minister send him to Golden Valley? There was nothing golden about this place. It was grimy and dirty. Harry spent hours upon hours a day deep in the coal mine, wishing that something, anything would happen. It was boring, tedious work, breaking and shoveling the coal. Granted, he had never been in better shape, which is if he could see himself under the layer of grime that covered him head to toe. He had given up years ago trying to clear the dirt of this place from under his finger nails.
Harry rolled over and looked at the clock, barely able to make out the blue numbers without his glasses. It was already two in the morning, and Harry knew he had better try to catch some sleep. He had to be up in three hours now, and he needed to have his beauty sleep. Harry almost laughed at that. There was nothing beautiful about him. Scarred from each of Voldemort's attacks on him through out his life, his body was tarnished and tainted by lines that had healed but never faded. He was like this place. Cast away until needed. Harry tried to fight the bitterness and instead focused on love.
Love had abandoned him too, as he had seen that last night that he and Ginny had been together. She had been given a choice: be with Harry and never see your family again or be with you family. Ginny had wanted to choose Harry, but her family had already lost Fred, George succumbed some time after that, and Ginny couldn't let her mother suffer. Ginny chose her family, and that was fine with Harry. He knew how important family was. He couldn't lie, though. It stung.
He never found out what Ron and Hermione had chosen to do. Once Ginny made her choice, Harry was banished to this coal town with false hopes that it would just be temporary. Weeks turned to months, months turned to years, and yet, Harry remained a prisoner to Golden Valley, not that the town was a bad town, because Harry had oddly begun to think of it as home. He had a small one bedroom flat here, and was completely independent. He glanced up in the dark at the ceiling.
Hermione, while always on about Ron, had become so much more those first weeks after the war ended. She had comforted him as no one else did, and yes, Harry and she had been close. Harry knew that she would never betray Ron, and he would never dare of asking her to, but there was a moment that Harry wondered how far their relationship would have traveled had Ron remained out of the picture. Harry swallowed quite guiltily. Ron was his best mate, and Hermione was Ron's girl. He knew he should never think of them that way.
Yet, as Harry drifted off to sleep, he could almost imagine the way she touched his face and kissed his mouth that first night they lay alone in his bedroom at 12 Grimuld Place. Ron had been forced to remain by his mother's side and had insisted Harry and Hermione wait for him at the house. Ron had never arrived, and neither wanted to sleep alone. He had held her that night in his arms, protectively, as if that alone would keep her safe. He knew he loved Hermione, but it wasn't until that painfully obvious moment that he realized.
Harry had already known that he was too late, though. Hermione belonged to Ron, and he had said so that first night they lay in each other's arms. They were fully clothed, Harry remembered regretfully as his clenched eyes couldn't keep out the vision of Hermione in his bed, in his arms, pressed against him so tightly.
"I am not property to be owned," Hermione had defended as she initiated the kiss. Harry had been surprised, to say the least, and fully aroused by the thought that a witch as beautiful and smart as Hermione would kiss him with that rawness and unbridled passion. Not even Ginny had kissed him the way that Hermione had kissed him. Harry had chalked it up to survivors' relief, but secretly in the darkest places of his heart, he hoped that Hermione wanted so much more.
Hermione had, and so had Harry, but neither of them were willing to cross that line. They laid there, deep in thought much of the night unable to sleep, much like Harry was now.
Harry groaned loudly and rolled to his side. The clock now read three in the morning and Harry wished upon wished that he would be able finally to sleep. Two hours wasn't enough sleep, no, but Harry would make due. He always did.
He remembered hugging Ron and Hermione before entering the new minister's office, a makeshift tent there on the school grounds. There was a concern that Harry and his friends would be retaliated against, since not all of the Death Eaters had been apprehended. For their safety, they were being sent to various safe houses just until things were repaired, people were captured, and order was restored.
"Son, the wizarding world thanks you," The minister had said. He was a tired looking man that Harry didn't know. He looked familiar from Harry's visits to the ministry, but Harry couldn't be certain.
"What if I say no?" Harry asked as he thought about the year had already spent far from home. He wanted to settle down, start his Auror training. He thought of perhaps marriage, but then Hermione's face slipped before him instead of Ginny's and Harry got nervous.
`I love Ginny,' Harry thought to himself.
`Yes, but you also love Hermione,' Harry replied. Harry shook his head.
"Harry, we know you have sacrificed a lot for our kind, and you and your friends are all heroes," The minister said quietly. "We have to do what is best for all, and right now, keeping you safe and out of the spot light is what is best."
"So, I go alone?" Harry asked as his voice cracked. It was his one true fear, to be alone.
"No, of course not," The minister said. "You may choose one friend to accompany you, but only one. You will not have contact with the other's while you are in hiding."
Harry thought first of Ron, but decided that it was not going to be best. Mrs. Weasley had already lost so many of her sons to this. Harry couldn't in good conscious take another one of her sons. Harry thought of Hermione next, and his heart began to race. Hermione and he made perfect sense, and they had already proven that they could live together quite harmoniously. But Harry knew Hermione would say no to him, in stead choosing Ron. Harry knew this but only because Hermione had told him so, even as they lay in each other's arms the night before, acting more like lovers than friends did.
"Ginny," Harry said as though he was settling on a hamburger. Perhaps this was why Ginny had said no to him. She had been away from him nearly a year, and they had grown apart.
Harry had asked Ginny, but Ginny had declined. Harry understood, but he also understood that would mean he would be alone out there in the muggle world again and this time, he didn't have Hedwig to keep him company.
Harry glanced at his clock once more and got up. It was four in the morning. At this point, Harry knew it was pointless for him to try to sleep. Instead, he headed to take his shower, stripping down naked in the middle of his bedroom. He walked past the mirror, barely able to stand to look at his reflection. No one had wanted to go with Harry when Harry was no longer the pawn in a sick quest to rule death.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself," Harry told his reflection. "At least you still have me."
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