Wizard Gone Wild (Chapter 4 of 4?)
A/N: I'm not sure that I'm happy with this chapter, but I'm selfishly posting it anyway, so that my mind can turn towards other work(s). Given the state of my muse and a favorable reader response, there may be an epilogue.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money being made, etc., etc.
Chapter Four
Harry Potter stepped into a transfigured and magically-expanded stadium concourse, filled with witches in a mad dash towards the seating area as Hermione Granger welcomed the crowd and reported just how large a donation was going to be made to the War Orphans Fund. Seeing an opening off to one side, he slipped into the back row just as Hermione turned the stage over to Lavender Brown, who appeared to be acting as the show's emcee.
As Lavender used a Sonorus charm to go over the ground-rules regarding wands and roving hands, Harry leaned over the top row of witches to see who had been given the best seats. He wasn't surprised to find Hermione in the front row next to Susan, with Ginny Weasley on the bride-to-be's right. Padma and Parvati were also in the front row, with Augusta Longbottom right behind, sitting next to an older witch that (from the back) looked like Minerva McGonagall. Fortunately, the silver-haired heads of Fleur, Gabrielle, and their mum caught his attention quickly enough to keep him from thinking about being naked in front of his former Head of House. Instead, he struggled to remember just how old Fleur's younger sister was as she bounced up and down in her seat.
From where Harry stood, it was clear that many of the witches in the room had gotten into the spirit of the Quidditch theme, and transfigured their clothing into modified school robes. Few of these robes were standard issue…the pretty witch standing next to him, for example, was dressed in Hufflepuff robes that sported a cleavage-baring neckline, and thigh-baring hemline that would have given Pomona Sprout a heart attack.
A polite (if impatient) round of applause drew Harry's attention away from the skimpy attire and towards the stage, where Lavender had ended her speech and poked her head into the doorway of the witch's lavatory. The chant of Harr-y! Harr-y! Harr-y! built up once more, as the former Gryffindor witch held one-half of a hidden conversation with someone inside, and snaked her arm through the doorway. A moment later, the arm sported a "thumbs up" sign, and the crowd cheered when Lavender turned and repeated that signal for their benefit.
"Witches, are you ready for the wizard that let it all hang out when he defeated a troll at age eleven?" she asked with a Sonorus-aided roar.
"Yes!" yelled the crowd, as they rose to their feet and clapped in rhythm.
"Ready for the wizard that let it all hang out when he slew a mighty basilisk?"
Yes!"
"Ready for the Tri-Wizard Champion…who vanquished Voldemort…and has been Teen Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Wizard Five Years Running?"
"Yes!"
"Ready for The Boy-Who-Lived to really to let it all hang out, in the way that every witch in the world dreams of?"
"Yes!"
"Then, without further delay," Lavender cried out, as she pointed towards the door, "I give you POTTER!"
As the music volume surged, Harry's doppelganger burst from the lavatory with a smoke-trailing broomstick between her legs and a wide grin on her face. Magical spotlights tracked the "Potter 7" robes that fluttered behind Tonks as she flew up and over the semi-circle of Quidditch stadium stands in a wide arc, then spiraled slowly down towards the ground level stage, waving to the crowd the whole time.
A voice that rose above the rhythmic repetition of Harry's name cried out, "WE WANT BITS!" Tonks coyly admonished the witch with pursed lips and a wagging finger as she hovered above the crowd. The lone voice, however, was quickly bolstered by the shared sentiments within the crowd.
"We want bits! We want bits! We want bits!"
oo00OO00oo
Tonks shook her head and laughed as she dropped to the stage and dismounted the broom. She began to strut back and forth across the elevated platform, as the front row of witches abandoned their chairs and rushed the stage, hoping to grab some of the performer's robes. Tonks danced just out of reach, and stopped in front of Susan Bones, so that she could swivel, sway, and thrust her version of Harry's hips towards the guest of honor.
Tonks couldn't hear Hermione's snort, given the music volume, but she could see it, along with the slight look of disappointment in her eyes.
"Made, already," Tonks thought to herself. She turned towards Hermione and gave her a saucy wink. Seeing that expression returned with more confusion than recognition, Tonks squatted down at the edge of the stage and leaned towards the former Gryffindor witch to offer a quick word of reassurance. Susan Bones, however, misconstrued this action and stepped in front of Hermione so that she could pull the metamorph's head down for a full-throated, toe-curling kiss.
"Susan!" Tonks exclaimed, once she managed to wrestle her lips away from her assailant's.
"What?" the bride-to-be shouted. "It's just us girls, right?" Her left hand remained buried in Tonk's unruly mass of black hair while the right slipped down inside the back of her Quidditch robes.
The Auror shook her head and smiled as she pulled Susan's arms away and stood back up. When the witch's hands broke free of Tonk's grip, the notice-me-not charms took hold, and the metamorph turned away from the guest of honor with a confused look on her face.
"Wha….what did I do?" Susan asked.
"It's your notice-me-not hands," Lavender yelled out. "You need to hide them someplace!"
The bride-to-be realized the problem, and quickly crossed her arms and stuffed her hands into her armpits. Lavender's scandalous comment about hiding her hands lower down her body were missed, as Susan returned her attention towards Tonks, who had apparently shaken off the charm's effects and was sauntering back towards her. Harry's doppelganger grinned as she beckoned Susan with a curled finger.
"Come help me, Miss Bones."
The former Hufflepuff frowned, then shook her head.
"I can't," Susan yelled back with crossed arms. "My hands had a distraction charm applied to them."
Those witches close enough to hear this declaration above the music surged forward…nearly every one offering to take Susan's place on stage.
Tonks grinned at the response, and disappointed the crowd with a slight shake of her head, and a finger pointed out towards Hermione.
"Me?" she asked, pointing her own index finger towards her chest.
"Yes, you," Tonks yelled. "And bring your chair!"
oo00OO00oo
Harry Potter couldn't hear any of the dialogue between Tonks and the front row of witches from his position at the back of the room. Not that it mattered…Tonks had planned for a noisy crowd with a visual cue that had yet to be given.
The metamorph was apparently having too much fun to share the limelight…at least just yet.
Harry watched with nervous interest as Hermione grabbed her chair and lifted it up onto the elevated stage. His interest grew as she placed her hands on the stage edge and pushed up high enough to swing around and sit on the platform.
His best friend had transfigured her outfit into a muggle sleeveless "little black dress," with a relatively modest neckline, but a pleasingly short hemline that made it all but impossible for her to reach the stage without flashing her knickers to the audience. While most eyes in the room were still focused on Tonks, Harry's were riveted to Hermione, and to the little play-within-a-play that had just been performed by her sheer black panties.
"Merlin!" he muttered to himself. He wasn't at all surprised that that brief flash had aroused him in a way that the skimpy attire of the audience had not…whether intentionally or not, Hermione was now wearing the only piece of clothing that she had worn on the morning he'd caught her self-treating her sexual tension within their shared tent.
Placing his trust in the strength of his charm work and the darkness of the room, Harry Potter took his time readjusting the front of his trousers as Tonks's portion of the show played out.
oo00OO00oo
Tonks grabbed Hermione by one hand and her chair with the other and walked back to center stage. The metamorph set the chair down facing the audience, then took a seat. She then lifted her leg out towards the crowd and smiled up at Hermione.
"Help me with my boots, Hermione?"
Hermione leaned down towards Tonks and placed a hand on the metamorph's leg.
"What are you playing at, Tonks?" she hissed.
Tonks pulled Hermione's head down to hers and placed a long near-kiss against the nape of her neck. As the crowd roared its appreciation, Tonks broke the staged skin contact and moved her lips to Hermione's ear.
"Harry's watching the show," she explained to Hermione. "Make him wish that he was the one on stage wearing these boots."
A smile came to Hermione's lips as she nodded in recognition and pulled away from Tonks's embrace. With one hand still on the outstretched leg, she kicked her own leg up and over Tonk's and faced the crowd in something approximating a cowgirl riding in reverse. The other witches within the room egged Hermione on as she cradled the boot with one hand, and held the other out for balance, as if she was riding a mechanical bull. The audience clapped along as she bounced up and down on Tonk's leg in time with the music.
oo00OO00oo
Harry began to seriously consider jumping the wand as Hermione began to bump and grind against Tonk's version of his left leg. The pouting lips, puckered into alternating "oohs" and "ahs," were paired with eyes that darted from one side of the audience to the other with feral hunger. Was she hunting for the real Harry? He certain hoped so, as she slipped off Tonk's boot and began to message the bared foot.
"C'mon, Tonks," he muttered impatiently, finding it hard to address just how hard he'd become.
Shouts of approval rang out from the crowd as Hermione bent down, stuck out her tongue, and licked up the length of Tonks's big toe. These shouts were replaced with laughter as Tonks took advantage of Hermione's position and slapped her hand against her dress-covered bum. The witch jumped up in shock and whipped her hands behind to protect against a second strike. She turned, exchanged a few words with Harry's twin, then allowed the bared leg to drop so that she could repeat her performance with the other leg and boot.
An impatient crowd was rewarded when Hermione gave up her foot massage and stepped behind the chair. She leaned over Tonks's shoulder, and let her hands roam up and down Tonks's flat chest. Hermione teased the crowd (and the real Harry) when her hands drifted lower down the Auror's front, but they bypassed Tonks's lap and took hold of the fabric that covered the seated Auror's knees. The metamorph gestured towards the crowd, soliciting shouts of encouragement as Hermione pulled on the hem and began to expose bare leg.
When the bottom of the Quidditch robes approached Tonks's lap, she clamped her legs together tightly to avoid any up-skirt glimpses for the crowd. The groans and moans of a disappointed audience quickly turned to cheers when Hermione reached down and swatted Tonks's knees. She then wedged her fingers in between the clamped legs and began to pull them apart.
The audience went wild when spread legs revealed a jock-strap protected g-string.
An impatient Hermione nuzzled against Tonks's neck, so that her mass of brown curly hair blocked anyone in the crowd from lip-reading.
"So tell me, Tonks," she asked. "What do I have to do to be able to do this to the real Harry?"
The metamorph chuckled. "So you'd be willing to do this to Harry in front of this crowd?"
"I'd ride reverse cowgirl on his broomstick, if that's what it would take."
The Auror laughed out loud. "Careful what you promise, Hermione…wouldn't want you to be forced to fulfill a wizard's oath."
Hermione smiled into Tonks's neck as she dragged her fingertips up and down the witch's bared thigh. "What makes you think that any force would be required?"
"What if I said Harry won't swap places with me until he sees me pull you over my lap and swat your bare arse?"
The former Gryffindor responded by dragging her hand all the way up Tonks's leg and grabbing hold of the hard protective cup.
"I'd probably ask whether you wanted to use your left hand or right."
"Lucky for you, then," said Tonks, "that the signal isn't quite as painful."
The Auror quickly stood, pulling Hermione's hand away from her lap. The few boos that came from the crowd were drowned out by cheering when she turned her back to the crowd, then bent down and grabbed the chair seat. As she began to wiggle her bum, Tonks looked up at Hermione and said, "Help me out of these robes, sweetheart."
"Right away," Hermione said cheerfully.
"No, take your time," Tonks replied. "Make sure the audience gets their money's worth."
Hermione nodded as she turned to face the audience. She giggled when she looked down towards Susan…the former Hufflepuffs's hands were presently buried somewhere other than her armpits.
Tonks swayed her hips back and forth while Hermione reached down and grabbed hold of the bottom of Quidditch uniform. She looked to the audience for encouragement, and was amply rewarded as she raised the hemline higher and higher. When "Harry's" toned calves were exposed, Hermione abandoned her grip on the robes and reached down to caress Tonk's legs. The hem still traveled higher, though, with each teasing stroke of her hand up and down the leg.
Losing her patience (and most of her decorum), Hermione momentarily forgot about the tease and flipped the robes up over Tonks's bum.
And the crowd went wild at the sight of nearly bared bottom.
Hermione forgot for a moment whom she was with and waggled her eyebrows towards the crowd as she cupped an exposed cheek with her hand.
"Hey!" said Tonks with a grin. "Do you want to play with my arse, or Harry's?"
Hermione smiled.
"Do you want me to stop, Auror Tonks?"
The metamorph rolled her eyes. "Just finish pulling these robes over my head."
The former Gryffindor nodded, and stepped in front of Tonks so that she could pull the offending garment all the way off.
The crowd showed its appreciation, as Tonks stood with her back to them, now dressed only in jock strap and g-string.
"Now what?" asked Hermione, as Tonks began to gyrate her hips for the crowd.
"Now, it's up to Harry," the Auror replied with a smile. "Play along, if you can."
She then turned and flashed that same smile towards the rest of the room.
oo00OO00oo
"It's about bloody time," Harry muttered, as the discarded robes gave signal. He looked down and rearranged himself to present a less-obvious profile, then grabbed his other wand and cancelled the self-applied notice-me-not charm. The attentions of the nearby witches were too focused on the stage to notice him, so that they were just as surprised as anyone else when Harry held his wand tip to his throat and cast a Sonorus charm.
"WHAT IN MERLIN"S NAME IS GOING ON HERE!"
Had there actually been a phonograph needle working its magic against vinyl, it would have made a horrific scratching noise in response to Harry's question. Instead, the music simply died, along with all of the enthusiasm within the room, as every witch in the room swiveled her head towards the questioner.
The shocked silence allowed Harry to ask clearly heard follow-up questions without need of magical augmentation.
"I said, what is going on here?" he demanded, as he strode down towards the stage.
With the hall lights dimmed, it was only those witches along the aisle that recognized him. Their gasps were quickly converted into explanations, though, such that everyone in the magically expanded room knew that there was a brewing identity issue ever before the young wizard jumped down onto the ground level, then leapt up onto the stage.
"Erm…..Harry, what are you doing here?" asked a nervous-looking Hermione.
"What am I doing here?" he replied, as he leapt up onto the stage. He gave Tonks a close look-over as the audience buzzed with a mixture of confusion and disappointment (as Harry's arrival seemed destined to end the show).
"Who are you, and why are you pretending to be a nearly-naked me?"
"Erm……"
"Tell me why I shouldn't hex you from here to Hastings," Harry snarled, as he drew his wand level with Tonks's face.
Hermione stepped in front of Harry and pulled his wand hand back down to his side. With a stage-carrying voice she said, "It's not Tonks's fault, Harry…I asked for her help."
Harry turned half-way, to present a stage profile for the audience. "Is that really you, Tonks?"
A fearful-looking mirror image nodded her head dismissively.
"Prove it, then."
Tonks frowned, and chose to comply with Harry's demand by growing a pair of bare breasts.
"Tonks!" he yelled, at the sight of his doppleganger's augmentation. "Put those away!"
"Oh, you're no fun, Harry," Tonks quipped, as she shrank herself back down to the size of Harry's firm pecs.
"Forgive me if I don't think this is a laughing matter," Harry replied. "Give a good reason not to haul you all down to the Ministry for wrongful impersonation."
"It's for Susan's party, and the war orphans?" asked Hermione.
Harry frowned. "That's two reasons." He squinted out into the audience. "Is Susan even out there?"
"Right here, Harry," the witch replied.
"Where?" asked Harry. "These lights are too bright…raise your hand."
"Erm, I can't Harry."
"Why not?"
"Because they have notice-me-not charms applied to them."
"Why would you need to…"
Harry stopped in mid-sentence as the crowd tittered.
"So where exactly are you hiding your hands, Susan?"
"Erm…."
"Never mind, I don't think I want to know," Harry said. "Would you like me to conjur you a pair of mittens?"
A beat later, Susan replied, "No thanks, Harry…I'm good."
"That point might be debatable, all things considered," he snarked.
Pacing back and forth along the stage front, Harry frowned.
"What made you think you could fool the audience into thinking that it was really me?" he asked Tonks.
"Well…we had some reliable information about the size of your…..measurements."
"Is that so?" asked Harry. "And have you shared that information with your audience, Tonks?"
"No, you got here before I got the chance to."
"Well that's good," Harry stated.
The audience, who had quickly settled down so that they wouldn't miss any of the dialogue, expressed its disappointment.
Tonks chuckled to herself. "So why do you think that's good, Harry?"
"Well, if you have to know, Tonks…I wouldn't want there to be any doubt that the paid attendence didn't get its money's worth."
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked with a sly smile.
Harry snorted as he began to unbutton his dark green robes. "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."
There was a moment of silence as Harry's words and actions sunk in.
And then all hell broke loose.
Arm-thrusting chants of "Harr-y, Harr-y, Harr-y" ran counterpoint to the clap-punctuated demand, "We Want Bits!" Witches jumped up and down in excitement as Harry called for the music to start up again.
Hermione chose that moment to walk in between Harry and the crowd and place her hands over his.
"Are you really going to do this?" she yelled above the music.
Harry gave her a rakish grin as he cast a Muffliato spell around them and replied, "Maybe we should work this out?"
Hermione nodded as she looked over her shoulder. "Think the crowd will give us that time?"
With a chuckle, Harry tilted his head towards Tonks, who had stepped up and begun to dance to the music.
"I think that my body double is buying us a few minutes."
Nodding, Hermione said, "You really don't have to do this, you know."
Maybe I want to find out if you'd really be a witch gone wild if I did."
Hermione's tongue darted out to moisten her lower lip, only to sneak back in so that she could bite down on that lip pensively.
"Would you want me to go wild, Harry?"
The Boy-Who-Lived pulled his hands away from his chest so that he could cover hers.
"You show me how you really feel about me, and I promise I'll do the same."
Hermione's breath caught in her throat. She looked down in embarrassment, only to catch sight of some tenting to Harry's robes.
"Any chance you're already showing me your feelings, Mr. Potter?"
Harry followed her gaze downward and snorted. He replied by pulling her into a bone-crushing hug that trapped the physical manifestation of his feelings for Hermione against her thigh. He smiled at the crowd's reaction, and then goosed it by trailing a hand up Hermione's leg towards her panty-covered bum.
"I'll uncover mine if you uncover yours," he saucily stated.
Hermione's eyes went wide, particularly as she caught Tonks mouthing "I told you so!" out of the corner of her eye. She swatted Harry's roaming hand out from under her dress and replied, "I think the crowd is more interested in seeing you go first, Harry."
"Is that a promise for a second private performance later tonight?"
Hermione reached down to give Harry's posterior a squeeze.
"You bet your arse it is."
Harry grinned as he cancelled the silencing spell and kissed Hermione hard. She responded with a moan, and pushed her tongue against his lips seeking entry.
Those witches in the room who had long realized the inevitability of the moment (i.e. the moment that Harry and Hermione kissed, not the moment that Harry would strip down starkers) sighed, smiled knowingly, and took up a new three-beat cheer.
"Her-mi-one! Her-mi-one! Her-mi-one!"
Ginny Weasly and the few other witches in the room who had harbored delusionary ideas about snagging The Boy-Who-Lived for them selves sat on their hands, rather than clap them.
oo00OO00oo
Harry and Hermione were thirty seconds into an on-stage snog when a French-accented voice called out, " 'Ooray for you two…but we still want bits!"
The Boy-Who-Lived snorted, and broke the kiss so that he could look over Hermione's shoulder.
"Who do you think that was," he asked. "Fleur or her sister?"
"Could've been their mum," Hermione snarked.
"Think they'd mind if I swept you away to someplace a little more private?"
"Yeah…probably everyone but Ginny."
"Why do you say that?" Harry asked.
"She….she claimed that your bits weren't worth showing off."
"She did, did she?"
Hermione responded with a nod.
"Would you think any less of me if I set out to prove her wrong?"
Hermione smiled as she snaked a hand in between them and gave his crotch a firm squeeze.
"I think that I'd be more disappointed if you didn't."
"Well, then," said Harry. "It's time we put on a show."
"We?" Hermione asked nervously.
Harry nodded. "You're already on-stage, Hermione…might as well help out." He then broke free of the embrace and turned towards the crowd. Holding his arms out, he said, "I seem to be horribly overdressed for the occasion."
Hermione blushed, and put her hand to her mouth. It took a raised eyebrow from Harry (and lots of offers from the crowd to swap places with her) for Hermione to suck up her courage to continue unbuttoning Harry's robes.
oo00OO00oo
As Tonks pranced around the stage, whipping up the crowd's enthusiasm, Harry kicked off his socks and shoes, then stood still as Hermione began to undress him. The dark green robes fell to the ground, revealing a darker green, open-necked button-down shirt and tight black trousers. When Hermione stood in front of him and began to unbutton his shirt, a few complaints were shouted out about obstructed views, so she spun around Harry and continued her work from behind.
"I think I like this way better," Harry snarked, as Hermione spooned up against his back and snaked her hands underneath his arms. As she rubbed her chest against his back, he added, "It feels like you do too."
Hermione responded by slipping a hand inside Harry's half unbuttoned shirt and tweaking his right nipple.
"Is that a complaint, Harry?"
"Certainly not," Harry replied, as he pushed his bum back against Hermione body.
Hermione responded by nibbling the nape of his neck, and pulling Harry's shirt out from his trousers.
Take it as read that the audience responded enthusiastically to this and all subsequent actions on Harry and Hermione's part.
That only her hands and arms were visible to the crowd only added fuel to the fire, for it made it that much easier for someone to imagine that it was their hands that were roaming.
When the dark green shirt slipped off Harry's bared shoulders, Hermione trailed her hands down his torso and took hold of his leather belt. After swatting away an attempt to sneak her hand down his pants, Harry allowed her to unbuckle him. She took her sweet time slipping the leather strap through her fingers. Once the belt dropped she quickly unbuttoned his trousers, and held their front out as she teased out undoing his zipper. With her hands now holding each side of the trouser front, Hermione pulled them to the side, providing brief flashes of the crimson boxer shorts that lay underneath.
With the idea of baring himself to hundreds of witches counterbalancing the arousing dance that Hermione's fingers were playing, Harry's flag was flying well under half-mast. Which was fine with him, actually…the last thing he wanted to do right then was to pop out through the unbuttoned fly of his shorts. Not to say that Hermione didn't her best to raise the flag…as she slowly pulled Harry's trousers down towards the ground, she crouched down at the same rate. By the time Harry's trousers were down along his ankles, Hermione was on her knees and her teeth were within striking range of his boxer-covered bum.
"Yelp!" Harry said with a start, as Hermione's teeth left their mark.
"Sorry," Hermione yelled over the music. "Couldn't help myself."
"Just mind your teeth during the rest of the show!"
Hermione opened her mouth in response and dragged her tongue over her front teeth.
"Giving my tongue free license, then?"
Harry laughed and shook his head as he stepped out of his trousers.
"Maybe later, sweetheart," he replied, as he broke free of her grasp and began to prance about the stage.
Tonks let out a loud guffaw as she intercepted his path. Whoever was in charge of the music got inspired, and swapped the song currently playing with Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself."
Appreciating the musical humor, Tonks and Harry proceeded to do just that.
"You call that dancing, Harry?" Tonks asked, leaning forward so that Harry could hear.
"I could ask the same of your flying, Tonks."
"Yeah, yeah….you're still overdressed, though."
Harry looked down at his boxers.
"Anyone else think that I'm overdressed right now?" he yelled out towards the crowd
The response was rather obvious.
"You could always swap shorts with me," Tonks offered.
Harry smiled. "It would be rather anti-climactic if the crowd caught sight of our bits during the switch."
Waggling her eyebrows, Tonks quipped, "Not if you actually planned on climaxing later on in the show."
With a firm shake of his head, Harry replied, "No chance of that happening, Nymphie."
"At least not until Hermione and you are alone, eh?"
"Yeah, right," yelled Harry, as he tried to match Tonks's moves.
The Auror turned towards Hermione, whose heavy-lidded eyes were focused on the stereoviewic gyrations of Harry Potter's hips.
"Ten galleons says that I am," she proclaimed.
"Sounds like I'd be a winner, either way," Harry decided with a grin. He looked over at Hermione, then back towards Tonks and said, "You're on."
"Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!"
Tonks glanced towards the crowd, then leaned back towards Harry. "You really are wearing too much right now…how are your transfiguration skills?"
Harry gave an appraising look, then pulled out his wand.
"Back off, Tonks," he said with a smirk. "Time for me to fly solo for a bit."
As the Auror complied with his request, Harry turned towards the crowd, and magically shortened his boxers into a pair of tight-fitting briefs.
The crowd lobbied for an alternative wardrobe.
"Thong! Thong! Thong!"
Harry shook his head and laughed as he paraded back and forth in front of the crowd. The cries for skimpier shorts didn't drop, though, so he made his way back towards Hermione. He handed her his wand and said, "Here, I think I'll need some help in back."
Hermione cocked her head. "What makes you think that I could use that?"
Harry smiled as he shook his bum for the crowd to keep them occupied.
"Let's just say that my wand has chosen its witch."
The witch in question blushed at the comment, and waved the offered wooden wand in the air. A series of white sparks erupted from the wand's tip.
Her blush only deepened when Harry declared that that wasn't the wand he was talking about. Seeking to shift attention away from the wand's reaction (and her own warm glow), she stepped to Harry's side.
"Let's see now," she said with a grin. "Should I use a shrinking charm, or a cutting charm?"
"Neither, given where that wand is pointing," Harry shot back.
Hermione giggled as she pointed towards the back of Harry's briefs and contracted the fabric up and in, until only a small triangle remained above a crack-covering piece of string.
The witches in attendance showed their appreciation of Hermione's transfiguration skills. Harry's back was turned, so he couldn't see who shouted out, "Fifty points for Gryffidor!"
"Do I want to know who just awarded points, Hermione?"
"No," she replied with a smirk. "I don't think that you do." She then moved the wand tip to Harry's front.
"Need a little extra fabric here, Harry?" she asked. "It's starting to look a little tight."
"Is that a complaint?"
"Certainly not."
"Think I'll have a bit of a fly, then," Harry said, once again giving her that rakish grin. He took his wand back from Hermione and used it to summon Tonks's broom. He did his best to ignore the appreciative comments when he swung a leg over the broom handle, and launched himself up for some bareback riding.
Harry's first lap around the room was relatively tame, as he got used to the peculiarities of both Tonks's Nimbus, and his g-string. The crowd didn't mind the slow pace…all the better for them to catch a good view as he passed over their heads.
Once he got comfortable with both the broom and situation, he launched himself into the kind of aerobatics that left no doubt about his identity. There wasn't enough vertical head space for Wronski feints, but that was okay…the audience seemed rather pleased to see him cruise about using sloth moves, and two-legged hangs that brought him that much closer to their outstretched hands.
After about the eighth circuit of the stands, Harry got a little bored, and decided to do something different. He flew back down to the stage next to Hermione, turned towards the crowd, and yelled out, "Did anybody bring a golden snitch with them?"
The witches in attendance thought that to be a splendid idea, until nobody was able to produce the requested object. But then a balled-up bit of fabric was thrown down from the upper stands.
"You can chase after these, Harry," a witch called out, as a pair of knickers hit the stage.
Harry smirked as he bent down to snag the waistband of the knickers with his wand.
"Thanks for the offer," he called back, "But I was thinking of something that could fly."
"Catch mine while they're in the air, then!" another witch called out, as a second pair of knickers flew towards Harry. Unfortunately, this second pair of panties were cut high on the thigh, and lacked the weight (and momentum) of the first undergarment. To the audience's (and stage performer's) amusement, the thrown pair of knickers fell short of the stage, and landed on top of Ginny Weasley's head.
Hermione walked up to Harry as he hovered on the broomstick and said, "You know, Headmistress McGonagall could probably transfigure a snitch for you."
"Oh sure," Harry shouted back. "I can just imagine what kind of object she'd choose to start with."
With a grin, Hermione replied, "What makes you so sure that the Headmistress is still wearing her knickers, Harry?"
"Too Much Information!" Harry declared, adding, "Keep talking like that, and the show will shrivel up quick."
Hermione winked. "You know, Harry…there's only one way that the audience will let you end the show for them."
Harry rolled his eyes as he reached for his waistband. "Yeah, yeah…full Monty. Shall I just get it over with, then?"
"Quicker your show is over, Harry…sooner that mine can start."
Harry's eyes twinkled in anticipation as he turned to the crowd, and yelled out, "In lieu of an actual snitch, my dear friend Hermione Granger has graciously agreed to help end my show by animating a pair of knickers."
As he turned towards Hermione, she asked, "Whose knickers, Harry…yours or mine?"
Harry smirked as he pointed his wand down towards his crotch and banished his g-string into Susan Bones's lap.
The crowd's vocal reaction to Harry's full frontal nudity forced him to yell his response.
"Oops…mine have just gone missing!"
Hermione did her best to maintain eye contact with Harry.
Her best wasn't good enough when he tossed her his (wooden) wand
With the crowd's gaze locked firmly on the same spot as Hermione's, nobody noticed as she reached underneath her dress and slipped off her panties.
Nobody, that is, except for Harry…who was far more interested in Hermione's reaction to his state of undress than anyone else's in the room.
Thrilled that Harry had just proven that her memory of his length and girth were indeed accurate, Hermione stepped up and wrapped a possessive arm around his bared waist. She then stared straight towards Ginny Weasley. Hoping that the red haired witch was neither too daft nor too drunk to catch the symbolism, Hermione smugly slipped her sheer knickers onto the end of the broomstick shaft.
"Well that's a little too easy for me to reach, don't you think?" asked Harry.
Hermione smiled as she maintained her gaze towards the front row. She grabbed hold of the broomstick shaft a few inches in front of Harry's shaft, and stroked up and down its wooden length suggestively. And as the crowd once again chanted, "Harr-y! Harr-y! Harr-y!" she followed along, whilst mouthing the words "All mine! All mine! All mine!"
"Hermione?" Harry asked. "What are you doing?"
"Claiming what's rightfully mine," she replied sweetly. She then raised Harry's wand towards her knickers and magically launched them into the air.
"Now, Harry," she said with a swat of his bared bum. "Go claim what's rightfully yours."
Harry gave her a cheeky salute, then raced off to end the public portion of his performance just as quickly as possible.