Monday morning came around far too fast for Hermione & Harry. They had spent Sunday making love in almost every part of the house. Even when they had gone into the garage for some ladders they ended up doing it on her weight bench after Harry told her how turned on he got while watching her work out. She felt like a teenager again, unable & unwilling to control her desire for him.
Today would be very different though; her son would come home & find out that that his father had returned. Hermione had taken the day off from after owling Headmistress McGonagall & get back home to greet him when he arrived; when she had done so she thought she'd be excited about hearing about his trip, not anxious about his reaction to what she knew would be possibly unwelcome news to him.
The sound of the running shower tore her away from her thoughts. Closing her eyes for a moment & recalling the previous day's water sports she began to smile. Paybacks are a bitch, she thought, as she rose & made her way to the bath.
=======
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" They were standing at the front door locked in an embrace.
Harry's concern was written all over his face; he didn't want to leave her alone to deal with telling their
son.
"Harry I really think it's better if I do this by myself. He'll be more comfortable with just me. We'll talk to him together tonight after you get home."
Home. She considered this his home. He broke out in an ear to ear grin. "OK, but promise you'll owl me if you need me."
"I will. And Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"I've always needed you."
He gifted her with another dazzling smile and whispered "I know what you mean,"
before kissing her breathless.
Hermione reluctantly pulled away from him. "All right, you'd better get going or I'm going to attack you again."
"Is that a promise?"
"Go! Have a good day. I love you."
"And I adore you. I'll see you tonight. Good luck."
Hermione was a nervous bundle of energy all day. She vacuumed the house, without magic cleaned the bathroom, did three loads of laundry & worked out, all the while going over in her head what she was going to say to her son.
Luna called in on her late in the morning. "Hey Mione, what time will Ben be home?"
Hermione smiled to herself. "I'm not sure exactly; he called last night & said it should be sometime in the afternoon, I think."
"You don't remember? I thought you'd have pinned him down for an exact time."
"Well, when he called I was a little distracted. I'm pretty sure he said the afternoon."
Knowing full well there was only one thing that could distract Hermione's attention from her son she teased, "oh, & what was distracting you Hermione?"
"You're evil, you know that Luna?"
"No, I'm a friend who's happy for you."
"Evil, evil, evil," Hermione repeated, laughing. "How is Neville's grand mother?"
"Actually, physically, according to the doctors she is doing really well. Mentally, however is another story. sHe is freaking out about changing her diet. You know how stubborn she is."
"Yes, it always amazed me how Neville is the polar opposite of her & yet they get along so well. How is Neville holding up?"
"He's okay, just exhausted. We'll be home tonight; I'm sure he'll crash as soon as his head hits the pillow. So anyway, have you figured out what you're going to say to Ben?"
"No. I've been thinking about it all morning & I'm going crazy. I'm really worried about his reaction Luna; you know we've never had an argument & I don't know how I'm going to handle it if he freaks out."
"Hermione just do what I said- be honest. Ben loves you & will listen to you. And Neville & I will be right behind you. Listen I have to run, be strong, everything will be OK. OK?"
"Yeah, thanks Luna;
" I'll call you when we get in tonight."
It was a little after 3 PM when Ben arrived home. Hermione flew out of the cottage & practically pulled him out of the car before it stopped & began hugging & kissing him.
"Mum, you're embarrassing me," he said, but made no move to make her stop. Truth be told he had missed her just as much. They had never been apart even one day in his whole life & he had spent most of his non-Quidditch time over the weekend worrying about her. She had been so upset when he had left & when he had spoken to her yesterday she had seemed distracted. He had been getting a weird feeling through their connection all morning, but he just chalked it up to her anxiety over his trip.
"I don't care. I missed you so much," she said as she kissed him again. She turned to Keelans's
father & thanked him for inviting Ben & bringing him home safely, then linked her arm through Ben's & walked
inside. Hermione listened intently as he happily filled her in on all of the events of the weekend. She was glad that
he had had such a good time, but she was thrilled that he was home safely.
He finished his tale & asked her "so, what's going on here?"
She immediately tensed up. Here we go, she thought; just how do I begin to tell him…
"Tell me what Mum?" He had picked up their connection & could feel her turmoil. "What's going on? Is it uncle Neville's grandmother''?
"No, sweetie, she's going to be fine, as long as she listens to the healers."
"So, what do you need to tell me?"
"Um, well, something happened that we need to talk about, ah…" She was twisting her hands in her lap & looking everywhere but at him.
"Mum you're starting to freak me out. What happened? Are you OK? Did something happen to you?" Ben's fear was increasing by the second; they were always direct & rarely nervous with each other. What could possibly be so bad that she was stumbling over her words & couldn't look at him?
"No honey, I'm fine; it's just that, ah, someone unexpected showed up this weekend."
Ben's entire body tightened. Who could have been here to upset her like this? His eyes narrowed & his voice was low as he asked "who?"
Hermione finally looked him in the eye & she heard Luna's voice inside her head- 'just be honest Hermione.' She took a deep breath & said simply "your father."
Ben was frozen stiff. He couldn't have heard her right. I mean, what are the odds that the only time in his life he left her HE would show up? He shook his head and said again "who?"
"Your father, Ben," she said gently. "And actually, it turns out that he's been here for a while." She was going slow, trying to gauge his reactions.
"What do you mean?" His voice was tight as he tried to control the storm beginning to rage inside his head.
Hermione swallowed hard, knowing firsthand how he was going to feel when he heard this. I should probably explain why he hid himself before I tell him that it had been Dan all along, she thought.
"Well, he went to scotland first & saw Oliver Wood who told him we lived out here, but that was all he told him. He didn't know anything else- like if I had married someone else; he also didn't tell him about you. He couldn't just show up after so many years & say 'Hi! I'm back', he had to find out what was going on in my life (thank you Luna). So he kind of disguised himself so he could-"
"It was Dan," he interrupted. "It was Dan wasn't it."
"How did you know?" She couldn't believe he was able to figure it out so quickly; she had been blocking their connection so she knew he didn't extract from her.
Ben stood up, obviously agitated. "I'm not an idiot Mum. He showed up out of nowhere, took an awfully keen interest in us from the beginning…" His words trailed off as his thoughts began to crystallize. This explains why he had bonded with Dan so quickly; normally Ben, much like his mother, held strangers at arms length. A puzzled look then crossed his face. "Wait a minute, you said that I looked just like him- I don't look like Dan."
"He did something using Occlumens to make us think he looked different than he actually does."
He stopped pacing & looked at her. "So what you're telling me is that not only did he desert you, not only did he leave you hanging for what, like over 10 years, he finally decides to show up & he LIES about who he is, he MANIPULATES our MINDS? He found out he had a son & his first reaction wasn't to say 'hi, I'm your Dad, I've missed out on your entire life but I'd like to get to know you now', no, his strategy was to lie & try to weasel his way into our lives?"
"Ben, please try to understand. Please put yourself in his shoes for a moment."
"No Mum, that's not possible. Because I would never do that. I would never have abandoned you in the first place."
"Ben he did not abandon me. We have gone over this a hundred times, & that is not the issue here. I'm not going to lie to you; I was also angry when I first found out that he had deceived me, but after I thought about it I realized that he had no other choice. Your father is not the kind of person to force himself on anyone. He would never barge in & announce he was here & expect me to fall all over him. That's not his style."
"No, his style is to choose to go to a place he'd never been for people he'd never met to fight some war because he had been handed a prophecy . His style is to run away from people who loved him to let them live in suspended animation & not have a life."
"That's not true Ben. First of all, I told him to go to help people. Help end this suffering that Voldemort and his followers had caused.. I accepted that a long time ago. And excuse me, but I did, I DO have a life. You are my life. And you have never once heard me complain about him or the way my life has turned out. It was my choice, Ben; & I'd make the same choice again even knowing what I know today."
"I cannot believe that you can sit here & defend him. Taking a deep breath & softening her voice she continued. "But you should know me well enough to realize that no one tells me what to think or feel. I have loved him since I was 14 years old & that has not changed. You have never met him, you don't know what a caring, sensitive, honorable person he is."
"Yeah & there's a good reason for that Mum. He wasn't here. You may be willing to make excuses for him but I'm not." He turned & started for the door.
"Ben where are you going? We're not done here."
"I am. I have to get out of here."
"Ben please!" Her please fell on deaf ears as he was already out the door & climbing over the fence
heading towards the stream.
She knew it was frugal to go after him in such a state so she called Luna to warn her hurricane Benedict was heading
her way……
Just keep moving.
Like a mantra, that thought kept running through his mind as he left the cottage and ran to Aunt Luna's. He always went there when he was upset or just needed some space to do some thinking. Now he was trying to run away.
Just keep moving.
He was sprinting down the banking at full throttle, his mother's words haunting his every stride.
"…disguised himself….sensitive, honorable person…not his style…loved him since I was 14…"
Just keep moving.
Other thoughts clashed for time in his mind. His father was here. The person he had once longed to know and then came to hate was here, disturbing the happy existence he & his mum had created. They didn't live in a reality that included evil twisted wizards & danger. Now he had brought that all to them in one selfish move.
Just keep moving.
Selfish. That's exactly what his father was. He selfishly left his mother alone to chase after some twisted self styled lord. He selfishly stayed there until all of HIS business was taken care of. He selfishly returned & expected to be admitted into their family.
Finally slowing down he fell to his knees, panting for breath. How could his mother even begin to think that he would accept any of this? How could SHE have forgiven him so easily? After all, the bastard had hurt her the most. It was the reason why he hated his father so much- wasn't it?
============
"So how do you think Ben will take the news about his father's return?" Neville was questioning Luna as he flopped down on the couch.
"Well, you know how he feels about his dad; I don't think it's going to be pretty."
"Poor Hermione. She must be flipping out about this. When is she going to tell him?"
"When he got home today. I told her to be honest & direct. He will know something is going on with his mother as soon as he looks at her, so she might as well just deal with it & get it over with."
"You're right. Listen, I'm exhausted, is there enough time before dinner for me to catch a nap?"
"Get some rest love, I'll wake you when dinner is ready." Luna kissed Neville on the forehead as he settled in and made her way to the kitchen. The sound of a shout of * hello * made her peek out the window.
Oh, this doesn't look good she thought as she made her way to the door to let Benedict in.
============
Why did this have to be his "long" day at school? He had spent the entire day staring at the clock attempting to speed up the passage of each class, worrying about Hermione telling their son about his return. When the final class was over he had run to the great hall and down to the apparition point (he still hated flooing home) He had been tense all day but around 3:30 he had felt like someone punched him in the gut. Through their strengthening connection he was picking up Hermione's emotions & he was going insane not knowing exactly what was happening.
Arriving home he immediately noticed that Ben's holdhall was there in the hallway & he felt her broken heart like it was his own. He raced into the cottage calling her name as he moved from room to room searching for her. When he got to her bedroom he stopped dead in the doorway, his heart breaking at the scene before him.
She was curled into a ball on the bed, her back facing the door, trembling from the sobs wracking her body. From the pile of tissues on the floor next to the bed he could tell she had been there for a while.
He had fought important battles, had experienced destruction & the deaths of many including his closest friend, but
nothing except leaving her all those years ago had ever made him feel this bad. She was distraught because of him. He
wanted to die.
==========
"So she told you."
Luna never beat around the bush about anything. It was very obvious to her that Ben knew about his father's return. The look on his face said it all.
"Yes. She told me." He followed her into the kitchen & gave her a half-smile when she handed him a glass of pumpkin juice, just like she had done when he was a child & would come running in after he fell down or was upset about something. "I don't think its going work this time, Aunt Luna''
She kissed the top of his head & sat down. "I know this must have blown you away Ben. None of us really saw this one coming."
"There's the understatement of the day." He looked up into her eyes & her heart clinched. He looked so lost & hurt & confused. "Aunt Luna how could he- how could he-" he was struggling to find words to express the myriad of emotions flowing through him. "How could he come back & lie to her? And how could she accept it so easily? Like nothing ever happened? Like she hasn't spent the past years agonizing about him? How?"
"Because she loves him. That might seem trite but that's the reason, Ben; your mum loves him beyond sadness & pain & separation."
"But he LIED Aunt Luna ; he messed with her mind to do it, & she's acting like it's no big deal."
Luna chuckled softly. "I wouldn't say that's exactly true Ben. Did she tell she punched him?"
"What?"
"Yes, apparently her initial reaction was not a happy one & she hit him. Judging from the bruise I saw on his jaw she got him pretty good, too."
"Good."
"Ben, don't be that way." She took his hand in hers as she continued. "Listen to me. You know that I would never lie to you, especially about anything concerning your mum. I know this man. He is honest, compassionate, faithful, & he worships the ground your mother walks on. He's just like you. Your mother is the only woman he has ever loved, & he would do anything in the world for her."
"Except tell her the truth. He was here for months & didn't have the balls to tell her. Some wizard."
"Ben, use your common sense. They have had no contact in years & you just expect him to knock on the door & announce himself? What if she had married- had a family-"
"She does have a family."
"Exactly. He had to find out where her life was at before jumping in again. And quite frankly, from your reaction, I think he more than did the right thing."
"How can you say that? Are you telling me YOU wouldn't have been annoyed?"
"Think about this Ben. I realize that you haven't had the experiences he has- thank God- in needing to conceal your gifts; but surely some part of you does understand his need for secrecy. Your mother has spent your entire life being careful of anything & everything for your sake. He had to do the same in return for her sake."
Ben stared into his empty pumpkin juice glass. Like his mum, he hated when Luna made sense. She was just so damn hard to argue with. She was zany, erratic but usually so damned perceptive.
Placing two fingers under his chin she turned his face toward hers.
"This is about a lot more than he & your mum, isn't it."
Damn. How did she know that?
======
Harry gently crawled in behind Hermione & wrapped his arms around her shaking body. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" was all he could say. She gripped his arms & cried harder; she could feel his agony at her condition & didn't want to upset him further but she was unable to contain her sorrow.
Finally calming down enough to speak, she turned to face him. "You have nothing to be sorry about Harry."
"This is my fault Hermione; I made you upset-"
She wouldn't allow him to finish. "No. You made me the happiest I've ever been. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up over this Harry. No."
He kissed her forehead & caressed her face. "What happened? Where is he?"
"Well, he was very upset about you concealing yourself. We never really finished talking; he ran out I'm not sure where he went." As she said that her eyes filled with tears again. There hadn't been a single moment in her son's life that she hadn't known where he was or what he was doing. That she didn't know now was killing her as much as the argument they had. She could only hope he had gone to see Luna..
"Do you want me to go look for him?" He didn't have the faintest idea where he'd search, but he'd go to the end of the earth if she wanted him to.
"No, he needs some time. I'd know if something had happened to him. Through our connection."
"Like ours?" Harry knew they were incredibly close but he hadn't realized that Hermione & her son also shared a connection.
"Yes, but even stronger. We can communicate telepathically. Not just feelings like you & I, but words."
"Ah, mione? Actually, um, I, uh, i can do that too. I've been blocking you from tying in with me but I've been tuned into you for a while. Like I said, fine-tuning my, uh, skills."
She pulled back a little & looked at him sternly. "What?"
"Well, living upstairs from you for these past months was not easy for me; I wanted you so much & couldn't even touch you, so I did the next best thing. I visited your thoughts. But only when you we're dreaming, I swear. I didn't want to violate your privacy but I figured dreams are not really real…" He trailed off, looking away from her, realizing he shouldn't have done it & fearing her reaction.
Her eyes were boring holes through him. "How long has this been going on?"
"Ah, I guess since I first got here."
She suddenly remembered the dream she had the night they had come back from the M.O.M & flushed. She & Harrywere having sex in the bedroom & Harry morphed into Dan at the end.
"Um, yeah, I saw that one," he admitted upon hearing her thoughts.
She turned crimson & he immediately felt bad. "Hermione, don't be embarrassed; I was thrilled. To know that you still wanted me that way, as much as I did you, gave me hope. I'm sorry, I just wanted to be near you in any way I could be. If we couldn't share our conscience thoughts I wanted to at least share your unconscious ones. I'm sorry."
"Please don't do that again unless I know. Ben & I have a rule- you must 'announce' yourself. OK?"
"OK." He paused for a moment. "Listen, maybe I should leave the house for a while. To give you both space. I'm sure he's not going to be happy to come home & see here'' "You're not going anywhere. Believe me I understand how hard this is on him but the bottom line in all of this is that he is going to have to deal with this & accept that you are here. He has to accept who he is & where he comes from. I love you both. And I'm not willing to let either one of you out of my life." ''not again''….
As he gently kissed her she could hear his thoughts clearly. Every one of them sang of his love for her.
Ben stared at Luna; being a boy , he didn't want to delve to deeply into the Pandora's box of his ruminations on his father. So being a boy, he simply replied "what?"
"You heard me. This is not so much about your mother & father as it is about YOU & your father. Am I right?"
Damn. How did she do that? She acts all ethereal but deep down she is very clever.
"Ben, it's only natural that you have feelings of anger toward him. He was absent from your life. You're angry that you didn't have a father. . . There's still time to have a father, Ben .he's here now & that's what is important."
"It's more than that Aunt Luna." Could he really tell her this?